Making Friends and Self Discovery

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If I can have somebody read the paper , but in a fun way and give that to me, that's what I would want. Tune into Morning Brew Daily every weekday morning, wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Perfect Person of the Show where I'm perfect and you're of course a person . Hummus is back. Oh, I'm so glad I am on this episode where you talk about this. Yeah,. that's right Smearing a hummus on a plate, putting eggs on top of that. Whoa. Uh-oh, the yolk just went sicko mode because I'm dipping toast in there. Whoa. I wasn't expecting you to go that direction. Yolk, hummus, egg, all in one sort of swirly little pearly, and that's breakfast for me. Whoa. With hot sauce. Okay, so I've been getting so into legumes. Oh, really? In like a really sincere way. Legumes, I'm obsessed with legumes, so tofu chickpeas are my favorite. Whoa. I dabble with edamame. Oh. I thought that cocoa was a bean. Coconut? No chocolate. You thought cacao. Cacao coconut. Isn't a bean? I thought so. I think it's a seed. It's a nib. Yeah, it's a nib. Um but so essentially I I got a tofu press, then got s and found a favorite recipe, got super, super into tofu. You made tofu from scratch? No, no, no. It's tofu press. Do you have tofu f tofu press? No, I will.' Im literally gonna send you the link. I will get it. It's tofu It's called t it's called tofu future, but the way that I read it is tofu torture because it does torture the tofu. Is it squeezing it? Yeah. What is it doing? It's it's squeezing out all of the um liquid so that it cooks, it doesn't dissolve when it cooks. 'Cause if you don't use a tofu press, then the tofu it'll be fine. It'll be totally edible. But it's not as good. It'll be steamed. And you're looking for crispy. Crispy and it makes it like restaurant quality. Oh my gosh. And so then I I kept eating so much tofu. And then I I did this thing uh earlier this year where I ate I ate way too much DoorDash. Oh and I stopped. Wow. But but I stopped and I was like, that's so interesting. I was like, I'm eating a lot of tofu. And then I looked it it up and then's like, yeah, tofu stops cravings. Stofu tofu stops Door Dash. Tofu stops Door Dash. So then I've been getting I just eat and then I'm on bean talk. And it was beans are like a not to talk so long about beans, but like they're really real. We can go longer on it. But so but so you're pressing the tofu and how are you and you're frying that puppy up till it's crispy like a little chickpea? Like what's going on? Tofu, then here's uh cornstarch flour. Shake it all up in it. Fry it up. Fry it up, baby. Whoa. Shake it all up in a container, fry it. Then I make a sauce that is ketchup, gochu chang, um, rice with vinegar, sesame oil. And then you can put chives on top, but sometimes I don't. Oh my god. It's like all shelf stable, and it's amazing. That's really a good recipe. I will I will literally s put it on. Yeah, send it to you. I'll put it on my score. Tofu torture.com. Tofu torture. Um well, Rainy Toll, welcome back to the freaking show. Thank you for having me. I'm so happy to be here. I just finished my second beef stick of the day, flamin' hot, delicious gas station. Yum, yum, yum, yum. Rainey, so what makes you perfect today to be on the show to answer the calls? Well, okay, so I actually recently set a boundary. Oh my god, boundary setter. How do you feel about boundaries? I think that they're f overrated . No, no, no. I think boundaries are can be good. Yeah. They're just they're mis misused. They can be misused. I think that boundaries are obviously good if you like are dealing with a completely toxic person in your life. Yeah. But I think sometimes people confuse like a boundary for like a I wanna act how I want to do what I want and a boundary is like Or they're like I want you to act a certain way. And it's like, well, that's a boundary. That's not a boundary. Yeah, yeah. I want you to do this just to me. I'm setting a boundary. That's like no boundaries controlling the things you can control. Yeah. So what was the boundary you set? So I was asleep and I was dreaming. And in my dream, I I I can't get into the details because it would be too long of a story, but essentially I had a very bad boss. She started nice and then she got really toxic. Oh my gosh. She was like yelling at me. And then it reached a crescendo, and I said I wrote her letter of resignation letter. And then she got to the part where I said I'm I'm resigning and she underlined it and she made a square round it and she said, You're enjoying this, aren't you? And I said, I'm not enjoying this. I I'm actually very stressed. I have to figure out what I'm gonna do next. But I just I don't wanna be treated like this. Oh wow. And then the dream faded. And then I woke up and I was I was like, I actually think I handled that really well. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Even in your dreams you set a boundary and you were mature about it. Yeah. Exactly. So ultimately I'm ready to be here setting boundaries left, right, center in a really professional way. In an extremely professional way. Yeah. And I would say you did it the right way, which someone is freaking out. Yeah. It let them. Let them, the let them theory. Hashtag let them. That's another one where it's like, well they've maybe gone too far with it. Yeah, no, exactly. Right. I think I just saw a thing about this, but it was like, well, let them is good unless you're just like let them and it's like I don't actually believe in that. I think if someone's being a jerk, you like should not let them. You should be like, hey, you're being ridiculous. You cut it out. It's also I yeah, I just feel like we uh between tech and the pandemic, we're not interacting enough. Agreed, by the way. Like we need to be, yeah. We need to be sort of just being like, okay, that's enough. People need to be up a passive aggression is over and aggression is in. Aggression is in. Aggression is big time in. By the way, I'm a confront I'm a confronter. I love to confront. Yeah, I'm I'm getting back into it. I used to be really confrontational. Really? Yeah. I know this is kind of part of my lore. I I used to be like confrontation is my lifeblood. I would seek it out. I loved it. I sometimes feel like I do seek out comfort. But not in a not in like a weird way, but just like it didn't necessarily need to be a conflict. And I was like, hey, like I didn't like that. Oh, that's interesting. I think that I don't seek that type of comfort confrontation out. I think I seek like engagement. I'm engagement baiting. But if I'm like at a place and something is going wrong or someone's acting weird, I feel like I'm not like trying to fight them. I'm trying to just fix the problem in a very direct way. Yeah. Cause usually and usually the directness of the way is not getting them to be mad. Yeah. Like I feel like I can usually be like, Oh, hey, excuse me, like I know this probably is whatever, but X, Y, and Z, like this didn't go the way it was. Or if I'm in a like whatever, let's say like I'm working with a vendor or something and something goes r awry. It's like, hey, like I I understand we're both just trying to get through this, but like whatever. Like because you I think that confrontation people think like you suck and you better fucking get me. And it's like, no, ideally at the end of the engagement , the person is like, okay. You know, they're able to move through it. You know what's so interesting? I think about this all the time in terms of improv and also when I was reporting at at um public radio, clarity. Big theme across both things that I'm into. I just like uh being having yeah, I think clarity is so underrated. Where it's like it's not really aggressive. You're just being clear. Like this is what I w as opposed to like doing all these flowery words that make it softer but also make it less clear. Yeah. I don't know. It's like yeah, by a flower can sometimes sour. Flower can sometimes dwindle the wait, there's something there's some rhyme. Finish it first in the comments. Finish it first in the comments. So we can get into that. Um well Rainy, we've got to get it to speed round so we can calibrate our freaking advicey. Here we g go . Perfect versus speed round. Starts now and it's gotta be perfect movie. Oh wow. Pirates of the Caribbean. By the way, really good. Watched it recently perfect movie. Did you say that on a recent episode? Probably. I keep talking about it. I gotta stop talking about Pirates of the Caribbean. What's your favorite character in Pirates of the Caribbean? Well, I think that Kara Knightley In so in the in the later episodes when Jack and Kira Knightley have like a weird relationship, I'm like, what's happening? How do we get here? Um but no, I think my favorite character is Jack Sparrow, of course. Of course. No, but now I'm like, is that the perfect movie? I mean there's so many good ones. You best start believing in ghost stories, Miss Turner. You're in one Right onic line. Yeah. I like Pride and Prejudice a lot too. I gotta rewatch that. A lot of Cura Nightly, by the way. Oh my gosh, maybe that's just why I thought about it. You love Cura Nightly. I'm obsessed with Cura Nightly. Um perfect breakfast. Turkish eggs. Okay, let me let me pop you onto this. Okay. Please. Yogurt with garlic in it. Stir that up. On top of that, put on some poached eggs made with a egg poacher. Don't do it without an egg poacher. It's too hard for me. Raw garlic? Yeah. But only a little bit. A clove of yar of uh raw garlic. That's kind of a lot. Whoa. Really? I Clove raw? Are you eating raw cloves of garlic? Girl, I I'm eating a lot of garlic. Really? I love garlic. Girl, I'm eating a lot of garlic. I'm eating as much for every recipe that calls for garlic, I eat as much as I can peel without getting bored. So if it calls for one clove, you're going three cloves in. