Mindset Lessons from Hiking Boots

Hey, it's friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robins podcast Oh my gosh, I am so excited that you're here. I have been dying to get on this microphone and to catch up with you. I feel like we have not had the kind of episode where it's just been you and I talking for months. And look, I just got back from being on tour Holy cow, fifty six days Teen cities, twenty one sold out shows Almost one hundred thousand of you came who are fans of this podcast. and now back at home in Vermont. I've slept for like a week to try to recover from being on tour. I'm back above the garage. I'm back on this microphone. I am so excited to be back here with you. And I was thinking about, okay, what is the first thing that I want to talk to about I just really wanted to connect with you. I mean, here's the thing, Well, I've been on tour. I know you've been busy. You're busy living your life. I mean, can you believe that this year is almost halfway over time was like So here's what I thought we could do We could hit the pause button together. You know, almost like support each other and doing a little reset right now help each other take stock of all the things that happened this year The hard things that you got yourself through prorogress that you made The moments that you handled so much better than you used to the ways that you keep showing up even when no one else notices. And here's how we're going to do it As we kind of go on this little walk and catch up together, I'm just gonna Throw out two questions that force you to pause. Probably for the first time in months And questions that help you reflect All the things that you've experienced and done so far this year. And then we'll get to the second question. And the second question I love because the second question is grounded in research And it's also the kind of question that A good friend asks you when you're going for a walk after a couple months. And that question is What are you looking forward to? And there's fascinating research about why this question and having something to look forward to is so important in life And I promise you, by the time we're done with this conversation, you're going to feel so much better because we're going reconnect and we're going reset I love spending time with you and I love being together. and today that's what we're doing It's just you and me, two friends catching up, hitting the reset, and reconnecting over these two powerful questions The Mel Robins podcast is proudly sponsored by Aica Insurance, our exclusive insurance partner. You know when someone finishes your sentence because they already understood what you needed, That's what working with Amica feels like. They don't guess They don't assume They take the time to understand what you're trying to protect and why it matters. Most companies talk talkk, talkk about putting customers first. Aika really does it You feel it. in the way they listen, the way they follow through, the way they treat you As a customer owned company, Amica puts your needs first Visit amica. com and get a quote today Support for this podcast and the following message come from MIDI Health. Women's midlife health issues have been trivialized and ignored. It's time for a change. It's time for MIDI. MIDI is covered by major insurance, making expert care accessible. Clinicians provide one on one consultations, listen to your unique needs, and offer tailored data driven solutions MIDI works to make you feel seen, heard and prioritized. Visit joinmidDI d. com to book your virtual visit. MIDI, the care womomen deserve. Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robins podcast. I am so glad you're here hond to spend this time together. If you're new or somebody shared this episode with you, I just wan to start by personally welcoming you to the Mel Robins podcast family. And today It's just you and me. And I have been so looking forward to this conversation with you because it's been a long time since you and I just hung out, without experts, without somebody else, without a ton of things to do. And there's a lot that's happened in the last three months while I've been on tour that I've been wanting to share with you fununny stories, a bunch of insights. And so I want you to think about our conversation today as if you and I are two friends just going on a walk, and we're catchining up I've asked you about your family and what's been going on for the last three months and youve filled me in. And now it's my turn I'm going to fill you in because the fact is I just got home from being on tour And I cannot believe how much work it was I know that sounds like it might not be surprising to you to hear that, but I think I was very naive about just How much work it was going to be to be on the road for three months be in four different countries in front of almost one hundred thousand listeners of the Mel Robins podcast, traveling with almost a crew of thirty people. from place to place to place. I often thought as we were working These sixteen hour days. How the hell do musicians do this? I mean, honest to God, how do musicians the schedule for one hundred to two hundred days. I'm fifty seven years old. it nearly killed me. It was also one of the single most incredible experiences of my entire life. And isn't it true that a lot of the things that you look back on in your life and you say, that was one of the highlights of my life It had a lot of work and a lot of hard things about it And maybe you didn't even know I was on tour, Mbe you couldn't get a ticket. And so this is my way to just tell you what's been going on for the last three months I also am going to ask you during our conversation today, two questions Now these are two questions that act like a reset When you ask yourself these two questions, they force you to stop And to take a step back from your current life and to really look at what's happened because let's face it, we're almost halfway through the year But can you believe How much time has gone by And I bet You have not stopped for a second And you want to know how I know you haven' stopped for a second because I know you're the kind of person that's busy doing a lot of stuff. You're taking care of a lot of people, you're going to work, or you're going to school, you're trying toay bills, you're taking care of your dog, you're taking care of kids, you're taking care of your parents, you're taking care of the apartment that you live in, you're taking care of dishes, like so much going on that you might be in that mode where it's like the year is like a blur and you wake up and you're like, o my God, how are we already here This year is flying by And so I want you to really take a pause And