More Rail || Qwerpline S03E12

Towne Hall Falls || Qwerpline S03E11

Apr 8, 202422 minSummary

In this episode of Qwerpline, the town of Innsberg descends into chaos as a group of Girl Scouts stages a paramilitary siege on the town hall. The conflict stems from Mayor Richard Thurpston’s refusal to address public grievances regarding local bylaws, leading him to lock himself in his office. As the situation escalates, the QWRPFM team provides live, on-the-ground coverage. War correspondent Montgomery Cohn reports from the trenches of the town’s controversial recessed bike lanes, while arts reporter Edith Slump observes from a nearby patio, alternating between commentary and drinking. Meanwhile, a confused summer intern named Derek finds himself inadvertently serving as a bookie for the skirmish. The standoff reaches a fever pitch when the Girl Scouts successfully breach the building, signaling their victory by hanging a towel from the mayor’s window. The episode culminates in the dramatic ousting of Mayor Thurpston, who is escorted away by the scouts using sophisticated knots. The hosts attempt to make sense of the unexpected political upheaval, ultimately questioning whether they have just broadcast a coup d'état before pivoting to local events and community news.

Forbidden Foley || Qwerpline S03E10

Apr 1, 202419 minSummary

In this episode of Qwerpline, hosts Graham and Alex navigate a chaotic news cycle in the town of Innsberg. The broadcast kicks off with administrative turmoil, as City Planner Tasman Funt resigns following the Mayor’s controversial amendments to local fence and hedge bylaws. The town is also grappling with a public safety concern regarding a new high-octane additive used by local youths, which has drawn the attention of the Taxi Union. The episode features an eccentric guest appearance by Ball Hinckley, who attempts to move his inventory of bespoke powders and dusts by offering massive discounts. This leads to a bizarre revelation about the town's secret infrastructure and a suspicious pneumatic tube system. Later, reporter Derek heads into the field to interview Deep Salad, a group of avant-garde YouTubers specializing in unconventional sound effects, resulting in a physically taxing experience for the reporter. The episode rounds out with a traffic update from a perplexed Richter Hammock and a preview of local events, including the upcoming Woodcock Invitational, capturing the quintessential, surreal absurdity of life in Innsberg.

Homecoming Goose || Qwerpline S03E09

Mar 25, 202423 minSummary

In this episode of Qwerpline, hosts Graham and Alex navigate the chaotic landscape of Innsberg. The broadcast kicks off with news of the annual Big Pig Off, which is already sparking intense competition, followed by updates on a massive, budget-related protest at City Hall that has left the building engulfed by citizens. The show takes a bizarre turn during a health segment with Mama Medicine, who discusses the mysterious, unexplainable suction holes appearing in residents' walls. Listeners call in to share how they are using these magical voids for everything from storing radioactive gases to disposing of sins and loose Lego pieces, much to the hosts' alarm. The episode continues with a surreal look at homecoming season. Traffic reporter Richter Hammick-Slam introduces his ambitious, if questionable, airborne party silo for prom transportation, while intern Derek reports live from Innsberg High. Derek finds himself caught in a bizarre rescue mission to save the school’s goose mascot from one of the pneumatic suction holes, leading to an impromptu coronation. The program concludes with a tease for the upcoming running of the roundworms and local dining specials.

Not Inherently Evil || Qwerpline S03E08

Mar 18, 202420 minSummary

In this episode of Qwerpline, hosts Graham and Alex navigate the eccentric news and community updates of the peculiar town of Innsberg. The broadcast kicks off with the bizarre introduction of local raccoon-themed chocolates that hide actual animal skeletons inside, followed by updates on the town's contentious hedge-related bylaws. The hosts pivot to an interview with Mephistopheles Klimpt, the owner of Terra Nova Customs. Despite his ominous name, Klimpt demonstrates his unique talent for transforming mundane vehicles and industrial machinery into elaborate, albeit questionable, recreational vehicles. The conversation highlights the absurdity of town life, ranging from complex construction codes to the peculiar habits of local residents. Later, the team checks in with summer intern Derek, who is reporting from a mystery mansion turned escape room. His attempts to use specialized equipment to detect phantasms—which his colleagues firmly debunk as simple moisture sensors—provide a comedic look at his overzealous approach to local investigations. The episode balances these absurd segments with equally strange updates on the town’s traffic reports, meat auctions, and upcoming seasonal agricultural sales, capturing the distinctively chaotic and dryly humorous spirit of Innsberg.

Hit the Donkey || Qwerpline S03E07

Mar 11, 202419 minSummary

In this episode of Qwerpline, hosts Graham and Alex navigate the eccentric news and local happenings of Innsberg. The broadcast kicks off with updates on a contentious town hall meeting, where citizens are protesting proposed changes to hedge and fence bylaws, followed by a report from sports reporter Edith Slump regarding the surprisingly intense dynamics of elementary school sports days. The episode takes an unusual turn when traffic reporter Richter Hammock Slam eschews road updates entirely, instead drawing the hosts into a complex and bizarre alternate reality game involving satellite frequencies and historical literary ciphers. The chaos continues with an on-location segment featuring intern Derek, who attempts to play a round of macro golf at a new course built on Farmer Bumper’s expansive property. The sport, characterized by massive, corn-based obstacles and an intimidating final hole known as the Donkey, culminates in a destructive mishap involving a high-speed golf ball and the station’s studio window. The hosts conclude by previewing upcoming local events, including a museum exhibition on historical memes and the grand opening of a controversial industrial talc barn.

Welcome to the Team || Qwerpline S03E06

Mar 4, 202418 minSummary

In this episode of Qwerpline, the hosts navigate another chaotic day in the town of Innsberg, beginning with a bizarre update on the local homeopathic raccoon control campaign, which involves reintroducing raccoon dander into the water supply. The episode also highlights the town's struggle with the aftermath of a legally binding mayoral race and the ongoing effort to collect middle school athletic jerseys. The primary focus shifts to summer intern Derek, who reports live from the maiden voyage of Mayor Thurston’s new municipal funicular. The project is quickly revealed to be a poorly planned boondoggle that serves no practical purpose other than traveling between the mayor’s home and town hall. Meanwhile, the studio welcomes a new health correspondent, Mama Medicine, whose unconventional advice and crystal-based remedies leave the hosts baffled. Amidst the madness, the show also dives into a social deduction game orchestrated by the traffic reporter, leading to confusion among the team regarding their assigned roles. The episode concludes with updates on the local heirloom vegetable society’s risky seed vault and the strange new reality of the Innsberg mobile homeschool system.

Free Tubes || Qwerpline S03E05

Feb 26, 202420 minSummary

In this episode of Qwerpline, hosts Graham and Alex navigate another chaotic broadcast from the town of Innsberg. The show begins with a discussion regarding local donuts and the quirky, often absurd happenings around town, including the Innsberg Nudist Apiary Club’s honey sale and a questionable seminar series from the local Glass Blowing Society. The episode features an interview with a member of the Innsberg Secret Pipesman, who wears a paper bag to maintain his anonymity. The conversation is interrupted by intern Derek, who highlights the town's latest questionable infrastructure project: a series of pneumatic tubes installed throughout private homes and businesses without warning. Officer Steve explains that the system is designed to transport items across the city, though the hosts remain skeptical of the project’s legality and the mysterious influence of the mayor. Later, the program transitions to a disoriented traffic report from Richter Hammock-Slam and a sit-down with furniture designer Scott Jackson. The interview, hosted by Edith Slump, quickly devolves into an awkward conversation about fly fishing in the chemically compromised Shawnee River before the hosts close out with details on the upcoming Cornu Coppola Film Festival.