Velcro Singing and Gary's Jokes

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Last time on the Harry Hill Show Harry Hill Show Hello there. I'm Harry Hill and this is my show. It's the Harry Hill Show One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten You'll be right . One, two, three four seven eight nine . I'm sure there were twelve . Oh hi there. Listen, we got we got the've numbers through on the podcast. You got the analysis through on the kind of from all the podcuff platforms. And I just thought there's some quite interesting trends. So using computer animation , look at if you could just so yeah . So basically what happens is the show starts, the graph starts high . That's when the theme tune starts. Okay. Then the show starts and gradually it goes down , right ? And then the guest comes on and then it starts to go up a bit and then Licky the Harry Hillshow mascot comes on and he's very popular. That goes up . And then it starts to go down again . And then there's a slight rise on name the seed , which is kind of the house quiz . And then there's another slight rise at Gary's Joke corner. But as you can see the levels of enjoyment are low they end up way down below the level that the podcast start s at. So and we think that that is due to young people who are watching getting distracted. Thank you, Liki . Yet no, not yet , no Licky that's quite nice. Not yet Licky, no off, get off. Normally I pretend to be Oh geez normally he's not there over. Normally I pretend I pretend to be angry, but actually I'm just genuinely annoyed now. Do you need any help? You're not officially there yet, Lu . It's kind of a conceived. Well, I did get licked . I can't acknowledge you, I'm afraid yet . So basically we think it's young people getting distracted, right? So what we're going to start doing is occasionally and you might notice this I'm going to go kittens , puppies sex and hopefully that'll bring them back to us . Okay . And in this way, we hope that our data improves The guest is here, Daddy. Was that Gary? They said the guest is here. Oh, in that case we'd better welcome our guest. Louis Threw . It's Louis Threw . Oh no, here we go. Lickie . No get back off. You've lost the right to Lick now . He's lost the right. Did he lick me too early? Is that what happened? Yeah. Yeah . No, I mean, it was a mistake to get him on so early, really because he was tempted. You could tell he was tempted . So Louis looked welcome. And congratulations on your manusphere. Thank you. Documentary . Yeah. Yeah. I'm an Incel, aren't I, Daddy? No , no, you're not. I mean insell. I'm an Incel. I don't like women. Wear my clean pants? What's for dinner, mum ? What how did you feel about that the manosphere thing? Because I was wearing what it was like being back just then. I mean, I was slightly getting flashbacks to taping because what's his name? What's the name of the why are you asking me? Sorry, what's your name? It's Gary . It's Gary. Gary's my son from my first marriage. She's gonna take over the business when I return. But it's in session. Are you laughing? Well, I'm laughing in order not to cry because . Is that noise Darry. Why not? It'll limit my appeal. Sorry Daddy . He's too young to be an incel, isn't he? He's only twelve. Well, one of the takeaways from the Manispir was they are young. A lot of the people who consume the content are younger than you think. Probably Gary, you might have heard of some of the people. Did you see the program? You love ticky tok es ticky talking. I watch you all the time. I like to know how I like HS Ticky Tucky's mum, misses HS Tiki Tucky Senior ? Right . She seemed to me to be the Who's talking now ? She seemed to be the star of the of the Yes, HS Tiki Tocky's mum, Mrs Tiki Tocky Sr. Yeah . Because one of my favorite bits is probably yours as well. And you must have been really punching the air when it happened is when they had that bit where she spills something on the floor and she goes, What are you doing? Pick that up, don't show me up. You can make me look like a rain. Don't you embarrass me? Don't you embarrass me? I won't alright mummy. Don't want to go to juice bar, mummy I didn't want to catch you Judicium Mammy. I know. They sort of had a what's your name again? Garry Scar. They had a sort of Gary Harry relationship, HS and his mum. Well, I thought your takeaway was that they're very young , but I thought the takeaway that we were supposed to take away or have it delivered indeed was that it was like they didn't have very close relationships with their dads. And we've got a very close relationship . Right. Is that not the takeaway? Maybe or but dysfunctional. It could be just that a chaotic home life is sort of the common theme. She seemed like a good mum to me. Yeah . But it's not easy being a single parent. No Who's Gary's mum? Was she have you not done the world building? It's broad brush straight. You haven't gone that deep in it. Did you not write a Bible? She's in a secure institution . Quite dark . Yeah , yeah. So he's only able