Final Thoughts and Sign Off

Your stance on this statement, men in committed relationships don't leave Instagram outside of work This podcast is a dear media production. Hi . Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat . Welcome back . You know what I know, I don't feel things about a lot of things until I'm in the moment immediately . This is the last recording that we're gonna do in this studio . And this is not the last one you'll see in the studio actually fucked it up . No, I really wish this was the last one. You know, I'm like so big on that kind of sentimental things. It's big this we're going to talk about a bunch of studio stuff today, but you will see one more interview with Stassie because we had to hold it till when her show comes out. So that will be the final time you'll see it. We just want to be transparent. We don't want to lie to you guys, but this is last time you and I are gonna be alone and have to win an intro and a full episode in the studio. But like we've moved studios a lot over the years, so we can move it's like our only studio we've ever I feel less sentimenty . Oh great. Well, we will rank them. Yeah . And you know, just maybe watch it on YouTube and see two baseball girlies refing their teams. A couple little baseball girls. All right, well we'll take our parties and we'll just get into it. Thank you to article. Get it fifty dollars off your first purchase of one hundred dollars or more at article dot com slash gig and rocket money reach your financial goals faster at rocket money dot com slash giggy. And this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp, find support and therapy. Get ten percent off at better dot com slash g . And thank you to fp movement. Go to fpovement. com to shop their full line of active wear and workout gear. And thank you to Resort Pass. The day is yours. Get twenty dollars off your first booking of one hundred dollars or more at resortpass. slash ge and this just reminded me that I meant to wear my brand new FP movement tank , but it wouldn't have matched the hat because it's lime green. I'm wearing full FP movement. I'm tag team the read. I'm just squatting in my house at this moment so I have like four pieces of clothing. This is it. Not at this moment, but you guys hear this. We fully moved in. Yeah, yeah. Well, actually, I'll be moved in and we will be in the south of France . Boncho catch me all over France. Bonjo . So yeah, so this is our vacation and I have been to Tenice once in high school. That's crazy with your parents. No, we took it for my French class. So I took five years of French, one in college, but we only had French and Spanish in my school. And most people took Spanish. There was only one French teacher. I loved her our family knew her, and I was like, I want to have her all four years and go to France. Because I knew that the French kids went to France for the mostly, and the Spanish kids never really took trips. And like, that was my reason for not taking the more practical language was to go. You and I very funny like random things in common 'cause like my school only had Spanish and French, no one really took French. I took French all four years. I took one year in college, that's it. I just liked the teacher. I was just like, I think this is better . I want to do this. We just had like weird stuff in common. You guys didn't go. It wasn't like a trip. Taylor Aldery's high school. No. I mean, they were like, take a trip to the Wendy's down the street. Rayna, don't get it twisted. We didn't have some kind of fancy high school. I think your high school was n micineer. than It just was misses Conlin, shout out, Madame Conlin. She just wanted to go and her husband would go. He was the gym teacher. So they would go and chap her on the trip and it was my best guy friend Caleb who obviously met the wedding and you sat with him for the wedding. And like ten of us , maybe and we paid for it. Like it was only the people the school didn't pay. Yeah. It was like an opportunity. And it was incredible because we went to Paris and Nice and Monaco for the day, and then Florence, Venice , Rome . It was an incredible trip for senior COVID trip to Europe with forty teenagers and the drinking age is non existent. It's like the coolest teachers in the town. That's insane. And we stayed at one place. I remember one Sophie Tell that was nice and then the rest were more hostile vibes. Like they weren't nice, but they were nice enough. And yeah, I did make out with one kid that was on another trip from another school, we kind of were with some other kids one morning kids will find each other in Europe. And that was the first time I was in Italy and I went once more just a few years later with my family. So I've been in Italy in so long and I have these memories and you're always telling me like it s willis not, be like that. Like I was there when you could just walk up to the trevy fountain. There was no social media, obviously. Like it felt so easy to get around and do everything and no one's doing anything for social media. And so those are my memories of Italy. And I feel like that's almost why I'm hesitant to go back. I mean, it's wonderful. It's always going to be overrun in July and August. It's not a hot take anymore. Like the TikTokification of everything has made everything miserable and everything's just to take photos and the lines are so long, but like you're still in Italy. I know. You know, I know, I know, I know. It's just kind of like I have these memories of Rome that are really specific and really vivid and you're like, is it all gonna be like that? It's not gonna be like that. But I would still go and I love it. I love you and I love a major city. And I always say every year when people ask us like solo travel tips, I say go to the major cities and that's what you'll enjoy. Like being alone and if you want to be alone, like roam, of course. Okay, so what is your experience with the South Afr Prior to this, prior to where we are right now. I went to Nice and Monaco and Can