Reflecting on Podcast Ad Reads

Evening, buyers remorse. Buy a new car, I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even't have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no No, no buyer's remorse. More like buuyer' rejoice I guuess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyers rejoice. buuy your car today on Carbana. Limitations and exlusions may apply. See here your Sund dayay return policy, Carban dot comoty'sy Renolds from Mit Mobile Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited premium wireless for fifteen dollarars a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made fifteen dollars bills, but it turns out That's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try at midmobile dot com slash swwitch. Upr payment forty five dollars for three months, ninety dollars for months or one hundred eighty dollars forel month plan requred fifteen dollars month equal to taxess extra, and'll planllermoney be greater than fifty gigabytes slow netor busy ts. Mom, can you tell me a story? Sure. Once upon a time, a mom needed a new car. Was she brave? She was tired, mostly But she went to carbana dot com and found a great car at a great price, no secret treasure map required. Did you have to find a dragon? Nope, She bought it one hundred percent online, fromom her bed actually. Was it scary? Honey, it was as unscary as carbine could be. Dides a car have a sunroof? It did actually. Okay, good story. Carbine you'll want to tell stories about. Buy your car today, on Delivery fees may apply. Good evening, Alice Hello, Brett. How are you The sun is set. It is dark. Sun has found its place in the western sky. It is dark. It is dark And this is after that is after that. What's up Alice? How's it going? Hello hello helloll hell hello I just think about how like every children's book is like The sun has set. Good night, sun, good night, moon. goodood night, all these things and this is like hello after dark. There you go. There you go Oh my goodness So So Stax season analyys. I saw here. Can I brag? I'd love for you to brag. No one should follow my tax advice whatsoever So I think I've told you this before. I have worked for the government for a very long time, not anymore, but like for some reason, I'm like audited every year. I get letters, they have a love affair with me. They love me. I get letters from the IRS all the time. By the way, never have I been wrong. They're always wrong, right? It always ultimately ends up with, you're right, we're wrong Last year more than a year ago, in fact I got a random Charge It was like not that much money. It was like dozens of dollars, right? So this is not like some huge bill. but I was like, huh Why do I owe you like fifty dollars? This is strange And so it's not obvious because it was like, you owe fifty dollars because of code six four three two dash one semicolon dash star. And I was like, huh, I looked it up. By the way, I was like, of course I want to the tax code was not clear. And by the way, they had a typo as well, but I referenced it and I was like, okay Okay, so it's one of like ten items. It was a part of the tax code that was like you assessed a fee plus some percentage and I did the math in my head and the percentage added up to this amount if and I had like ten different things and none of them applied to me except for maybe one Basically after way too much time, way too many attorney hours My own attorney hours. I figured out that they assessed a penalty on me because One of my bank accounts, let me scoot back. Okay, essentially my bank account was closed because of fraud. And so they tried to withdraw from a bank account and then they assessed me a fee because it was a closed bank account. Okay. so in general, I understand if you try to give them, you know, a bounce check or something, that all makes sense. But the tax ce is very draconian So what happened was I'm a responsible citizen And just like our podcast, I try to schedule all of my tax payments well in advance of when they're due. So if a due day is the fifteenth I schedule it to withdraw from a bank account five days before. This is just my common practice. I am way risk averse So that's what I had done. And I had scheduled these a full year in advance. and there's all the paper trail to show it, right? I scheduled these tax payments a year in advance In that year, like many of us, I was a victim of identity fraud. and they broke into, you know, stole all the things and so My bank. closeed down my bank account so that they couldn't steal more money. And I was like, yeah, of course that happens, but this was a whole year ago And so in that year, you know, all my other life went on and then come five days before one of these like pret tax payments. It wasn't like big tax payment of april fifteenth. This was like I'm giving you money ahead of time and it tried to withdraw five days early and it was a closed bank account And then I got the notification and immediately on the same day, still five days before the deadline, I paid the tax And they still sent me this bill for fifty dollars and I was like, o. no, like no, no, no, there's been no harm, no foul. absolutely not. So I wrote this long You have to fit it within a form. It's like form five nine six three dash one And you have to fit it within the form. It's not editable. So I had to handwrite it And I explained that I' the exact kind of citizen that they don't want to be penalizing. And just so you know Our accountant was like, D't fight it, you'll never win. This is a waste of your time. And I was like, account it, ye of little faith, I shall fight. Just for the record, he's totally right. It was not worth my time This fight has gone on for eighteen months. I was totally in the right. I was like, look, I am the citizen who scheduled a payment a year in advance and I was the victim of identity