Final Thoughts and Closing

Hey, it's friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robins podcast Oh my gosh, I am so excited that you're here. I have been dying to get on this microphone and to catch up with you. I feel like we have not had the kind of episode where it's just been you and I talking for months. And look, I just got back from being on tour Holy cow, fifty six days Teen cities, twenty one sold out shows Almost one hundred thousand of you came who are fans of this podcast. and now back at home in Vermont. I've slept for like a week to try to recover from being on tour. I'm back above the garage. I'm back on this microphone. I am so excited to be back here with you. And I was thinking about, okay, what is the first thing that I want to talk to about I just really wanted to connect with you. I mean, here's the thing, Well, I've been on tour. I know you've been busy. You're busy living your life. I mean, can you believe that this year is almost halfway over time was like So here's what I thought we could do We could hit the pause button together. You know, almost like support each other and doing a little reset right now help each other take stock of all the things that happened this year The hard things that you got yourself through prorogress that you made The moments that you handled so much better than you used to the ways that you keep showing up even when no one else notices. And here's how we're going to do it As we kind of go on this little walk and catch up together, I'm just gonna Throw out two questions that force you to pause. Probably for the first time in months And questions that help you reflect All the things that you've experienced and done so far this year. And then we'll get to the second question. And the second question I love because the second question is grounded in research And it's also the kind of question that A good friend asks you when you're going for a walk after a couple months. And that question is What are you looking forward to? And there's fascinating research about why this question and having something to look forward to is so important in life And I promise you, by the time we're done with this conversation, you're going to feel so much better because we're going reconnect and we're going reset I love spending time with you and I love being together. and today that's what we're doing It's just you and me, two friends catching up, hitting the reset, and reconnecting over these two powerful questions Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome Welc to M Robinsodcast. I am so glad you're here honored to spend this time together. If you're new or somebody shared this episode with you, I just wan to start by personally welcoming you to the Mel Robins podcast family. And today It's just you and me. And I have been so looking forward to this conversation with you because it's been a long time since you and I just hung out without experts without somebody else, without a ton of things to do. And there's a lot that's happened in the last three months while I've been on tour that I've been wanting to share with you, funny stories, a bunch of insights. And so I want you to think about our conversation today as if you and I are two friends just going on a walk And we're catching up And I've asked you about your family and what's been going on for the last three months and you've filled me in. And now it's my turn I'm going to fill you in because the fact is I just got home from being on tour And I cannot believe how much work it was I know that sounds like it might not be surprising to you to hear that, but I think I was very naive about just how much work it was going to be to be on the road for three months. be in four different countries in front of almost a hundred thousand listeners of the Mel Robins podcast traveling with almost a crew of thirty people from place to place to place. I often thought as we were working These sixteen hour days. How the hell do musicians do this? I mean, honest to God, how do musicians Have this schedule for one hundred to two hundred days. I'm fifty seven years old. It nearly killed me It was also one of the single most incredible experiences of my entire life. And isn't it true that a lot of the things that you look back on in your life and you say, that was one of the highlights of my life It had a lot of work. and a lot of hard things about it And maybe you didn't even know I was on tour, Mbe you couldn't get a ticket. And so this is my way to just tell you what's been going on for the last three months. I also am going to ask you during our conversation today, two questions Now these are two questions that act like a reset When you ask yourself these two questions, they force you to stop And to take a step back from your current life and to really look at what's happened because let's face it, we're almost halfway through the year But can you believe How much time has gone by I bet You have not stopped for a second. And you want to know how I know you haven' stopped for a second? because I know you're the kind of person that's busy doing a lot of stuff. You're taking care of a lot of people, you're going to work, or you're going to school, you're trying toay bills, you're taking care of your dog, you're taking care of kids, you're taking care of your parents, you're taking care of the apartment that you live in, you're taking care of dishes, like so much going on that you might be in that mode where it's like the year is like a blur and you wake up and you're like, oh my God, how are we already here this year is flying by. And so I want you to really take a pause And I'm going to ask you these two questions, and I'm going to answer them as well because they act like a reset They allow you to take a step out of your life and to see already transpired this year That's the first question And then the second one as you look forward so that you and I make sure that we don't just put our heads down and race through the second half of this year And then look up and go, oh my God, the year' over already. I didn't get to this, this, this and this. And don't worry This is not a productivity conversation. There's nothing you need to do This is not going to be hard. We're going to have a lot of fun as I ask you these two questions. Okay? Youre you ready? I'm so excited for this. So The first question is a really important one And the question is this. If you look back to the beginning of this year What's something that you're really proud of that you either did or that you experienced or that happened this year I want you to take a step out of Your life for a minute and think back. what are you really proud of because I don't think you're giving yourself enough I think you're so busy doing things in your life that you're not taking time to stop and pat yourself on the back All the little things are doing well all of the little challenges you've overcome all of the weight that you're carrying And so that brings