to touch her through glass . Quite hard to do. Yeah . Yeah, it's not satisfying in any way . Well, that'll do it. That explains the radicalization . Well what but I was there were two things I thought about that was that I was worried about you for a lot of it in that manosphere thing. Yes because you were sort of they all're so nasty I'm used to that. I mean that's my that's my happy place really to go into a prison or a high crime area. Yeah have you seen any of my programmes? Have seen all of them . But usually what they do is the bad people pretend to be good . You know, they have some sort of justification but that bunch it seemed to me they were just being yeah , so what? There's something in that. Yeah, a lot of his performed malice or performed idiocy . This well, this too maybe not for me to say But so behind but so it's about figuring out how much is real and how much is it's just for the clicks as they say. Yeah, and that's the other uncomfortable thing I thought the way they were using you for their clicks and that seemed like that seemed like a new development because normally when you're doing your when you've done them before they didn't know necessarily who you were . Yeah, it seems to be changed. So it's more difficult for you . Well, in addition, they had the ability due to the disrupted media landscape, they could film me and use me as content . Yeah . They could actually turn the tables , which I think made it more interesting but also more high risk. It was certainly interesting. And actually I thought Mrs. Ticky Tocky Sr did have a good point. I know what you're going to say. Yeah. And I thought it was good of you to keep that in where she goes, What are you doing? Then you're filming us for money. You just point your cameras at outrageous content. You're just making money out of it just like anyone just like they are. Yeah. You're just a ticketki Tocky . Harry, ticky tockey . Yours was good too. Yeah . Can't they both be good? Can I can I say I'm a bit fan? Harry was I'm never quite sure when to say this. Can I say I'm a big fan? You can. And that 's very flattered. It's a pleasure to be here. I had a VHS tape. I don't know, it was Harry Hill Live. You sir. What's your pin number? Was one of them? Do you remember that? No. We're drawn a biscuit I used to say out of luck doesn't get it doesn't get a what was it? Doesn't get a jam? Doesn't get a no doesn't get a gravy. It's a gravy doesn't get a chop. It gets chop yeah. Is that' rights? This means nothing to these people . You see you did different fruits. You could get the jam, doesn't get a gets a sauce. Get the sauce, right ? What about very bad man. Very, very bad man. Broadly speaking, you're doing the same voices as Churchill ticket. Don't want to go juice bar mummy. Churchill , good man. Very good man. I love doing people's jokes in front of them because I do them so much better . But if you're in a balloon and it's going down who you're gonna push out, it's going to be Churchill, isn't it? Because he's so fat. Yeah, I didn't say he he because's so fat. He's the big one because he's the big we couldn't say fat that's no that's not nice. But you could say fat back . If the geese attack, karate chop in the neck. Good. I'm very impressed. Best way to transport an owl ? No, roll him in cardboard, leave two holes for the ice so he can enjoy the vista . I don't know how I got I look at some of that stuff and I don't know how I got away with it, honestly. You did lettermen in the nineties ? Yeah. Going the wrong way. I'm not supposed to be invited. I did do David Lismond. Did you ever meet David Lismon? No, strange. I was invited to was he strange ? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it came out that he was strange, but I thought it was a bit strange. Yeah. They clear the corridors when he 'd all be in the dressing rooms and they'd come around and say Dave's coming through . They don't say like that, Dave's coming through. Stay in your dressing room because he didn't like to see anyone before the show . And the first time I was bumped, I came out of the dressing room and the lift opened and he was in there which I thought was awkward . Awkward . And he said, That's what you do, isn't it? You repeat things after someone said something. Those gaps you leave . Those gaps you leave. You know, when you says something like HJ Sticky Tucky say Oh yeah, don't like 'em, you know, where's my dinner ? And you'll go , you just leave that gap, right? I mean, this is the thing you do. You know this. You leave that gap. Is that because you don't know what to say ? Is that or are you thinking or are you doing this? There's different kinds of silence . You know this? No, I don't. There's a pregnant pause . There's someone says something resonant . You say you say Gary's mum's in a secure institution because actually she tried to harm Gary . And then you just be, well, that's quiet. Yeah, let that sink here. I'd probably pause around that . Or it could be I forgot what I'm saying . And sometimes it's just a