After Action Report #33

After Action Report #36

Jul 3, 202617 minSummary

In this episode of After Action Report, Dan Savage speaks with a guest named Jay, who shares his experience of visiting a Canadian bathhouse for the first time with his husband. The conversation explores the dynamics of their monogamish relationship, which has evolved over fifteen years to include shared sexual adventures. Jay discusses the nerves and misconceptions he and his partner faced before entering the environment, highlighting how the pressure of expecting a specific outcome can be counterproductive. A significant portion of the discussion focuses on the importance of consent and respectful behavior within public sex spaces. Jay describes a positive group encounter that reinforced his appreciation for the clear boundaries maintained by everyone involved. The episode highlights the value of stepping outside of one’s comfort zone as a tool to keep a long-term relationship exciting and communicative. Jay concludes with practical advice for others who are curious about trying new experiences, emphasizing the necessity of research, maintaining the freedom to leave at any time, and refusing to let fear dictate one’s life.

Savage Love Episode 1025

Jun 30, 202656 minSummary

In this episode of the Savage Lovecast, the host explores the intersection of politics and sexuality, focusing on the hypocrisy often found in anti-LGBTQ+ political figures. The discussion centers on a recent case of a conservative congressman whose private living arrangements and online behavior suggest a hidden double life, contrasting his legislative antagonism toward gay rights with his personal choices. The host underscores the importance of electing openly LGBTQ+ representatives who possess a proven record of advocacy, such as Scott Wiener, rather than individuals who perpetuate internalised shame and performative closeted behavior. The episode also features practical advice for listeners navigating relationship challenges. One caller receives guidance on overcoming insecurity, with the host emphasizing that rejecting a partner’s genuine affection is a form of sabotage. Later, a listener concerned about a neighbor who repeatedly floods their apartment while wearing lingerie is advised that this is not a kink, but rather a manipulative violation of consent. Finally, the host is joined by a sexual health expert to critically examine the "A-Ball," a product marketed as an alternative to douching, highlighting significant logistical and hygienic concerns regarding its use.

After Action Report #35

Jun 26, 202622 minSummary

In this episode of After Action Report, the host speaks with Maxon, a long-term practitioner of male chastity who has been locked for over 850 consecutive days. Maxon discusses how the practice of chastity, rather than simply serving as a form of sexual denial, has helped them better understand their gender identity. This journey of self-discovery has led them toward a planned gender-affirming surgery, illustrating how kinks can sometimes act as a gateway to broader personal and bodily exploration. Beyond the discussion on chastity and identity, Maxon recounts their recent experience as a performer in Fisting Bingo at a San Francisco rubber event. Serving as a human bingo machine, Maxon describes the intersection of exhibitionism, kink, and playful performance art. The conversation covers the logistics and safety protocols required for such a unique event, highlighting the importance of clear communication and consent. Throughout the discussion, the host and guest explore the boundaries of sexual performance, the appeal of being a human object in a social setting, and how these experiences reflect the diverse ways individuals find fulfillment within the kinky community.

Savage Lovecast Episode 1024

Jun 23, 202657 minSummary

In this episode, the host reflects on the intersection of personal relationships and public conflict, using a recent experience at a baseball game to explore the nuances of pride celebrations and political optics. A discussion about team-sponsored Pride nights leads to a broader conversation regarding the performative nature of these gestures and their unintended consequences, which are often exploited by social conservatives. The host argues that while well-intentioned, these corporate initiatives sometimes create avoidable martyrs and distract from substantive political progress. The show also features listener calls that delve into the complexities of modern intimacy. One caller seeks advice after being abruptly ghosted by a romantic interest upon revealing their history as a sperm donor. Another caller, grieving the loss of their father, expresses confusion after discovering his secret tickling fetish. The host offers compassionate guidance, reassuring the caller that kinks are a normal, human aspect of life and that discovering such details does not diminish the parent-child bond. Finally, a caller navigating a specific fetish discusses the frustration of a restricted dating pool, prompting an insightful dialogue on self-acceptance, patience, and finding community.

After Action Report #34

Jun 19, 202613 minSummary

In this episode of After Action Report, the host speaks with Becca, a listener who experimented with a new sexual activity after specifically deciding to disregard the host's previous advice on the matter. Becca, a cisgender woman living in Europe, shares her experience using poppers to help overcome physical tension during sex, which had previously hindered her ability to reach orgasm. While the host had initially cautioned against using poppers due to concerns that their muscle-relaxing properties might interfere with the tension necessary for some women to reach climax, Becca reports a different outcome. She explains that for her, the relaxation provided by the drug helped her bypass "stuck" moments where physical tension had previously acted as a barrier. Throughout the discussion, they explore the nuance of different types of orgasms, the role of modern suction toys, and the psychological impact of sexual experimentation. Ultimately, Becca rates the experience as a positive experiment. The episode highlights the host’s philosophy that his advice is not binding and that listeners are encouraged to navigate their own sexual journeys in ways that work for their unique bodies and needs.