me to my answer to this question What are you proud of that you've either done or experienced so far this year The thing that I'm the most proud of isn't the tour itself I'm most proud of. is before I went on tour, I was so stressed about all the things that were going to go wrong, about whether or not I was going to be able to manage the amount of work it was going to be, whether or not I'd be able to do that and perform and run the company and and and and and and My therapist Anne Davin said to me She said, Mel before you get on that plane I need to tell you, you are in a very dangerous Moment becausecause if you get on that plane And you start this tour as stressed as you are right now, you are going to miss the entire thing You are going to be so in your head and so just intense to make sure everything is right and of course you can't guarantee that everything's going to go right that you're going to miss O of the greatest experiences of your life And it scared me And so I said, okay, what should I do And she said, you have to get so serious about how you're going to manage your sleep how you're going to manage your emotions how you're going to manage the food that you're eating, how you're going to manage taking care of yourself so that you can both move every other day to a new city, a new hotel, a new venue, a new this, all while managing all these people and get on a stage and perform in front of nine thousand people every night. And she was right And it scared the daylights out of me. And so I made a whole new schedule. I prioritize sleep I got serious about eating really good food. I walked every single morning, regardless of what city we were in or I lifted weights. I really like cut back, way, way back on the alcohol I had a laser focus on my emotions. I got toa tell you, the thing that I am so Proud about that happened is For the three months that this tour was happening I Maybe? Snapped and was kind of bitchy only twice And in both cases, I was exhausted and hungry. Do you Have any idea Revolutionary it is that I could take on one of the most stressful things in my life, both good stress And likeike a lot of hard work stress Be in a state where I was present And I was calm And non reactive And I was optimistic. Like I barely recognize myself. That's how different this was. And again, I know you're going to flood me with emails about, well, Mel, how did you do it I'm telling you before any reaction just say let them and release control. and then say, let me choose your response because there were things that went wrong every single day And instead of allowing it to freak me out. I just rode the wave That allowed me to have so much fun. I mean, half the stuff that I'm going to tell you about I can remember because I was calm I can remember because I manag my stress. I can remember because I actually took care of myself. And that's why I enjoyed this so much, even though it was the hardest and most grueling amount of work that I've ever done. in a three month period of my entire life. And I'm fifty seven. And that says a lot about how hard this was That's the thing I'm proud of. I wanted to share that with you to start off because It was a real revelation to me that you know, you can have something really challenging going on. and you can change how you show up to it. I have two very close friends who have parents bothoth been diagnosed with something extremely scary. One is late stage Alzheimer's. The other is a stage for cancer diagnosis and In life, there will be things that happen that are out of your control. I mean, that's what life does. It knocks you on your ass can't control that I'm proud of the fact that I learned through this experience how to control my response and my stress levels. regardless of what was going on around me And I'm very proud of that And I'm sharing it because if you're going through something stressful right now whether it's something scary like my two close friends, or maybe you're doing something that's exciting. You're starting a new job or you're planning a wedding, or you just got into graduate school, or you're moving, or you're in a a relationship. And it's really exciting, but there's that stressful excitement. you can really learn how to be serious about managing a response all the things going on outside of you And that's the thing that I'm really proud of And so now let me turn it back over to you. What are you proud of And I want you to really think back to the beginning of the year you may not even remember what you're proud of. In fact, Cameron, who is the producer that worked with the team and me on this episode She asked her brother this question. Hey, so, you know, what are you proud of that'sap in this series? like nothing She's like, what are you talking about? You got into a PhD program dude He had forgotten And it's so easy to do because You're so busy just getting through the day. You're busy going to work, you're busy going to school. So let's take a moment And I want you to really think about this. What are you proud of Are you proud that you're expecting your first baby Are you proud that you got into graduate school Are you proud that that breakup idn't kill you. In fact, now that you're about eleven to twelve weeks through it, you're feeling a little bit better a little stronger. You know it's the right thing proud of the way that you managed your money And I don't want you to wait for these giant things, you know, to pat yourself on the back What's fascinating about life to me is that we tend to obsess over all the things that went wrong or all the things that we didn't do, right? Like at the end of the day, you tend to think about, oh my God, I didn't get this, I didn't do that. And you don't celebrate all the little things you actually did do. I mean, you sent out a hundred emails. You answered the calls You fed yourself The dogs got walked You did get a load of laundry done didn't pick up your phone and waste two hours. You actually read a book everyvery single day there are little moments to be proud of. And I love this first question because hits the brakes on life. What are you proud of that you've done this year so far or that you've experienced or that you are trying to do What's something that you're proud of that you did today? Was it a hard conversation that you had Maybe you picked up a bunch of extra work because you're helping out a colleague who just lost a loved one Maybe you started therapy everyvery single day There's a little thing that you've done that you're proud of And it doesn't have to be some huge thing It all counts, all of it. They're all little wins. And this simple question, you can ask yourself this and we're doing it as a reset to think about what's already happened this year. What are you proud of? Because every time you name it, you are now patting yourself on the back and you're reminding yourself that yes, you have things that are worthy of celebrating. It starts with you. Let me go back to