Parenting Challenges in the US and UK

Your call has been forwarded to voicemail Hi, this is Zoe Deutsch and Nick Robinson. O brand new movie voicemails for Isabel is all about those little moments that feel like the universe is looking out. Feeling homesick Then your sister calls. Hearing that perfect song exactly when you need it Sometimes life rigs things in our favor, like learning about your new favorite ROomC voicemails for Isabel. Oly on Netflix june nineteenth We're talking. in this episode Joe Frost, known to millions as Spernanny, joins us for a conversation about modern parenting, discipline, screen time, and the conversations every family needs to have This week we're talking parenting. reached out to our community. Re, you did that. So can we can we Can we go through some questions? Absolutely. All right. so now I want to ask you, if you know what this is right here Your suggestion boooks Oh for the kids All right. so this is the this is your idea. For the cid. So if you can to tell everyone what's the importance of suggestion box So it gets used in different ways, but predominantly, Um It was to bring bring children to a place that felt it difficult to articulate emotionally what they needed from their families. Okay. An opportunity to write that down. I see. So what we've done is somewhat of that. What we've done is these are not suggestions but questions. Okay, but they have all gone into the box The first question is, what's your advice on navigating screen time with children I know that we have to hold a standard and hopefully, as we speak Lws change that so that we hold big tech and companies responsible But I want to say this and I think it's going to be this comfort for a lot of families Parents are to take ownership of that They have to Meaning we can't just say Oh well our child's using the screen You know, that's what they do now. I'm Paul, I'm watching six month old babies holding phones Yeah, restaurants all the time. You see it all the time. I would encourage and suggest strongly to so many parents to understand when you choose to put a phone in your six month, nine month two year olds hands, what you are doing is prohibiting their development You will That's not to take away the fact that Parents need a break But what do you think parents were doing before twenty ten It's okay for children to cry. It's okay for children to be unhappy. It's okay for children to behave the way they do their children You know I strongly want to encourage parents to recognize that a lot of damage is being done. you know so how are we going to look at how we Limit screen time. Right? with algorithms and safy safeguarding and also recognising that these shows are made differently They They designed differently, flick flick, flick, click flick, like Vegas ping ping ping ping, ping Right? And how are we going to look as a family when they're appropriate to use how long we use them for and the dialogue that we're going to have before we give consent for our children to have them. And most parents will say to me, I don't want my kids to get left out I'm worried about my children being left out You know, and that that cannot be There cannot be the excuse. of why then we throw our children into rooms we would never They were just out on the street because we're leaving our children underrotected. and yet in the real life, we're being overprotective Trust me, my kids wouldn't have added any social media until they're at least seventeen. Ion't do it does somebody clearly distinguish whether this child has ADHD due to the fact that it may be genetic or environmental factors because they show up very similar Yes. They show up very similar and that's the point that I'm trying to make. And I'm old enough and I've been in this industry long enough, this parental game, and I've seen it come around twice I've seen this is the second time I've seen it come around now. Gness. Wh we had You know, where we had parenting that was very strict And then very lenient and soft And then come in strict and now soft again you know, um Timeouts were demonized You know, I modified the nineteen hundreds timeout. Yes, you know, nothing like that. Again blanket social mediaas if timeouts were demonized And your modification on the timeout is at the step Yes or a space Or a space. know at the time when you saw Superan, it was put on a step Right? It was a step or a mat or it could be if you were in a living room, it might have just been that chair You know? to reset But again, the blanket message went out there as I'm Oh, it's abandonin That's not abandonment Being in the same room and three feet away There's a space there for a child You sit there and you're here Abandonment You know, I think We've got to a point where we've really gott to be careful about the language that we're using. Oh yeah, it's extreme You know, so in disclosure for myself and my wife, we used timeouts or should I say? we used we have a fifteen year old out, no more timeouts. but we used them profusely we use them and found them to be veryer effective Because you were emotionally intelligent with your children too And you see, if you are parent who is not Ying and yang. Right? So my methods, you know, call it the frost method, right? Okay The frost method is to be able to emotionally connect with your child to be grounded in your communication so that you can instill healthy boundaries to reset the circumstance at the time. you cannot keep thinking to yourself, o, I'm going to do a time out. I'm going to keep doing a time out to control the child to get them to do something. A timeout will not teach a child how to use a knife and fork properly T work Yes. What are the steps to an effective timeout The steps to an effective time out is to recognize first and foremost your values, your family values understanding what's a deal breaker for you So know your values first, what's acceptable, what isn't Okay, as parents raising your children and Teach your children the importance of connecting in understanding what it looks like to be kind to another human being what it looks like to Um Have manners and etiquette and sit at a table, to be considerate of friends when they come around to play. Connect with your kid first, with your child first. Teach them And then When you see the behavior that's been crossed, the the rule that's been broken because boundaries are about us, right? You uphold your boundary And upholding that boundary may look like this is unacceptable, this is not okay. And at this moment, you know We're going to be doing a time out. So I always teach families to give a child a warning first. R? Because it allows a child to make a decision. Now some parents will say, And some