I'm going to ask you these two questions, and I'm going to answer them as well because they act like a reset They allow you to take a step out of your life and to see already transpired this year That's the first question And then the second one as you look forward so that you and I make sure that we don't just put our heads down and race through the second half of this year And then look up and go, oh my go, the year' over already. I didn't get to this, this, this and this. And don't worry This is not a productivity conversation. There's nothing you need to do This is not going to be hard. We're going to have a lot of fun as I ask you these two questions. Okaykay? Youre you ready? I'm so excited for this So The first question is a really important one And the question is this. If you look back to the beginning of this year What's something that you're really proud of that you either did or that you experienced or that happened this year I want you to take a step out of Y life for a minute and think back, what are you really proud of? I don't think you're giving yourself enough I think you're so busy doing things in your life that you're not taking time to stop and pat yourself on the back All the little things arere doing well all of the little challenges you've overcome all of the weight that you're carrying And so that brings me to my answer to this question What are you proud of that you've either done or experienced so far this year The thing that I'm the most proud of isn't the tour itself I'm most proud of. is before I went on tour, I was so stressed about all the things that were going to go wrong, about whether or not I was going to be able to manage the amount of work it was going to be, whether or not I'd be able to do that and perform and run the company and and and and and and My therapist, Anne Davin said to me She said, Mel before you get on that plane I need to tell you you are in a very dangerous moment because if you get on that plane And you start this tour as stressed as you are right now, you're going to miss the entire thing. You are going to be so in your head and so just intense to make sure everything is right. and of course you can't guarantee that everything's going go right that you're going to miss One of the greatest experiences of your life And it scared me And so I said, okay, what should I do? And she said, you have to get so serious about how you're going to manage your sleep how you're going to manage your emotions. how you're going manage the food that you're eating, how you're going to manage taking care of yourself so that you can both move every other day to a new city, a new hotel, a new venue, a new this, all while managing all these people and get on a stage and perform in front of nine thousand people every night. And she was right And it scared the daylights out of me. And so I made a whole new schedule. I prioritize sleep I got serious about eating really good food. I walked every single morning, regardless of what city we were in or I lifted weights I really like cut back, way, way back on the alcohol. I had a laser focus on my emotions. It works I gott to tell you, the thing that I am so Proud about that happened is For the three months that this tour was happening I Maybe? Snap and was kind of bitchy only twice And in both cases, I was exhausted and hungry. Do you Have any idea Revolutionary it is that I could take on one of the most stressful things in my life, both good stress And Like a lot of hard work stress. Be in a state where I was present And I was calm. And non reactive And I was optimistic. Like I barely recognize myself. That's how different this was. And again, I know you're going to flood me with emails about, well, Mel, how did you do it I'm telling you before any reaction them J just say let them and release control. and then say let me choose your response because there were things that went wrong every single day. And instead of allowing it to freak me out, I just rode the wave That allowed me to have so much fun. I mean, half the stuff that I'm going to tell you about I can remember because I was calm I can remember because I manage my stress. I can remember because I actually took care of myself. And that's why I enjoyed this so much even though it was the hardest and most grueling amount of work that I've ever done. in a three month period of my entire life. And I'm fifty seven. And that says a lot about how hard this was That's the thing I'm proud of I wanted to share that with you to start off because It was a real revelation to me that, you know, you can have something really challenging going on And you can change how you show up to it. I have two very close friends who have parents both been diagnosed with something extremely scary. One is late stage Alzheimer's. the other is a stage for cancer diagnosis And In life, there will be things that happen that are out of your control. I mean, that's what life does. It knocks you on your ass We can't control that I'm proud of the fact that I learned through this experience, how to control my response and my stress levels regardless of what was going on around me And I'm very proud of that And I'm sharing it because if you're going through something stressful right now whether it's something scary like my two close friends, or maybe you're doing something that's exciting. You're starting a new job or you're planning a wedding, or you just got into graduate school, or you're moving, or you're in a new relationship. And it's really exciting, but there's that stressful excitement. you can really learn how to be serious about managing a response all the things going on outside of you And that's the thing that I'm really proud of And so now let me turn it back over to you. What are you proud of And I want you to really think back to the beginning of the year you may not even remember what you're proud of. In fact, Cameron, who is the producer that worked with the team and me on this episode She asked her brother this question. Hey, so, you know, what are you proud of that' tap in the series? Like nothing She's like, what are you talking about? You got into a PhD program dode He had forgotten And it's so easy to do because You're so busy just getting through the day. You're busy going to work, you're busy going to school. So let's take a moment And I want you to really think about this. What are you proud of Are you proud that you're expecting your first baby Are you proud that you got into graduate school Are you proud that that breakup id't kill you. In fact, now that you're about eleven to twelve weeks through it, you're feeling a little bit better, a little stronger. You know, it's the right thing proud of the way that you managed your money And