the thing that I shared with you. I'm so proud of myself for managing my stress and being present and being calm. and really being intentional about taking care of myself so that I could bec calm and present becausecause I had a blast I had an absolute blast. and everyvery step along the way There were funny things that happened and it made me realize It's hard to have fun when you're stressed out. It's hard to see the joy in something when you're constantly gripping the wheel of life I'm going to tell you a couple stories like we got on the plane to get to our first stop, which was New Zealand And one of my members of the team, Lynn, is incredibly scared of flying And she went into the bathroom. It's like a sixteen hour flight. We're flying over the ocean. And so she had this deep concern that we would not only die in a plane crash, but we would die in a plane crash and then she would somehow survive and be eaten by sharks. I mean, this is what your brain can do to you. So she comes out of the bathroom She is wearing They seemed like I don't even know what they're called, like Oesie with a hood where you pull the hood over. In fact, you if you're watching on YouTube, there's a photo of her next to me. You pull the hood over and it's all the shark teeth. She even had on shark slippers. She had glasses on that were the shark teeth. and we were like, Len, what are you doing And She just laughed and said, Well, if we're going to go down and sharks are going to be around, I want them to see me and like think I'm a shark and so they go after you It was that was the beginning of the trip. firstirst fight Second thing that happened that was really funny is traveling is stressful traveling internationally way more stressful And different rules apply. and I know we have a ton of people that listen in New Zealand and Australia. And I got permission to tell you the story because it features one of our incredibly talented videographers, editors, and directors who is also in the room right now recording this. Shout out to David Faxon So We are in New Zealand. And we have to take a flight from Auckland to Brisban Brisbane to Sydney, Sydney to Melbourne Now here's the thing We are packing for three weeks O tour And it turns out, I did not know this, that Australia and New Zealand are very strict about the wait limit for the luggage. Like if you're here in the United States and you think about luggage and you know weaight limits, you think, okay, if I'm going to have to pack for three weeks and bring all this equipment and also bring all these outfits to be able to be in different climates and to be on stage, you just pay extra Right? I mean, that's what you do. You bring an extra bag, you pay extra That's not what you do in Australia New Zealand, apparently They're so strict Number one, you cannot pay extra Number two, you can't just check extra bags to distribute the weight limit. It's literally person. So Faxon has his suitcase and this huge backpack not only with all of his camera gear and all of the clothes that he needs for multiple different climates He has also decided because we're traveling for three weeks that he needs to bring journals and some books. In case you know, when you're on tour You might just have time can read some books He's already laughing. Are you hearing this Faxson? I feel like we need to put him on a microphone because he's starting to chuckle. notot just any books You want to know what Three hardcover books Fs and packed in his luggage to New Zealand and Australia Three Harry Potter cover books Here he comes. David, this is like thirty pounds alone Heavy. It's very heavy. It's a lot of journals. Well, this is us a screenplay This is my journal to write my screenplay These Harry Potters. This iss another journal. This's two filmmaking books, Robert Rodriguez. M once upon time in Hollwood, lot of books. I thought I would have the free time too finish hit this Harry Potter, read this Harry Potter, write a screenplay Did't have the free time Did you crack open a single book on Dirk No, I had the thing is because we were not able to just pay the fine for the luggage, I had to put a lot of these in my actual backpack, put my Steady cam in my backpack. It was a complete disaster. Yeah Yeahah. so here's the thing you got to see. So I'm the leader of the tour because I'm the CEO of this company I am dragging everybody with me, so I'm both the mom and the CEO. and you know how parents get when you're traveling. And we roll up like a herd of turtles, everybody carrying all kinds of luggage, dragging it behind. Do you have your passports are? you have your passports? And I'm just practicing, be present, be present. You're not responsible for anybody. They can get on a different plane d, d, All of a sudden, we start hearing there's a weight requirement There's a weight requirement David's bags are heavy. I'm like, we' got equip. We can. And then David kind of looks at us sheepishly and he's like, well, it's not equipment. We're like, what's in your bag? He had to then unpack his bag. And now we see all of these books He's like, I got it, I got it. I'll figure it out. So we go, we go through security He's figuring it out We're waiting at the gate We look up The escalator coming down Faxon. is wearing his backpack and I don't know. you had maybe four jackets tied around your waist In the other arm, he has Harry Potter books Three of them The entire team is dying laughing and on top of it, he has a nightgown that he has bought at the airport. right? Y. Yeah that that Marcus told us about But I the nightgown in my luggage because of the weight limit, so I had to squeeze that into my backpack as well. And it was not a nightgown for David. It was a nightgown for his beautiful pregnant wife. They're expecting their second daughter And, you know What I love about this story is that in life You can't control what's happening, but you can always choose how you respond to it Thank you for letting me share that story, David. Everyone, David Faxson Fs in, you are the best. and you know, I'm telling you every single day. There were dozens of things that would have normally made my stress level go through the roof And that's why I'm so proud of the fact that I just through every twist and turn and logistical nightmare and things that went wrong, I was just like Be present let them focus on what's in your control mal. that's let me part And one of the biggest things that went wrong happened in Sydney, Australia. It happened live in front of nine. Thousand people I'm going to tell you that story next But first, I need to take a quick break so we can hear a word from our amazing sponsors. But when we come back, I have so many more hilarious stories with awesome takeaways. and then you and I have got to answer that second question of this amazing reset and reconnection too. So don't go anywhere, stay with me Welcome back at your friend, Mel Robins. and today you and I are hitting the reset button together. We're