natural breath just like comfort Yeah it's usually a resonant thing Yeah but it's very effective What about this one ? Did you read five million pounds they paid for Churchill's papers? First thing they do when someone dies, you cancel the papers, don't you? Stew my old act My old act. You can be a Harry Hill tribute act. Actually, I was that did you write that gag? Of course. Because I did that for Paul Daniels. What do you mean? I like Harry Hill to Paul Daniels. The magician, yeah . And he says, Oh, that's such an old joke. It's not. He said that. He did say that Ames. Well, he cut his own finger off to get attention . What ? Y ate this, doesn't it? You like this, doesn't it? You're doing a pressure of poor Daniels, there you go. I saw on Instagram talking of doing a tribute to me that you were worried about losing your hair. Yes You wanted I was going to leave a gap there You can 't resist do it. Yeah . Leave this gat . Hold it, hold it, hold it That was a good one. So I got alopecia is what happened. And you know why you got it? You said that like, are you going into doctor mode? It's because I poisoned the water where you live. No , why ? Was there a shock or something, you know? It was a say shock I did sometimes, you know ? I don't know why I don't know why. They say they say you've lived a very stressful you're putting yourself in a lot of stress around it was about two years into COVID era, you know, lockdown, two years of lockdown . So I'd like to be able to say, oh it was the stress. You know, it was such a difficult time. I don't think it was the stress No I didn't feel that stressed. It's growing back. I don't know what it was. Now it's growing back. Because I thought a lot of people worry about what they had looked like bald. I'm worried about it. You've got a good head. You can carry it off. We've never seen the other Harry Hill. Well, yeah, some of those early the very earliest. Really? Appearances. Not the ones I saw . Would you like to know what you do it like Bald? Yes. Oh geez. This is where we go. It was Freddie Starr used to do Maxwell, didn't he? Yeah. I'd like a bit of a jagger. Hair around here. He'd do like a Freddy Star and it's a brilliant clip. He does McJagger and it's sort of like a cross street McJagger and yeah. Priceless . Is that I should have done more of a reveal . That's good . See, it's okay. Not getting as big a laugh as maybe we all hoped it would . It's okay, you know ? It's okay. Is it funny 'cause it's not funny? I think maybe Tuckley Tuck there. Or just not funny at all. Take the glass, put the glasses glasses on the side . I don't think it's too bad. If the geese attack karate chop to the neck . Karate chop to the neck if the geys attacked. Best way to transport her now. Bolling and car will cut your horse here so we can enjoy the vista. How do you feel about ? Can I take it off now? Yes you can . That's all right, isn't it? We got someone else coming in tomorrow, sir . What how do you feel? I'm sure you got a strong opinion about AI I don't know if I've got a strong opinion, I'm very interested in it. Yeah me too . Do you want to meet our AI bot, Sarah? Yes, I do. Come on out, Sarah . Wow , Sarah . The AI bott om used to work for the Fujitsu company that invented Horizon the computer accounting system. Now Sarah, say hello to Louis Thru . Hey Louis Thure , what are you doing here? You walk into the wrong studio by accident , but seriously, big fan mate, y'all really liked your stuff with HS Ticky Tocky. Ya and his mum, misses HS Ticky Tocky Sr. Do you like her So Sarah, you going to say something about Sarah said the exact same thing you said at the beginning of the interview. Pretty much, yeah . We're all big fans of H HT sorrow. Sarah, do you want to tell us a little bit about Louis Theroux? Here goes . Louis Sebastian Theroux is a British journalist, broadcaster and author. Early life. Louis Sebastian Theroux was born in Singapore. He is the son of English mother and American father Paul Theroux, an noted travel writer and novelist. Louis Theroux holds dual British and American citizenship. That's handy is a nephew of novelist Alexander Theroux and writer Peter Thor . His older brother, Marcel, is a writer and television presenter. You got me there Never heard of Marcel. So Louis Theroux moved with his family to England when he was a little baby. He was raised in the Catford District of South London. Went to Westminster School, a public school within the precincts of Westminster Abbey. There, he befriended comedians Adam Buxton. Joe Cornish and Nick Clegg Darty also performed in Bugsy Malone . Not quite some few little inaccuracies there. Nick Clegg wasn't a comedian . But he was a friend of yours. Yes. But he said comedians and then it listed three names, didn't it? But you and the Nick Clegg was the last one . And then the other what, go on Go on . Oh, the other one was, yes, I was in I lived in Catford from the ages of two to four or five and thereafter I was in Wandsworth. Well that's excuse me. Long enough . That's sort of