Colm . I went alone . Okay sad Me alone. So sad. Well, I mean, you guys, if you've been a long time listener, when my fiancee left me, I was like, oh, I've never been anywhere. I was like twenty eight, and I was just like, I'm gonna go everywhere. And I planned maybe three back to back trips. They were all like two weeks long. And I just hit like every city in Europe alone. I've been everywhere alone in my late twenties. I stayed in hostels and like there was early days of Airbnb and they were a little sketchy and kind of scary. And I was just like, this is what I could see. Yeah. Really early days. I was like, this is sketchy, but I can't afford anything else. Yeah. So that's my experience of like such a dream. Like early days of Airbnb you're like, what is this? But I like going back to places now as an adult with money. I mean, the internet as it is today. You're saying yesterday. How did people plan troups without TikTok and AI? Like the scrappiness with which I had to like cross reference fifteen websites and then I'd go and like you didn't have WiFi Wi didn't exist? So like you could have cell phone plans like a hundred dollars for international data every day or you just had to like hope for the best. Yeah . I have really taken the reins on this trip and I am so dialed in and I have all these methods and I have like multiple devices I do so much with TikTok. Like I will search so much but then I'm googling stuff and then I have my maps to map everything out and then see where there are like the train stations we need or the airports and I've just had a lot of fun. You have been flooding my life. I mean, thank God, I don't have the capacity for it right now. No, it's it doesn't annoy me. I love it. And like, you know, I say, I will DJ a whole trip. I plan our whole trip to Jackson Hole. I love being in charge. I plan to reinappalla. I will plan a whole trip if I but like,, I don't really have the time right now because I'm moving and like I trust you and I trust Megan, you like nice fancy things and so do I and like the stuff you plan I like . So I just I say it all the time if you don't plan it you don't get to complain. So if you sit back you got, justta do what other people planned and I trust you, Megan. Thank you. I mean, it's been fun. Like I just when I lock in, I'm like the hotel's book, the Airbnb is booked, the restaurants are booked. Like, we can change if you guys don't like a key, but like I made some decisions. That's fine. I don't want to do it really. I really don't have the capacity right now. I don't want to do it. Somebody else that I trust is doing it and I will be happy with the outcome. No, I think you're going to be really happy. Yeah, I'll be really happy. And also like, I think people get their heads like I go on this group chip do I have to do every single thing? No, you don't have to. If there's like one dinner I for some weird ass reason don't want to go to, I could sit it out. I'm an adult, but I think I'm gonna like everything. Yeah. And so follow along . We will have been there for a few days now and I'm flying directly well directly. I'm going to be New York, but then flying to Nice. So we're going to start there and then go to Santrape, do a day in Cannes and then go back to Nice, sort of this town called Ez , this medieval castle town and then fly back out of Nice . And we really want to try to go to the resort where they filmed white Lotus season four. It looks insane. Everything looks insane. I thought maybe we could spend a night there but it's totally booked. The restaurants are booked like we're gonna try our hardest to get up there and then another thing that I'm so excited to do, the winery, the whispering angel winery, Rayna, I feel like I'm like starstruck by it fuels our life. Whispered Angel, that's the mecha. It is fuels my hangovers. So winery with whispering angel , I'm like shaky thinking about 'cause I love a wine tasting you don't taste the most. I don't really like wine tasting. To me, I've like, you've done three, done all of them. I've done NAPA in Italy and France, I've done them all, but like , you're so excited to drink. This is the most like white girl named Ashley thing that you could do in France . No, but it's still like an amazing rose winery. It's not like it's a beautiful winery regardless. Regardless. I don't care. I totally disclaw . Also this is new. You guys are finding out as I'm finding out what we're doing on this trip. So will never do a brewery tour. I hate a distillery situation, like a tour. I hate those two things I. also And drink beer and liquor, but I love a wine tasting experience no matter what. You and I went to Guinness in Ireland. We've done the top, top of brewery tours. I'm good . We've done it. Cannot listen to people talk about beer or liqu or. Like they put some sort of distillery liquor thing like a cocktail making class on our Singapore itinerary. I was like nope. But you like to listen to people talk about making wine or you just find it more relaxing. I like to sit and drink while people talk. I am sort of paying attention. Okay, because breweries are indoors and winers are outdoors. And also you're I feel like a brewery tour you're always on foot. I'm like, this is giving like boring field trip from middle school . No matter where what winery you're at, you will like it. It's just a vibe. I know. Brewery, I know, I can go to a brewery and hang out and like, I can just look at the fucking machines and the hops on my own. I don't need to hear about it. If someone starts talking about hop s, I want to it's so boring. I'm out. Do you remember two years ago when my pregnant sister in law insisted that me and my brother and her go to a winery store? We're in LA . Oh yeah . And she was like, I planned a whole day. We're gonna go to this winery. I was like, Are you so pregnant? Like I don't care, we're gonna go. Like, I love it so much. Like I said one time. Do you love it pregnant? That's how many game she is. Of course not. I would hate it pregnant . I think she sifted on