reconnecting and we're answering two questions that are going to really make you feel better about where you are and where you're going. Now before the break, I asked you the first question, which is what have you done this year that you're proud of And I was just starting to tell you the story of something that went crazy wrong in Sydney Now let me just set the table for you. This was the biggest show of the entire three month tour There were nine thousand people in the audience. nine thousand And the tour is about two hours long And it's not me doing a podcast interview. It's not me giving a speech. It's a show One of the big things in the tour. is I wanted this tour to end with a massive confetti explosion And the reason why I wanted this is because our family went to see Coldpllay. I love Cold Play. And there's a lot of moments during the Coldpllay concert where they are exploding confetti, and it's in shapes like stars and butterflies. And you see all these people on the floor of the arena they're playing in and they're getting showered in this confetti. And we had really good seats. They were kind of in that like rung of seats that are right at the edge of the field I almost dislocated my shoulder trying to reach for the confetti. I mean the confetti was like Right And it was such a bummer to see all these people showered in it and taking photos. and Goodn Wait, reach it. And so I said to the team when we were planning the tour I want to douche this theater. and Super Bowl I want the Back Rse to be able to feel the confetti I want this huge celebration and joy and just to honor the audience and to have it be experiential So we've got this show in Sydney Biggest show of the whole tour It is our sixth show in the stretch from New Zealand. through Austral We have our six confetti Cates. We have the biggest amount of people and they're in this arena that goes like straight up so we can get the confetti to the top And at the end of the show, I sign off the show saying the exact Same thing that I say to you at the end of every podcast that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life And then I pause and I say now go blank. confettis like Ecept for Sdney The biggest show of the entire tour You want to know what the confetti sounded like A small silent ft That's it. That's it That was it. It was one of the six canons The confetti didn't evenit the front room That's it There we go. Okay You want to know something incredible? That I'm really proud. I'm not proud of the confetti, but here's what I'mroud I'm proud of the fact that I didn't even get upset about it But I wasn't angry. I didn't snap at anybody I didn't yell at anybody because here's the thing Do you think The person running the confonetting cannons actually meant to do that on purpose? Of course not. Of course not. And wishing about things going differently robs me of the ability to celebrate how epic the show was and how amazing the audience was That's why I'm so proud of managing my stress because I didn't rob myself of all the good things that happened. over indexing and gripping all the things that didn't or that didn't go right And now we can have a laugh about it because it's the show where the confetti farted That's what it is And all nine thousand people still had an absolutely epic, incredible, electric, life changing experience Those are just three examples of some of the crazy things that happen. But here's the other thing that I found to be incredibly difficult to manage. and I just I really want to give another shout out to everybody who is a musician Your tour schedules where you are sleeping on buses And you were going from Performing Night after night after night after night and the load ins the same day. If you're not in the music industry or you've never ted, you have no idea How grueling of a schedule this is Here's a sample schedule You land in a city in the afternoon or you pull in in your bus You check into a hotel And then That's it. You kind of go over lines, you figure out what you're doing. The next morning, seven AM. you load in. you load in all the equipment. We have to build the full set. You have to build the huge screen, the lighting racks you got to test it all, you got to wire in all the technology. that takes until about I don't know, three PM. Then we roll over forward tech rehearsals because we gott to set all the cameras. There are five cameras. We gott to run through the show. We got to run through changes. We got to meet the local team that's going to be moving sets on and off. Then I go out into the lobby, I sign five hundred books, then I introduce myself to all of the people that are working as ushers at the event. We were also doing some activations for Pure Genius Potein, my protein shot company, handing out free samples. And so I then greeted all of the people that we were hiring in each city to be handing out samples and you know talking to the fans that were coming. Then I go backstage and then this is probably now about five thirty or six o'clock. Now we're doing makeup and getting ready Doors open at six hundred thirty. The crowd is running through at six thirty. The show begins at seven hundred thirty with a friend of mine, Sam, who dresses as a drag quueen version of me named meelodrama. Oh my go, I gott to tell you about this thing that happened This might be my favorite moment of the entire tour This happened in Vancouver. The Matinee show on Mother's Day If you were there, you know how extraordinary this is. So Sam is dressed as the Drag Queen version of me melodrama and he kind of, you know, warms up the audience as funny as hell. Then he goes out in to the audience because I really wanted the audience and every person there because a lot of people come alone to feel threaded through the entire experience and to feel connected to and part of the community that's there And so he goes out and he, you know, talks to people and it's hilarious. And he came up to this woman, I believe her name was Colleen. and He was asking, does anybody have a birthday? And she raised her hand and she said, My birthday was last week. And he said, Well, what are you celebrating for your birthday And she said, Well, my birthday wish is to beat this damn cancer And Sam turns around to the entire if there's almost three thousand people, this is pre show at the Orphheum in Vancouver and says to the crowd All the lights are on, shows kind of like we're in pre show zone, says to the entire crowd Who here wants to grant that birthday wish for Colleen. So she beats the entire Theater erupted onto their feet jumping up and down and screaming and shouting for Colleen She collapsed in tears. I was backstage kind of watching the whole thing and Marcus, who is our tour director, ran up to me and said, let's sign a book for her. So I'm backstage signing a book because this is all going down live to see People walk into a theater as strangers And in one sentence, getet up on their feet in celebration of someone's