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Ten toes in. Ten cloves in and upstanding on business. Um people some people with IBS can't have a garlic or onion. Oh my god. That's hard. Let's have a moment of silence for that. Let's have a moment of silence for our IBS girlies in the chat in the freaking comments. But then on top of the poached eggs, you put like this: you heat up oil and butter in a pan and then you add Aleppo pepper.. Oh You have to go to a special store for that, but it's worth it. Um and then that's the and then you eat it with bread. It's amazing. Oh, that sounds really I'm obsessed with it. I need to be cooking more. I reason I love cooking, but just I just've been so busy. And then when we're cooking for the kids, it's usually like, okay, let's like make something simple. Like it's like okay, simple veggie, fucking, you know, carb, uh, whatever. And we're just you know, I'm like steaming broccoli, st chicken on the fucking pan. Like I'm not making elaborate things just 'cause it's usually like, Okay, the kids are hungry, I need to make this now. Yeah. And probably they eat a bunch, right? Yeah, exactly. And it's Shiloh is like, you know, ninety eighth percentile in weight. He's huge, he's eating so Is he what is he like right now? He's adorable. He's crawling around. He's gonna start walking really soon. But what does he like? What food does he like? Oh what food? Oh my god, he'll eat anything. Oh really? Genuinely he'll eat anything. Rice. Super chill baby. M uh m more chill than the first one. Like it is funny how even at that this young age they're different personalities. Oh, I'm fascinated by personalities 'cause we don't really understand him. Yeah. Like nobody really knows and we've been trying to figure it out and it's like yeah, we actually don't know. P personalities in general. Yeah. I don't think so. We don't I mean there's some I think like trauma informed personalities and like maybe some young childhood stuff, but even like babies are so different from one another. Oh completely. I'm obsessed. I love a baby. You know I gotta get I gotta hang out with more babies. I gotta get a baby is what you're about to say. I gotta get a baby. I gotta get a baby. I'll go buy one. Um no, but they they are so different. It is so wild. Like uh yeah, Shiloh knows Crow and he he the other day was looking at a bird book and he goes, Cole, call. And he pointed outside because there's crows outside. I really relate to Shiloh. Yeah, he's awesome. Wait, that's so funny. What was his first word? I think it was either dog or crow. He really likes crow. He said data, but it was kind of a gimme. It was like you know, like it's like it wasn't as real. Like he understood crow. Like he was like, that's a crow on the thing, there's crows outside. And dog. Now you go, dog, dog. Oh my gosh, that's so funny. Yeah, you know. Like he's like really into crows. I think his nana and him sit outside and then they look at the crows and they go, Look at the crows. She goes, That's a crow. He goes, ca, caw. And she whatever. She explains it a lot. So then he was called, cow. Oh my gosh, that's so cute. He's a birder. He loves birds. Literally same though, I love a bird. Julian also loved crows. Maybe we are witches. Um perfect text to receive. Honestly, from somebody that I have a crush on, do you want to go on a date on Saturday? Whoa. And it says capital D dates? Yeah. I'm all by- Not just do you want to hang out. Get back to that. I actually think of something that you said on a previous episode so much where it's like people should be dating more. Like I was just running it, I was just hearing about a story about somebody who's like, I don't want to date anyone unless I know that they're I'm gonna marry them. I'm like what's going on? What's happening? You always learn something, it's flirtation, it's whatever, physical connection. That's always good. Yeah, but I also I mean I like a text that's like, um you wanna hang out? Like a friend. Oh, you know what? I'll say one time my friend texted me, this was recently, and he was like, Oh, what are you doing today? I was like, not much, I'm XYZ. It was like, Do you wanna hang out? I was like, Oh my gosh, I feel like I'm in high school. That's the best. Yeah, I do. Ask people I would say call people. I've been calling people recently. Ask them to hang out. Call you want to hang out right now. Hell yeah. Usually it's pretty high miss rate because they're like, I'm busy. I'm literally doing it party shop. I'm always, by the way, shout out Jeffrey James. I'm always calling his ass going D wang right now and he's always like, no. I'm busy in some fucking way. But uh perfect handsome. Oh by the way, me and Riley, this is an update for the show. We're gonna have coffee. No, that's great. I know. Oh my gosh. I shouldn't count my chickens before we hatch, but I just got nervous. But shout out. Let me know in the comments if it happens. Literally. Yeah, we'll keep up. I love Riley. Riley's the bomb. She's so funny. Yeah, yeah. I think she's out of town right now. Yeah, that I that's I've had that out . We're gonna get coffee in a month after she's That's good. Um uh lemon or lime. This is a catastroph I love both. I really love both, and I'll go lemon because it's more versatile. But I I buy buy the satchel every week.. Lemons and limes Lemons and limes in one satchel? No, I choose. Okay, okay. Sometimes I I select. I was gonna say I don't think they sell lemons and limes in a satchel. No, no, no. I either have a lemon or a lime satchel. But I'm always man, also salt ac,id , heat, whatever. Salt fat acid heat. Yeah. Yeah. That changed my life. It's a good book. It's a good book. I didn't. I didn't . Sarah Sarah for Wild was getting me like these amazing cookbooks for like it'd be like my birthday. Sorry, my series just went off. Um because I said Sarah. But i every year, like for my birthday or Christmas, you would give me like some unbelievable cookbooks. And now we have all these like gorgeous cookbooks and I haven't fucking cooked a goddamn thing for money I in my head you you're a chef. Well, I do, and I like to cook, and I was cooking a lot, but yeah, it just is the thing where like I blink and all of a sudden years went by and I haven't been cooking something amazing. Do you have um like any cooking hacks? Like I'm thinking Nice on on P placelace was a big one when I learned that. I was like, that's actually a big deal. Yeah, I would say do all the prep before. Like that's the big thing for me when we have like people over or whatever is do the prep before, uh cut all the things that need cutting. Like if you have s onions and something chop those bit it up put it in a bit uh put it in a tupperware put it in the fridge that's ready to go you know because it just is like you get out you get away from yourself yeah on the actual day, then you're like I,'m tryinging to make this th and it's everywhere. It's everywhere. Yeah. But what about I mean actually I'm curious lemons or limes for you? I think lemons. Yeah. Only because I don't have a lime tree in my backyard. And also limes I'm I j they're so good. So good. But I think I just have less of a use for them. Yeah. I think that uh taco, if you're making a taco Then it's perfect. Then it's really good. Or yeah. People frown upon putting lemons on a taco. I've done it. And it was the experience like it wasn't good. But I but I was desperate. Is the idea that because to be honest, what's the difference between a lemon and a lime in terms of flavor? Because I know that there is a distinct difference and I clearly know it. I've had a million of them, but is it that limes are tartar or are they less tart? I think they're they're tartar, but they have a different flavor profile. You think they're different flavors? I think they're just a full different flavor, but they're both sour. They're cousins, not siblings, not twins. And put that on a piece of furniture. Perfect. Uh final snack of the night. Cheese. I'm I love cheese. Yeah, cheese. And I think that by the way, you've given that answer a bunch of times. It's always good. Um And what is it, cheddar? I like to sometimes, you know that like five dollar bin it's like under five dollars and it's just like the ends of cheeses a Ross dress for less five dollar cheeses it's like yeah be weird pieces of extra cheese Where are you getting this? This is Whole Foods. Whole Foods they have extra cheese. Yeah, they've got extra cheese and they um yeah, but I just reach in. I don't even look at what it is. That's awesome. Yeah, and then that's always good because I love cheese. It's my favorite food. Whole cheese. Does have a cheese that I've been really getting into. And it's in cubed or it's pre-cubed. I don't even know what the fuck kind it is. It's got it pre-cubed. It's next to the olives. I often am trying I'm like mangoes are the one. Mangoes are I really get tossed up on whether I want cubed or uncubed because they're really hard to cut. They're hard to cut, and to be honest, if you get them uncut, if you get them cubed, you can kind of see if it's ripe or not. It's tough. I've gotten some bad mangoes in my day. Sometimes they have weird little growths in them. If you get the l the yellow ones. You know what? Another recipe is um mango, sriracha, and