I don't want you to wait for these giant things, you know, to pat yourself on the back What's fascinating about life to me is that we tend to obsess over all the things that went wrong or all the things that we didn't do, right? Like at the end of the day, you tend to think about, oh my God, I didn't get this, I didn't get that. And you don't celebrate all the little things you actually did do. I mean, you sent out one hundred emails You answered the calls You fed yourself The dogs got walked. You did get a load of laundry done You didn't pick up your phone and waste two hours. You actually read a book Every single day there are little moments to be proud of. And I love this first question because hits the brakes on life What are you proud of? that you've done this year so far or that you've experienced or that you are trying to do What's something that you're proud of that you did today? Was it a hard conversation that you had Maybe you picked up a bunch of extra work because you're helping out a colleague who just lost a loved one Maybe you started therapy becausecause every single day There's a little thing that you've done that you're proud of And it doesn't have to be some huge thing. It all counts, all of it. They're all little wins. And this simple question, you can ask yourself this and we're doing it as a reset to think about what's already happened this year. what are you proud of? Because every time you name it, you are now patting yourself on the back and you're reminding yourself that yes, you have things that are worthy of celebrating. It starts with you Let me go back to the thing that I shared with you. I'm so proud of myself for managing my stress and being present and being calm. and really being intentional about taking care of myself so that I could bec calm and present Because I had a blast I had an absolute blast and everyvery step along the way There were funny things that happened and it made me realize It's hard to have fun when you're stressed out It's hard to see the joy in something when you're constantly gripping the wheel of life I'm going to tell you a couple stories like we got on the plane to get to our first stop, which was New Zealand And one of my members of the team, Lynn, is incredibly scared of flying And she went into the bathroom. It's like a sixteen hour flight. We're flying over the ocean. And so she had this deep concern that we would not only die in a plane crash, but we would die in a plane crash and then she would somehow survive and be eaten by sharks. I mean, this is what your brain can do to you So she comes out of the bathroom She is wearing They Sark. seemed like I don't even know what they're called, like Oesie with a hood where you pull the hood over. In fact, you know if you're watching on YouTube, there's a photo of her next to me. You pull the hood over and it's all the shark teeth. She even had on shark slippers. She had glasses on that were the shark teeth And we were like, Lyn, what are you doing? And She just laughed and said, well, if we're going to go down and sharks are going to be around, I want them to see me and like think I'm a shark and so they go after you It was that was the beginning of the trip. firstirst light Second thing that happened that was really funny is traveling is stressful traveling internationally way more stressful And different rules apply. and I know we have a ton of people that listen in New Zealand and Australia. And I got permission to tell you this story because it features one of our incredibly talented videographers, editors, and directors who is also in the room right now recording this. shhout out to David Faxon. So We are in New Zealand. And we have to take a flight from Auckland to Brisbane Brisbane to Sydney, Sydney to Melbourne Now here's the thing We are packing for three weeks On tour And it turns out, I did not know this, that Australia and New Zealand are very strict about the wait limit for the luggage. Like if you're here in the United States and you think about luggage and you know weaight limits, you think, okay, if I'm going to have to pack for three weeks and bring all this equipment and also bring all these outfits to be able to be in different climates and to be on stage, you just pay extra Right? I mean, that's what you do. You bring an extra bag, you pay extra That's not what you do in Australia and New Zealand apparently They're so strict Number one, you cannot pay extra Number two, you can't just check extra bags to distribute the weight limit, It's literally person. So Faxson has his suitcase and this huge backpack not only with all of his camera gear and all of the clothes that he needs for multiple different climates He has also decided because we're traveling for three weeks that he needs to bring journals In case you know, when you're on tour You might just have time to kick back and read some books He's already laughing. Are you hearing this, Faxson? I feel like we need to put him on a microphone because he's starting to chuckle. And not just any books. You want to know what Three hardcover books Fax and packed in his luggage to NewZealand and Australia Three Harry Potter cover books Here he comes. David, this is like thirty pounds alone. Heavy. It's very heavy. It's a lot of journals. Well, this is us a screenplay This is my journal to write my screenplay. These Harry Potters. This iss another journal. This's two filmmaking books. Robert Rodriguez. Med once upon time in Hollwood a lot of books. I thought I would have the free time. too finish hit this Harry Potter, read this Harry Potter, write a screenplay Did't have the free time Did you crack open a single book on Dirk? No, I had the thing is because we were not able to just pay the fine for the luggage, I had to put a lot of these in my actual backpack, put my steady cam in my backpack It was a complete disaster. ye. so here's the thing you got to see. So I'm the leader of the tour because I'm the CEO of this company I am dragging everybody with me, so I'm both the mom and the CEO. and you know how parents get when you're traveling. And we roll up like a herd of turtles, everybody carrying all kinds of luggage, dragging it behind. Do you have your passports are? you have your passports? And I'm just practicing, be present, be present. You're not responsible for anybody. They can get on a different plane da d, d All of a sudden we start hearing there's a weight requirement There's a weight requirement David's bags are heavy. I'm like, we' got equip. We can. And then David kind of looks at us sheepishly and he's like, Well, it's not equipment. We're like, what's in your bag? He had to then unpack his bag. And now we see all of these books We He's like, I got it, I got it. I'll figure it