fight. for their life as she's facing this cancer diagnosis. was For sure, the highlight of the tour And again, if I had been stressed out backstage worrying about all kinds of stuff I would have missed it And I am coming back from this tour, not only proud of myself, that I managed my stress and had fun and was present and calm and experienced all the magic but I feel So full. from that energy of you and your fellow listeners and so clear about some of the topics we need to be discussing, some of the changes I want to make to the types of episodes that we've been doing on this podcast. and I also am very clear that I want to have a closer connection to you. And so one thing I'm going to tell you is if you're not on the newsletter that goes out twice a week, it is free. Go to melroobins. com slash newsletter because I write a personal letter twice a week And that way, you don't miss a thing. and you'll be joining two million other people that receive that letter from me every single week on Mondays and Thursdays. And I would love to stay connected with you because we're going to be doing a lot more In the future around this podcast, we're going to be taking more questions. We're looking into ways to do interesting events or to do kind of live experiences around the releases of podcasts. nothing is set in stone yet, but I'm just super excited to be more connected with you and to find ways that we can crereate opportunities for you to be in rooms and experiences like that The first question of this reset is Thinking about this year What are you proud of What are you proud of that you've experienced? What are you proud of that you've done? What are you proud of that you've been working on One thing that you're proud of And I promise you, if you look you will find that thing And then I want you to take a moment and I want you to really sit with it and pat yourself on the back and Ask yourself, well, why am I proud of that? Because I bet that there's something a little bit deeper that will get revealed you're going to realize, wow I'm proud of this because I recognize that I'm changing. I'm proud of this because I see that I am putting myself first I'm proud of this because I see that I'm doing the things that are important to me I'm proud of myself because I've really shown up for other people And I've managed this challenge really well, and I'm stronger than I think So that's the first question, what have you done this year that you're proud of Now let's talk about the second question Are you looking forward to I mean, when you think about now until the end of this year What are you looking forward to becausecause the time is cut up come and it's going to go. It's going to pass. That's what time does. And with the time that you have left this year, what are you looking forward to I want you to really think about this. What is something in your life that's personal to you that you truly looking forward to And if your answer is, Mel I have no idea Nothing Or maybe it's like, I don't even have time to think about what I'm looking forward to. I'm just trying to survive and get through the day That is really important and honest information, and I'm glad that you're being honest with me Because when you have nothing to look forward to for the remainder of the year This is one of the reasons why life feels so hard This is why one day bleeds into the next This is why you feel like you're in autopilot and survival mode because every single day is the same thing. Wake up, answer the text, check social media, make coffee, go to work, come home, figure out dinner, clelean something, Squirrel, G to bed too late, make yourself wrong Lay in bed and think about your problems, wake up, do it again No wonder lifeife feels flat right now Everything is responsibility Everything about life is managing or taking care of other people. It's about What's next or work or oh my go, Nothing is can't. Wait. for this thing that's happening. And there's a scientific reason Why it's important to have that feeling of anticipation, that sense of I can't wait. for that thing to happen, whether it's a wedding or it's a concert, or it's some trip that you're taking or somebody that you're seeing This research was first shared on this podcast by Dr. Tolly Sherp Now she's a renowned neuroscientist who's taught at University College London, MIT. She's the director of the Effective Brain Lab at University College London Her research is very interesting because it's sort of this intersection between neuroscience, psychology, and behavioral economics. and her real expertise is studying how emotions influence your beliefs, your decisions, and your behavior So Dr. Tlly Shert came on the podcast and explained this concept of why it is that we can get into this rut. See, what happens is your brain loves familiarity. In fact, it is designed to learn patterns But when your brain gets used to something, whether it's the way that you're moving through your day, you wake up, you go to work, you drive the same way. It's the same emergencies, same stress, same people, same conversations. You drive home the same way. you cook the same three meals, you watch the same stuff, you scroll the same, you go to bed There's something happening in your brain where It stops noticing All the good things It stops paying attention to change the more familiar something becomes the less your brain reacts to what you're doing This is what Dr. Tolly Sherrickt calls habituation And here's the catch, and this is why I'm bringing it up. If you're kind of in one of these modes in life where it's the same old, same old, oh my God Yes the less your brain is reacting to the same old same old but it's also reacting less To the c stuff That's why you can love your house but stop appreciating it That's why you can love your partner or your dog, but you get used to them That's why you can have a life or a state of health that you've worked really hard for but still feel kind of flat. Tolly Sherritt would say, this is a sign that your brain has quote Hbituated. It has gotten used to The day to day Whether the day to day is hard or the day to day is good It's just the same old, same old One of the fastest ways to just wake your brain, back up, snap you back into the moment is novelty. Something different Something new Something on the calendar to look forward to, something to anticipate And that means that putting something on your calendar, it isn't just this tiny little thing to shake things up. Oh my gosh. The research is so cool because it gives your mind somewhere good to go It helps you get out of the day to day. and escape it for a second and time travel and anticipate something that reminds you of who you are, that reminds you that life isn't just work It isn't just caretaking It isn't just scrolling on social media. life is meant to be lived. And you can experience that now by putting something in the future that you look forward to And so as you answer this question Bet