some yes. And I was mine . You're next fine. But I'm really excited about it. And I did just want to share one travel hack and also let you guys know that next Monday will be off, which we always are around the fourth, the Monday around the fourth, and then that we will be back the following Monday, the thirteenth, and we will recap this trip and we're going to do a travel episode. So traveling with partners, you guys have a lot of questions left over from when I did the episode with Shashank that I really wanted to talk about with Reyna and give advice like more in the dating area. He wasn't like really wanting to give advice on those types of things. Like lots of stuff that you guys asked and also traveling with friends and we'll recap our trip and all that stuff. But I just wanted to share like one hack that I'll call back to when we do this episode. But about using the points and getting these flights, like I've always felt like this is a real blind spot for me and when we've had Brian Kelly on and we've had Torey Dunlap on. I'm like hanging out every word and it's still been really hard for me to like digest how to do this. And all Tori Dunlap post, her first one hundred K is her handle, is like, I'm in lay flat business for forty bucks because I use points and she's always like, you know, message or leave a comment, I'll tell you what card to get. And I digest all this information, but I've never quite done this you transfer the points to a different airline because her and Brian Kelly are always talking about Air France KLM is one of the best programs to transfer your points from like your chase or your AMX . So I transferred my points from my chase er Resve Flying Blue, which I'm walking you through how to do it too. Actually , when we finish this up, I will pack the studio up if you do this on my computer. Okay, I'll try, but it's interesting how it works. So you need to first go on and see how many miles points the flight you want is , which could change. You hope it doesn't. But basically Air France, all day, there's like a few that have deals. Like one might be six hundred thousand, nine hundred thousand, and then there's one that's like two hundred thousand. So the one that I wanted was one hundred eighty one thousand. That's great for a lay flat. That's like a nine thousand dollars flight for basically like fifteen hundred, eighteen hundred points, basically. You know what I'm saying? So I was like, That's what I want. And I messaged with Tori just like, am I doing this? I don't want to bother her. I was like, you don't have to answer me. I know you're busy. And she was like, No, I'm happy to help. And I'm like, I'm transferring from Chase to Air France. She's like, yeah, so find your flight and then go transfer. So then I go into chase , transfer to flying blue, their program. You find your travel, you find your travel partners, and you transfer. This is irreversible. So you're transferring points and it could take a minute. It can take up to seven days. Mine was immediate. ly Literally I refreshed and they were there in my flying blue account twenty four to four to eight hours up to seven days. I can't imagine that happening, but the flight prices will change. The flight could change. Mine was immediate. They were there in my flying blue . So then I booked that flight. But what if the amount of miles changes? And I'm telling her this and I'm trying to comprehend it. She goes, yeah, that's the fun of it. Like sarcastically, like it's a gamble But this is how I'm getting a flight that would be eight to ten thousand dollars for a crazy business class flight to France for one hundred eighty thousand miles, which is still a ton , but I've accumulated a ton . And then I'm flying back on a premium economy and I did the same thing and booked my premium economy for one hundred thousand points, which is still pretty good. That's only about a thousand bucks in points if you really kind of think about like a dollar of amount. This is a blind spot for me. It is for me too. And then I realize like, oh, okay, you're taking a little bit of a risk here, which may turn people off . Like if you transfer those points and for whatever reason it took a while and then you don't have enough and you're like, What the fuck? So do you transfer more than you need? But then it's irreversible. So then you just have them sitting in there I. sa Whenw their transferred immediately, I was like, what a rush. I booked it. I was like, I'm so proud of myself. Like you see and hear all these people talking about doing this and I've just never done it. I use points all the time, but like transferring what these they talk about it, there are some of these airlines where you really get the best bang for your buck and that's how you fly business to Europe. Wow. All right, we're gonna do this as soon as we're good. Okay, so we're going to try to transfer from Vermina's Amax. Follow us for more tips. Our share flying blue and then get you the same flight provided it's still the same amount of miles . Listen, just stay tuned . People are going to be like, I don't know, I saw Radio Story a couple days ago she was in economy. Well, I'm also flying. I'm flying from New York, I guess you are too. So I was like, it doesn't matter to me as much. But yeah, so I'm going to go to New York a few days before and it's a seven hour flight to Paris. It's not that bad. And then two more hours an hour and a half to Nice . But the one flying back is longer for me to go to LAX, but it's, I'm in premium economy and I don't really need to sleep on that time of day . Like to me, it's the matter of if I really need to sleep is that's where it's like, I really want to do whatever it takes to have a lay flat. Anyway, these are how to do it. You guys follow again the points guy of course and Tori Dunlap her first one hundred K. And I think they do this really well , but it's like even as much as they explain it, you're still sometimes like I don't get it and like you're not alone. Okay good. Okay . I did it, you're gonna