Biological Age Test Results

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Uh I'm intimidated by you and frightened. It's time to reveal your biological age. Joe, chronologically you are 37 years old your biological age is Joe Lyset welcome to what's my age again would you like you to hear your intro read in front of you I would love that.hing Somet that I've started doing. Could I read my own intro? Yes, please. Hello and welcome to What's My Age again, the only podcast where our guests where gosh, it's hard to do that. The only podcast where we ask our guests to give us their blood . Today's guest is a stand up legend, political prankster, incredible artiste and cherished father and partner. Some of that is true. Okay . From cutting his comedy teeth in the north to dazzling our screens with his quick wit and cunning complaints letters, the artist formerly known as Hugo Boss has cemented himself as one of the most loved comedians to come out of the UK, all bang on. That is bang on. If he's not busy filming Travel Man, which is currently on the shelf, not decommissioned, they don't decommission things now, they just leave it on the shelf And late night Lyset also on the shelf. Then you can find him behind his easel painting some of the most established figures of our time. From Lisa Scott Lee to Liz Truss, he's covered the wheat and the chaff, that's offensive. But it's not all been plain sailing. He's suffered from loss, anxiety, and going through therapy. All of that correct. Has sticking it to the man been at the cost of his health? Has a career in the public eye taken a toll on his privacy life? All will be revealed with our groundbreaking test measuring inflammation to a cellular level. What a sentence. I know. Please welcome to the show, Julian Clary. Do you like that intro? I do like that intro, yeah. It's dramatic. Did you enjoy the reading? I loved you're the first guest who has ever And of course you would. I think it's better coming from you. Yeah. There's an arrogance to that, isn't there, that um is fitting, I think. Well you dismissed a lot of the things as being not true. Like how cherished are you as a father and partner? Do you think that you could stand to be more cherished? Oh, always. I I'm I said years ago that I want all living people, and dead actually, to adore me. And uh I think that's still the goal. Yeah. I heard once that Rose West listens to Radio 4. And I thought, I'm on Radio 4. And then I was like, do I want Rose West to like me or not? I was sort of confused about and um I think I do. Yeah. Because I just because I think it'd be useful if I had to negotiate, you know, something with Rose West. What a world that would be. You wouldn't want a murderer to not like you. That's where your problems begin. Yeah. So I'd want her to be like, well, we'll leave him. Um so yeah, I I do think I'm cherished and I feel very loved at the moment and I feel in a a a sort of golden era of my life. Yeah. But it I'm so aware of the sort of um impermanence of it at the moment that like I get very emotional when the lovely things are happening because I sort of think, oh, this is like my son at the minute is so fun and so funny and adorable and fascinating. But I know he's going to evolve into his sort of next Pokemon stage and I'll want to go back to the Charmander and not the Charizard, you know whatever the analogy is. So I'm sort of really holding on to it all and trying to be very present 'cause it's just a lovely age. He's sixteen months and it does get better still before it gets worse. Okay, great. So you've got even better times to come for a little while. And then when's the when's the sort of peak? Um I'll reveal that to you under the clos h. I I think they're kids until nine. Yeah. But I don't know about boys. It might be different. I all the young boys that I know, and there are many. Uh there are many, many adult women can be friends with boys. Yeah. And nothing goes weird. We're not interested in in uh any deviousness with what we could just have kids as friends. I can stop kids on the street. I could stop young girls on the street and be like, Can I get your number? Do you want to babysit for me? Like where do you live? Yeah. And it's fine. I can buy girls drinks. Little boys that I know, they do get very uh almost like nerdy at a certain age. All of the ones that I know, they get like goony. Yes. Kind of six, seven, eight. And Fred, my son, is four and a half. Right. And he's revealed a lot about men to me, I think that as just as a study of one, I think growing a small man from scratch, like they are more sensitive than I thought. But he's into like just dweeby things now. Like and he likes to fight and he's very physical. Oh yeah. This is one thing that's been unearthed in me. Yeah. I love fighting my child. Okay . And he in an in a safe environment. I know. On the bed, bit of wrestling, uh bit of, you know, slapping each other, all of that. Do you think it keeps you young? I a hundred percent. I remember watching a couple of friends of mine, adult men, one of them, Ivo Graham, who's you know, an Oxbridge graduate wrestling in my living room. And I said, I haven't wrestled for a long time. I I don't know when I last wrestled. And it they were having such a lovely time and getting such a dopamine hit from it. And I thought, there is a sort of, I don't know, a kind of animalistic thing in men that I have r found with him where uh I just want to wrestle him on the bed before I put him down for his seven PM bedtime. You gotta fight him. And Fred will say to Bobby, they'll have scheduled fights. Yeah. He'll be like, Tonight I,'m gonna kick your ass. Six PM Yeah. Meet me in the cinema. What is it? And they fight. Well, Jordan Peterson, a Canadian that I hate to quote . I hate to quote him in front of you. He he had a whole thing about it, about how important it is for He's got a lot of things, Jordan Peter. He's got well this is the thing with the guys, the spicy guys, is that they say a few really smart things and then there's the horrible stuff where you have to go, oh, I need to throw all of this away. Louis C.K. before he took his dick out at work. Yeah. Um, he's so many great jokes. And and Jordan Peterson's isolated theories on like dads fighting their young. Yeah. A stopped clock is right twice a day, isn't it, Catherine? Thank you. So on the subject of your son. Yes. You are uh a prankster, an activist. Uh all so many things aforementioned in the intro that you delivered brilliantly. A lot of people thought when he was born that it was a prank. Yeah. Why do you think that is? Well, 'cause I've done so many pranks. And also I think lots of people just think of me th uh most of the public sort of have a a bit of an idea of me, I imagine, but haven't maybe watched my stand-up, haven't uh don't know a lot about me, and so presumed I was gay. And so the idea that I had a a baby with woman was very confusing to them. And I think there was a bit of press interest, one because I'm on the telly, but also because I think they were sort of like, oh, is this like an accident or is he still doing gay stuff on the side? Yeah, I think there was sort of a i intrigue in that regard. And then when it was sort of apparent that I was just wandering around Birmingham with my partner and child, it became very boring to them and we've not been bothered since. But um I think lots of people thought, oh, this will be a prank about, you know, cowpol or something. And spots are right. It was just I will you know, uh uh me and my partner Denise decided we wanted to have a baby and we did 'cause I'm incredibly fertile. Yes. God I'm fertile. It didn't take many tries. Well, you know, I didn't even try. And here we are. Didn't think you could get pregnant the way you do it. And here we are. Was it a surprise? It wasn't surpr ise, no, we we started talking about it and then we just got so curious about it. 