now and the end of the year, what are you looking forward to? I'm going to share some of the things that I'm looking forward to because I'm hoping to spark something in you, to inspire you, to remind you parts of you that you may have forgotten. And the very first thing that comes to mind because this is happening In just a couple days, I am going on this trip that I am so excited about. It has been in the works for two years. It is a backpacking camping and whitewater rafting trip with our family And even cooler, we're going with two families that we love that our kids grew up with. And I am so looking forward to this for a number of reasons. I'm looking forward to this because I love to camp I love white water rafting. I love being on the river, I love hiking in canyons, and I love having our family together. And I also love experiencing these kinds of trips with friends and their families And this is a big one because this trip has been on the calendar Oh my gosh, well, it's been on the calendar for eighteen months, but it's been in planning mode for almost. Three years We started the Grand Canyon. We then hike down a full day hike. This thing sounds like a death march in the desert We have to carry all of our own stuff down on our packs. This hike is like nine hours long. It's going to be a hundred degrees. Honestly, all of the materials are scaring the hell out of me. Then we climb into rafts, and it's just our three families and the guides, and we are rafting for nine days and eight nights camping along the river every night, sleeping in tents in a bucket. We are three days away from leaving for this trip And we have tons of gear. so it's all spread out. We're laying out gear, We're trying to figure out what to bring. Our son Oakley has this like beautiful new backpack that he's just bought that's only two pounds. and Chris has all this technical gear And Sawyer did a backpacking trip through Asia for four months solo. And so she's got a pack that's like two years old And there're on the floor of our basement is my pack This pack is an oGi. I bought this backpack in Grand Rapids, Michigan in nineteen eighty six because I was heading off as a freshman at Dartmouth College. I hate having to do math on the podcast. How long ago was ninth een eighty How long ago was that everybody thirty nine years wait, somebody check his math nineteen eighty six I graduated from high school forty. yearsars ago Oh my Godd. In fact, you guys, let's go get this thing I'm going run down to the basement while we take a quick break so you can hear a word from our incredible sponsors. And if you're loving this episode, if you're thinking about somebody that you're proud of or somebody that you really want to organize something that you have to look forward to for the remainder of the year, share this episode with them Someone who needs the reset, someone who's been checking in on everybody else, but maybe hasn't checked in with themselves lately Be generous and me the link, put it in a text and send it to them. And I promise you This episode's going inspire them to want to create something to look forward to with you. Aly, don't go anywhere because when we come back I'm gonna be here with that backpack and another story to tell you. Stay with me Welcome back. It's your friend, Mel Robins. and today you and I are reconnecting and doing a midyar reset. And we're answering these two questions. The first one we've already answered, which is all about like what are you proud of that's already happened this year? And the second one we're digging into, which is What do you have to look forward to And I promised you before the break that I was gonna go to the basement and I was gonna drag my old pack up here so you can see that I am not exaggerating. This sucker is ancient history And so let me show you this pack. Here she is, everybody This is the Oh God Sells like it's thirty nine years old. It's a low alpine backpack. Holy c. This thing weighs. I've been doing resistance training, so I'm now familiar with weights, everybody. This feels like a seven pounder This is really heavy David, is it thirty nine or forty? I've now got the backpack in my arms if you're listening in audio thirty nine or forty years thirty nine years and four months is how old this sucker is. It's got tears in it in the bottom, which is bad. It means stuff is going to fall out. It is stained to the hill. This backpack Holy cow. I have I have climbed mountains. I have gone to the Wind River range. I've gone down the Tailitna in Alaska with this sucker. It is stained. It is heavy. It has served me well. So here's the question Sh I get a new one? What do you think? You know, I'm the kind of person that really It' kind of like rolling into a situation with the worst equipment and then smoking it. And everybody's shocked that I'm actually A great hiker with a outdated Almost four decade old ripped backpack, you know, held together with duct tape But I'm kind of feeling like I'm not doing myself any favors. because I don't want a repeat of what happened on our last big hiking trip. Now, you may remember this story, and if you're brand new to the podcast, don't worry. I will just give you the details of it because I did an entire episode a couple summers ago about this, but here's the short version Our family loves hiking and camping. We drove eight hours. a couple summers ago to Baxter State Park in Maine to climb Mount Kataden in Maine. Now this is a huge family trip, a big bucket list. And if you don't know why Mount Kataden is such a cool mountain. It is the northern end of the Appalachian trail. Meaning people that do through hiking up the Appalachian Trail They either start the through hike at Mount Katoden or they end it there It is steep It is rocky. I'm talking boulders the size of Volkswagon bugs. It takes all day. You got to start at the crack of dawn. So we prep My husband is Mr. Campper. He's a Kows alum. He was on the Knows advisory board, which basically mean the guy loves to live outside. The man would live in a yurt if I allowed him to. But I'm not going to allow him to because you smell when you camp in a yurt, but that's a different story. So here we are. We have been prepping for a week Chris had spent the entire day before the drive packing up the pickup truck We were constantly checking the lists constantly like, you got this, you got this. And of course, we are all over our three adult kids because we think they're the ones. who are not going to remember something important. So we pull into the park. after eight hours in the pickup truck and all of a sudden I realized My Godd. My hiking boots or sitting. porch in freaking Vermont Eight hours from here The only shoes that I have are Birkenstocks. Lin socks to climb a mountain When I realize this, I I My hands on my face and just bowed my head Everyone in the car went silent Here's what we did Turned around. We drove forty five minutes in the wrong direction because Baxter State Park is in