long enough. Is there that noise that came from I'm not sure . That's long enough to live in Catford for there to be like a sort of song about it . Because you know what? I love Catford Let me take you to Cutford . Let me take you to Catford Cutford is a town in London Southeast if you go to C afet, it's a visual feast . The giant Cafet eran's bold and proud. The Broadway theater attracts a crowd . The river ravens born winds gently through and the catford centers there with a shopp or two . Buses roar and the high street sings with all the life that the catford brings Catford . Let me take you to Catford Catford . Wow . Yeah, catford . Kittens , puppies, old ladies dancing. That was amazing. You only lived there for two years then . Do you wanna do a retake Sarah, have you got anything you'd like to add about Luther? After doing modern history at Maudlin College, Oxford, smart graduating with first class honors. Sarooz worked as a journalist in the United States with Metro Silicon Valley. He was hired as a writer for the satirical magazine spy. He also worked on Michael Moore's TV Nation series , providing bits like selling Aven to women in the Amazon rainforest, the Jerusalem syndrome, and attempts by the Puklux Klan to rebrand itself. Louis Thor developed Louis Thor's weird weekends for BBC. Louis Thor followed marginal subcultures such as survivalists, black nationalists, white supremacists, and pornstars. His documentary method subtly exposes the contradictions orcical phar elements of his subject seriously held beliefs . Me Say he has written for hip hop connection . Mostly true. Yeah. The forks look like Fawkes. I don't know if they are Protomage Fawkes . Well , so this Michael Moore. I mean, I guess was he like the first one to do that sort of thing ? Who are the influenc?ers Michael Moo re was a big influencer. He'd made Roger and me and he was a satirist. Still is. I was the big one for him, bowling for college. Later on he made but when I when I started working for him, ninety four Basically the big one was Roger and me but later on he made bowling for Columbine Fahrenheit nine hundred eleven and others. So he was an influence growing up Alan Wicker, of course. Yeah , you're old enough to remember did you ever meet Alan Wicker? You know, it's weird. I never met him , but a girlfriend at the time , her aunt was his partner, his life partner at the time. My girlfriend in the nineties Aunt. So this weird family connection. And so I remember after the first episode it is like that wasn't why you were going out with No I could get closer to the master to Il Maestro playing the long game, an invitation to the channel aisles to meet Uncle Allen . No No . He was a tax exile, did you know that in the chapter Allen? Did you and Wicker? In what was the circumstances? This wonderful circumstances it was a Buckingham Palace . Oh Louis Threw, yes . It was a event called Icons . Icons event, okay? So it had all the British no not just British. It had all the icons, right? Definitely not just British. Not just British icons. So Adam Wicker was there. Dr. Fox was there . So it really was. Neil Fox . Buzz Aldrin. You know, so it was a quite cast quite wide net . Quite a wide net. Prince Edward , of course, I think he just happened to be there. Yeah. I've yes and me. And Andrew? Not Andrew, no . There is no photograph of me. There was a noise. There's no photograph of me with my arm round Andrew Mountbatten Windsor, Mountbatten, Windsor. He there is a photograph of me with Alan Wicker . Hello, Harry and David Frost. You used to talk there's the plastic on the beaches and I'm here in Haiti and I've gone into David Frostball Papa Jock. Scores up in the doors. Nothing for me, not in this game. I was scoreball . We went to Bruce Forsyth, ladies and gentlemen, but there was a dinner for the icons , right? Which I wasn't invited. Some of the icons were invited . So Alan Wicker went to the dinner . I didn't, neither did doctor Fox . Right . So there were levels, I'm saying this level's an icon . Buzz Aldrin, though. Bang I just for a second. When my first episode of Weird Weekends went out and uncle All an saw it in the Channel Aisles. The message was relayed through the family grapevine . Three words he's got it. He's got it . That's lovely. That's something, isn't it? Yeah It felt like a passing of the bat on. We got one final bit from Sarah, and then we must move on, Louis. Please. Louis Thore Dunwin Louis met, where Louis Theroux accompanied a different British celebrity in each program in their daily lives. Louis Theroux also done my scientology movie which was similar sort of thing, only longer. Louis Theroux's new one is Louis Therourou inside the Manosphere on Nutfix , the documentary explored the manosphere, an online ecosystem of content creators advocating for hypermasculinity , red fill philosophy and often controversial views on gender ro.ll Lsouis Therau does the Louis Theroux podcast as part of an exclusive deal with Spotify. You'd like dumb dumbs here who has to pay for the whole