'Cause I always said that I didn't think I'd ever have kids but that I would if one happened by accident I'd have a really good go at it. And then I think being in a sort of stable loving relationship, suddenly I was like, oh, it would be fun to have a go at this. And so then once we'd started talking about it, it became sort of an inevitability, really. Yeah. And um the Punisher is now 16 months old. The Punisher. That's what I call him. Does he win any of the fights? Oh, all of them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He sort of um and he he's always found it really funny , things hitting me in the face. And the cowpole, speaking of cowpole, you know the sort of injector thing that they give you. Um he I I extract water from the bath with it and then shoot it in my own face and he finds that so funny. I'm doing that gag too. It's it's a great gag. Have you ever tried squirting it into your mouth and then looking really worried and spitting it out? I haven't tried that. Guess what I'm doing tonight at bath time? He will love it. He loves that. He loves he he likes things hitting him in the face as well. Soft things. He finds that very funny. And that's one thing that uh sort of caught me off guard is comedy in babies is a way that they learn. So I read this article, I think it was in The New Yorker, about how when they do something wrong, you make a sharp sound, like a ah or no or whatever. If they do something right, you go, Well done and you sort of applaud it. But if they do something a bit wrong, like holding a spoon the wrong way round or putting a bowl on the head or whatever, you might laugh. And then they go, Oh, I've not done something as bad to get the sharp sound and I've not got applause, but I've got this other sound, which is so I'm getting I'm doing something a bit wrong, but it's not wrong enough for danger and all that. And so they're trying to make you laugh to learn the world. And I think that's what stand-up is. I think I'm going out and trying to work out is this opinion or thought that I had bad enough that you stop laughing or that you sort of applaud and it's all very virtue signalling? Or is it uh weird enough but relatable enough that you laugh? And I think in a more complicated way, not that complicated, just talking about cock and balls most of the time, but I think it's essentially the same thing that we're just learning through comedy about the world. Do you think that becoming a dad has because it's given you this insight as an example, do you think it's made you a better comedian or do you think it's taken away from your professional success? It's hard to say at this point because I've I've only just sort of recently come back into it. But it's definitely made me more risk averse. And I think comedy, inherent in comedy, is risk and saying things that you're not quite sure how it's gonna go. And I definitely have retreated a lot and um worried about just the collateral damage of if I say the wrong thing or do something uh you know stunt goes wrong or whatever, that there are other people that will be affected now. So I think in the long term it may have made me a worse comedian. But I wasn't that good anyway, so it's fine, you know, a drop in ten percent, no one's gonna notice it's you know in the gutter anyway. Is that part of why you're so protective about your family? Because some people, like me, I monetize everyone in the house. I'm with you you, were really good, I think, at carving out the difference between like this is me, my stage persona, and this is my private life. And that's why people thought it was a prank. family because I think you've always been very protective of your family and I think it's just my background is um that my parents have never and my sister have never wanted to be in the public eye. I always ask them when there's an opportunity for family to go on things and they're always like, No. The only thing that mum and dad did was who do you think you are? 'Cause they felt that that was a like an important thing to do. There's nobody I don't think I ever met anyone famous until I was a sort of late teen or started doing stand up. So there wasn't any there wasn't any of that in my life. So it is a weird thing to do. And that is one thing that I feel is that if I was my age with the environment I have now and hadn't done stand-up, I wouldn't start now because it is a mad thing to do and it's so high risk. So I sort of feel that uh for the punisher it's up to him if he wants to do that later and then be in the public eye because there is an inherent risk in being in the public eye and being known, having your face known and all of that. And if I end up doing something appalling, he can change his surname and no one knows who he is essentially. And with Denise, she just has a job where uh she works with vulnerable people essentially. And so if people know that I'm with her or whatever, it might affect her work essentially. So we just um and also she has no desire. It's weird to do what we do. There's something odd about it. It's desperate. It's pathetic. We should grow up and just get on with doing like a proper job rather than sitting in Bower Media talking about our health. Get a proper life. We both need proper lives. We don't know. Here we are. We love the money. We love the ad adoration. But I do think um it's up to them it's up to the Punisher if he wants to be as mad as me. I don't think we want proper jobs because I started stand-up older than you did. When I first met you, I think you were still a teenager. I started 19. Yeah, I met you so early and you were so beautiful and full of life and so funny already. And I had lived, I'd had jobs, and I d I don't like them. And I think Yeah, jobs are gross. Jobs are gross. And this is fun because without doing this job, I wouldn't have any friends at all. I don't know anyone outside my job and my immediate family. I live far away from my parents and my sisters and my extended family. But one thing I've always admired about you, and this could contribute to uh healthy cellular performance today. Is that you seem to have always had a really rich social life. You have friends that I don't know, friends who've never appeared on Q I. Yeah. You have like groups and you go to the pub with people and you're invested in like family and and I I think that's really good. So do you take is it purposeful that you prioritize rest Yeah, I think so. I get a lot