Savage Lovecast Episode 1023

Jun 16, 202651 minSummary

In this episode of the Savage Lovecast, the host explores the intersection of human connection, sexual exploration, and relationship dynamics. The conversation kicks off with a playful reflection on the human desire for intimacy, illustrated by the surprising existence of glory holes specifically designed for foot fetishists. This leads to a thoughtful discussion about GGG (good, giving, and game) behavior, suggesting that even with strangers, respectful and mutually beneficial sexual encounters are possible when boundaries—like the host’s strict no-genital rules—are clearly established. The episode also addresses listener questions, including a debate on multi-orgasmic experiences. The host cautions against viewing such physical responses as a superior "superpower," emphasizing that biological differences are natural and do not reflect one’s worth or intimacy levels. Furthermore, the host provides practical, no-nonsense advice on preparing for anal play, moving away from modern "over-achievement" culture toward more relaxed, communicative practices. Finally, the host delivers a candid critique of a failing relationship, encouraging a listener to stop waiting for change in a partner who has neglected their physical connection for years, urging them to prioritize their own needs and future happiness.

Savage Love Episode 1022

Jun 9, 202649 minSummary

In this episode of the Savage Lovecast, the host reflects on the historical patterns of anti-LGBTQ+ backlash, drawing parallels between the moral panics of the 1970s and 1980s and the current political climate surrounding marriage equality and trans rights. The discussion emphasizes that visibility, while a tool for progress, has consistently been weaponized by opponents to incite fear. The host argues that in times of intense societal backlash, internal movement debates regarding strategy and optics are not signs of division, but necessary components of survival and effective resistance. The show also features a listener consultation regarding a traumatic breakup where the caller’s partner shared intimate content without consent. The host addresses the complex emotions of regret and lingering attachment, providing perspective on the decision to return to an unfaithful partner. Additionally, the episode introduces Master R, a specialist in Shibari and power exchange. They discuss how couples can navigate the transition into dominant and submissive roles, offering practical advice for beginners on building confidence, ensuring safety through education, and maintaining clear communication within a scene.

After Action Report #32

Jun 5, 202616 minSummary

In this episode of After Action Report, the host speaks with James, a musician who shares his experience of transitioning from a casual threesome into a successful throuple. James explains that while he had participated in threesomes in the past, they often left him feeling like an outsider. This time, however, the dynamic was different because of a strong existing connection and mutual comfort between him, his fiancée, and their new partner. James describes the spontaneous nature of their meeting, which originated during a party at his home, and how the group quickly bonded. The discussion highlights the importance of emotional compatibility and the ability to simply "chill" together, which the host emphasizes is the foundation of any lasting relationship. James reflects on a twelve-hour encounter that solidified their bond, illustrating how the experience helped rejuvenate the excitement in his primary relationship. Ultimately, the conversation serves as a candid exploration of polyamory, the rarity of successful throuples, and the joy of finding people who align seamlessly with one’s life and personality.

Savage Love Episode 1021

Jun 2, 202652 minSummary

In this episode of the Savage Lovecast, the host explores the complexities of identity, honesty, and modern relationships. The discussion opens with the news of musician Caleb Shomo coming out as gay, sparking a reflection on the difficult, often painful, and prolonged journeys toward self-acceptance. The host argues that in contemporary society, remaining in the closet while in a relationship with a straight partner carries significant costs for both individuals, emphasizing the importance of authenticity. The show continues with a series of listener questions. One caller seeks advice on attending a family event involving her partner’s ex-wife and their daughter, leading to a discussion on navigating complicated family dynamics with grace. Another caller questions whether to pursue a tantric sexual connection with someone who is not seeking a long-term commitment; the host encourages seizing such experiences, noting that the pursuit of adventure does not preclude finding love. Finally, the host addresses concerns about age gaps in dating, specifically regarding a friend with a pattern of exclusively dating very young women, and provides guidance for a listener struggling to cope with the uncertainty of an unexplained breakup.

After Action Report #31

May 29, 202615 minSummary

In this episode of After Action Report, the host speaks with Filippo, a 42-year-old heteroflexible man from Switzerland, about his recent decision to act on a long-standing curiosity. Filippo, who has been in an open, polyamorous relationship for fifteen years, shares the story of his first experience engaging in sexual activity with another man. The discussion explores the nuance of sexual identity, with Filippo explaining that his attraction to men is often tied to the presence of his female partner, which provides a comfortable erotic context for him. The two discuss the societal stigma sometimes faced by men who explore same-sex encounters within a heterosexual framework and reject the idea that such desires necessarily equate to internalized homophobia. Filippo recounts the details of a threesome he arranged through a dating app, emphasizing the importance of clear communication, consent, and mutual respect among all parties involved. Ultimately, Filippo describes the experience as positive and validating. The conversation concludes with his advice to others: if one feels a persistent desire to explore their sexuality, they should act on it without fear, as the experience does not define or alter their core identity.