thing hisself. That's it you're up to date with Louis Theroux. Is it you? Louis Theroux Is it you? Louis alone Is it you? Sitting there in that manure armor plated chair, oh yeah, Louis Theroux could it be You're gonna bring my baby to me she'll be wild, you know, a rock and roll child . Oh yeah, Twix drop . And then she presents the Twix . How does she do that ? It's never happened before . Oh, it's stuck. It's stuck. The trees were stuck . Thank you so much, Sarah. Yeah. Road accidents. misses H sticky Tucky Sr . You get that Mark Bowlin thing a lot . Louis Thor gy? Yeah, Your Honor. You have to clear that with the Bowlin Estate. It's the Wild West. We're on YouTube Come and get us guys. Come and get us . Lily the podcast is back who we got on sorry, did that sound a bit crowb ard? Louis . We all love the Louis Theroux podcast and of course it's back now, isn't it? Yes, it is. You have my friend Stuart Lee on. Stuart Lee was on. That was a good episode. Yeah, he's great. What a great guest. He never did a podcast, I think until he did mine and now he's on every single podcast going. I'd love to have you on my podcast, Harry. Don't do self disclosure, Louis. This is all you see, it's all surfaced. That's fine. You can be in character. Okay. Bring Gary. I'd love to bring Gary . Who have you got on the new series? We've got I can't announce all of them. No , just announce we've got Mel C from the Spice Guild. Okay , Marco Pierre White . Yeah, legendary chef, the youngest man in history to win three Michelin stars and some other people okay ? Well good luck with it Hey Sher Here's a story of a man named Louis who was busy having awkward conversations . He met some very famous people and some scary ones too . In his investigations he had a father named Marita Pul , who is a very famous travel journalist there was also a brother Marcel who is a TV presenter and his uncle Alexander Ferruv a novelist . He has an uncle Peter Frew who is also a writer and he knew that it was much more than a hunch . That is good word for my famous band . That's the way that came the thrill bunch The thrill bunch , the Thru Bunch That's the way that they became the Thru Bun Regency Television Princely Television in an unc aring world Kittens, puppies, old ladies dancing . It's time for our theme of the week . Where is Daredevil ? Oh my don't miss the return of Marvel Television's Daredevil Born again. So what's next ? I believe liber . We're gonna take this city back medicine in an all new season now streaming only on Disney plus. They're hunting us. It's time we started hunting them. I can work with that. No , this should be tons of fun. Marvel Television's D aredevil Born again, now streaming me on Disney plus. Tomorrow morning is knocking. Stock your fridge now. How about a creamy mocha frappucina drink, or a sweet vanilla? Smooth caramel maybe, or white chocolate mocha, whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Find Starbucks frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your groceries. Aliens . And we're joined by Professor Chris Lintot, friend of the show, and of course professor of astronomy at Oxford University. Hello Harry . You know that Luther Roo here went to Oxford University? I did know that and looked for or went with people looking for aliens. Oxford there. No, no, that was in America in the southwest. But didn't find any Went to Area fifty one . Interesting. Well, that was trendy. Yeah. Was it before it was trendy? Yeah. Yeah So Chris, I'm going to ask you the question what is an alien ? Any life form that exists or evolved beyond the Earth. So we're talking about intelligent life or maybe just bacteria out in space. Right . So in science fiction, they're all about six foot tall with strange things on their heads because of the laws of budget , but we think they could be anything . So from whales swimming amongst the ammonia clouds on Jupiter to little green men on distant planets to bacteria under the surface of Mars . And I think they intrigue because we don't know whether they exist or not. We've never found any. Where are we on that? Well, we're looking. I talked to my student Brian just before coming on sat and real, is real? Yeah, yeah, we're looking for aliens, but we haven't found any, but I thought I'd check before coming on. But what I mean is and you're trying to be funny. Sorry . I don't think I don't know that what I mean is, you know, where are we as far, you know, we kind of do we have any idea where it might be, what it might be, you know, well is it a bacter?ia Well, there's different ways of looking. So I think normally people think about if you're listening for aliens, you're looking for life in the universe, you're listening for radio signals because yeah, that seems unlikely to me. Yeah, I think it works if the aliens are trying the radio is listen to the radio. Yeah. Well, why would they be? I don't know. Well, it's astronomers thinking about contacting other astronomers. If you want to send a signal across the galaxy, radio waves travel right