out of it. I I really feel and I'm sure lots of people have this that like I'm not in the coolest WhatsApp group. Do you know what I mean? I have this real sense that like there's there's like a big WhatsApp group and I love all of my old school friends. I'm very fortunate I've got this WhatsApp group with loads of my old school friends. But I know there are subgroups. Like all the women have a group and then slag off all of their partners, which I'd love to be in that group, because I'm slagging them all off as well. And then there's like a few comedy WhatsApp groups, but not really. And then I hear about groups where I'd I'd love to be in that group because they're lovely people. And I I do feel that I kind of I have fingers in lots of pies, but I don't really nurture loads of friendships properly. Case in point, like we've been talking about like me popping around to see or whatever and it's just not happened because I'm lazy and I forget and all of this. That would be the punisher. Well and the punisher is it's entirely his butt. Once you have kids you don't have friends. Yeah. Well it that it has narrowed a lot of my social circle very naturally. But I do um I do really cherish my friends and I really sort of I think about people and I go, I'd love to see them. Why haven't I seen them in ages? And then I look at the diary and I go, Oh well I've got to go on QI. So I can't do it then and you know, I I end up filling the diary and I I I would love to spend more time with I really miss my comedy pals and I think I've loved listening to this podcast because it's it's it's handy having famous friends because you can just listen to them on podcasts. That is useful. You can kind of keep up to date. But um yeah, so but it is it's it is important to me to have um good relationships and good sort of friendships because uh it's uh it's sort of free therapy isn't it essentially my friend Adam who I went for lockdown walks with and who lives in Birmingham, a local publican and we just basically vented for the whole time on lovely rambling walks. And that's invaluable, really. Just uh and I think walking as well. I think when you're face to face with somebody, it changes the dynamic. When you're walking and looking around, I think that's so much better for getting your thoughts out and your because you're not taking in those microexpressions and all those things. So And I don't know how you feel about gender stereotypes, but they do say that for men, they tell women who are in heteronormat ive relationships married to men, like me, that if you want to speak to them, then you do have to be driving or this is why men golf or like you say you were walking with that. That's interesting. Yes, I didn't know that. Yeah. But you So why? I wonder what that is. But like because women are taking in micro expressions as well. But are you just better at d dealing with it? We're better than men. But then I've always really liked you and I like that you you challenge those stereotyps and you bend them all the time and I think that's another reason people thought it was a prank. Yes. Has anyone from the gay community reached out livid ? No. Did does any LGBTQAI you know, queer person think that that whole thing was a prank or like a stage affectation? Oh what mm. That you've just been like incredibly straight the whole time. I think I worry that people feel like that . And um but actually the queer community don't care, basically. There's a lot th th the whole point of the LGBT community is that you sort of you are what you are and there's various versions So I worry about it that I sort of feel like I've um turned my back on them a little bit. I never had relationships with men, so it's sort of I you know I I um w was attracted to and slept with a few over the years. My God. The quality control was not good. No. My friend Lara said to me the other day, she said, When we were at school, you said, I think I'll end up with a woman and I don't remember saying that and she always remembered that . So she I was bang on. I was bang on. My taste in men is so base. It's just like hot bared ugly face. Let's go. Great. And I don't think that's conducive for a long-term relationship. Whereas like my taste in women, I'm so much more interested in uh the presence of women, I suppose, and like the company of women and the minds of women. Whereas men, it is I I do not care. I you could remove the brain, I don't care. It's a physical thing of just like fit. And I just don't think that's um sustainable. Welcome to the heteronormative female experience. So Attitude Magazine have not threatened to take away your seventh hottest man in the world title. No, but that was because I was hot and not because I'd skewed the vote by forcing my Twitter followers to vote for it. Okay. Um so that's you know, that's democracy in ac tion. They can't reverse that as much as they'd like to try. Yeah. Because attitude famously are quite fascist. Um so no, they they will never prize that from my cold dead grip. Okay. This episode of What's My Age Again is sponsored by MedExpress, the UK online pharmacy. If you've been trying to manage your weight but feel like nothing's really working, MedExpress connects you with UK registered clinicians who assess your situation and create a treatment plan to support your weight management goals. 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From poolside snacks to a la carte dining. Book on app, in store or online. You book it, Tui Sort it. At all and Abta Protected. Teas and Cs apply selected hotels only. See website for details. What's on T V? The answer is a lot. There's never been more choice over what to put on the box with an abundance of great new shows, but you can miss them all if you don't know where to look. And that's where the Pilot TV podcast comes in, your essential guide to every show that matters. Each week we sift through the very best in Prestige TV to help you decide what's worth spending your time on and what isn't. So join me, James Dyer, as well as venerable TV critics Boyd Hilton and Kay Rivero and let us help take the stress out of your downtime. The Pilot TV podcast. Because you can't watch everything . I'm gonna ask you some quick fire questions. If you could be Joe Lyset at any age , past, present, or future, what age would you choose? This is interesting. I one thing that's happened since the Punisher was born is I've really got um well I had a period of real nostalgia. And the bit that I w wanted to go back to was lockdown. Sort of like a in the sort of early summer of lockdown, where it was like it was a beautiful summer if you remember, it was like just sunny. And I was on my own, and I was grieving at the time. So I'd sort of like I'd just wake up and I'd go, I'm gonna do some gardening today. Then I'd open a bottle of wine at about one, and that was my day for about three months, essentially. And I remember like waking up, the Punisher had got me up about half five, and I just thought that'd be so nice to just go back to there. But um the the Punisher was was poorly recently, and we had to go into hospital and whatever, and I got a real that real sense of like I would take