do it. No, you did it, and you're gonna do it again. I'm doing this. That sounds hard . I have to tell you something funny. Like, we can transition to the studio, but I had this very funny conversation with Brittany yesterday, who's like our very good friend. And she was talking to me about podcasting and we're like voicing back and forth and she goes, You are so lucky. I just wish I hadn't Ashley. And I was like, yeah, I know it's great. I have a partner in life to like do business with. It's great. And she goes, No, I just mean like, you just get to like do nothing. You just walk into the studio, you just show up and it's done. And I was like, what? And she goes, yeah, you just show up to the podcast, you don't do anything. And I was like , I'm sorry . Who told you this? And I go, why don't you just say that sentence? And she goes, You said you just show up. And I said, No, I said I show up for the live shows. Okay . I've never said that I just show up to the studio. And Ashley's never told you that. And she goes, all this time , I literally thought you just walked in the door, sat down , Ashley had booked a guest, written the outlines, playing the episodes, gotten it all set up. She's like, I've been so jealous of you. I was like, What do you think I do all day? It just doesn't have a job because we just lick the money, but Ashley just you're my stay at home business partner? I was like, we record like two days a week. What do you think I do the rest of my time? We have like a secret setup. I do all the work and right now like does my laundry cleans my house. I just think it's so funny to me. This has been like a very good friend of ours for many years. That's her view of me and you by the way, that you also allow that to happen, that you're like, you know, I'll just do all of it. But that's 'cause I'm like a control freak. She probably thinks that, but yeah, I mean, no, you do just show up to the live shows we also have help. Like we've always had like a tour manager and manager. We always have not for years we did it, right? I'm just leaving you out there . The live shows I really, I don't even know who she books. I don't know what it costs. I really Ashley is let her cook? I don't need to ask questions what it costs . No, I have a general idea. No, so I haven't asked what the last show's cost in seven years. I don't think it's worth it. I just whatever. That's not my business. The studio , I have always done like the tech, the and I still do, like, sign up the sound and the cameras for the most part adjusting them and stuff, but you have managed really the studio set up. Like if we need people to come in here and help with the lights and like you it's really down the middle . Like you do more work on the front end of all these studios that we've moved around, which we'll talk about today. And then I'm usually kind of like do the finishing touches, but you come in here and kind of get set up before I'm even here and then I do my stuff. I'm the front end guy. You're the back end guy. Well, yeah. I do all the pre production on the episode Plan the episodes and then I get in there and get her done. I just it's so funny. Like I don't know what people think we did I do all day and like a couple days on tour, like the last couple stops I like just love to move. I just love to do manual. Moving. I like admin and moving. I'm always moving and returning stuff . I do. I guess I'm out here carrying this company in my back and range is just returning packages and they're not even mine. This morning she was like, I'm planning this like trip. Here's like all these links to these hotels and these dinners and I was like, I'm at Staples buying boxes to go pack up the studio. I think people do just think that sometimes we just show up. I think a lot of people with the podcast do just show up. I think they just walk in the door and show up and they walk out the door and that's all they do. And that's great for a lot of people. This is our full time job. I will say , you know, we've gone back and forth throughout the years of having our own space and doing it all ourselves. And then we've had different people. We had Vella, we had Tessa, and then Anna, when we're in New York, will come in and help set up as opposed to going in a studio, whether we're at Dear Media or Mel rose, we've been at WTF, we've been we've used them all and having it just be all set up, ready to go. They send the files afterwards. Like we really do just have to sit down and talk when we've had issues here and there where we've really had to intervene, but for the most part, we don't just set it all up. And it's nice. There's pros and cons to both. The way that I'm feeling right now is never say never. don't know that we're gonna do this again . It was good and bad because like I was working with the art studio in New York and I was like, can I move this state to this state media? Yeah, and they were like, No, people have booked this. And yeah, I was like , can I have this date? And they're like, You can have a date but it has to be early in the morning. Like yeah, like yeah, we can walk in this door anytime we want. There's flexibility. So it's really been like tough deciding like which is which 'cause like Melrose to like once the times are gone, they're just gone . I guess that's Raina's job is stuff like that. So that is a pain in the ass because you're trying to get a guest and the studio. And luckily, there's so many options, especially in New York and we love Melrose and WTF has new studios like we can find a place, but that's annoying too. Well, then I don't have a lot of flexibility. The guests, like, I never know what to do first, but the guests told the studio first because like then we've to move the studio. You guys get it scheduling, but like, yeah, we know as much flexibility. We've had the studios have been in your house in my house, in apartments we've rented, in this office space, at other people's studios. I mean, there's pros and cons to all of it. If you guys were thinking of starting your