experts will argue, well, they don't really know. They don't know how to make that decision. But I think we underestimate children le because I know children that exactly know how to get what they want because they've been taught by their parents. Yes, right? Y. And they're young. Yes. And they're young. Yes. Right. And then oh my child, they just can't sit down for five minutes. Have you ever watch a child sit down five minutes for chocolate lolly All the time all the time? No, like we underestimate children. So the steps are a warning calmly Right? at eye level And we let go, we let go of that. We've said to them We don't want you climb you know on the tops of the counters of the kitchen. It's dangerous. You need to get down, you need to stop doing that Okay, that's enough. And Joe, why is eye level important because I believe the body language speaks more so than sometimes what we're saying. So I want alignment I want what you say to align with how your body is. So the importance of body language and the integrity of your word must be in alignment. What I want children to feel is the sense of calm authority becausecause we're there to guide our children You know, I want them to sense that like, oh You know Mommy said I can' do that You know, in the same way, while she said I could do that. The integrity of your word. Just on that note too, is as you talked about the importance of your child always feeling safe in your presence something that Um U I'm I'm I'm hoping this goes away as quickly as possible, but it still seems that it exists in many places of the world is spankings. beatings sllabbing etceter Yes, I'd like it to be banned. It is banned in other countries, Scotland and Wales and other places in the world. I would like the UK to ban spanking, smacking children. They may be eighteen months, two years, they are a whole human being. If we did that to another adult, there would be severe consequences for doing so. And so why are we in a space where we're even having a discussion about parent who has the privilege to raise another human in this world to hit. them That doesn't that's about Complliance and control We already know. we know the evidence out there. We got the science out there. we know enough damage that that can cause in the relationship I would love to see that law changed in Parliament And I do know that they're Um I do know that there has been action last year with respects to that coming up in the Houses of Commons and in parliament about banning that and I would like to see that continue. Yes. we get to a place of that. I'm right with you. I'm right with you. All right Next question is what do you say to the people who question you giving parenting advice when you do not have children Ready to soundtrack your summer? With Redull Summer all day play, you choose a playlist that fits your summer vibe the best. Are you a festival fanatic, a deep end DJ, a road dog, or a trail mixer? Just add a song to your chosen playlist and put your summer on track Red Bull Summer all day play, Red Bull gives you wings. Visit reedbull. com slash bright suummer Ahead to learn more. See you this summer Study and play. Come together on a Windows eleven PC. And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the unreal college deal, everything you need to study and play with select Windows eleven PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft three hundred sixty five premium, and a year of Xbox GamePass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller ear more at windows d. com slash student offer. Law Supplies last ends june thirtieth turns at aka. mS slash college PC does a doctor need to have cancer to treat cancer You know Again again, it's very It's a very sort of egotistical standpoint you have to give birth to a child to be able to have any say in what is good for another human being and how they are raised, you know What does that say for those that adopt children in the world? for those that have you know haven't biologically given birth. You know, what does it say about those parents So, you know, again, They're entitled to their opinion but I see it more as defense. you know, I see it more as sort of talking and becoming a mirror and then people are just sort of intellectually lazy in finding a negative response to that, right? Yes. I think we have two more. That's it Okay Oh, this is a great one What is the difference between plan in the UK versus the U.S. So A lot of people will say, Paul, why are you in the UK Like, you know, I always get this, Wh are you in the UK? Where we lived in um, in the United States. We did not know our child come back home a lot. Like there was there was an open question mark if they were to go out W they be able to would they be able to come back, right? Absolutely. Specifically as a result of gun violence. right? This was a question that we had And then you add on to that racism. Correct with gun violence. And that increases the likelihood specifically of my black child. Correct. Not coming back home. Correct And then weutely we get to the UK and yes, the UK has lots of problems. Yes, but that specific problem was not at the same level, not at the same magnitude. And it became not even a question for us at that at that moment on And I don't think it would be for me at all You know, because I've I've I've watched I've watched my husband Be profiled, spread Eagle you know, in in A nice part of America Right I say it nice part Right Becauseuse' was would say it was a nice part of America. And then you realize what they're talking about is, you know, a part of America where there's hardly any black people living in Right you know, it just I just want to keep it real help. Yes, you know Living in this country right now in America is extremely difficult and extremely frustrating But this You know this? This conversation is a difficult conversation Because it was only several days ago that there was a woman's showot she's a mother. She's a mother. Absolutely. You know what? I'm so glad that you're talking about this because I think if you are not, um, If you are not someone who loves children. If you're not someone who's aware of children, this probably doesn't hit your radar But you know that there is not one morning when this is in London, right? where where my children are going off to school where I'm not consciously aware where I feel my stress level elevated just process of them going to their bus and then ensuring that they're at school And in the moment that they I get that text at school, stress level drops, I can now really go about my day. But then on their way back, it's stress level goes up Can they get back to the house? They're back at the house? stress