any pain that you have a thousand times over. I would bulldozer through a nursery to save you, like I would do whatever it takes. And I reedalis I don't want to go back to that point because he's not there. So it is that was a lovely time, but it's gone. So I do truly think now is the era I would like to be in. I don't I don't think there's an era before there's lots of times when I've had you know great um experiences, but actually if I was honest with myself, I was probably massively anxious and drinking my way through it. So right now I think I've kind of I do just think life gets easier and you get you understand yourself better as you go through it basically. So I don't I do have these little bursts of nostalgia, but it is mainly at half five when he's woken me up. Have you always been really good at living in the now? No, I'm constantly somewhere else. So no. But um where I am is normally not an actual thing that's happened. I'm normally in some sort of fantasy land that I created in my brain. I'm I'm normally quite jolly 'cause I've created some sort of weird egg based character that's floating around that's so I I just live in this fantasy area that um is definitely not the the here and now. But you have to do that when you live in Birmingham. Yes. Because otherwise it really does get you down. And you're a creative genius because of it. Well, you know, um some would say that. Um not not anyone who understands art, I would say. Definitely the owners of your paintings, like me. Yes. I have many books. I have a large incredible girth pig painting. You have the pig, yes. Above my marital bed. Yeah. I wonder if that's got anything to uh answer for. Yeah. The girthy pig. Yeah. Does it help in the bedroom, would you say? Well we have like sixteen kids, so I guess. You're welcome. Sixteen punishers. Yeah. Um going back to the grief, do you want to talk about your friend who died from cancer in lockdown? What a question. Well, it's relevant to the test. Yeah, yeah. Because this is what I'm trying to get a picture of. You are such like a wonderful aforementioned creative genius, happy, go-lucky, like really insightful parent now. But you said you had anxiety in the past, and then I know this grief triggered a lot of bad stuff for you, and that could be reflected in the test. Well, um basically, yeah, this is it was basically my best pal . He um he had uh Crohn's disease, which is a sort of uh bowel disease, and he's had it all his life and um and it just got progressively worse and then turned into cancer. And I was around that demise a lot basically. And when I think back to that time , no wonder I was sort of the relief of lockdown and and kind of free space because I was making a TV show, and then when there was any I remember you going up and down and back and forth a lot. And that was just such a lot. And that was like when I did the Hugo Boss stunt, that was at the same time. And so I sort of was with him at the bedside and I was like, I've been asked to go on Victoria Derbyshire. And he was like, go, go. And I had to pretend to be Hugo Boss in Victoria Derbyshire. And then he's a there's just so many like plat But I uh there was a lot of um bodily fluid, for want of a better term, I suppose, and I was around a lot of um vomit. And I then after he'd died, developed this thing where I thought I was gonna vomit at pretty much all times and I couldn't go out for meals I couldn't enjoy a pint and I love pints. Pints are my favourite. Yeah. And I I I'm I'd not even talking about beer. I just think it's a beautiful measurement. Like a pint of water in the morning. Yeah yeah. Pint of lager. Like I'm not really drinking that much at the minute. A guinness cero. Mm. It's a pint. It's a beautiful, creamy pint, lovely, can still drive. Um anyway, so I yes, I had this sort of anxiety thing. I'd go for a meal and I'd be sat there and I'd be like, I'm gonna vomit now, and that's gonna ruin the meal. And I just become obsessed with that, and I was would try and put something in my mouth and just was convinced it would just force a vomit. And so it really and I love going out for dinner, I love all of these things. So it just really kind of narrowed my life. Uh, but I had some brilliant therapy. I had a thing called EMDR, which is an eye movement thing. And it's excellent, or at least it was for me. It really uh really helped sort of process the trauma of what had happened, and I now get little flourishes of it normally when I'm tired where I kind of go, Oh, I can feel that anxiety happening, but I've got all the things in my kind of locker now to deal with it. So I uh yeah, it it doesn't happen anymore and it's um I'm really grateful for the for that therapy. But I think it I'm really grateful to have gone through all of it because I think now anxiety doesn't worry me. And actually if something makes me anxious, I think oh, maybe I should run to wards that. And generally that is the way out of it for me is to go, this thing terrifies me, let's do it twice. You know, I sort of think that's um there's a kind of control and power in that which I really sort of relish. So I think having anxiety is a useful thing in life, and being able to cajole it and not be intimidated by it and just sitting in the uncomfort is uh is something I've learnt to do. She's what kinda going back to what I was saying about the older I get, I don't go, Oh god, I'll feel horrible in that situation. I won't do it. I go, uh so what? You'll feel horrible. Go and do it. Like you'll learn something. And it will never be as horrible as never as horrible as you think it is. No. And I think I'm s obviously very sorry and I remember that time for you when your friend passed away. But um I think sometimes when you have big things in your li fe, like the birth of the punisher, yes, the loss of a close friend, even though you never want to lose someone, it's um it's really centering. You go, oh no, nothing matters. Especially when your son was born. It's like, oh nothing matters. If he's safe and well, nothing matters. And I had that really early with Violet. I've reflected on this as well about uh not just you but my friends with kids. How has anyone done anything? Because the for the first year I took a year off and I was like, I don't know how anyone does anything, because it's so all encompassing. Yeah. And but now I'm sort of out that first year and he's starting to become like a person I would happily have here wandering around. And that I kind of get that it gives you a freedom, because as you say, nothing matters. You kind of, as long as he's fine, you can do whatever gag you want to do or do like make decisions, whatever. So I think it explains your fearlessness to me actually that having Violet so young was and and but going into comedy with Violet actually just gave you like a superpower or definitely. I just did not care that much about , you know, nerves, like pre-stage nerves or uh equally everything mattered a lot. Like I had to perform well, I had to cr generate an income. Yes. 