out. So we go we go through security He's figuring it out We're waiting at the gate We look up The escalator comoming down Faction. is wearing his backpack and I don't know, you had maybe four jackets tied around your waist In the other arm, he has Harry Potter books Three of them The entire team is dying laughing and on top of it, he has a nightgown that he has bought at the airport. right? Y. Yeah that Marcus told us about But I the nightgown in my luggage because of the weight limit. so I had to squeeze that into my backpack as well And it was not a nightgown for David. It was a nightgown for his beautiful pregnant wife. They're expecting their second daughter And, you know What I love about this story is that in life You can't control what's happening, but you can always choose how you respond to it Thank you for letting me share that story, David. Everyone, David Faxson Fs in, you are the best. and you know, I'm telling you every single day. There were dozens of things that would have normally made my stress level go through the roof And that's why I'm so proud of the fact that I just through every twist and turn and logistical nightmare and things that went wrong. I was just like Be present let them focus on what's in your control mal. that's the let me part. And one of the biggest things that went wrong happened in Sydney, Australia It happened live in front of nine Thousand people And I'm going to tell you that story next But first, I need to take a quick break so we can hear a word from our amazing sponsors. But when we come back, I have so many more hilarious stories with awesome takeaways. and then you and I have got to answer that second question of this amazing reset and reconnection too. So don't go anywhere, stay with me This episode is brought to you by Sofi, the all in one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest all in one place Let's talk bank accounts for a second. The average bank savings rate is zero point three nine percent in interest. 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That's iHerb dot com slash ml with code mel twenty I want to do a quick check in with you Are your shoulders up around your ears right now Is your jaw filling a little tight When was the last time you took a real Breath If it's been a while Asheville, North Carolina might be worth putting on your radar for a relaxing retreat. People are drawn to Asville all kinds of reasons, but especially for its long time connection to wellness. For generations, visitors have traveled to the Blue Ridge Mountains for fresh air And A sense of restoration Today, that feeling still shows up in everything from mountaintop sound baths Quiet walks through the woods focused on mindfulness and breath Salt ces for taken in purified air and yoga sessions with sweeping Blue Ridge views If you're looking for a place to reconnect with yourself Even for just a few days, Asheville, North Carolina might be worth exploring Plan your retreat at exploreashville. com Welcome back at your friend, Mel Robins. Tod you and I are hitting the reset button together. We're reconnecting and we're answering two questions that are going to really make you feel better about where you are and where you're going Now before the break, I asked you the first question, which is what have you done this year that you're proud of And I was just starting to tell you the story of something that went crazy wrong in Sydney Now let me just set the table for you. This was the biggest show of the entire three month tour. There were nine thousand people in the audience. nine thousand And the tour is about two hours long And it's not me doing a podcast interview. It's not me giving a speech. It's a show One of the big things in the tour. is I wanted this tour to end with a massive confetti explosion And the reason why I wanted this is because our family went to see Coldpllay. I love ColdPlay. And there's a lot of moments during the Coldpllay concert where they are exploding confetti and it's in shapes like stars and butterflies. And you see all these people on the floor of the arena they're playing in, and they're getting showered in this confetti. And we had really good seats. They were kind of in that like rung of seats that are right at the edge of the field. I almost dislocated my shoulder trying to reach for the confetti. I mean, the confetti was like Right there And it was such a bummer to see all these people showered in it and taking photos. and we But Wait, reach it. And so I said to the team when we were planning the tour I want to douche this theater 're talking Super Bowl I want the Back Rs to be able to feel the confetti I want this huge celebration and joy and just to honor the audience and to have it be experiential So we've got this show in Sydney bigiggest show of the whole tour It is our sixth show. in the stretch from New Zealand. to Austral We have our six confetti Cates. We have the biggest amount of people and they're in this arena that goes like straight up so we can get the confetti to the top At the end of the show, I sign off the show saying the exact Same thing that I say to you at the end of every podcast that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life And then I pause and I say, now go. Blank, do it confettis, like Except for Sydne. The biggest show of the entire tour You want to know what the confetti sounded like a small silent fort. That's it That's it That was it. It was one of the six candidates The confetti didn't even hit front room That's it There we go. Okay You want to know something incredible? because I'm really proud. I'm prou of confetti, but here's what I'mroud I'm proud of the fact that I didn't even get upset about it I wasn't angry. I didn't snap at anybody. I didn't yell at anybody because here's the thing. Do you think The person running the confonetting cannons actually meant to do that on purpose? Of course not. Of course not. And wishing about things going differently robs me of the ability to celebrate how epic the show was and how amazing the audience was That's why I'm so proud of managing my stress because I didn't rob myself of all the good things that happened. Over indexing and gripping all the things that didn't or that didn't go right And now we can have a laugh about it because it's the show where the confetti farted It's what it is And all nine thousand people still had an absolutely epic, incredible, electric, life changing experience. Those are just three examples of some of the crazy things that happen. But here's the other thing that I found to be incredibly difficult to manage. And I just I really want to give another shout out to everybody who is a musician Your tour schedules where you are sleeping on buses And you were