level goes away. And that's every day, every day, every day, every day. And in the UK, you know, as in America, because again, there used to be that moment maybe twenty years ago, you go, Oh, it's a little bit behind and then it's going to catch up But now with social media, one thing goes out the whole world you know, sees it. And that that that has been a very good thing Right? Because it's been able to show a lot of negative and some justice that needed to be taken place or justice that isn't being taken place, right However, it doesn't diminish the fact that we have parents living in both countries with an enormous amount of anxiety And that just Man, that punishes the body. It takes the toll, it takes its toll on the body You know O time, you think, oh, it's okay, you know? And then over time, over time, it just chips away and that chips away at the decisions you make and the amount of energy that you have And you know, the projection then on your family You know, it's difficult for families. It's really difficult for families. and at a time, but it's really difficult for families I'm asking families to dig deeper deeper and go, am I just going to watch this all pass? or am I going to take my family and put it on the map and go, theseese are the decisions we're making for twenty twenty six. We need to talk we need to talk We need to talk. We need to sit around a table, you and I, we need to talk about our kids We need to talk about the decisions we're going to make from here to June. We need to talk about what we're going to do to make sure that actually we are close as a family, but we've also got our own space. We need to offload ourself. We need to be in a space with our partners where we can just be vulnerable. You know, I love the idea of this But I'm fucking petrified You know, and I will fight to and now. for our family But boy scares me I hear you. I hear you. It's al right to feel scared because I feel the same way as well We'll be undue by vibes We can do it byh you What will we do about it together? Like let's talk about this. You have to talk You have to talk. Yeah. it's truly where it begins and ends. It really is in the conversation. And I've always believed that the harder the conversations we're able to have, right? Yes. justust the higher quality of life we get We have to have those conversations Not all of us know what to say. I don't I don't know all the time what to say Sometimes Ill stumble You know, and I'm well versed with communication. you know and the levels of what that means But you know, Sometimes Sometimes we can't find Wds That's for what our heart feels at times Sometimes we just can't Is the energy there? that that other person can feel that. Is the intention true? Is it genuine? Is it loving? Because if it is, whatever's going to be said, we know it was coming from a good place. Yes. Because people generally want to do good? Yes. They do want to do good.es. They might have not said the right thing and we are very we can be forgiving. You know to our truth friends, and I know they're the bessengers out You know, they they lovever somehows bit, but you know they went well. The intention, intentionality is everything. It. And it's interesting because in the romantic relationship space, it's always about intentionality. Same thing with parenting. It is. Same thing with parenting. Because if you get that right then you Children. They're very forgiving. Look how many times his parents grew up Unconditionally, your children Yeah, it still there Like al right, dad. you know, but can you say can you apologize Can you apologize to your children Can you turn around and say You know what? I I just lost it and I'm sorry And I'm so sorry. Yeah. you know what? I lost my call. You knows what's really resonating with me is as I'm reflecting on the conversation we had is for those new parents for those who haven't yet had the child, but are pregnant thinking about the child just had the child, right? This is going to be so valuable. Well, so you know, I've I've literally I've had that. likeike I've had, you know, I remember I was in Chicago airport And a couple came up to me. and they're like, Ohh my God, we watch your shows. We watch our shows all the time. We Like just look, I just got engaged. Like we watch your shows. We're gonna to have children. We're going to have children. Like would what advice would you give us? And I'm like, well, first and foremost, congratulate us, right?ight All I will say to you right now in this stage, talk to each other. talkalk to each other about how you were raised, what you loved about it, what you didn't love about it, you know, how you want to raise your own children, what's important to you? What do those values look like? You work in this relationship department, Paul. Like you know much time and effort and talking when you're dating someone? Like you're all there, you're taking them out.'re not, you put down the phone, no you put down the phone, No, you put down the phone, I put down the phone No, you put down the phone. And you know, you're like all hyped up and you're talking and you go out for dinner and no, no, no, no and then invite Marriage happens Cick Stops crickets. Like everything stops and you're like ha. Oh Yes, right But you have to also Because again, I'm putting in the decades of seeing this. used to also realize that there has been media That is also conditioned, that's changing now, women. like you would see in magazines O this is how you capture the man of your dreams. and this is how you, you don't ask him about how many children he may want. or don't ask him, you know about this. And you're like, no ask becausecause if you're sitting in front of somebody that can't answer those questions or is offended by those questions, than you very much. That was really nice. Goodbye. Yeah Thank you very much. I think I'm going a second date now. you know. I mean to the point of even when you were talking about Um Uh, you know, you're talking about the importance of that emotional connection is like you have to talk You know, you talked about we need to talk, right? What do we need to do in twenty twenty? It's like this is the this is this is the through The through is in the conversation. The through is in is have the courage to show up and when you show up, you will be rewarded Al You will be rewarded one hundred percent of the time And if you want to hear the full unfiltered stories from today's guest, you can check them out We need to talkal page. Drop a like, leave a comment, and hit subscribe. See you next week Spring to slid into your DMs. Grab that booho look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up Springs Calling Ross, work your magic.