'Cause no one else gonna do it. But ultimately if she was safe and well, I just really didn't but it also removes that I I definitely uh as a father write better. Mm-hmm. That's a terrible sentence, so I obviously don't I I write I I write more productively, I'm more effective with the time that I have because I've only got that time to write jokes and if I don't write jokes that time I don't have jokes. Whereas before him, I was just like, well, I'll write later, I'll have a glass of wine. All of these things sort of you kind of go, I write when I'm inspired. No, you've got to write now. This is all you've got. And I do think there's something in that that like all of those sort of little voices just can't you can't listen to them because you don't have time to listen to them. You've literally the gig is t tonight and you've got to write some jokes for it. So I I do think it's made me more productive. But whether it's made me I don't know, uh, as I say, l less um ambitious with the kind of things that I would do. It's a bit too early to say really, but I do feel that I I feel a r a a retreat happening slightly in the kind of work that I want to do, but I don't know because I get fired up by stuff and I think, oh that's wrong. I sent a freedom of information request to Birmingham City Council yesterday, so I'm I'm still going. We'll see, because sometimes you don't know what you're capable of until you're in it. You might think , oh, if if I expose the family and then it but then again, like you say, you'll be motivated to write a freedom of information letter to Birmingham City Council. Yes. Can you give us a an inside scoop of like the subject? Yeah. So when mentioned the punisher was ill, so I drove to A and E, Birmingham Children's Hospital, parked up, took a little picture of the Ringo number, but didn't immediately go like, oh well, let's just wait while m my son is unwell to just do the Ringo thing. I thought I'll do it when I get in there. And he was being assessed and I was paying for parking whilst he's being assessed. So I was like one eye on him and then and um when for whatever reason there must have been a parking attendant like floating around that area. Especially when he sees you come in. Well exactly. He knows. So slapped a uh the minute and and it's the same minute that I got the parking fine. So I got a parking fine. And I thought them they must be making so much money from people rushing into AE, not paying for parking straight away or whatever. And I think that's morally wrong. If I've got there's an argument for hospitals having car parks if the hospital takes the revenue, which often they don't 'cause it ends up going to Kew Park or whoever, but uh to for Birmingham City Council to just make revenue from parents that are rushing their kids into A and E, I think is morally wrong. So I've put a freedom of information request in to ask them for the last three financial years of revenue from that street and all the neighbouring streets. And I I've listed the streets and the coordinates. I've I know what I'm doing with FOI and I want to know exactly how much money they've made. And even if it's a hundred pounds, I want them to donate it to the Birmingham Children's Hospital Trust. Oh. Because I think that is morally wrong. See that's I mean they are bankrupt and they're not emptying the bins. Whatever. That is nice, Joe. I you know, I've got a lot of time for Birmingham City Council. I've made friends with a lot of Lord Mayors there. You know, I think we're a we're a struggling city and I've got some patients for them, but not for that. No. I think hospital car park's weird thing, isn't it? Imagine driving around, being a billionaire or multimillionaire. And you go, How much how did you make that money? Well, I charged dying people to park. You know that road by the A and E entrance. Yes. That's me. That's me. That's how I made my cash. And I feel good about it. You know, it wouldn't be likable coming from anyone else to hear the phrase, I know my way around an FOI. But from you. How did you get into stuff like that? Because obviously I know you first and foremost as a very funny stand-up and a wonderful man. But I think the general public, like you really broke through mainstream with this David Beckham shredding money prank. And what would you say were like the the big elevating pranks that people really started to know you for? Hugo Boss one was was quite a big one. That was so scary because I was with you in the Hugo Boss store. Yeah. So what was our task? We had to we had to uh put your products on the Hugo Boss shelves. You were so , as you always are, like so cool and calm and just like doing the job that you've been asked to do, which was to put we'd created a wrist support that we were putting on the shelves at Hugo Bas, and then having we we had our own product launch at Hugo Bas. Yeah. So to give somes context, there' a uh a brewery in Swansea called Boss Brewing and they received a very stern letter from Hugo Boss's lawyers saying that they had to stop trading with the name Boss because therecause the product lines, because obviously the boss fragrance is very similar to a can of beer. It basically crippled this business, cost them thousands of pounds. And we were in the office, I was making a show about consumer stuff, so it was one of the stories on the show. And I was thinking like, what is the story here? Like what's the issue? And basically they don't like people using their name. And I thought, well, they can't legally stop me changing my name by deed par so I changed my name to Hugo Boss and then just made statements as Hugo Boss because that's my name. I can say whatever I like. And uh they had to r issue a statement and they tried to make it funny, but obviously they're all sat in black turtlenecks and there's not a laugh amongst them. And um Oh I didn't know they were trying to make that statement funny. Yeah. I mean maybe they w maybe they weren't. I don't know. It wasn't funny. It wasn't funny. They were trying to be like light. Yeah. Um and um think it matched the huge bars. They're the real huge bars. Yeah, well exactly. They're still pushing out. Uh people message me from time to time. I think there's a scouse something b oss because they love the word boss in Liverpool. There's a few scouse businesses that have been caught out by their lawyers. But I my guess is that they have a lawyer just waiting to go, who's like scouring the internet trying to c make some money basically to go please Hugo Boss CEO I've made some more legal money. You're not the boss, I'm the boss. No. I don't know what a proper job is. I do have a list of things that he can't be the punisher. Okay. Improviser. No. Valid. Stand up, I think no. We can negotiate. Anything in finance. I think our plan really is to hobble him at some stage so he can't leave. Fine. I think that's is that acceptable parenting? Yes. Yeah. I think uh there's some real unacceptable parenting out there nowadays. Yeah. That being trapped with you sounds like a good guy.. Yeah. I'm a fighter I'll just fight him for the rest of his life. Do you think you'll have more? I don't think it's off the cards. No. Because I'm incredibly fertile. Yeah. So it could happen. Could happen at any point to anyone. So I felt anxiety being part of a small part of