fraud and that was no fault of my own. That's why the account closed and I got the notification. it' still paid five days in advance. Give me my nonnoney back. And they didn't for eighteen months. and then today wow I got a check for fifty dollars. Wow. But no apology letter. And guess what? eighteen months of my life. Oh, you want to know something funny? I would love to know something funny. mr. Alice was like about twwelve months ago, he was like, I love your desire to fight everything. But This is giving me a stress ulcer. Can we please pay the fifty dollars? Like never. And I said Fine, I will pay it, but I will not drop So I paid it. And I sent a letter that said, I am not letting you off the hook I won and they gave me my money back and Our accountant And my husband had no faith in me They were just wrong they were Oh and no interest. So this is totally not worth my time. Hey, it's the principle that matters Tax the tea was only a few cents, but that didn't stop us from dumping. Exactly you dumped that tea And I'm not even gonna to cash this in out of principleal. I'm going frame it I am in a frame. I should because it's like, I think it costs more to print it on this really pretty paper than is the actual They'll probably charge you a fee for not cashing. you don'tash They send to you Wink. And then they'll tax you. Y'all, y'all She did give me interest on it. It says interest. a dollar ninety four cents. ninety four cents Because by law just so you know, by law, they have to. If they erroneously take your money, they do have to. So I was about to like write another letter and' be like, you owe me a dollar ninety four c. But I didn't. A dollar ninety four. Too bad it wasn't like A million dollars or something. I know. I know But I'm really proud of myself. I could really I really proud of myself because nobody believed in me and I did it for justice. And by the way, just so you guys know, this was a beautiful piece of writing. I don't have it anymore becausecause you have to send it in by paper copy. I wrote in there that it wasn't about the money that they can keep their money if they want, but I knew that I couldn't stand here and face injustice because there are so many others where this money could be the difference between paying rent or their bills and not and I'm standing up for everyone who is in the face of the draconian regulation that needs to be overturned and that I was speaking up for everybody. I don't think they really cared And I called them incessantly too I care I care. I think You did the right thing You did the right thing. You know, it's America's two hundred fiftieth anniversary. You're patriot. Basically like one of the founders I I don't It's like we wanted toame our founding fatherers. Anbody know North Church. That was you So changing topics slightly, if that's okay with you. I know Yeah no, I'm like I'm living on clloud nine right now. Speaking of taxpayer money Have you been paying attention to the moon I know we talked about it when they did the lies. Why would I not pay attention to? It's been awesome. It's been really cool. Amazing Yeah. They saw the dark side of the moon, man. When they took the picture of the moon from the far side of the main because it's notice actually dark.. So when they took the picture And it was an eclipse from that side. I know. And you could see the planets. Oh, that was so cool. It was incredible And like to hear their excitement have gone farther than any other, you human has gone and to see something that no one's ever seen before. It's just it's like amazing because they've trained their ent whole lives for this, but to hear the just like sheer excement of it, I was like, cool, 'causeuse that's how I feel on Earth watching you do it. Can't get the toilets store. Tots keep stopping. But you know, the astronauts Being trained as a plumber That's true. I was watching that poop cruise documentary. Did you ever watch that one about the ag we talked about this how I was on the poop cruise. How have you not talked about this? No, you weren't I was on the poop cruiselease No, you weren't. The time the one I documentary about. Listen for one second. I was on the poop cruise and it broke down for two days at sea and they were able to get us back to dock and they turned around and used the same boat and that is the poop cruise, but it is the boat I was on narary three days earlier Wow And we couldn't be on the case because it was out of the port in the district that I was clerking because I had gone on it on a CLE cruise with my judge. So we were all on the poop cruise and we had jurisdiction over the case and could not do it Because we were on the boop creuise. Wow Have we noted about? No? We haven't. This is why I haven't been on a cruise since This a reason. I think, in fact, we've even talked about, you're like, do you want to do a Disney cruise? No like No Mitch in passing, but I didn't realize it was like I have not been on a cruise since that experience. So that one Poop was running down the wall. So no joke. I mean, we were floating at sea for like twenty four hours, but we were delayed by two days. and it was horrible, but it did not reach the levels at which it did. But part of the reason it turned into such a lawsuit was because it happened on our. So they should have done. Yeah. They knew. and by the way, while it was happening, we heard from the crew that it had happened two cruises earlier on the same. And in the documentary, they mentioned that that there had been previous problems. they had am the previous. I am the previous. Everybody got sick on it because I mean, there were no stabilizers or whatever. they had to conserve energy. And so like we had lights on because they still had ennough eng but they didn't know how this was going to last. The reason the poop crews was so bad is they were out there for so long. So