going from Performing Night after night after night after night and the load ins the same day. If you're not in the music industry or you've never tured, you have no idea how grueling of a schedule this is Here's a sample schedu You land in a city in the afternoon or you pull in on your bus You check into a hotel And then That's it. You kind of go over lines, you figure out what you're doing. The next morning, seven AM, you load in. you load in all the equipment. We have to build the full set. You have to build the huge screen, the lighting racks, you got to test it all, you got wire in all the technology, That takes until about I don't know, three PM. Then we roll over forward tech rehearsals because we got to set all the cameras. There are five cameras. We got to run through the show. We got to run through changes. We got to meet the local team that's going to be moving sets on and off. then I go out into the lobby, I sign five hundred books, Th I introduce myself to all of the people that are working as ushers at the event. We were also doing some activations for Pure Genius Protein, my protein shot company, handing out free samples. And so I then greeted all of the people that we were hiring in each city to be handing out samples and you know talking to the fans that were coming. Then I go backstage and then this is probably now about five thirty or six o'clock. Now we're doing makeup and getting ready Doors open at six hundred thirty. The crowd is running through at six hundred thirty. The show begins at seven thirty with a friend of mine, Sam, who dresses as a drag quueen version of me named meelodrama. Oh my God, I gott to tell you about this thing that happened This might be my favorite moment of the entire tour This happened in Vancouver. The Matinee show on Mother'sday If you were there, you know how extraordinary this is. So Sam is dressed as the Drag Queen version of me melodrama. and he kind of, you know, warms up the audience as funny as hell. thenen he goes out in to the audience because I really wanted the audience and every person there because a lot of people come alone to feel threaded through the entire experience and to feel connected to and part of the community that's there And so he goes out and he, you know talks to people and it's hilarious. And he came up to this woman, I believe her name was Colleen and He was asking, does anybody have a birthday? And she raised her hand and she said, My birthday was last week. And he said, Well, what are you celebrating for your birthday And she said, well, my birthday wish is to beat this damn cancer And Sam turns around to the entire group of there's almost three thousand people, this is pre show Orphum in Vancouver. and says to the crowd All the lights are on, shows kind of like we're in pre show zone, says to the entire crowd Who here? wants to grant that birthday wish for Colleen. So she beats the entire Theater. erupted onto their feet jumping up and down and screaming and shouting for Colleen She collapsed in tears I was backstage kind of watching the whole thing and Marcus, who is our tour director, ran up to me and said, let's sign a book for her. So I'm backstage signing a book because this is all going down live to see People walk into a theater as strangers And in one sentence, get up on their feet in celebration of someone's fight. for their life. as she's facing this cancer diagnosis. was For sure the highlight of the tour And again, if I had been stressed out backstage worrying about all kinds of stuff I would have missed And I am coming back from this tour, not only proud of myself, that I managed my stress and had fun and was present and calm and experienced all the magic But I feel So full from that energy of you and your fellow listeners and so clear about some of the topics we need to be discussing, some of the changes I want to make to the types of episodes that we've been doing on this podcast. and I also am very clear that I want to have a closer connection to you. And so one thing I'm going to tell you is if you're not on the newsletter that goes out twice a week, it is free. Go to melroobins. com slash newsletter because I write a personal letter twice a week And that way you don't miss a thing. and you'll be joining two million other people that receive that letter from me every single week on Mondays and Thursdays. And I would love to stay connected with you because we're going to be doing a lot more In the future around this podcast, we're going to be taking more questions. We're looking into ways to do interesting events or to do kind of live experiences around the releases of podcasts. nothing is set in stone yet, but I'm just super excited to be more connected with you and to find ways that we can crereate opportunities for you to be in rooms and experiences like that The first question of this recet is Thinking about this year What are you proud of What are you proud of that you've experienced? What are you proud of that you've done? What are you proud of that you've been working on One thing that you're proud of And I promise you, if you look you will find that thing And then I want you to take a moment and I want you to really sit with it and pat yourself on the back and Ask yourself, well, why am I proud of that? Because I bet that there's something a little bit deeper will get revealed You're going to realize, wow, I'm proud of this because I recognize that I'm changing. I'm proud of this because I see that I am putting myself first I'm proud of this because I see that I'm doing the things that are important to me I'm proud of myself because I've really shown up for other people And I've managed this challenge really well, and I'm stronger than I think So that's the first question, what have you done this year that you're proud of Now let's talk about the second question What? Are you looking forward to I mean, when you think about now, until the end of this year What are you looking forward to becausecause the time is gonna come and it's going to go. It's going to pass. That's what time does And with the time that you have left this year, what are you looking forward to And I want you to really think about this What is something in your life that's personal to you? that you are truly looking forward to And if your answer is, Mel I have no idea Nothing Or maybe it's like, I don't even have time to think about what I'm looking forward to. I'm just trying to survive and get through the day That is really important and honest information, and I'm glad that you're being honest with me Because when you have nothing to look forward to for the remainder of the year This is one of the reasons why life feels so hard This is why one day bleeds into the next This is why you