your Hugo Boss lunch. How do you go into pranks like this that are so visible and you're fighting against counsels and lawyers and whomever else? How do you do that without anxiety or do you just manage it and it's cringe as well, isn't it? It's really horrible doing stuff where like you're being weird in the public. The first one we did was I took a portalo o to Houston's uh Houston Station. Because um they were charging to use the toilet. So I was offering a free toilet um to Houston travellers. And I remember really enjoying that, but also feeling like if I'd passed somebody doing this, I'd be like, grow up. Like it's a it's a horr I don't know, it's something a bit weird about it. But I think I just sort of again just went, oh well, like it's for a a greater thing. Yeah. And ultimately they did, you know, you don't have to pay to go to the toilet at Houston anymore or any uh train station. Um so yeah, but there have been a few where I've come sort of finished the shoot and thought there's a like an iron taste in the mouth where you go, oh, I don't know if I kind of upset that person or whatever. But I all we always had a rule that like we never showed receptionists or people in who worked for the company in vision. We always blurred them and changed their voices so that it was never about them. It was always about the people at the top of the company who making the decisions. So I think we were as kind as we could be to those people. I think in reckless hands, some of these pranks could have been mishandled, could have been mean spirited, but I think the reason why people embrace them so much and you don't have to worry that it's cringe is that you you execute all the pranks really beautifully with the right intention. Well I think that's it, isn't it it's like the intention is the key is the key thing. And uh I I don't I sort of don't like the word prank because it's sort of I know prank feels like some you're pulling someone's trousers down and it's not that. Have you considered pulling someone's trousers down? Yeah, ye ah. Given half a chance. Given half a chance. Was the David Beckham one scary? Because that was that arguably the most high profile. Yes, definitely, because that was sort of global news. I think the CNN ran that. And that that was scary because you're taking on a nation state essentially and um and also a sort of national treasure. So you kind of you're really it's high stakes. I sort of the analogy I have with that that is that felt I felt like a bit of a bee and I put my sting in and part of me was sort of removed when I finished that because I was I was definitely sort of a bit sort of scarred by the I f the the actual the filming of the shredding of the money is one of the sort of hardest filming days I've ever done. And I knew that I wasn't actually shredding money and whatever, but it just felt big and it felt I don't know, it felt like something was happening. And then it sort of took on this other life. And I know that lots of the sort of lots of the gays, Fat Tony is DJ Fat Tony is a a glorious person, and he sort of talked to me about the sort of behind the scenes stuff there in terms of I mean he he he chats as we as we know. As we know. And um and so he he I I was quite reassured when I met him because he was like, you know, behind the scenes a lot of the gays were were rooting for you, even if they couldn't say publicly. So that was uh you know a good thing. Um but it it was uh all that world, you know, I I I don't really mix with like Uber celebs. I don't think I ever do. Maybe Robbie Williams is a bit of an Uber celeb and uh he's a he's become a bit of a pal. But other than that, I don't really I know. How are you friends with Robbie Williams? He messaged me. What your painting is inspired. It's a sort of work with Robbie Williams. He messaged me about my art and wanted to talk about making some art together. And that is actually the painting you have is the one that we ended up doing together. And then I sort of just I thought he was very sweet and lovely. But I g I've I've now realized that he loves comedians, so he like he rang James Ac astor for to talk about stuff recently and He hasn't called me and I'm in a film with his child. Wow. Yeah. Oh. Well. Not interesting. I'll swap numbers and whatever. So maybe he doesn't know I'm comedian. He thinks I'm a dramatic actress. Uber cele bs are um a different world, aren't they, basically? And um Are are they or are they not? Because it depends. Like if when you connect with them and you can be on a level where you have a gorilla, whatever you want to call it, like that. Yes. I suppose what it does expose me to I sort of started to realise like like ah the press 'cause I'm not really in the press. I'm not you know, people don't really care about what I do, apart from when the Punisher was born. So I'm not really like written I'm not normally in the sidebar on the Daily Mail or whatever. Isn't that funny? As an aside, you've done these huge things, big shows, comedy specials, you're all over telly and you say, People don't really care about what I do, apart from when the Punisher was born. Something everyone does. Yeah. It's like have a baby. Yes. And that's when you felt you were tabloid fodder. Yeah, I was. And like paps following us to nurseries and stuff was just a very odd experience and not something that I want to recreate really. And then did you have P aps when this and like refresh for listeners who don't know the David Beckham Aaron Ross Powell So David Beckham when the Qatari World Cup was happening, which was a dubious place to hold the World Cup anyway, as it was well reported, from from a football point of view, because it's you know, there to c change the Premier League schedule. Who would do such a thing? Um he took uh a c substantial amount of money from the Qatari government to promote Qatar and did various uh adverts for them whatever. And I wanted essentially to uh raise the profile of the human rights of Qatari uh queer people, which uh uh at the time I'm I've not done the research recently so I don't know, but at the time were pr pretty appalling. And again when we looked at that story, we talked about going to Qatar and trying to do a pride event. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whose idea was that? I'm glad we didn't do that. Think of all these ways of like making that like making it sort of impactful. Impact ful. And then Beckham basically gave us that way in because he had done this big advert . And I also thought that he wants to do the right thing, I think. Yeah, he does a lot of good things for the country and for humanities he you know, does a lot of things for charity. And I thought if I if m if if I have any power it's to persuade him, the Qatari government don't give a shit about me , but they might give a shit if he, you know. So I thought putting the pressure on him as a sort of mule would would be my uh the m uh way of being most effective. That was it really. Um and uh but he sort of he kind of stuck stuck to what he was doing and you said if you don't step down I'll shred this money? Yes, sorry, yes. So what I said is if you um uh don't sort of uh yeah step down then I will shred 10,000 pounds, I think it was. And already it became a big news story before the shredding. Yes, well because there was a countdown and then you're waiting for his response It was a little bit despicable me. Yeah, yeah. It was like and it was fascinating watching it. And I loved it, yeah. But I think it was just it was so awe-consuming and suddenly there was just so many different things and f uh irons in the fire. Was there a moment when the panic s struck or like it was where it was filming the shredding I, was just like, oh shit. So you hadn't pre-filmed the shredding? No, we pre-filmed it to then go out when we said it was going to happen. Okay. But as I say, it wasn't real money, and um I donated the money to LGBT charities but LGBT people getting into sport. So there was that amount of money that was ready to go but it w didn't it didn't get shredded. And then afterwards, um I'd talked about this openly 'cause you know y m my gig list is a public thing and I've written about it that I had gigged in Qatar and people I say people, the Sun newspaper decided to say that I was a hypocrite as a result of that. But my argument was and has always been that I doing gigs in these places fine, I think. You know, go if if there's an audience that want to go and see you do stand-up somewhere, fine, because they're a paying audience and and I think stand-up and the arts should be shared with everyone. To do a job for the government of those is a very different thing. And uh it'd be weird for me to do a gig for Keir Starmer, I think. Do you know what I mean? Like the it's it's an odd thing to perform for the king. Um so my argument was very much about like this is what the government of this country does, the people are a very different thing. Um but obviously the sun like to spin things as as they do. And um so then I got caught up in all that and like having to put a statement out and whatever. And I I was thinking I was just annoyed because I normally think through all of the things that could happen. And it would have been a simple fix in our script to say all of that in my script in the TV show, but we didn't and then the sun sort of went, well, he didn't. must have been and like you know it's just annoying. Yeah. 'Cause I'd planned it so beautifully. But um Well I I I don't think most people saw the sun 's re repulsed of like. No, I suppose their circulation is a little low these days. But I think people cared about that moment and the countdown. Like you said, what was the gap between releasing the shredding the money video and revealing that you hadn't actually shredded money? It was only like 24, forty eight hours, something like that. It's still a long time for people to be upset and say he shredded this money, he should have, he should have. But you sat on that information for two days. I was wandering around. And I felt I did feel my safety was uh potentially a little bit um uh compromised at that point. So yeah, as I say, like I came away being like, ah, I've really sort of I've really got close to um danger there in a way that I didn't like. So I'm not sure I'd do a big stunt like that again. Are you glad you did it though? Really glad I did it and really glad I made that point and I'm very I'm really proud of all of the stuff we did on Joe L Ice It's Got Your Back and all of those all of those campaigns. But um because also I like to think we made them funny. Like they weren't they were funny. They they they were they had gags throughout all of them. Um but yeah, it's a different era for me now. And then quickly, uh I didn't even know this, as your good friend, you nearly got arrested for the donkey dick joke. Yeah. Well, it's not a donkey dick joke. Well it well, no, it's a it's a joke about you being a young man helicoptering your penis. Yes. And to avoid publishing images of child abuse. Sort of, yeah. You put a donkey's dick on top of your dick, and then someone in Belfast called the police. Sort of, yeah. Yeah. Because they wanted to see your real dick. I don't remember it. It's on the cards. I do not remember this happening to you. I had a routine in my stand-up show, which I still defend as one of the funniest things I've done. So it was a routine about being camp and how people um have always said that I was camp and I was camp as a child, and I found this footage of me as a child being very camp. And I wanted to show it, but m I'm naked in it. And I was told by a lawyer that you can't show a naked child in your show. And I was like, but I'm the child, I don't mind. And they're like, no, you just can't do it. You can't show an a a child's penis. And I was like, Okay, um can you show an adult's penis? And they said, Yeah, that's fine. So I paid an animator to put an adult penis over my child's penis. Blurred it, but like there's basically it's me as a kid with a huge donkey dick flapping around and it is they did a beautiful job on it. You don't understand pedophiles at all. No, I hope not. And so and and I'd played to so many gigs and I'd I'd showed this footage to so many you know, people it it was done well . As well as putting a child a massive cock on a child. Uh And um I played in Belfast and as I understand it, a off-duty police officer was there and felt that what had happened was a disgrace and went back. I And was c alled by my m management the next morning to say the police would like to come to the show tonight to um observe what you're doing. And I was like, Can I film their reaction to what I'm doing? And uh they were like, No , they're not gonna come to the show, can you just send what what the footage is? And I so I sent the footage over. And then there was this sort of kind of empty time where I was wandering around Belfast having a lunch, potentially my last lunch before I go behind bars, and um then got the got the call to say that no crime had been committed and I was free to go. But it was it was a bit choppy for a while. This is what is wonderful about getting older, is that I think what we both have in common, and there is like chagrin um mixed into it all. We used to have so much fun, and all of us were like out there and young and you know, doing whatever we were doing that might not be appropriate now is arguable, but it was then and it was fun then and we did it. And the fact that we did it means we can be where we are now. Yeah. Yeah. And have little punishers and a real proper all of it. Like if you're even half curious about trying something, try it and get it wrong and embarrass yourself. Because I really got into stand-up because I got pissed at a show that I was an audience member at. Then the compare said, Does anyone in the audience want to give it a go? And I thought I could do better, and I absolutely couldn't, and humiliated myself in front of my friends that were there, the whole audience. And that was a great motivator for me to go, No, I actually can do this and I'm gonna and here we are 20 years later and I can't, but I tried, I really tried. Uncomfortable situations, anxiety, being in situations where you look like an idiot and a you've made a complete twat of yourself all really important things to do