own podcast. Yeah , and when we had our studio in Reyna's garage and it flooded , oh my god, I was like, I don't want to do this again. I don't want to rebuild. And you were like, I was like, we should rebuild. And I'm so glad you did . That was when we really took it seriously and we had someone design the lighting and the look and it looked so much more professional. It leveled us up. We started dressing nicer. Like the studio set the bar. And I'm really glad you did that. And then this studio is our first like office space. I mean, we're in this kind of office park. It's cooler than that. And we pay rent on this as a commercial space and it just felt like really legitimate . But another thing too is like, I don't know , you and I will come in here and we'll just procrastinate and we'll talk and we'll talk shit and it's like we don't waste time. But I was thinking about it like I'd rather just go to dinner with you than like come in here and talk shit for two hours and then the work day is so far behind. So that's the nice part of going to a place where we are on a time schedule. It rains us in. No, when somebody asks me like, do I like recording at somebody else's studio? The first thing I say is like we have to show up on time and we have to just get into it and then that's it. And like here, you and I, there's days we get here at eleven and we leave at five and we've recorded two episodes but it didn't need to take six hours. Yeah, so I don't know if you guys I'm sure you really like this look and we do too. And it's really special and different not everybody does it and we're not knocking whatever other podcasts want to do. We really saw a few shows early on that built their own studio and really like bet on themselves and spent money to do it in rent space and that is what inspired us to do that, but not a lot. We're doing it. And we were like, you know what? Let's do that. And that was the motivation for the first one we had , and it'll be a nice break to not have to do it, and then we'll think about it . But I kind of wanted to walk through them, Rayna, all the studios and that's going to be fun for you. You list all the OGs. Do you write them out? Yeah, and a few memories from both. Okay. So I wonder if you've forgotten any. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure I've forgotten some that were just like one offs and stuff, but okay, let's go through it. So we started in my old apartment in the East Village. I lived in a building that really was inhabitable. There was caution tape on every other door on my floor. I was the only person that lived on my floor. I probably shouldn't have legally been allowed to live there. I did withhold my rent for a while. I was able to , it was like this slum lord who was being sued, they went bankrupt. It was a disaster . But I was like, this is a true one bedroom and I'm that bitch. And I look back and thought that apartment was really something . And like looking back now I'm like, it was so shitty. That was like the wild west of podcasting. I mean, the amount of people that we just like invited into your home that are like TV stars, New York Times bestsellers, best selling comedians, people that have Netflix specials, who lose specials. Like the people that came and just sat on the floor, just sat on the floor with Dewey, my dog at the time. And we started at Rain and I look at this high table that I bought off, I don't know, some Facebook marketplace shit. Like nothing in there was new, everything was like Ikea or thrifted or whatever. Like nothing was nice and we would hunch over this one my cross from each other at the table, but then we would have guests we would sit on my IKEA couch love that couch and I was just making notes of Chris Destefano was there. Hannah Berner, that was the first time we recorded with her. Are you Shafir , Mark Manson, like, do you have any others that were like this person's in my house? Stan Soder, who was really big on showtime at the time on billions and he has all these specials. But at the time these people also Taylame they are now, but looked up to a lot of them and like Eden Grinchben who's the host top chef in Canada like, she came , but I just remember these moments like we'd seen Chrisie Dee on the internet but I hadn't seen him in person. And like he walked into my shitty apartment and I was like, holy shit. He's so hot. So horny. I remember Hannah coming in, she was all sweaty. It was in June. And she was like, What the fuck? Like it was we became friends with her. She came to your birthday like the week later. It was just I just remember these moments and just people sitting on the floor with my dog. Like I could cry thinking about it. And then in the mix in that time was mouth media . So if you guys remember coming from Malthia, that was the studio in Chelsea that is probably no longer. I don't know what they were trying to do over there, but they let us, they were great for the time being. They let us do whatever. We had a lot of people in there too. We had that guy who broke his dick who then I decided to be in love with for a year. Oh my god . Yes, I think of Katie Strino, our first female guest, Andrew Collin, Andrew Collin, we love Noah Neiman. Jared Friedan, we lost the audio and I was like, I am not gonna I don't know if I'll ever recover. Chep Rose John so drunk when his publisher's like, you want to tell me what to do. Jared, we did lose the audio for real, but I also remember he shook a cup of ice coffee into the mic the whole time anyway. And so it was kind of like a blessing and, we brought him back in and then we like knew him more or whatever. But no one even took his shirt off. Remember in front of a bunch of people like working in the office ? But yeah. We had Krispy, who was our first crispy shorts, who was from Jerry, fuck Jerry Media. And if you guys remember, they made one of the Fire Festival documentaries. So we had him Jeremy Jakowitz, who was like one of my best friends. Jeremy. Those are a lot. I mean, you guys, we really, if you