a little bit of salt. Oh my god. It's really good. That's amazing. I saw it on a TikTok that was like it was a really serious TikTok about um ice in airports, but she was eating that and I was like, I kinda wanna eat that. You're like, whoa, no, what's that recipe about? You commented that? Yeah, what's that recipe do? Thinking emoji? That's really good. But Randy have successfully passed the speed route. And it's time we get to the freaking calls. Let's it go. But before we do, if you love the show, then consider joining us on Patreon. We can get the ad-free extended version of every single episode, including this one when Rainey and I waxed before the episode even started. Yeah, we got into the nitty-gritty. I mean, I heard a lot about well well, we talked about what brought us joy. We did. We talked about music. Joy is the most important. And mushrooms, just a little bit. And mushrooms, of course. I mean I'm always bringing up I I gotta stop bringing up mushrooms. I like I'm becoming a one-trip pony. Oh, I love it. Um and uh also bonus episodes every single Friday, um, where I call back people from the show and I get their updates as well as Chris on the format. Summer of Chow is on there. Yes. We did Chow Aoki. We if you want to see here r Tone Death, by the way. To add a little You'll have to see it to believe it. We also have an astounding update uh recently on one of the callback episodes from the Gareth Reynolds episode. There was somebody who hooked uh they were hooking up with somebody and when they were leaving, the person's ex-girlfriend showed up and screamed at them. Oh. And we got an update that rec ontextualizes the whole thing. Because I was like that whole event didn't happen outside of his house. It happened outside of his work because he was a night janitor and they were fucking in the place that he was cleaning . So if you want to hear that callback that recontextualizes everything you know about that story, head on over to Patreon. Um but until then, Rainey, it's time we answer the freaking call. It's time . Let me tell you about my papa. My papa is awesome. Okay, he's sort of like Indiana Jones, but if Indiana Jones was a third and fourth grade school teacher . He's amazing, and I often don't know what to necessarily get him for Father's Day, for his birthday, for Christmas, etc. But I also know he's got a lot of stories in his brain, and I've heard a good amount of them, but I have not heard all of them. I know he's got juice in there that I want to squeeze slash sip. Most Father's Day gifts end up in a drawer, but story worth doesn't. It gives your dad a year-long experience and gives your family a book full of stories he'd probably never think to tell on his own. Each week, StoryWorth sends him a question about his life. He responds however he wants over email or web, voice recording or new with a guided phone call, no apps, logins, or tech hassle. 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Thanks Zoc Doc for sponsoring this message. my mom cheated on my dad last year with someone in her barbershop quartet and now she lives with him and we're trying to decide if we should invite her to Christmas this year. Uh things got real personal in there in the divorce. So yeah, I want to hear your thoughts and figure out what the hell I should do. There is nothing more intimate than a Barbara Quartet. I know, yeah. Like literally showman but make a cheat on your husband. By the way, cheat. There's something that is so hot thing about being like, hey honey, um like you know, have fun at barbershop quartet. And then it's like going and being like, sho o up , do that, bab . Like so much eye contact with it. Like it's unbelievable. Oh my gosh, I'm stoked. I know. I'm also like, yeah, what were they singing? How many people are in the quartet? Yeah. Probably. Hello. Hello. You call perfect person up here to call you back up here with Rainy Dole. Hello. Oh my god. Hey, Rainy. Dying to hear about this story. Hey guys. This is incredible. Yeah, I have so much. Oh my god. Okay, so Rainy, please give us the fake name for this person. Um, Margargaret.et Okay, Mar is this person's name. And what is um Margaret's mother's name? Oh my gosh, who's Margaret Wally's mom? Oh my gosh, uh Naomi Watts? No, no, no, no. I could say Naomi. Naomi. All right. Naomi is your mom and Margaret is your name. Margaret, how you doing today? Okay. I'm good. I'm chilling. Okay. So, Margaret, why don't you tell me when you found out that your mommy Naomi was sort of stupping the barbershop quartet. Okay, okay. So I kind of suspected uh someone made a uh work husband joke around me about this person in my mom's barbershop quartet. Yeah, is this work or pleasure? Uh it's pleasure. Well it's pleasure. We know that for now. Oh no. We know that for certain. So it's like it's a it's a work husband, but it's a hobby husband kind of yeah, hobby husband. Yeah. Yeah. And my dad was there when somebody made that joke and the side eye was like palpable. Oh. Yeah. That's weird. I I would never make a work husband joke in front of the husband. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. Okay, so it's crazy. How many people are in the barbershop quartet? Okay, so four. Oh my God. Did the other two people get feel left out? Because I feel yeah, so so four quartet. Yes. Oh my god, I'm the biggest idiot of all time. Holy shit, I can't believe I overlooked that. I'm so embarrassed. All good. All good. It could have been wacky. I don't know. How many people in the duo ? I am an idiot. Yeah. Well, there are two others. They're both women, uh, but they all like would hang out, chill vibes. Like I'd been to parties at this guy's house and I didn't but it was a like prolonged affair that we found out like maybe like two years. Oh my God, that's crazy. So wait so there there is one guy and three women in the quartet ? Yeah. Oh my god. And this guy is like was this guy also married? Yes. Whoa. Oh my gosh. Okay, so Yeah, like super married. Do you know how it all started? Like Yeah. Well, uh so my mom's been like very cagey about it. She like initially lied to me. She called me first before my dad could talk to me, and she claimed, and this was like the worst part for me. She claimed that she was coming out as being Polly. I'm Polly and I like have two partners. And I was like, oh, okay. Like she tried to appeal to me directly. Uh but actually she had been cheating on my dad for two years. But also it's crazy to be like, I'm coming out as being Polly, but your but your father doesn't know yet, but I've been sleeping like I don't think that' m about to hard lunch. Yeah. Hard launch poly. So the idea being like like to me that is crazy to be like and this is who I am and what of an idiot. I was thinking, do you come out as poly? I'm like, I guess you would have to just be like that's a decision. That's a an arrangement you made with the people that you were in a parlicule with, right? Yeah. So I don't I don't know what the hell she was doing with all that. Because I was like I clocked her so fast. I talked to my dad. He was like, no, because oh, could I get a fake name for my mom's partner now? Oh Papa. Oh, I love Papa. Papa. Okay. So Papa's wife showed up at my dad's house. My dad works remote. Oh my God. And what like told him like I gave sorry, I gave the wrong papa a name. I thought you were asking for a name for your dad. I think it's gonna be I think it's too confusing if papa is the name of the of uh your mom's new partner. But I think that okay, your mom's lover has got okay, a b what's a name for a barber. Oh, I mean Bob. Bob. Bob. Okay, so Bob is is the the barbershop quote. So Bob's wife came and told your dad? Mm-hmm. And my dad like ended up confronting my mom and she asked, like, hey, could I call me and my sister? Oh man. Oh my god, this is captured the narrative. Oh my god. It's crazy that she thought that would work though. A little bit. Like it's like well, you're gonna like you might as well tell the truth. Like if you're gonna lie, you're just dismantling your whole credibility. Yeah. For real. It worked for like ten minutes 'cause I was like, Oh, like I thought they were pursuing it like earnestly 'cause my mom was using all like the words 'cause I've been poly since I was eighteen. I'm like twenty four. So like they've met multiple of my partners, like I've had to explain stuff to them. Yeah, right. Like I just like have the capacity for experiencing connection like outside of the bounds of monogamy. I f bars I have heard of other people who have gone through affairs sort of come out a million percent yeah come out suddenly as like, well actually I'm just liberating myself and it's like no you fucking lied. Yeah. No, you actu'allyre a liar. You're actually a liar. But uh okay, so so this is so interesting. So all this happens, right? It all comes out of the wash. And what are your so the quartet was obviously a huge piece of your mom's life, clearly, right? Like was she spending a ton of time there? Yeah. Yeah. So she would like every night. Every night go to like some kind of at least I like three nights a week and then weekends. And then on Thursdays they have the same called not an after party after the rehearsal. It's called an afterglow. So she'd be like, Sorry, I'm gonna be home. I'm going to the afterglow tonight. And how many people were in the afterglow? Oh, and was it just sort of a two person party? Yeah. Was it a two person I think it started with people and then maybe like sometimes she'd get home at like two AM. Yeah. Yeah. The writing was on the wall, I suppose. Do you think the other people in