the middle of nowhere We found a tiny farm supply store And there between the muck boots and the work boots was a single hair of hiking boots. brand new And they were my size. Now they werere a little tight They were extremely stiff which If you know anything about hiking or doing a five K or doing anything, you do not buy brand new things that you do not break in for this kind of thing, but I'm going to tell myself. I said, that's it. this is a sign. This is a sign that everything's going to be okay. And I told myself These boots are going to be unbelievable. These boots right here, these are going be magic boots. And you know what happened clb the mountain. twelve hours, zero blisters The thing that I want to say about this is that One of the things that I'm super proud of about that moment You get a choice about what your mindset is going to be And I could have easily allowed my mindset and my attitude to be, okay well I have boots but I'm screwed. I'm going have blisters the size of Mount Katodden by the time we're done. I'm never going to make it up the mountain. This is going to be horrible. It might even be better in my Birkenstocks. This is going like these aren't going to work If I had gone down that road I guarantee you I would have had blisters the size of Mount Kataden, and I wouldn't have made it up the mountain But because in that moment when I saw the boots and I'm like, these are my size, I can make these work. And I'm going to start telling myself, theseese are going to be the best boots on the planet. I am not going to have blisters. I swear to God, mind over matter. And it taught me an important lesson Y settings in your mind about what you believe is going to happen change what is going to happen You get a choice about whether or not you're going to say todayod iss going to be a good day or oh God, today's going to be horrible. You get a choice about whether or not you say, I can figure this out. It's going to be better than I thought for I'm screwed. And so think about something right now that you're dreading or that you have a negative attitude about. And I want you to apply What I just told you about the hiking boots to it. What could you say to yourself instead Can you say? I can figure this out. I'm under prerepared, but I can figure this out I'm nervous and I can still do it This is going to go way better than I think it's going to. I can make in a mistake and still like have an incredible experience and learn for it That's what I want you to do in your life. And honestly, that's what I'm choosing to do about this incredible trip going down the Grand Canyon And what I'm really excited about when I think about why I'm looking forward to this is that when you know Chris and I were younger and our kids were really little This is what we did all the time We were always camping We did this before we had kids. Chris and I were always fly fishing or hiking or camping or out in the back countountry. In fact, our honeymoon, we went on a fly fishing trip to Montana in the middle of nowhere, Twin Bridges. give you a big shout out there. Part of it is because we both love being outside. I grew up in Western Michigan and was always outside. And Chris grew up king and skiing in Vermont and You know, that was part of our life. And then what happens Life happens Kids, work, schedules, sports, bills agging parents, dogs, homes, responsibility. and little by little the things that you used to do, they just somehow slip through your fingers and drift out of your life, not because you don't love them anymore because you stopped making room for them And I think that's one of the reasons why I'm so excited about this trip there's something in your life There's something that you used to do. And often when somebody asks you, what are you looking forward to, you think about things that are new But maybe there's something to look forward to that's you bringing back Old somethingomet that makes you feel like yourself again Maybe you need to pick up the guitar Maybe you need to sign up for dance lessons. Maybe you need to take a Saturday and go fishing for the afternoon. I mean, what did you used to do that made you feel alive What did you and your partner do When you were first dating, what did you actually love to do before life got so full Did you cycle all the time? Chris used to do that. He used to do triathlons. Would you sit in a coffee shop and read for hours? wereere you in a book group Did you play tennis Did you paint? See, having something to look forward to is important because it reminds you that your life isn't just about what you're dealing with today It helps you pull your head out of the routine and look ahead and go, oh yeah Oh yeah, I get to enjoy my life It makes you feel excited again. It gives you a little spark. So what is it for you you're looking forward to. and it doesn't have to be something big Maybe it's a wedding that's coming up. Maybe it's one of your kids that are coming home. Maybe you're playing in a golf tournament Maybe you're realizing, wait, I don't have anything and maybe that's why I feel so down. I need something to look forward to You know, one thing you could do is you could reach out to friends It's our thirtieth wedding anniversary this year. And you know, Chris and I talked about whether or not we were going to do a big party. And one of the things about a big party, they're a lot of fun, but When you're hosting a big party, do you ever really talk to anybody Of course not, neeither do I, because I'm busy throwing the party And so I said to Chris instead, why don't we just make a list And Let's pick all of our favorite friends that don't live near us And let's schedule like five weekends where we invite people to come hang out with us or we go to them And so another thing that I'm looking forward to steal this idea, is we have groups of friends comoming to Vermont and groups of friends gathering in other places Five different weekends. in in fact I'm going to invite you to one of them right now because one of the weekends is August twenty first I am doing something so cool and I want you to come hang out with me. I'm throwing out the opening pitch for the Red Sox. It's a Friday night game at Fenway Park at seven PM Your friend Mel is going to be on that mound. I'm going to launch that ball. I'm going to be practicing. I want to make you proud, but it's let them night And our daughter Kendall is singing the national anthem and you can get tickets and you can come hang out with us. And I would love to have that experience to look forward to with you. And we've got a ton of friends coming into Boston to be able to be at the game that night. They're playing I know you're going to ask me, so they're playing the S Franisco Giants. It's august twenty first Fenway Park talk about an epic summer night to look forward to. pllus it's Letam night. Plus, there's a bobblehead. Y. It's the first time in Red Sox history. that they are doing a bobblehead to honor a