feel like you're in autopilot and survival mode because every single day is the same thing. Wake up, answer the text, check social media, make coffee, go to work, come home, figure out dinner, clean something, scroll, go to bed too late, make yourself wrong Lay in bed and think about your problems, wake up, do it again No wonder lifeife feels flat right now because everything is responsibility. Everything about life is managing or taking care of other people. It's about what's next or work or oh my God, nothing is. can't Wait. for this thing that's happening There's a scientific reason Why it's important to have that feeling of anticipation, that sense of I can't wait. for that thing to happen, whether it's a wedding or it's a concert, or it's some trip that you're taking or somebody that you're seeing This research was first shared on this podcast by Dr. Tolly Sherp Now she's a renowned neuroscientist who's taught at University College London, MIT. She's the director of the Effective Brain Lab at University College London Her research is very interesting because it's sort of this intersection between neuroscience, psychology, and behavioral economics. and her real expertise is studying how emotions influence your beliefs, your decisions and your behavior So Dr. Tolly Shert came on the podcast and explained this concept of why it is that we can get into this rut. See, what happens is your brain loves familiarity. In fact, it is designed to learn patterns But when your brain gets used to something, whether it's the way that you're moving through your day, you wake up, you go to work, you drive the same way. It's the same emergencies, same stress, same people, same conversations. You drive home the same way, you cook the same three meals, you watch the same stuff, you scroll the same, you go to bed There's something happening in your brain where It stops noticing. All the good things It stops paying attention to change. the more familiar something becomes. the less your brain reacts to what you're doing This is what Dr. Tolly Sherrickt calls habituation And here's the catch, and this is why I'm bringing it up. If you're kind of in one of these modes in life where it's the same old, same old, oh my go. Yes the less your brain is reacting to the same old same old but it's also reacting less to the cook stuff That's why you can love your house, but stop appreciating it That's why you can love your partner or your dog, but you get used to them That's why you can have a life or a state of health that you've worked really hard for but still feel kind of flat Tolly Sheritt would say, this is a sign that your brain has quote suated. It has gotten used to the day to day Whether the day to day is hard or the day to day is good It's just the same old, same old One of the fastest ways to just wake your brain, back up, snap you back into the moment is novelty. Something different Something new Something on the calendar to look forward to, something to anticipate And that means that putting something on your calendar, it isn't just this tiny little thing to shake things up. Oh my gosh The research is so cool because it gives your mind somewhere good to go It helps you get out of the day to day and escape it for a second and time travel and anticipate something that reminds you of who you are, that reminds you that life isn't just work It isn't just caretaking, it isn't just scrolling on social media. Life is meant to be lived. And you can experience that now by putting something in the future that you look forward to And so as you answer this question, between now and the end of the year, what are you looking forward to? I'm going to share some of the things that I'm looking forward to because I'm hoping to spark something in you, to inspire you, to remind you parts of you that you may have forgotten. And the very first thing that comes to mind because this is happening In just a couple days, I am going on this trip that I am so excited about. It has been in the works for two years. It is a backpacking camping and whitewater rafting trip with our family And even cooler, we're going with two families that we love that our kids grew up with. And I am so looking forward to this for a number of reasons. I'm looking forward to this because I love to camp I love white water rafting. I love being on the river. I love hiking in canyons, and I love having our family together. And I also love experiencing these kinds of trips with friends and their families. And this is a big one because this trip has been on the calendar Oh my gosh, well, it's been on the calendar for eighteen months, but it's been in planning mode for almost three years We started the Grand Canyon We then hike down a full day hike. This thing sounds like a death march in the desert. We have to carry all of our own stuff down on our packs. This hike is like nine hours long. It's going to be one hundred degrees. Honestly, all of the materials are scaring the hell out of me. Then we climb into rafts and it's just our three families and the guides, and we are rafting for nine days and eight nights, camping along the river every night Sleeping intense. Bing in a bucket. We are three days away from leaving for this trip And we have tons of gear. So it's all spread out. We're laying out gear. We're trying to figure out what to bring. Our son Oakley has this like beautiful new backpack that he's just bought that's only two pounds. and Chris has all this technical gear and Sawyer did a backpacking trip through Asia for four months solo. And so she's got a pack that's like two years old And they' on the floor of our basement is my pack This pack is an oGie. I bought this backpack in Grand Rapids, Michigan in nineteen eighty six because I was heading off as a freshman at Dartmouth College. I hate having to do math on the podcast. How long ago was nin By How long ago was that everybody thirty nine years wait, somebody check his math nineteen eighty six I graduated from high school forty yearsars ago Oh my Godd. In fact, you guys, let's go get this thing I'm going to run down to the basement while we take a quick break so you can hear a word from our incredible sponsors. If you're loving this episode, if you're thinking about somebody that you're proud of or somebody that you really want to organize something that you have to look forward to for the remainder of the year, share this episode with them Someone who needs the reset, someone who's been checking in on everybody else, but maybe hasn't checked in with themselves lately Be generous and me the link, put it in a text, and send it to them. And I promise you This episode's gonna inspire them to want to create something to look forward to with you. Alright, don't go anywhere because when we come back I'm gonna be here with that backpack and another story to tell you. Stay with me This episode is brought to you by Sofi, the all in one finance app where you can bank, borrow and invest all in one place Let's talk bank accounts for a second. The average bank savings rate is zero point three nine percent in interest. You're earning pennies on your savings, but it doesn't have to be that way. 