they would turn on the lights and then they turn them off to conserve energy. We had food, but it wasn't like an all you can eat buffet, because it was like, we might be out here for a day. We might be out here for a week. We don't know. And so it was like a little intense at the time And we couldn't use the bathrooms, simimilar situation. we could use them at certain times. It was horrible And I was in a room with like three other girls. So there were four of us in the room And we were just like swaying Wow, Let's see If you just on a week later, you could' have been on the documentary? No, no, I don't want to be on that documentary, but I have how many years ago was that fifteen years? I had not been at a crise like then. twenty twelve, twenty eleven? twenty twelve. You know, I graduated in twenty twelve. I clit twenty twelve to twenty thirteen. Wow I was on the poop cruise. That's great. Aual poop cruise. That's Pree poop cruise You're on the you're on the poop boat It wasn't poop de. So I haven't actually watched that documentary because it's like too much. too a pictureingsrom that cruise. Yeah a Carnival cruise I w wantan to say it. Yeah, it was Carnival Pardoival Cruiseman. Wow. No, I didn't get my money back. Seriously. They called it an extra Vacation. Wow. They' like you should pay us for that extra day that you got. I just showed you how much I knew at the time because I was it was my first year at law school. I didn't know anything. I was like twenty five And I was like, cool I don't have anywhere to be. Wow That's wild. I didn't expect that to go that way, but sorry. So you were going to talk about the poop Cuise. goo for it. Well, I just it reminded me of them being stuck on the spaceship without the because there's that guy There's this guy on the documentary it's like He's like, I will not use the red bags. And his whole thing is like avoiding using the red bags the whole time And he just made me think of him. But I didn't expect you would have actually been on the ship. so That works out. I ruined your story. No, it didn't ruin story at all. You made it even better. You made it amazing Man, I like I have like bumps on my arms from remembering how horrible that was. It smelled so bad. Like people I don't think I could have existed back in the days when everything was hot, there was no air conditioning and no one had deodorant or showers. because people just smelled bad, like in general. Yeah, people stink pretty fast. People stink' all bad And you know, the water on the ship is not potable, like unless they clean it. R. And there were all there were all these people because it's a carnival cruise. so there were a lot of like college students. They loved it because there weren't always lights. so they would just hang out on the deck in the pool for like days I'm not getting in that pool Well at all That's crazy That's just w. Anyways, that was great. Well that's really wonderful. There you go, Al, let's go out to the story Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to steal the show there, but that was No that brought back a lot It' going to become the defining part of this episode. I mean, as great as you're beating the IRS is, the fact that you were on the poop cruise is I was on the poop cruise. so gross. And we read about it in real time because you know, we got back to port and it was like three days later after we got back to port that the news broke and and everyone was following They turned that boat around and out. Y. They literally just sent it back out and that's part of the lawsuit. And then disaster struck cp was ra down the on the walls Yeah. I mean, can you imagine, though,, I guess you can' imagine because you under that circumstance. It smells so bad. I mean, there's like thousands of people on a cru ship. There's tons of people. thousandousands of people So I' my kids have never been on a cruise They will never go on a cruise. Certainly not with me. L they can go by themselves, but I'm not going with them. I went on a cruise and it was great. I enjoyed it. I'm sure they're great in principle, but after that happened, just can't ever again. And you know what, then I think back so the only other time I've gone on a cruise was in college. It was like senior year or spring break or something like that. And my friend reminded me that we each paid something like two hundred thirty dollars to go on a five day cruise No wonder, it was terrible I mean, we thought it was great, but I was like, how does that even cover like the fuel or the food I don't w want to know. I don't want to know how they cut corners. They cut corners on everything else, apparently. The Booper anyways. Wow. There you go That was awesome Thank you, Alse for that story. I don't know how we're going to top that. so Unless there's something else you want tona talk about, I think we should go ahead and sign up. Yeah, I'll talk about one other things. Okay. ee seeee what you can do. Let's do it.id Did I already wait, did I already tell this story? I have no idea. There With you ask, There is no telling what is going come out of your mouth. I mean I'm surprised you were' like, Yeahah, actually, you know, I went to space once that's there. is the last place I want to go. Really? That's terrifies me. I can't remember I told this story recently, but I don't think I told it to you. So if I've already told it, I'll just stop telling it. But okay, have I told you how my oldest is just like, he is me He's a scaredy cat. likeike he is afraid of E. So this is part of the reason that we have never watched any movies. like everything is too scary for. Wh are you drinking It's Irish whiskey Is it that hard dog going to make? No, I just take a shot of whiskey. I I didn't bring any I didn't bring anything to drink because I thought we were gonna do the end of Jade Beasley and I wanted to be completely It to do