across the galaxy and they're quite cheap to make. So it's a good way of talking long distance . And we've looked and we've got radiotescopes all over the world that look for signals that might be artificial , and we've never seen anything remotely convincing. There's one thing in the seventies detected by radi aesoc topeel in Ohio , there was this sudden pulse of radio waves and they called it the Wow signal because they'd never seen anything like it . But it never repeated and the guess is it's probably a satellite or some sort of interference. But we don't know because you need to see the thing more than one. Because that's the thing, even if it is a radio, you know, maybe you get like, you know, close encounters, you know, bomb bomb, bomb bomb, bomb. Right . Was it bomb, bomb? Whatever that thing was, you're not going to to be able how would you even start to decipher it? Well, yeah, and you'd have to hope if they're trying to be found, then maybe you'd transmit a series of numbers or morse code or primary but numbers are our. thing I think this is the problem with it. We're applying our own what we would do. Well, this is why physicists like imagining alien physicists, right? Because we know what we talk to them about. We talk to them about physics. And so you need numbers. And then you can when we've sent messages out, it's interesting about what we've trans mitted. So the we've sent deliberate signals to particular stars, which are often sort of elaborate patterns and codes that we think people might be able to decode. And sometimes we've sent nonsense and the middle. It's an elaborate ones simple exactly. Do we think there's a it seems highly likely that there is life on other planets somewhere in the universe? I think that's still a guess. So we've got to given how big the universe is. Well, the universe is enormous, but we don't know what the odds are. So if only one species won the lottery or one planet won the lottery, that would be us. So we're sitting here having won, but we don't know what the odds were. I mean, this is why looking for life in the solar system is really important because if we found that life had got started on Mars , even if it was really simple , that would tell us that it had got started twice two winners in the same solar system, and then you think life might be common. But we've never found life on Mars. Back before the space age, people thought Mars would have vegetation. Actually, this sounds like a joke, but Lembit Opic's grandfather, Ernst Opic was an astronomer. And he had this theory that the dark patches on Mars were vegetation because they would grow back after dust storm. So he thought he was seeing crops . They're just deserts , as it turns out . But we do think there's something under the surface of Mars that produ ces methane? Yes, because old, what's his face? Colin Pillinger. Pilling, brilliant. Build the Beagle two probe to go and write. Remember that? Brilliant man, Colin. Yeah. Fell over it, didn't it? Yeah, and it didn't open, did it? Correct. Yeah. We've seen it on the surface. There's this picture of just a pixel there. But we have sent probes to Mars and that's what he was, that's what he was trying to prove. What did he test for life under the surface with a spectrum, mass spectrum. That's right. Yeah. If we made contact with intelligent life somewhere else in the universe , would that be the biggest most important day in the history of civilization . It'd be a good day for my student Brian, I think. For starters, but I think it would be important, but I've had this argument. What type of that's true, yeah. But if it was unambiguous, let's say we got a message that was sending prime numbers or something or six stars flashing in unison in Morse code or something like that. We're going to check whether that's happening by the way with a new telescope. It will be Morse code. You're doing it again. Doing it again, isn't it? Would it be no? No, one that was serious Would it be carbon? Really? Would it be carbon based? We guess it's carbon based carbon based off that isn't carbon based. Everything here is carbon based. So that's because carbon does complex chemistry really well. All the other planets have the same elements. People talk about they have a different mix of the same elements . People who think about this stuff say that you need schnops , which is carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, phosphorus and sulfur. Those are the things that chemistry on Earth uses. All the physics would be the same. We think so it's the same across the universe. Chemistry is the same. biolog y. So to think it might look somewhat human like or well I think is not out of the realms of if I may interject one concept surely if evolution is correct then whatever it is is gonna look a bit like us. So this is Oz. Yeah. Yeah, this is it so Simon Conway. Yeah, yeah, that's where it's what you were saying. Yeah, so there's a guy called Simon Conway Morris The Thor Hill Theory is favored in many this idea yeah, so if you had an