and to learn. But I that's why I sort of don't want him to be in the public eye until he's decided to because if I sort of film him and put him on my Instagram and he's acting an idiot or whatever. It's not a level playing field. I mean life isn't a living play level playing field anyway and he's you know essentially a Neppo baby but um we're gonna go full Bradley Walsh with him when I'm older and just gonna do a game show and He's not an epo baby if you don't allow it. Yeah, that's true. Let him fly. I'm maybe I'll pretend I'm something else. What job should I say that I am? I'm a carpenter. I've we have uh worked for years as a carpenter. I made this this beautiful thing. Well you could be a gardener. I want to talk to you about the garden because I think it is super relevant. In your questionnaire you said you eat over thirty plants a week , which Nicola, who you you are about to meet, goes on and on about how great that is. Are you and the family and the Punisher, are you eating fruit and veg from your own garden? Yes. So even in the winter I've got winter um winter lettuce not lettuce, some like rocket and spinach and stuff that I grow in the greenhouse. Incredible. I've got a thing that is a it's like a hydroponics basically. And I managed to get tomatoes out of it in like January. It's not I'm trying to do tomatoes at the minute, it's not really working. But yeah, basically I try and grow a lot that we can eat. And the sweet corn you get out of the garden is just unbelievable. And you start to realise oh all the stuff that's in the supermarket is just complete dross. That there's something about carrots and all these things that when you grow them yourself, they are there's something magic in it. Has that been harder with the Punisher or you just involve him? I involve him like w it last summer I would just take him out and I'd let him touch things and sort of see what they all felt like and pick leaves from things and I we don't have anything that I don't think that's particularly toxic in the garden, so just let him eat a bit of a leaf and see what happens and all that. His microbiome must be just God. See, this is what we need to do. This is an actionable takeaway, I think, that I have wanted for a long time to start gardening. But it just seems like a lot of work. We do have animals, like how do you keep animals off of it? Well they 're you don't sometimes you post . And also if the you know if the dog's shitting on the on the the borders, great. Lovely. You know, mix it in. What um you do you don't have to do there's well there's two things I'd recommend. One is um just grow something in a pot that's really easy, like lettuce or salad, because you literally chuck the seeds in, put some soil over the top, it doesn't have to need to be particularly good soil , just like wherever. Just like do a shit and put it in there. And and water it when you remember. And then you'll just eat your own salad. Well I'm not allowed in the garden. Like I don't think Bobby would support this. Yes. But maybe when he's away one day I'll just get someone. Because I did try and I was admonished in lockdown. I said, I'm gonna start gardening. And I did, I planted a few things. And then some people got upset and they said, You think you can just garden? I am a horticulturalist and you can't like some angry person on socials. You've previously described yourself as horny, tired, and pissy. Yeah. So if you could summarize how you feel about discovering your biological age in three words. Alright. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to arouse you in this interview. It is a slam. Do you know what? I I am horny I'm all three. Good. Basically I thought I could say I'm all three and then it would seem inappropriate to be horny. And now I realize it was inappropriate to not be horny. I'm horny. Good . Great. Uh what was the question? How do you feel about the imminent reveal of your biological age? I feel good about it, I think. I I think I'm about bang on. I'm 37 and I think I'm about thirty seven. I think I um I love pints as I've made clear, but I also exercise a fair whack and I eat lots of plants and I move a lot and I think I've got a sort of healthy attitude to anxiety and all these things. You're fighting a toddler, nightly. I think I'm good. Alright. You've said in the past you feel old. Do you mean that you're an old soul or elderly woman. Elderly woman. I have the v the life views and uh approach to life of of an elderly woman, I would say. But if that elderly woman lived in a thirty seven year old male body. The dream. Alright. Well I think that it's time to welcome Dr. Nicola Conlin and reveal the results of Joe Lyce's biological age. Uh oh On booking dot com, it's easy to book your holiday home. And thanks to flexible cancellation, there's no more Lodge is all booked, folks. Oh, Cas and Rob are coming now. With booking.com, you're free to be flexible. Oh, easy. So you can go from home to holiday home with no dramas. Bigger place booked. 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And you love to ask. Have you had yours? All of you. Love it. Hater . And because I'm worth it. When you need low prices on brands you love, like 150 grams of Heinz beans, 12 pack of Wheatpicks, 250 grams of marmite, or seven hundred milliliters of L'Oreal Elvive colour protect shampoo, look out for the Everyday Low Prices logo in store and online. Tesco. Every little helps. Everyday low prices includes thousands of products across the majority of larger stores and online prices held until the 10th of May. Selected branded products only. Joe, please join me in welcoming Dr. Nicola Common, a science woman. Hello. I've I'm a bit starstruck because I've listened to this podcast as I've made very clear, abundantly clear, and um I'm uh I'm intimidated by you and frightened. It's time to reveal your biological age. Joe, chronologically you are 37 years old. Your biological age is 30! Oh it isn't a cake! That's good. What's what is the cake? I'm more interested in the cake than the 30 right now. It's a vanilla sponge. How many plants are in it? None. That's great. Can I eat it? You may. Absolutely. To celebrate. Oh, it's good. Yeah. 30 is a very good result. How do you feel? I feel 30 actually . No, I I thought it would be higher, but not like crazy high. Yeah. But I thought I would be higher than my actual age. I'm spitting out Kate now. Um so that's good news, I think . I'd be curious to know what I'm doing right I guess the plant thing is um helping, but is uh could I get myself down to four? Is that doable? You can get as low as twenty , but that's as far as you can get with this test. Right. Feasibly, yes, you could go younger. But actually, when you're saying about what it is that you're doing well, you actually had a really interesting pattern And I know you've listened to this podcast before, so we'll go a little bit deeper on the science maybe than we usually do. But when we're measuring, we're looking at something called glycans, which are like little sugar molecules that are on your immune cells. And we not quite that type of sugar, different type of sugar. But we we look at different ones. And