the quartet knew? Yeah. Um, they had to because like I think the thing I'm realizing is that she has like she's doing a double life thing where she like has this poly story that she's sticking with. Yeah. But everybody in our family like knows. How recently was this? She's sticking to the poly story? Still , no, so basically, she started with the poly story. I talked to my dad, yeah, she was like kind of coercing my dad into having a non-monogamous relationship, yeah, for a little while, and he was like riding with it and then sometimes he'd call me and he'd be like, Is it normal to feel like you wanna like throw up all the time uh when you're poly? And I'm like, Dad, no, it's not. That is and he also did he know he was lied to for so long? Yeah. Yeahah, ye, but they've been together for thirty years. So my dad was like, Okay, I guess we're just gonna like ride this out 'cause I wanna see her be happy, but it doesn't work unless you're like on the same page. Yeah, the whole thing is communication on that type of thing. But so that is so wild. Okay, so cut to today. Yeah. It's freaking May slash June. And you're wondering end of the year, does mommy slash Naomi get an invite to Thanksgiv Yeah, so the complicated thing, I'm about to move to Amsterdam. Whoa. That's cool. Oh my gosh. Yeah. That's fun. Yeah, I'm going for a a masters' program. And my dad wants to like come over, my sister wants to come over. Yeah. Yeah. And he visited last week. Like I live in NorCal, he lives in SoCal, so he like came and visited me. Yeah. And he was like, oh should we invite like mama, Naomi , to Christmas? And we're trying to figure out as he would suggest you. We're trying to figure out like, do we extend the invite to Amsterdam? Because it's like a whole thing. She'll probably want to bring her partner. Oh. If she holds up because it's like an extended trip. Does daddy actually don't want her there? Does dad and Bob how what is their relationship like? Like, do they ever have a confrontation? Because I feel like I would I'm leaning no. I would not be able to if something like this happened to me, like I'm not gonna throw hands at Bob because I don't believe in solving my problems that way. But I might like throw flaming shit at his window. You know what I mean? Like I'm not gonna physically fight, but I want him his life to be bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would not be like, let's go to Amsterdam . Yeah. Yeah. It would it wouldn't look good. So like uh yeah, they haven't talked. They are they were friends before everything happened. They haven't talked? They were friends before No, they double dated. They double dated. Oh my God. Like the like Bob and his wife and your mom is I would dude. Bob's car is never not getting keyed. If I like I hate to say it. Like again, like I don't I don't believe in violence. But I do think that like he deserves to have his fucking car keyed. Is papa dating vile thing is that like my mom lives with him now and the house is like a neighborhood over. Oh. So my dad is at any time within like a thousand feet of them. Your poor dad. This is so I don't think that mom's getting an invite. I'm sorry. And I think your dad needs to go on a rum spring uh with a bunch of babes in Amsterdam.. Wait, wait, wait Is is dad still dating Bob's ex-wife ? Uh what was that? Is is is dad papa still dating no. No, no. This caller's dad is not dating the ex-wife. Bob 's Bob's ex-wife. Bob is happening now. Yeah, Bob is dating Naomi. Yeah. And then your dad caller is single. Yeah, he made me like do a photo shoot with him for his dating profile when he's visiting. Your dad, uh really, honestly, I want to put his profile picture out there so we can get some hunt honeys in the chat for your dad. It's so cute. I feel fuck with Papa. He's great. Oh . And he was the one who suggested inviting Naomi ? Yeah. Yeah. He like he has this thing of like he kind of deepness soul is like would hold out for her and I'm like, Dad, no. it It''s times. No no. It's time. Well, yeah. I I think that also I think it's a no invite, is what I'm hearing from you both. I agree. I you know why? It's not because like like I get the people's lives.be May your mom felt trapped in some way. She whatever, you know. I I hear that. I can em I can empathize with it, even though she did the wrong thing. I do think though that dad deserves a special vacation with his children. Yeah. In a fun locale where you guys can go and he feels like he can be himself. Cause it I think that if if your mom was there with Bob, dad is not letting his wings open and soar. And I want soar. I want papa to Papa needs to sore. Papa deserves the best. Papa needs to sore. Say that again. Papa really needs to sore. And I also think it's like you guys should be like, Dad, like like encouraging him to maybe date or you know, whatever. Yeah. Um I mean, no, he ate in the pictures that I took. Like I used to work as a social media manager, like we got point five. Oh. Like I did him right. That's great. Oh my gosh, that's so cute. Yeah, I feel like Mom I mean the ultimately if you cheat on your husband then you don't get invited to the family vacation again. No, certainly not. Like I don't know. What is your relationship? Especially a destination vacation, you know? Yeah. What Margaret, what is your relationship with Bob? Slash, like do you see because I feel like I would have a really complicated relationship with my mom's new partner when this happened? I don't think I've talked to him since this all happened. Like when did this happen? In passing, like I so I live like five hundred miles from my parents. Yeah. So like I'll just be there for like a random like hey, hello weekend. So like I had met him and like maybe talked with him over a quiche at like a Christmas party, but like we're not classic. We're not tight like that, nor am I interested in being tight like By the way, literally like that could be a fucking movie. Conversation show for Quiche. Quiche is such a specific because it's such a social, like it's like you're eating it in a group. Yeah, it's like the day after a wedding. I have to eat alone. To me, it's like the day after the wedding, everyone's like, oh I guess we're going to this local house and there's a quiche there. There's definitely a quiche it's built to serve thirty people. Not a hundred people dense food. Yeah it's a thousand eggs. It's also great. I love it. Oh my God. A flaky pie crust on a quiche. Yeah, but you you mostly don't like you're kinda like who even knows who Bob is? Yeah, I mean uh we may like share a quiche down the line. I've been like hypothetically uh planning my wedding with my fiance who I've been with since I was like sixteen. Oh congratulations you're oh thank you . Um but we like don't even want to invite him because we're like that's just mess. Yeah. No, but I don't want to do that. Bob's not invited to the wedding. No. Mommy does not get a blessed one. When you Yeah, that's what I've been saying. Again, it's like, by the way, you uh, you know, your mom, whatever, she had her reasons to do whatever she wants to do, but she has to deal with the repercussions of the why, which is that like she doesn't get to have like a a normal experience at the wedding after doing like a big lie like that. Right, right. No. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Exactly. Yeah. One hundred percent correct. So no invite. No invite, I think , for Bob to the wedding. No invite for mommy or Bob to Amsterdam. Yeah. And get your dad on mushrooms as soon as possible. Oh, he's getting troubles mainlined. Oh. He actually he smokes so much more weed than I could . Oh my god, by the way. That assumes that you had to tap out at some point. That's awesome. What does Papa do for work? What's Papa do for work? Uh he's an engineer and just an all-around cool guy. Yeah, he's a multicolored character. I really feel for Papa. I've really Yeah, he's great. We're team Papa all the way. Big time team Papa. Is there anybody that you think that he'd be good with? Oh, that's hard. I think just like someone who can be a little silly, someone who like doesn't take themselves very seriously, because he's just like never said a serious thing in his life. Oh, was your mom serious? Or is your mom serious? Uh she's very like passive aggressive. Honestly, I think it's passive aggressive. Silly plus passive aggressive seems like a bad concoction. I think that something is on the horizon for Papa. Yeah. I think that Papa i deserves a a vacation with uh his children in Amsterdam and then I think Papa's like actually got some growing and learning to do. How old is your dad? I think so. He was born fifty nine, so he's 66. But by the way, like 66, like he's got a solid amount of time to find love. And maybe date around a little bit. Okay, you know? Like so. Papa, I think it gets to have his cake and eat it too. He gets to have his quiche and eat it too. Um Yeah, we're gonna have a a Dutch ball of this winter. Exactly. Have yourself a Dutch ball and say hello to Papa for us. Thank you so much for calling in. I will. All right. Thank you. You guys are amazing. You're the best. All right. Bye. Bye. Bye. Incredible. I mean, honestly, yeah. My so my grandparents got divorced, and then one time, so my my grand pa started dating and then after he passed away my aunt had me go through his letters because like just to literally digitize them and so I was reading them and then there was one that I was like I shouldn't be reading. Oh Yeah. But this is all to say. Sex does not stop after sixty. No. Oh, I don't think so. I don't think so. People say I was