remember the e Sphisepode , Shep on, Shep Rose came on, and that was such a big get for us at the time. And they had like a reunion that day. He'd been drinking all day. They shouldn't have let him come record a podcast. His publicist texted me, can you go get some be ers for Shep? I was like, It's three PM on a Tuesday. We'd waiting for hours for him to get off at Grand Banks or whatever they were wasted. And then we had that random like CBS studio where we had Nicki Glazer and Heather Mc Mahon and Emma Wilman. I thought of Nicki and Heather. I mean, I just can't believe it. Like yes, it was his random studio. I forget how we got connected with them, but to have Nikki, like in person, I was like, I can't believe this. She was someone that looked up so much in comedy and Heather hadn't hardly done anything. I mean, she was big on social media, but she didn't have her podcast or she wasn't Tori. I don't even think. Heather McMannah was like earlier days and you just knew her from Atlanta and like liked her content and yeah, I mean, I just look at what like I don't know, it's just it's really an honor to have met these people seven, eight years ago and to have watched their careers and become good friends with them and like watched them ascend to such a high level. Like it's really it's an honor to be like part of that journey. And I remember these early days with these people and like their podcasts would explode, their books, their specials would go crazy. People would start coming to their shows, like comedians and they would call us to thank us and say like, your audience has just like stormed my shows and it's just to be a part of those people's journeys and watch them like on the red carpet hosting the Emmys . Like it's just it's like an amazing treat. It really is. That's so special . Yeah, I mean , you're reminded of that all the time. Like I was messaging with Katie Serino last night about something and I'm just like, we just had her on and we were so starstruck by some of these people. Like I remember we only had guys on at first because we're like, we're just like a male perspective and we're two women. Two girls. And you were like, Okay, I love this woman. She had been married to the Fat Jewish and she was semi recently divorced, but also doing her whole thing with her whole brand. And you were like, I'd love to have her on and we just got her on. And then she was like so cool. And we're like, I think she's like our friend now. Like these moments were just I could cry. Like we made a lot of friends this way . Like we're still very close with Mate o and he was another one who were just like, he's so funny, we got to have him on. And I mean, Hannah, like all of this is, it's crazy. And then we were in my second apartment . And that was like my nicer upgrade apartment. We recorded there up until COVID. That was like fall of twenty nineteen. The weekend I moved in we had Derek Paith was on the Bachelor and then he just disappeared into the wilderness. Yeah . And I made some notes. I remember probably Andrew Schultz was the most famous person to be in that apartment. That apartment. Yeah. And then Matthew Hussey. Oh my gosh. Osama was one I really remember in that apartment. And again, just like Dewey would be there. And then it was COVID and then we came back and that is when we decided to have our own first studio and that was an apartment in my building. And we had a great COVID deal and I was on the second floor. We were like, let's rent an apartment on the fourth floor. And we did, and that was the titty wallpaper . And that was really like our first studio that felt like an office base, too. We launched Vibes only in there, of course. And obviously Esther Perrell was the main guest, I think, about coming there and Andrew Hubberman . And like our friends like Jenny and Emily Fedner and DeepD and I don't know. It was just like really special. I know. I could like we used to take all those photos in there. We had all those polaroids of everybody. It really was so special. I feel s ad if we miss anybody. Oh just shout them out. I mean, there's so many. Yeah, I just like what pops into my head when I remember those moments. And then, you know, we moved to LA and we were in Rain's Garage and then we m asention ed, we had to rebuild and we levelled up and then we're here. It's a nice walk down memory. And thank you guys for always like being here on the ride. And you know, we always want to be looked at as people that like uplift other artists and promote their projects and to watch them ascend and to still be friends with them is really just some nice for us. You know what's funny though because all of those studios , no one like knew what those looked like . Like we didn't have video . So like I think people have seen my second apartment, my nice apartment. Like we would cut clips and I think we started video there. No, we saw Jeremy texted me a photo this other day 'cause remember Jeremy came over and helped us set it up for the first time and it was kind of recently like the anniversary of that five years ago or we started full YouTube in twenty twenty two , full YouTube , but we're doing we were full . We were record episodes and just like full episodes. I don't know what we were thinking, but it's just like I am thinking of like if we had full video back then in my first apartment, like on that IKEA couch, just a crush. It was a nice shape to recodcast. It was an L shape. I loved that couch. That was so comfy. But it was not that it was kind of firm. I love that. It was great . In LA, we got chairs and I like that. And in this studio we had Mel Robins. I mean, most importantly, we had Harry Jousy and that was the hornest one of the hornest of my life . What happened here? I don't take it away. That's it. Harry Jozy is the only thing that happened guests in LA . Huger than Harry though. I'm trying to think. And we had Heather in LA back . That was yeah, that was in my house. I think Matthew Hussey also came to my house. Jay Shetty did at his place. Yeah. Who else