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They insist on high quality meats like pasture raised beef and all sorts of farm fresh fruits and vegetables like butternut squash, whole cranberries, and golden turmeric. If you want whole food nutrition for your pet Turn over a pack of a canna and read the list of ingredients. You wouldn't normally want to do that with pet foods. Aana is different. You'll be blown away by all the healthy foods in there. Acanna is stubbornly good. And you can find out more about their ingredients and where to buy it at aanna. com. That's AC A N A d. com. The Mel Robins podcast is brought to you by Peloton Are you tired of doing the same old, same old workout? Do you walk into the gym like I do and you're like, Ohh my God, what am I gonna to do today Don't you want a smarter, more seamless way to have creative, new, diverse ways to work out We'll say hello to Peloton Peloton helps you unlock all the expansive joyful feelings one gets through movement with the Peloton Cross traraining Tread plus powered by Peloton IQ Peloton IQ builds a workout roadmap that's completely yours so you can stop overthinking and just move All you have to do is show up. What is the Peloton Cross traraining Tread pllus powered by Peloton IQ? It's a treadmill with classes on it. You can flip the screen around and take yoga and strength training So you don' have to buy lots of different equipment. whichich means you can go from doing a running workout to having a personal trainer lead you through strength training, all on the same machine Let yourself run, lift, fail, try and go. Explore the new Peloton cross training Tread plus at onePeloton. com Welcome back. It's your friend, Mel Robins and today you and I are reconnecting and doing a midyear reset. And we're answering these two questions. The first one we've already answered, which is all about like what are you proud of that's already happened this year? And the second one we're digging into, which is What do you have to look forward to And I promised you before the break that I was gonna go to the basement and I was gonna drag my old pack up here so you can see that I am not exaggerating. This sucker is ancient history And so let me show you this pack Here she is everybody This is the Oh Godd, smells like it's thirty nine years old. It's a low alpine backpack. Holy c. This thing weighs I've been doing resistance training, so I'm now familiar with weights everybody. This feels like a seven pounder. This is really heavy. David, is it thirty nine or forty? I've now got the backpack in my arms if you're listening in audio thirty nine or forty years thirty nine years and four months. is how old this sucker is. It's got tears in it in the bottom, which is bad. It means stuff is going to fall out. It is stained to the hill. This backpack. Holy cow. I have I have climbed mountains. I have gone to the Wind River range. I've gone downown the Tachilitna in Alaska with this sucker. It is stained. It is heavy. It has served me well So here's the question Should I get a new one What do you think? You know, I'm the kind of person that really It' kind of like rolling into a situation with the worst equipment and then smoking it. And everybody's shocked that I'm actually a great hiker. with a outdated almost four decade old ripped backpack, you know, held together with duct tape But I'm kind of feeling like I'm not doing myself any favors because I don't want a repeat of what happened on our last big hiking trip. Now you may remember this story, and if you're brand new to the podcast, don't worry. I will just give you the details of it because I did an entire episode a couple summers ago about this, but here's the short version. Our family loves hiking and camping. and We drove eight hours. a couple summers ago to Baxter State Park in Maine to climb Mount Kataden in Maine. Now this is a huge family trip, a big bucket list. And if you don't know why Mount Katadden is such a cool mountain. It is the northern end of the Appalachian trail. Meaning people that do through hiking up the Appalachian trarail They either start the through hike at Mount Katadden or they end it there It is steep It is rocky. I'm talking boulders the size of Volkswagon bugs. It takes all day. you got to start at the crack of dawn. So we prep My husband is Mr. Campper. He's a Kns alum. He was on the Kns advisory board, which basically mean the guy loves to live outside. The man would live in a yurt if I allowed him to, But I'm not gonna to allow him to because you smell when you camp in a yurt, but that's a different story. So here we are. We have been prepping for a week Chris had spent the entire day before the drive picking up the pickup truck We were constantly checking the lists constantly like, you got this, you got this. And of course, we are all over our three adult kids because we think they're the ones who are not going to remember something important So we pull into the park A eight hours in the pickup truck, and all of a sudden I realized M My Godd. My hiking boots or sitting. in freaking Vermont Eight hours from here The only shoes that I have are Birkenstocks. Luckin suck to climb a mountain When I realize this, I I My hands on my face and just bowed my head Everyone in the car went silent Here's what we did Turned around We drove forty five minutes in the wrong direction because Baxter State Park is in the middle of nowhere We found a tiny farm supply store And there between the muck boots and the work boots was a single pair of hiking boots. brand new And they were my size. Now they werere a little tight They were extremely stiff, which If you know anything about hiking or doing a five K or doing anything, you do not buy brand new things that you do not break in for this kind of thing, but I'm going to tell myself. I said, that's it. this is a sign. This is a sign that everything's going to be okay. And I told myself These boots are going to be unbelievable. These boots right here, these are going to be magic boots. And you know what happened I climbed the mountain Telve hours, zero blisters The thing that I want to say about this is that One of the things that I'm super proud of about that moment You get a choice about what your mindset is going to be And I could have easily allowed my mindset and my attitude to