actually there's a thing that was like uh I feel like it was a Trigas video that they were talking about just ages and they're like like one to you know, one to twenty-five, like that's that's it, right? Like that's one phase of aging. Twenty five to fifty, that's the second phase of aging, but like th the third phase of aging is fifty to seventy five. Yeah. Same amount of time. Same exact amount of time, but it feels like it's less time. Yeah. Like somehow. Yeah. I just think that that's really cool. Yeah. I think that Bapa is uh you know, Papa's gonna spread his wings. I know, oh my god. I think he's so silly. Uh that's what a devastating way to blow up your mind. I just am like I don't know. I' likem, ca ituse seems like they have adult children. Like I'm kinda like, why not just have a conversation with a hundred people? People aren't very good at talking about their feelings. Especially that generation. Yeah. Like I think that that's a big piece of it. Like you hear about people having secret lives and I'm like, who's the fucking time? But also like I just can't imagine not sharing literally every thought what you have with your partner. Yeah. That is what's confusing to me. I'm just like, Sarah and I don't blink without disclosing it. I just am like because at the end of the day it's like you lay around and you're like, oh yeah, here's what I did today. Like here's what I oh yeah, I forgot to tell you this. Like that to me is what a relationship is. Like if people don't want that, that's fine. But then it's like that to me is sharing is the part of it. Yeah. You know? I don't know. Man. That's crazy. Uh okay, we gotta take another call . Hey Miles, I farted outside in my lawn when I was mowing, and I think the neighbors all heard it, and now they all hate me because of how loud it was and it was also their kids' birthday party. Get him on the give me a call back. I mean any helps appreciate it. This is a real real guy's guy. You Hey farted in the lawn. You would have to fart so loud. Over the lawn mower, it sounds like. I was mowing. I'm here to call you back. I'm here with Rainy Dole. Hello . Holy mol y. I this is crazy. I'm in a golf simulator. Let me find a quiet spot. You're amazing. No problem at all. Find a quiet spot. Rainy, what's the fake name for this person? A golf simulator. Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods. Tiger, thank you so much for giving us a call. I understand you farted the other day at a kid's birthday party or across across the fence. Tell me everything. Yeah, kind of. I uh yeah, I can give you the whole tale. Tiger Woods, you said was the name? Yes, that's correct. Okay, that's awesome. Uh yeah, so I was mowing the lawn outside my house and I'm in like a suburban -ish area, and typically I have my headphones on the whole time because it's you know it's loud, the lawnmower's loud. Yeah, but occasionally I have to take the push mower out and kind of clear around the sides of the house where the neighbors are uh and I turned the mower off to like adjust the settings. My neighbors were having a birthday party for their like young kids at the time and I definitely parte d really loud when the mower wasn't running. How far away were they ? Not far. Like a defense line was maybe twenty feet from their deck, which had family, it had friends. Yeah. And I think everybody heard it because I had the mower off. I took my headphones off because I was sweating. They were looking at me. By the way. Can you imagine being at that party and then all of a sudden fart and you're like, it's like by the way, kids' bsirthday party should be filled with laughs and laughter. Everyone's silent. By the way, can you can you give a sort of what did it sound like? Did you nod? Did you go? Hey I I was definitely dear in the headlights, I think. 'Cause I I I sat there and I realized that the mower was off. I realized I had in this yeah. I kinda didn't know how to react, so I just turned the mower back on after like ten seconds of sitting there. Oh I see. It was loud enough absolutely to cover a noise if it was on. But off when I was addressing, I was just sort of in the zone of mowing and it happened. You're like, I'm in a safe space, I'm in a loud space. And I hate to double down on this, but can you sort of imitate how it sounded with your mouth? Yeah. I'm in such a public place to card. It was percussive. It was it was just sort of like, you know, you have that much motion mowing the lawn and stuff those kind of things. Of course. It's like kind of sweaty. By the way, and it's also and I just again I hate to double down, but it is sort of like you had the perfect you were about to do the perfect crime. Yeah. If you had farted when the mower was going. Abruptly stopping big fart starting back up again is so funny. Yeah, and I was definitely listening to like disco music or something too. So it just it had to I mean it was a whirlwind for me, but I can't imagine the whirlwind for them. Yeah. So your neighbors, do you feel that you sort of disturbed the children's birthday party? Um are you close with your neighbors at all? Have you had any interactions before the fart? Yeah, like I very like positive, like run into now and again and like uh my wife and I live at this house for a while, so like we've w watched them like grow up a little bit and but we don't run into them all the time. So it's it's not close enough to like laugh about it over drinks. It it's like we don't see them for several months but they were all looking at me in this moment. And and I haven't that's basically the question. I don't know how to like really respond. If there's something I should do, take the classic Miles advice of give them cake. That was yeah. That was glad you cut me off at the head 'cause that was coming. Um but I think I should we can come up with something more creative. Rainy, what would you do if this were you? Well, you know what I'll say? I uh uh I frequent yoga and there are a few older men who really remind me that it's okay to fart. They're farting so loud in a group of like a silent group and nobody d reacts at all. Yeah. You know, because it's just like, okay . That's it. And they're older. You know what it is? It's like you can't they can't be beat. You can't like they don't care, right? Like you can't like look at them and go, oh, like they don't give a shit. Yeah. Yeah, but I will I do feel like you're you're the per like perfectly imperfect or distance from your neighbors emotionally, where it's like this really is unfortunate. Because if you were closer, you could bring it up. Being like, Oh my god, guys, I farted the other day, I have not stopped thinking about it. I'm so sorry. And they might have been like, Okay, we did hear and we laughed, and you guys all laughed together and it's fine. Oh but I think that you're you're if you did that, they might be like, yeah, it's okay. Um They w they might just like be like, I do not want to talk about this again. Do they seem like conservative? Like they don't seem like they think farts are funny. I would die laughing if this happened to me. If I was at I was at my son's birthday party and somebody farted through the fence, I would cr I would be on the floor. That's well and I wish that's the when I looked no one was laughing. It's brutal. I it was mid barbecuee, like they tak the ribs off or something. The mower stops. They were like, Oh, we have time to chat now that it's not loud, and then they hear the rip and and I think they just didn't quite know what to do. And you're right. It's like I'm not that close, but like it is a s I they wouldn't tell the community about it, but it is like a smaller, like kind of tighter knit neighborhood, and I just kind of want to I want the funny approach of addressing it and I have no no idea how to do it. You should post on next door. You should post to I fart it. I genuinely, if I were you, I would do exactly the same thing, which is calling to a podcast about it. Yeah. Because I think it just needs to be said and heard by a lot of people, and we will ab olish your sin. What is the what a priest do? If they put water abolished sins? They say and now you're fine. Two Hail Marys and a yeah. Yeah. But you know what I'm almost thinking is what if you get a greeting card and it says sorry I That's the problem. I I honestly like what they do for work, I I don't know. It's it's it's that like distant enough where we do again like holidays or something, we'll drop something off for each other and it's it's pleasant. Um a card is a funny idea. Um what if they didn't even hear you? Are we sure they heard you? Yeah. I'm also like maybe you blame it on someone like are they sure are you sure they know it was you that farted. Yeah. And then you're sort of like, Hey, how's it going? By the way, guys, oh yeah, you seem like you're having fun. We hired a new gardener, by the way, uh, the other day. Uh let me know if they're a little too close to your uh lawn or anything like that. Or could you pretend that you dropped something and it wasn't a fart at all? Oh I mean it would have I don't know what could have fallen on the grass. Yeah. That would have again it was loud. It was a good one. I have the tummy troubles where the deniability is not there. But like I I just don't it yeah, it's maybe to move forward, I guess. I I like the idea of door to door, but I also I've only gone over there if it was the case of like oh we have to trim a tree or something that's between yards. Like I I wanna like Yeah, yeah and also address it for the kids because it was like their birthday party. If I'm a kid though that's a good thing