it. and then we didn't get to the end. I was like, man, I should have bought myself a bourbon But I didn't. I that's really funny. It's that bad that you have to drink from the bottle when I'm telling a story. No.lease Everyone was sick this weekend. And so I was like, you know what? L I was the only one not sick. so I was taking care of everybody and it was like horrible. And I was like, okay, we had to turn on a movie because everyone was crying. it was horrible. And I was like, we're gonna to turn on a movie. And I was like, what movie can I pick That will not scare not the three year old by the way, but the the eight year old R R. I mean, really think about it. this is an actual question. Hotail Transylvania. you had to babysit my children and let me just be clear, like finding Nemo was scary And so are all of the old classic Disney movies because somebody dies. Bambi is scary. They' terrifying. The classic Disney movies are the worst. They are actually the worst. They're scary. So like they're very so I was like, I got the perfect one. Sound of music, right? Because they actually have a field trip and they're gonna to go watch sound of music. this is perfect. They want to watch sound of music. It's three hours long. Mom gets a lot of time So no one can be scared of Julie Andrews and Sound of Music, one of the best movies of all time, by the way And so we're watching it and, you know, everyone's enjoying it. It's great, whatever. that night It's three AM A child walks in my room. And by the way, like we don't let kids in our room at night, like they have to be like. So you watch the whole movie, no problems No problems, right? Like we watched it in the daytime. It was bright daytime. We'd go throughout the rest of our day. I put my sick kids to bed three AM, my oldest walks in the room. and he never walks in there likeike, he's eight. You know, we're past like nightmare stage. And I was like, what is wrong And he was like, When Lasel climbed through Maria's window veryery beginning, the very beginning, right? This is raindrops on Rses. It made me realize that a zombie could climb through my window too. And he burst into tears and I was like, zombie.' not allowed to laugh at you right now, but like to laugh. So ridiculous. And so I had to talk him through how a zombie can't climb and that Lzel climbing through a window doesn't say anything and that he's gonna be perfectly fine in his second floor. I be more concerned about a murderer climbing through his window. That's what she should' have said. Why what about zombies? It could be a murderer Yeah you're not gonna babysit. Have you seen Halloween? I mean, come on.. That is actually horrifying. I know. there actually is some truth to what he said, except not what he said. So anyways, now we can't even watch sound of music. Have you ever seen the secret of NIM Of course not. The secretive Nem is like No, that's t So so good. I don't know what it's about. but's so terrifying So it's like NIM is like the National Institute of Mental Health or something. that may not actually be what it stands for. but It's the secret of the initials. and it's a movie about mice and rats. It's a cartoon And these mice and rats were experimented on. buy this National Institute of Mental Health And so they and they wear clothes and they have a society and like all this other stuff. But it's like, it's set in the regular world. So there's a farmer who's like plowing up the field and like the mice all have to move because they know he's going to destroy their homes. But it is. So intense. It's aw I own it. I bought it on DVD It is so good and so intense. And I watched it when I was like five and you talk about a terrifying movie. I mean, there's this one part with like a block and mud and like and they got swords and they're like fighting. It's wild, but it's awesome. I need to watch it again. It's so good. I'm going to show it to my kid What that when you were five? What was a cartoon? I didn't realize that it was it's like waterh down. It's like super intense cartine. ammazing that. I mean Definitely one of the best cartoons ever made, but I would say of the best movies ever made. I it was just really awwesome movie. A lot of heart Beause you know, the rats are stronger than the mice. so the rats kind of run things. But The main character misses like Frisbee or something H husband was a really well respected mouse. And so the rats really respect her and try and help her because of not to give it away, but he had died at some point Anyways, and there's cats and there's like and it's all very realistic animation like they used to do back in the eighties. Really good reallyally good that would be way too intense Secret of NIM If you haven't seen it?. That's good. If you haven't seen it and you're not Alice, you should definitely watch it. And it' probably one of those movies that It did make me like hardor, just because it was so so intense really good That's awesome All right, well I think that's Is that all we got? Do we have anything else? I'd just like to note that this after dark took less time than us recording ads yesterday. Well I was thinking about how bad business people we are that the ads took half as much time as the episode. It's true. That's true. That really whole ad read should have been an afterdark Let's be clear. I mean, let's just make it an afterdve. Yeah. I mean, that was. It was I had a headache from laughing. It was so it was hilarious. It was so That has to end up on a blooper reel at some point because it was so. It really does. It just it was gott to make sure the advertisers don't listen to it So That's the one thing. We'll lose all our advertisers. They don't want that. Bea we have one advertiser who's very conscientious and listens to every ad and sends us feedback A lot of feedback. a lot of feedback and that's kind of intimidating, but