be, okay, well I have boots but I'm screwed. I'm going blisters is the size of Mount Cataden by the time we're done. I'm never going to make it up the mountain. This is going to be horrible. might even be better in my berkin stocks. This is going like these aren't going to work If I had gone down that road guarantee you I would' have had blisters the size of Mount Kataden, and I wouldn't have made it up the mountain. Because in that moment when I saw the boots and I'm like, these are my size, I can make these work. And I'm going to start telling myself, theseese are going to be the best boots on the planet. I am not going to have blisters. I swear to God, mind over matter. and it taught me an important lesson your settings in your mind about what you believe is going to happen change what is going to happen You get a choice about whether or not you're going to say today's going to be a good day or, oh God, today's going to be horrible You get a choice about whether or not you say, I can figure this out. It's going to be better than I thought or I'm screwed And so think about something right now. that you're dreading or that you have a negative attitude about. And I want you to apply What I just told you about the hiking boots to it. What could you say to yourself instead Can you say? I can figure this out. I'm under prerepared, but I can figure this out I'm nervous and I can still do it This is going to go way better than I think it's going to. I can make in a mistake and still like have an incredible experience and learn for it. That's what I want you to do in your life. And honestly, that's what I'm choosing to do about this incredible trip. going down the Grand Canyon And what I'm really excited about when I think about why I'm looking forward to this is that when you, Chris and I were younger and our kids were really little, This is what we did all the time. We were always camping We did this before we had kids. Chris and I were always fly fishing or hiking or camping or out in the back countountry. In fact, our honeymoon, we went on a fly fishing trip to Montana in the middle of nowhere, Twin Bridges. give you a big shout out there. Part of it is because we both love being outside. I grew up in Western Michigan and was always outside And Chris grew up king and skiing in Vermont and You know, that was part of our life. and then what happens Life happens Kids, work, schedules, sports, bills agging parents, dogs, homes, responsibility. and little by little The things that you used to do, They just somehow slip through your fingers and drift out of your life, notot because you don't love them anymore because you stopped making room for them And I think that's one of the reasons why I'm so excited about this trip there's something in your life There's something that you used to do. And often when somebody asks you, what are you looking forward to, you think about things that are new But maybe there's something to look forward to that's you bringing back Old. something that makes you feel like yourself again Maybe you need to pick up the guitar Maybe you need to sign up for dance lessons. Maybe you need to takeake a Saturday and go fishing for the afternoon. I mean, what did you used to do that made you feel alive What did you and your partner do When you were first dating, what did you actually love to do before life got so full Did you cycle all the time? Chris used to do that. He used to do triathlons. Would you sit in a coffee shop and read for hours? wereere you in a book group Did you play tennis Did you paint See, having something to look forward to is important becausecause it reminds you that your life isn't just about what you're dealing with today. It helps you pull your head out of the routine and look ahead and go, oh yeah Oh yeah, I get to enjoy my life It makes you feel excited again. It gives you a little spark. So what is it for you you're looking forward to. and it doesn't have to be something big Maybe it's a wedding that's coming up. Maybe it's one of your kids that are coming home. Maybe you're playing in a golf tournament Maybe you're realizing, wait, I don't have anything and maybe that's why I feel so down. I need something to look forward to. You know, one thing you could do is you could reach out to friends It's our thirtieth wedding anniversary this year. And you know Chris and I talked about whether or not we were going to do a big party. And one of the things about a big party, they're a lot of fun, but When you're hosting a big party, do you ever really talk to anybody Of course not, neeither do I, because I'm busy throwing the party And so I said to Chris instead, why don't we just make a list and Let's pick all of our favorite friends that don't live near us And let's schedule like five weekends where we invite people to come hang out with us or we go to them And so another thing that I'm looking forward to, steal this idea, is we have groups of friends. comoming to Vermont and groups of friends gathering in other places, five different weekends. And in fact I'm going to invite you to one of them right now because one of the weekends is August twenty first I am doing something so cool and I want you to come hang out with me. I'm throwing out the opening pitch for the Red Sox. It's a Friday night game at Fenway Park at seven PM Your friend Mel is going to be on that mound. I'm going to launch that ball. I'm going to be practicing. I want to make you proud, but it's let them night And our daughter Kendall is singing the national anthem and you can get tickets and you can come hang out with us. And I would love to have that experience to look forward to with you. And we've got a ton of friends coming into Boston to be able to be at the game that night. They're playing I know you're going to ask me. so they're playing the S Franisco Giants. It's august twenty first Fenway Park, talk about an epic summer night to look forward to, pllus it's let them night. Plus there's a bobblehead. Y It's the first time in Red Sox history that they are doing a bobblehead to honor a woman. So if you're in the Boston area or if it's always been on your bucket list to experience Fenway Park and an evening Friday night game with the Red Sox in that historic stadium, come hang with me and then we both have the same thing to look forward to I've been blabbing on and on. I'm looking forward to the Grand Canyon Trip. I'm looking forward to all of these groups of friends that we're going to be seeing. I'm looking forward to Let them Night at Fenway Park on august twenty first and seeing you there Now it's your turn What are you looking forward to If there's nothing that comes to mind or there's nothing in the calendar Don't feel bad about that It's just a cue.