they probably found it funny of anybody. Yeah. You know what I would do actually? Okay, how old are the kids? I think like yeah, like under seven. They're pretty young. And how old how how long ago was the birthday party? This far it happened? This was like a week ago, so yeah. Okay. Doesn't even matter. Seven year old birthday gift from us. Hey guys, I noticed you were having a party. As long as that's not weird, like you don't have a vantage point, that's whatever, being like, Oh yeah, here's you guys having a birthday party and uh we just got this for another kid in our life. We thought you'd like it too. Hope you guys are well, and etc.etera Like j this is a way to like ingratiate yourself into the community of your neighbors without addressing the fart at all. I think you could also be like, sorry if the lawnmower was allowed. Oh yes, sorry. I realized halfway through that you were having a party while I was mowing the lawn and and I uh I wanted to get you a birthday party uh a birthday present for the kid. Right? That's actually good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause then it sort of acknowledges the the loudness too. Like I'm aware that I made some noises. Yeah. Get like a stomp rocket or a fucking like you know, awesome action figure or like a laboo-boo or whatever the hell. Yeah. A laboobs. A laboobs. How does that sound to you? A sort of fart present. Sorry I farted. The the fart ap ology. Uh that's not b and that was I think what I was leaning by I don't want to like be I've never brought them like gifts for anything before so I don't want to be creepy to be like, hey, like saw there was this birthday that we had nothing to do with also the the loud rev you heard outside that that could have been a fart that also could have been something else but regardless hope hope you had a wonderful yeah seven ish ish year old party how about this stuff wait I have a better idea. Okay, because I hear what you're saying. You get a gift, right? You get an awesome kid gift. Foam noodle, et cetera. Something you know a kid, the kids gonna like. Yeah. Knock, knock, knock on the door. Again, you're dressed like someone who doesn't fart. You knock, knocking on the door, they come to the door, and you go, Hey, how's it going, guys? You know, okay, this is might might be a little odd or whatever, but uh we bought a gift for my nephew and they sent us two and Amazon didn't charge us and we're kinda we're gonna send it back, but then we were like, uh, we just figured you, know, we'd see if you guys wanted it or if one of your kids wanted it. Um, it's right here. It's like a foam noodle th fucking stomp rocket thing. Yeah. Whatever it is. And then be like, oh, oh my God, that's so nice, right? Like, it's the thing of I've given this advice before, but like, oh, they gave me two. Yeah. Oh, they gave me two of this thing. So it's actually not I didn't plan on it, but I am now lending you a sort of sweet gift. I do think the other option just to say what's on the table is to not say anything. But that doesn't broaden your life. That's true. This is an opportunity to make a friend. I'm trying this fart into community. It's a novel pipeline. Yeah, exactly. I mean 'cause they they also don't know us well enough to be like oh you 'cause we don't have kids and like they don't know us well enough to like know if I had a nephew or not. So exactly. It covers the fart, but we also get to know them better. I also think that they're gonna that's gonna be the most recent interaction is what they're gonna remember most. It's like, oh now we have like oh yeah, that was a really oh actually they're really nice, as opposed to like, oh that's a neighbor, let me tell you about how he farted. Yeah, exactly. You want to be gift neighbor, not fart neighbor. Yeah. You know? When we moved into our place now, we like made cookies and then went to every door, knocked on the door to introduce ourselves to like those neighbors and give them cook Yeah. Like in case like whatever my car like is parked too close to your car or whatever. Like it re-establishes us as like, oh no, we're nice. We're right here. We have young kids. Like we wanted to give you cookies when we first moved in. Yeah. It just sets you off on a good foot. I think it's like it's better than no context or just fart context. Yeah. That's a good way to do it too. If like and that's something where we my wife and I struggled of like being definitely like the youngest people moving into this neighborhood to be like how do we reach out? Neighbors are a weird that dynamic so bizarre, but it also can be super rewarding too. Totally. I I I liked it. And it's not I mean this is I was saying this in the cold oven, but yeah we have a lemon tree. I we also do this with lemons. We were just like got little gift baskets, whatever. We had extra lemons from our lemon tree and just left fruit to for people. And it's like whatever. If they don't like it, that's fine. They can fucking figure it out. Yeah. They can throw it away. Are you somebody? 'Cause I am somebody who really likes to know what's going on with my neighbors. I love it. I'm sort of like leaning I I sort of think that one of my neighbors has is an Airbnb. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Different neighbors all the time. Yeah. Coming and going. But also me and my other neighbor who just moved out, sad, we were we were texting back and forth about we're like, who is this guy? What's his vibe? What does he do? Like all that stuff. It's very fun. But I'm big on a bad way, just like we're talking about the confrontation thing. It's like I'm big on like, oh hey, how's it going? I haven't said hello to you yet. Like hey, we live right here. Like on on the street on on my street, I am saying hello to everybody. 'Cause I'm like I need to say uh honestly, I really need to say hi to my I have a kind of a hot neighbor. There you go. Hey, good morning. How's it going? I'm Rainy, by the way. Like yeah, it's totally he moved in like two years ago. Oh my god. But maybe a year ago. By the way, if you haven't shak shaken this person's hand, I think just go, hey, by the way, I'm rainy. Like nice to see you. How's your day going? You know what I'll say? I have um I have on my window that 's facing the parking lot, I have a phone thing that I record TikToks on sometimes. Huge. And I do it at night sometimes and I'm like, this is I'm sure they think of me as the TikTok like crazy person. Oh, that's great. Yeah, they definitely see you. Do TikToks. Are you doing nat dances? Do you have a secret account that I don't know about? You're doing No, mostly it was um I was I I partner with Wikipedia and it was like kinda took a long time to Yeah, totally. Anyways, and also um sometimes I'm just have ideas. But I need to put posting more. But that was what I was thinking of where because I was insecure about it. Yeah, TikTok neighbor. TikTok neighbor, but you know, there are worse things. There are worse things. Also, there are worse things than fart neighbor. You know what's bad neighbor? Yeah. Mean. Mean neighbor. Mean neighbor's. I because everyone's on each other's like ring doorbells obviously when you that's another way to like have parasocial relationships with neighbors. But I like last winter I live in upstate New York. Flipped on the ice so so dynamically and publicly like cartoonish slip and fall. And I had to I was on the ice for a bit 'cause like my knee went out. I had to call my wife from inside the house and be like, You have to come scrape me. Oh no. I I totally ended up on their I I'm on a ring doorbell highlight somewhere. They posted it. Yeah, certainly. I didn't know them well enough to like I you know they were like I'm I'm never gonna we're never gonna talk about this. This is better because I feel like that fits the vibe. I think slipping and falling and farting are sort of in the same category. Yeah, they say it's not really it can in real life not be funny because it hurts slash smells. Right. But to like see it, it's like that's kind of hilarious. But also I bet that like if that something like that happens to anybody out there listening, I feel like no one would it would provide us people with so much joy if somebody knocked on your door and was like, Hey by the way, I just totally ate shit. Do you mind if I can I see the rain camera video? I just think it'd be really funny and you guys will get to see it too. Yeah. I think that that is broadening your life slash community. It's so easy to not and it can feel so like socially scary to do. I feel like it's always worth it. You gotta get in there. You gotta get in there. Um, but thank you so much for calling. I really appreciate it, Tiger Woods, and I hope you have an amazing day. Best of luck out there with this sort of extra gifty that you're going to give to your neighbors after you've heard part of it. Yeah. Neighbor gifts and and more fiber. That's that's the goal. No, thank you both. You both are so awesome. It's so awesome we have called. All right, you're the best. Have fun at the call simulator. All right, bye. Bye. I mean, we've obviously talked about farts uh lots of times. Yeah. What's a recent fart? For me of my own. Yeah. I mean, for me, it's all about it's all about being in a location a little bit away from people, accidentally letting one rip and then walking back over to where I am and me panicking and trying to encourage that everybody just doesn't do that. Actually, wait, I wanted to yeah, and then I'm like, maybe if I just move around enough the wind will carry it away. You're like, wait, there's no way that this is yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm never concerned about sound. Oh, really? No. That's a surprise. I feel like sound that's a surprise . Sound to me is is um it's more culprity. Like you can blame smell on anybody. I guess if you're alone. That's true. You can blame smell on every anybody. Yeah. The dog. You can blame smell . That's such a funny idea. 