Earth like planet, maybe you think this is a pretty good solution. And you could look at evolution on Earth. So the eye, our sorts of eye has evolved many times. So probably on Earth, but because it keeps happening, probably aliens would have eyes like ours. Exactly. That's what I'd like to see . They might have four eyes. Three, they're going to use like to see. Please. Because this seems like it would be possible to model conditions somewhat similar to Earth , but on a planet that was either much smaller or much bigger. And we found those planets see like because if you were on a big planet there'd be more gravity, you'd need much bigger legs . Yeah, presumably squatter, right? But no one this is going to start to imagine. But then you can go, you know, we think Saturn's moon in Celadus, which is this small world has an ocean, has a water ocean. So you start to say, okay, what creatures could evolve in that ocean? And then you get stuck on Earth. You go, oh well there might be a whale or perhaps a jellyfish or an icthios oraur something. But it's very hard to imagine a truly alien creature. The only way to test that really is to go there and look. We have this problem with chemistry as well, Pillinger and others who want to go to Mars and look for life. They're looking for the chemistry that happens here or you might look for DNA or something like that. But who could say that an alien biosphere would be completely different? Exactly right. It's not going to be enough, I don't think if they say, yeah, look we found methane on mars that's not from the page of the sun. Well we've seen this because my friend Jane Greves from Cardiff she discovered phosphine in the atmosphere of Venus and phosphine is a chemical that on earth is only made by life. It's mostly made by penguins . It's in their poo They didn't No, there's not a factory. They're not running a factory down there. That would be weird . But you can look for penguins from space by looking for phosphine. People genuinely do this. So Jane, for reasons of her own, used a telescope in Hawaii to look for phosphine in the atmosphere of Venus and found it. Right. And then we don't think there's penguins on Venus. No, although that is how Jane described the project for a while. But they came out and said, look, we found this chemical. We don't know what caused it, but where we are now is we don't understand Venus well enough. There's presumably some volcano or some chemistry that produces this thing. So we're very stuck and there's this argument between people who want to look for chemistry associated with life. We can look at distant planets and say is there oxygen? Is there phosphine there? And then people who want to look for technosignatures like the Detritus of civilization, do we look for rubble from asteroid mining? Do you look for solar panels in orbit around a star that might block out the light from the star? We're starting to do those sorts of experiments as well, mostly because they're fun. And it's interesting to try and look for these things even if we don't find things. Yeah. Just quick . What about reports of contact ? Because that's a very fashionable area, isn't it? And the idea of disclosure by the US government report s that oh something funny was moving in the sky . Well the people I work with in astronomy were very good at looking for things changing or moving in the sky and in the solar system 're. trying We to cat desperately trying to catalog asteroids that might hit Earth, for example, and we don't see any evidence of spaceships in the solar system. There was an interstellar object that came from beyond the Solar System called Umu Mua and there's one astronomer who thinks it was an alien spacecraft, but it wasn't. And we can check whether it's predicted in our models. So I think if there were spacecraft moving through the solar system, we'd see them, and we're very bad at keeping a secret because we have to tell other astronomers so that they can point telescopes at themselves. So why would you keep it a secret? This is the thing. Yeah. Why would you keep it a secret? Well you straight on the phone, wouldn't you? I think so. But the people you talk to really believe I met a man who claimed he'd killed ten aliens in self defense or no, he said he said that they were evil and he'd have to chop them up. He said, these are no creatures to be respected, respected, they make grown men cringe and soil themselves. Right. And his name was Thor Templar, who was Lord Commander of the Earth Protectorate . Yeah And what did he do with the pieces? He said, I think he didn't really tell me, actually . I think I' hisve met secular equivalent. I met NASA's Planetary Protection Officer, which is a great job title, it's a brilliant business current. But their job was to review everything that NASA was doing to make sure that they didn't bring alien life back to Earth . So when you go and get samples from the Moon, for example, in fact, the astronauts were quarantined just in case there was moon flu or something like that. And