was I like really nervous about they came to my house? Oh, Tyler Cameron was in my house . Actually, I was so nervous. I was just sitting in my living room with him. Like he know what to do. So many people harry Joss . Harry Jows and Tyler Cameron is the horniest I've been on this show. I'm same Laura Wasser, but that was on Zoom. That's the horniest you've been. I don't know if I can handle Laura Wasser in person. My girl crushed. She's a famous lawyer, divorce and lawyer's attorney, but we did her on Zoom. Maybe one day we'll have her to do her in person one day. Okay, well that was that was a nice little walkdown memory. And so yeah, thank you guys of course, for being, here and just stay tun ed. And we are always interested in what you guys like. We've said it before. We said it last week. We cannot please everybody. People will want to watch podcasts at a table or in chairs, or I saw some comments that people really did like that Dear Media Studio for Tune's episode. And that color looks a lot different. It was more muted. We really like vibrant, obviously, the pink and the green and the saturation of it all. And so feel free to comment what you guys like. Yeah, and if you're in L. A. we've been using it's called Blank Space and they have a bunch of locations they're in Santa Monica and Venice and a couple of them and they're just offices you can outfit. So yeah, you guys are interested, reach out to them too. They've been really great to us. Yes, inexpensive. Blank spaces . L allike one word. Yeah, and like short term commercial business, like there was the Timu Waffle Wall Street next door. There's a hairdresser, hairdresser in here and there's a Jujitsu studio down there . They have like private event spaces. They don't bother us. It's nice. Yeah, and again, Venice and I've driven by that one in Santa Monica looks really nice too. So it's a great option. We've been really happy, so thanks to them. Yeah. All right, well, we'll thank our partners and we'll just get into our like main topic today. So I just moved. So what better time than to talk about furniture? Article makes it effortless to create a stylish, long lasting home at an unbeatable price. I mean, I just love their site. Ashley and I like our homes. It's so important to us to make them look comfortable and chic. My house in Venice is obviously very coastal, so that's how I had outfitted it. But in New York I wanted more colors, a little more edge. So at Article, they have mid century modern, they have coastal, they scand'vey inspired pie ces. When you go on the site, if you're like, I have no idea how to outfit a whole room, they'll show you. Their Instagram is great as well. They really take great care in curating these collections. Everything's high quality . The packaging is great, the weight and feel of everything. And since it's summertime, you know, everybody's redoing their outdoor spaces, it's hard to find like really nice high end furniture. So I love what they have. I like this Elise ELISE lounge chair and autumn bundle. And everything that they do comes in like different fabrics, different finishes , so there's a lot to choose from and in terms of like price points, look, feel all of that. They have fast affordable shipping and assembly, great support. It's really important to Ashley and I so support seven days a week and a thirty day satisfaction guarante.es So you if don't like what you guys get, which I sure will not happen, but you can shop with confidence and know that you can return it in thirty days if you need to. Article is offering our listeners fifty dollars off your first purchase of one hundred dollars or more to claim visit article. com slash ge and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article dot com slash ge for fifty dollars off your first purchase of one hundred dollars or more. Okay, an FP movement. We love it so much. You're wearing this set today. Full set. I love those pants. I have them in red, but I want that top to match because I only have the long sleeve version, but I love that set. And what I like that they do with so many of their sets is like there's so many colors to choose from. They're like, no, not just black. There'll be three shades of black and gray. I know, I love it. So I'll tell you guys what I was gonna wear today, and that is the go to cami in honeydew. It's like this really bright color, so you can just picture it, but I love it. It is so comfortable . It feels like a second skin. I also recently got the Varsity Blues short. I've talked about their bike shorts. I love them so much. I think it's called the Never Better Bike Shorts, the best bike short I've ever worn. The Icon Tea, I got this too, just like a big oversized t shirt. You could wear it over a pair of bike shorts or even like to sleep in it. But this stuff is just great to wear out. Of course, it's great for your workouts, but it's not just for the gym. We travel in these sets, the hot shot crossover set we love. If you want to go to brunch, the farmers market, take a walk, you're just going to look doing it. This is free people's activewear brand. If you guys didn't know that by now, and again, I was mentioning shorts one time that we talked about them before. Like shorts are not always so easy to find. Like the way they sit on your waist and the way they look and they have great shorts, the water resistant coastline hike shorts, the top rated carpet diam shorts that has a built in brief sweat resistant design and the most flattering ultra high rise waistband. Everything's really flattering. We love it. These buttery soft feel on the bike shorts and we're just such fans. So you guys can shop the full line of active wear and workout gear at fpmovement. com slash gig visit fpmovement. com slash g to shop their full line of active wear and workout gear. Okay, so we're gonna get into our topic for today. This was inspired by a friend of ours who also has been on the show twice, Allie Colbert. She was on Subway Takes, which is just a great Instagram series. Yeah, we'll