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Chime is not just smarter banking, it is the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee-free today. Head to chime.com/slash perfect person. That is chime.com slash perfect person. It only takes a few minutes to sign up. Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services for my pay and chime card are provided by Chime's Bank Partners. Optional products and services may have fees or charges, stated annual percentage yield, and cash back for Chime Prime. Only no minimum balance required. Checking account ranking based on the JD Power survey published October 20th, 2025. For more information on APY rates, my pace, spot me, and tribal perks, go to chime.com/slash disclos ures. Hi Miles. I'm pretty sure my best friend just broke up with his girlfriend for me, and I don't know if I want to date him . I think I need advice. Whoa , that is juice city. Off the dome, I'm thinking. Don't. Yeah, that's on him for breaking up with his girlfriend for a while. Well, but maybe he's just like, I just wanted to pursue love. No, fuck. Hello, you call the perfect person. I'm here to call you back. I'm here with Rainy Tole. Hello. Oh, no fucking way. Hi. Raynie, what's the fake name for this person? Um I feel like I always say Lucia. Like, what's up? Lucia, what? But I don't want to. You don't want to say that. You're not Lucia caller. It's not going to be Lucia . It's gonna be Tana Mojo. Tana mojo. Tana. Hey Tana, how's it going? Cool. Um , too high for this. Don't worry, we're here to we're here to be gentle and we're here to talk you through your sticky situation. Yeah. It sounds like you were so bad. So Aphrodite core. Yeah, whoa. Like you're literally just like honestly too hot to handle. Yeah, men are loving me and breaking up with their bows for me. Yeah. Oh, I wish it was like that though. Oh, okay. Well why don't you tell us what's going on? I am in a new city. I've been here like a year. Don't know any one in the area. I uh worked a job that I really hated last year. Okay. But made a friend that has become kind of my only friend in the area. Okay. Oh, okay. Sure. Yeah. Um, and that friend always had a girlfriend. Okay . And that friend is named Beetlejuice . And so Yeah, that's so appropriate. And so Beetlejuice recently so you make this friend, and what do you do for work? I'm a teacher. You're a teacher, okay. And you you've recently moved, right? So so now you're not with Beetlejuice. Yeah, you're not in the same city. You used to be. No. So I moved like a two years ago to a city I didn't know anyone in. I see, I see, I see. Had a job I hated. Right. Which jobs. Oh. Oh, okay. Still in the same general area. Right. Like fifteen minutes away from Beetlejuice. And Beetlejuice, uh how did you meet Beetlejuice? Uh coworker. Co-worker, okay. From the last job. Honestly, a a teacher, a teacher is a hot profession to me. It's new girl. It's uh Jessane goes in you. That part is ideal. Okay, so you meet this guy and you're hanging out and you guys become besties, you become very close. How do you know that best ie just aka Beetlejuice broke up with his girlfriend for you? It's stickier than that. I have called in a few times about this as it's progressed. Have you wait important first question have you kissed? Eeteljuice? Oh yeah. Inter esting while Beetlejuice said a girlfriend? Let me explain. Oh Jacuse No Okay, Tana. Honestly, we just had a call where we sort of got the op we got the the other side of this type of situation. Yeah. No. So you are now on trial for the murder of Beetlejuice's relationship. What happened? So I got a text like months ago from Beatle Jeep. Okay. Okay. Sure. Letting me know that they had opened their relationship. Oh tough. Okay. What but was it a lie or was that real ? Real. Oh, real. Totally real. Oh, okay. And was Beetlejuice's ex like genuinely okay with it or was it sort of like he wanted to open it? That's where I'm like, I don't think she was actually super into it. I think he was like I think they've been avoiding a breakup for a long time. It's one of the features. It feels like it's a common thread in modern relationships that as the r as you know, like obviously there are people that are like poly that are extremely communicative, but I think that another facet of modern relationships is people that are not poly like on the way on the haven't done the reading, haven't done the work to communicate properly on the way out of a dying relationship, they sort of are like, what if we do what if we yeah, what if we do an explosion at the end in sort of a new we're renegotiating that how this relationship works before it fizzles. Yeah. So this happens to this rel this happens to this relationship. And do you see that text and you're like, oh my gosh, hey bestie, I actually want to kiss you now? Is that what happened? Oh. So I see that text and I'm like that sounds like a bad choice for me. Sure. Okay with only having one friend. But did you did you think about was your first thought, Oh my gosh, should I kiss him? Or them? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Oh my oh wait, so you've had a crush on this person for a long time. I that's I'm not physically attracted . Uh say more. But interesting. I really like them as a person. So you think they have a good brain? Yeah, they have a great brain. Are they smart, funny? What's their like vibe? Yeah. What's their personality? What what's a celebrity they're most like? Oh, that's so difficult. I can give you a vibe easier. Yeah. It's very like leader of the room. Hot. Yeah. Center of attention. Yeah. A huge Ackman type. Yeah. Outgoing. Yeah, okay. A huge Ackman type. Yes, greatest show. Exactly. This is Pete Barnett. This is the greatest show. So very charismatic. Whoa! That's the perfect word. Okay, got it. So very charismatic. And so so you end up so what is the thing you need advice about? So this relationship opens up. You sort of are like, I don't necessarily want to do this. Eventually you get worn down. You kind of start uh kidding slash getting into it with Beetlejuice. And then Beetlejuice leaves the relationship. That happened recently? Yeah, so like a month ago, Beetlejuice and their girlfriend ended the relationship. Yeah. More the girlfriend being like, I don't think I can do an open relationship thing. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Fair. I would probably do the same. Sure. Okay. So then so this ends and then does Beetlejuice tell you this is all about you, baby? Beetlejuice very much tells me like I can't stop thinking about you like Whoa. And that it because I didn't know where this would go, and I don't actually think that I want to be in an open relationship. I think I just I don't trust him. Wanted to be with someone else. I I don't know . This is and and and how are you feeling, Slash? What is the question you're calling it about? I don't even know how to move forward from here. Sure, sure. I know a relationship's a bad cho ice. Uh-huh. I'm like just out of one. Oh Not in the spot for that. Okay. There's plenty that I'm like don't think would work between me and Beetlejuice. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But this is my only friend. Yeah. And like we've already crossed that line too many times. Yeah. And unf unfortunately, Bestie, I really hate to break it to you, but you guys are gonna date . I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. But I do And all my friends are gonna hate it. No, okay, so here's the thing. I feel like you whatever, we've all been there. We've all been there where it's like this person clearly is it's like, okay, this seems like a bad idea. I don't want to sabotage the friendship. We both like each other. We have like had a physical connection. You say you're not really physically attracted to the person, but you kind of do like being around them and they are your best friend. Yeah. It sort of feels like the thing of if you've got the time for the drama, I say you go for it. Yeah. Stir the pot. Stir the pod. Stir the thought, mix it up. Add some kayen ne. But the thing is, like, yeah, this will most likely be dramatic. Yeah. But the altern there isn't totally an alternative other than like not really being around Beetlejuice for three to five months and maybe being friends after Right. I mean Yeah. Yeah. Wait, how was And that sounds boring. C correct. This is kind of what I'm saying. It's like the options you have as presented the the thing is like yeah, you the options you have right now are see what happens, roll the dice, hang out with Beetlejuice, stir the pot. Yeah. And then option B is don't really hang out with Beetlejuice for three to five months. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And this way, if you hook up with or date Beetlejuice or whatever, then you get three like let's say it lasts three months, you get three months to make more friends. Which I think should be priority one. Priority one. Yeah. Mm-hmm. How do I do that though? Okay. Great question. Great question. How do you make new friends? Well, Frannie, I feel like you've made a lot of new friends in Los Angeles. I have recently, but it was 'cause it it it was a whole thing I mean, what's the what's your is are you in a small town or are you in a city? I'm in like a decent sized to wn like an hour outside of the city. Oh, okay, yeah. Okay, yeah. Then then I feel like to me and I'm just gonna list off the top of my head, bowling club, Dungeons and Dragons, Hobby Shop, uh, Barcade, Trivia Night, Karaoke, uh during the daytime, go to a book fair, go to an author reading, go to like these are all events where people might if you find the thing that's something they're gonna be interested in, people might be hanging out there. If you're a teacher, I feel like that's a that's a career of many young people. So I feel like that's a lots of co worker. I left the whole situation . What do you do now? I'd love to get back. I'd love to get back to it. It's just I've heard it's really it's a challenging job. Yeah. Right now I'm just nannying. Oh I see the problem. So you were in an environment where there was lots of people, now you're sort of on an island, it's a little bit more isolated. Yeah. I think okay, like this is a crazy suggestion. I know that people do this. Isn't there a Tinder for friend like people use Tinder to make friends? have always been scared of that. I have never done this. That feels like where you find weird friends. Well, that's what you think though, but I hate to break it to you, but you're looking for friends. To me it's like by the way, making friends is uh shooting a shot a million times. It's like dating. It's it's harder than dating in somehow. Do you genuine and you do not have to like improv for this, but improv is literally made for making friends. Right. That's the whole like you go in and it it is people who like genuinely most people are there looking for friends. Yeah. You know, I absolutely have stage fright and will definitely be embarrassed when this comes out. What about kickball? But I could give it a kickball. What about kickball? Kickball. Ooh, that sounds fun. By the way, kickball leagues are mostly about hanging out and drinking. Yeah. Like I know a bunch of people that are on softball leagues. They're super social. The thing is, like right now, when you're in a city with any friends, it really can feel isolating the moment. It's really hard. I I've been there and like I feel like even being in a city and you only have five friends can be feel hard. Like it's like you know, you wanna make sure you wanna feel abundant, you wanna feel like you have a community. Yeah. And I think it's like if you think about your interests and the things that like you, if you like dorky stuff, it's kinda easier to find friends because there's so many, you know, a Well also we just know how to do it dorky stuff. That's I know how to do it not dorky A hundred percent. I know how to do a dorky style like go to a hobby shop to a magic the gathering event. But yeah, it's easy to do. That's totally what do you like? What are your interests? Yeah. I like sports. I like um weed a lot. That's definitely a problem though. Shouldn't be around those people. Well, marijuana people could be kind of fun, you know. If you you They can be fun. I just that's probably not the right that's not the right venture. What how about this? This is gonna sound totally fucking crazy when I'm gonna say but I'm like, okay, the hard thing to do is like to meet friends that have life-minded things. What if you start a club? Whoa, yeah. Like there's people that have called in that started like walking clubs and stuff. Yeah. Like if you start a walking . If you're like I'm starting like the the this neighborhood walking group and you go to the local coffee shop and you ask the baristas like, hey by the way, we're starting we're and just say it say it like it already exists. I'm starting a walking club. We're gonna like walk from coffee shop to coffee shop on these mornings, right? And people can sign up or like join following Instagram and then it's like you, know you,'re doing a thing. I feel like that's like a really natural way to also introduce yourself to people. Like, hey, how's it going? Oh, by the way, we have a walking club. You should come by. Like, oh yeah. It's inviting. Easy invite. I also and I'm so excited I get to drop a Ben Franklin quote. Because one of my favorites, the strength of weak ties. Oh. So this is uh what I'm thinking is do you have anybody in your city or fifteen minutes outside where you used to work where you could you don't have to know them very well. You just have to have met them before and like know them and follow them on Instagram. Can you DM them and be like, hey, like co what do you think about getting coffee? Because I this is the this is the hard part of making friends. Yeah. But ninety eight percent of the time they say yes. Yeah. So who would say no? Yeah. It's like a crazy like, oh you wanna grab coffee? Like it's like, oh I'm bit like I I it it's so it would be weird to say no. Totally. Everyone w by the way, everyone wants to hang out. Everyone is looking for that spark. Literally earlier I was like, oh best tests we've received. Hey, you want to hang out? Like everybody wants that. Then you're doing the work instead of instead of them. And they just get to be like, sure. Oh, is there a museum nearby? Oh museum. Natural history museum? Honestly, nobody's gonna say no to do wanna go to the natural history museum again. Dork style, I don't know. Dork style oh by the way, my wife has like one of our closer friends, she met in a yoga class in uh New York. Just random yoga class, and it was like they were both like doing the thing that they made after and they were chatting and then they like exchanged phone numbers and now she's like one of our closest friends. But they just met in the wild. Like workout classes I think are good places for this. A gym class. Oh gym is great. Gyms have social events too. Like if you join a gym there's usually like a happy hour thing or like a w a workout class with an a after drinks or like if you don't drink, like there's probably like events there that you can just do. There's infrastructures about, but you do have to see them out and unfortunately you have to show up, and that's the hardest part. Showing up is and by the way, show up without the expectation that you're gonna meet your best friend. Like show up and just be like, whatever, I'll talk to some people, and it's like it's about repeatedly showing up over and over. I have great friends that even the first times we hung out, it was like not an immediate thing, and then you you build it and you build the muscle. The second time I see someone, I'm always like a thousand times closer to them than the first time I saw them. Also, you you can you can just go for twenty minutes. Like if there's a social event after the the after the bike class, it's like, okay, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna sta fory 20 minutes, and if I don't like it, I can leave. And usually I'm like, oh no, I'm having fun. I'll I'll hang out. But always be like, have it be a real you can leave for real. And I think that it's also like especially in the modern day where you get dopamine on your phone, kind of like hand delivered. It does feel uh harder and harder to motivate yourself to like leave the house to make friends. Yeah. But I can guarantee there's so probably a bunch of listeners that feel similarly to you, caller, which is like it when you're in a new place and you're like, I don't really know how to create community, I'm kind of just I feel a little stuck. I don't really know how to take the next step to find the community that I want. Yeah. I think that putting yourself out there and treating it like a hobby to like your hobby is making friends. And then it's like it's gonna decide what you do on the weekends. It's gonna decide like how you design your apartment. If you want to invite people over, it's gonna decide like uh I saw this other thing on TikTok probably, but it was like treat hosting as a hobby. Yeah. And it makes it fun to think about like, oh, I wanna do this so I I'm gonna get this special plate so I can put appetizers on it or whatever. Or like Yeah. You know? I think it's nice to think about community in that way too. I think yeah, i it is um yeah, and I I will say too, 'cause I feel like I tried I can't even remember what other things that I tried before improv, but like I definitely tried some other like of those like structural you know, infrastructure in place and it didn't work and then all of a sudden it was like, oh improv, here we go, cowbunga. Like now it's all you know, like there's like so many people. Like don't even have time for all the people. Yeah. But it did I definitely lovely. No, it's great. But but you also have to be, you know, it's like, okay, this is something that I like and there is a working infrastructure. So you just have to find that for what you like and with the infrastructure and it might take a few times. That's the whole that was my whole point is like you h might have to go to um to a number of events and if they don't work for the first like three or four, it's o kay. Keep it pushing. Keep going. Keep pushing. Tana . I will try. But in the meantime, I date the guy. Oh, the last thing I was gonna ask is Roll the dice. You said you weren't physically attracted to him when you hooked up. Was it fun? Very. Oh, then yeah. Oh, then yeah. Then by the way, roll the dice, stir the pot, and while the pot is stirring and simmering, find new friends. Thank you so much for calling. I really appreciate you, and I hope you have an amazing day. You too. Thanks so much. Bye. Yeah, it's like, you know, get the pot stirring. I think people are afraid of creating