it works the other way as well. When we land on Mars, we try and avoid places where we think there might be life existing today because we don't want to contaminate it with bacteria from the earth . We've now found bacteria can survive for some time or particularly types of life. That way you're never going to find if it you're avoiding the places where it is a problem. Yeah . Yep. That's a good point. I've got an I have a theory, possible theory for you that would it be possible that one of the animals that we've got on the earth was an alien. People have talked about a sort of it's often called a shadow biota. So there's another shadow biota. That's right . So I'm not a biologist. Dolphins, they say. Tolfins. That's what they say, isn't it? Is it? I'm not a dolphin expert, which is not a sentence I've needed in my life before now . But I think biology shows common evolution, right? We can look at the DNA and see that it's shared across species if you found a species that had very different DNA or particularly used a different set of bases set of chemicals in their DNA then I, think you'd have evidence that something could come from beyond. We know that material gets moved between planets, bits of Marsland here, and there's this idea of panspermia, it's called, which is about lining through the cosmos. It's an old idea of life spreading through the cosmos from planet to planet, but I think it's pretty unlikely. Where's the best place to find out about all this stuff for anyone who wants to deve deelper . Apart from obviously watching Louis's was it a weird weekend? It was yeah UFO's on iPlayer . I think there's some brilliant stuff online from my colleague Dr. Becky who's on YouTube has some great videos on this and then I'd go to planethunters. org where you can help us look for planets and then we'll follow up and tell you if there are aliens on them. Brilliant. Wow. Well, Chris, thanks so much for telling us all about aliens. Amazing. It's the powerhill show . It's time to play What is the Velcro singing? What is the Velcro singing? What is the Vulcar singing ? What is the Vulcar singing ? Watch is the Velcro singing ? What the Velcro singing ? What is the Velcro singing So Louis, look, we've got large gauge Velcro. Yep, only available in show business and it's going to sing a song for us and it's your job to see if you can recognise what the song is. Okay, you ready for that? I think so. Okay, here we go then Hang on What are we thinking? Wow , that was um do you want to hear? Were you happy with how you did it ? You want to hear it again? Yes, please. . Hang on The first one is better. I'll give you that . This is that again? No, that's me just putting it Oh my goodness. Was it Ra Rasputin by Boni M? It's not Was I close? No No . Ready ? Money won't it folds and for sure. I should have got that, shouldn't I? That was was what the vocr singing? What is the vocal? What is the vocal? Rapping is the vocal singing. I try to avoid the rapping things when I use what everyone gets you to do what is the vocal? voc Theal singing ? Rapping. Voca singing . Gary's Joke Corner It's Dye for Gary's Joe Corner and as you know, I'm handing the business over to Gary in twenty thirty when I retire . And he's going to take over the business. Now so he needs jokes for his act. He's not a natural comedian, not a writer. Do you have a joke for Gary? You ever joke for me? Oh, they're so rude the jokes that I know . It doesn't know. Is that all right? I don't know how rude they are . Why you've got to stress light at you . Why did Michael Jackson run down to the department store? I don't know . Why did Michael Jackson run down to the heard he heard boy's pants were half off . Boy's pants are half off, Danny because you know he was really there so they still plays music on the radio . Now Gary, have you got a joke for us? Yes, Daddy, I've got a joke, of course I have My wife, my wife, my wife. Alarm bells ring. It's not going to be one of those sexist jokes, is it, Gary? Like we get on the man osphere? I hope not too. But I do love it Tiky Tucky's Mom, Mrs Tiki Tucky . She is good . Anyway, my wife went for a Brazilian butt lift. Really, Gary? Yes . And they injected her new body with filler, but it went wrong and solidified so she's a bit down about it. Rock bottom, I'll say she makes a noise every time she sits down That's the sound that tells us we've come to the end of our pod scarf. So all that remains is for us to thank our expert Professor Chris Lintot and of course our special guest Louis Thurous. Butterfly in blue jeans , hamster in a chiffon top poppy in a poncho fluffy duckling with a ball , butterfly in blue jeans . These are the things of our dreams of our dreams . These are the things . Good night everyone. Thanks for watching. See you next time . All dream s That's it . Puppies, beer, events , granddad dancing, grandma dancing, historically took his sinia dancing . This is to keep the kids watching That's all for me, Harry Hill. Enjoy the commercial bracket night. It's the Harry Hill