woman. So if you're in the Boston area or if it's always been on your bucket list to experience Fenway Park and an evening Friday night game with the Red Sox in that historic stadium, come hang with me and then we both have the same thing to look forward to I've been blabbing on and on. I'm looking forward to the Grand Canyon Tp. I'm looking forward to all of these groups of friends that we're going to be seeing. I'm looking forward to Let them Night at Fenway Park on august twenty first and seeing you there Now it's your turn. What are you looking forward to If there's nothing that comes to mind or there's nothing in the calendar Don't feel bad about that It's just a ceue. It's a cue that you gott to put something in there. And so I want you to pick one thing Because as I've been yammering on and on and on about camping and about concerts and about just making dates to see friends. Oh, I got another thing I'm looking forward to. My niece is getting married. My niece is getting married in the fall. I'm looking forward to that because we're going to see a lot of family that I really love and I don't see very often Do you have something like that Put it in the calendar. And if you don't have something like that, I want you to pick something What is something that brings you joy whether it's something you used to do or it's something that you've been wanting to do. And here's one more thing, as your friend, I want to nudge you to do this. Is there someone else that you could invite to do it with you? Is there a Bluegrass festival that you' wanted to go to? Is there a tennis clinic that you wanted to play in Is there a trail that you've been wanting to hike that is just, you know, an hour outside the city you live in Send the person the text. Do you want to do this with me That's it And if they say no, let them Then ask someone else Go by yourself. Don't Put your life on hold. Don't just stay an autopilot, doing the same old, same old Because here's one thing that I'm going to keep reminding you. If you change nothing, nothing changes If you change nothing, nothing changes. And one thing I want you to change is I want you to have something to look forward to The research on this is very clear I think as you're listening to me and you're thinking about your own life You're either thinking, well, it's nice for meel or you're thinking God I got to get myself back. I got have I gotta host a neighborhood barbeue I gotta do something I'm begging you The future that you want, the things that you are looking forward to in the future, they start today They start by picking a date picking a thing. making a plan sending the text buying the tickets. or just organizing the group that's going to go on that hike And you deserve to have something in your life that makes you look up and go, oh my God I can't wait for that canan't wait for that And the things that are out in the future that you're really excited about are also important because They help you get through the challenges that you're facing today. They remind you of who you are They remind you that life is more than bills and going to work and grocery shopping and trying to do laundry and trying to answer all the emails There are parts of your life that are meant to be enjoyed But don't make the mistake that I made of just assuming that somehow it's all going to magically fall out of the sky If you don't have something to look forward to As your friend, I'm telling you right now. I don't want you to do another thing after you're done listening to this create something to look forward to because you deserve that So that's it I told you we were just gonna hang out and talk as if we're on a walk today. And let me just remind you of the two things that you're taking away from this episode because these are the two things I'm taking away First Stop and give yourself more You are doing so much everybody. You're taking care of everybody else, you're going to work, you're doing all kinds of stuff, okay? And yet you're not giving yourself enough credit. Stop measuring your life by the things that you haven't done inststead I want you to ask yourself What have I done this year that I'm proud of It's up What's one thing that you're proud of? And takeake a moment to really acknowledge yourself. The second thing that you're going to take away from this, what are you looking forward to? And if there's something there, just like savor it for a minute Because if you close your eyes and you think about that wedding or you think about that trip or you think about when your adult kids are coming home or you think about that's how you can tap into the power to lift yourself up right now You know, I want to be clear about some becausecause this has been a very difficult year for a lot of reasons And no matter where you are right now No matter what kind of year that you've had so far Using these two questions, you have the power within yourself to reset the way you experience the rest of the year you will tap into the resilience inside of you That's already there. It was just waiting for these two questions to remind you that, yes, you have the power to feel proud of some of the little things that you've already done this year You have the power to feel proud of how you showed up for other people to feel proud of the weight that you've been carrying and you still get out of bed and you still go to work You have the power to feel proud that you graduated or that you got that new job or that you got through that breakup. Those are things that you deserve to take a moment and go, you know what? Well done? There are lots of things that you have done a great job of this year, and I want you to take a moment and say well done And you also have the power to create something to look forward to Don't underestimate how important that is Remember what I like to tell you, if You change nothing, notothing changes. And the one thing that you could change is putting something out there. that gives you a reason to look forward to the rest of the year because I want you to have that And one more thing. In case no one else has told you this, as your friend, I wanted to be sure to tell you I love you I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life Answering these two questions, hitting the reset Reminding yourself that there are things that you deserve and should feel proud of and taking the time to put something out into the future for the remainder of the year that gives you something to look forward to Of course that's to make your life better And that's why I'm so excited that you spent this time with me because that's what I want for you Alrighty, I will see you in the very next episode. I'm going to be waiting for you The moment you hit play And one more thing. I no This is not a blooper This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes I'm just your friend I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it Good. I'll see you in the next episode. Serious AXM podcasts