play it for you guys. Okay. So what's your take? I do not think straight men, especially married men, should be on Instagram. Hundred percent agreed . Unless they are working . Unless they're working, Instagram is a dating app. If you are a man on Instagram , you should have a private profile. You should have less than two hundred followers. You should have posted twice in your life eight years ago. You should not be able to comment. You should not be able to DM No fire emoji to someone's story, liking someone else's photo is cheating. You do not need an explorer page. You're not a fucking astronaut. Go explore the family you started . If you're in a relationship and your explorer page is not fishing poles and hiking boots, it's over. It's done. What is an explorer page for? You have two children under the age of twelve. I'm with you. You're a grown man sending fire emojis. How do you live with yourself? And to people that you don't know? It's cheating. It's not LinkedIn. No, it's you want to film. It's really inappropriate. I also don't think men should be tall. Okay, well Allie relax on that. I just run a set. Yeah. No, I know. I love that. It's very funny. Like I was thinking, what is the elite social media for men to have? It's LinkedIn and LinkedIn only. But if it can't be that, I agree. Private profile , couple hundred followers . Well , that's where Shakanka was when you met him. Yeah, yeah. Private, not photos. Totally. Now he's the celebrity. Stop, don't even I. really thought about this. I think what Ali said is really funny, but there's so much nuance to it and we are gonna get into it. We polled you guys. We had like twenty thousand responses from the polls. You guys are always so great and open about like where's the line in your relationships and what do you think is okay? And there's so much nuance and I wrote down this line, the same behavior means different things in different relationships. So like I've had partners that I've been like, sure, like and follow away. I don't care. They post me, they are on my Instagram story, they repost every time they're on my Instagram stories. I don't care if they follow a few people or you're like it's it doesn't mean the same thing is as a partner who is actively hiding you, not posting you, not repost ing your stories that they're in. Like is there a record of me being alive on your social media? Like are you secretive or not? Like it's a whole ecosystem in a relationship. Like Sh ank, I mean, I think he could follow whoever he wanted and like people 's stuff and comment. You would just be like, That's cute. I talked to him about this and I was like, What's your history with this? Have you ever had a partner that you did something they didn't like or whatever? And he was like, No. Like he follow s his celeb crush . She's an actress named Madeline Pesch. I'm not threatened. But he was like, I would never comment because I wouldn't want you to scroll and see it. I don't need to comment . I said, Will you like her stuff? And he said, If she's fully clothed, and I'm like, okay , like he does, he had answers like locked aloaded. He was like, I would never want you to see me comment on any woman's Instagram. Like fire emojis or anything, he wouldn't even think to do it. Well, you have to ask yourself, what's the point of this? There's only one reason why you can be passively attracted to anybody that you like, go for it. You can't be actively participating . That's bizarre to me. And I want to go back a little bit to Allie's take, which is extreme and it's meant to be funny. And we think it's hilarious , but there is truth in it . Because we do use Instagram as a d ating nap. That's not controversial. And as you should if you're single , Shank Damn me before anything, you know, like just to be clear. So I think her take is really obviously people, in long term relationships and dads . Like, yeah, you got children and you're messaging and commenting on stuff. Like I think it's just funny. Like she did describe a lot of women's perfect man. Like they posted twice, like their explore pages fishing, they don't know what's going on . But we know guys who are super active on Instagram for work. Also, there's exceptions to every rule. We're going to say stuff today that might be an ick or something we wouldn't want and we know guys that do that and they're great, trustworthy, amazing friends of ours. Different rules apply to different people. Exactly, but like for work, for networking, for a good cause. What about all those guys who are crushing watermelons? Like all those liberal activist commentators are doing the Lord's work these outspoken liberal men on this app. Like I think that like we have exceptions to all these rules in our lives and so do you guys , but these trends that we're talking about with these guys and their behavior is pervasive and women want to discuss it. I'm just like Instagram is a shopping app for me for men. And if I want to get somebody attention think of it like that. You do. I'm single. Like I, if I want to get somebody's attent ion, I like their Instagram stories, I respond to their Instagram stories, I leave comments because I'm horny. That's the point of this. It's hey, look at me . Look over here. The last person I slept with, it started 'cause I followed him and I started posting thirsty stuff for him to look at and then he slid in and then we slept together. It's a dating nap. Like she said, like that's not funny. That's funny, but it's truthful. Like how many people have we had in this podcast? I think Alec Flynn and his now girlfriend, I love them so much. I mean, I don't know. The last person I asked how they got together, it was Instagram. Like it really is like that. And yeah, you do a great job of it. You have a great method. But that's like if you were if you were commenting and like things like that. And of course there',s exceptions. You and I have two really good friends, Bobby and Rob, Bobby was formerly married, but like those are like the first people to write like You look hot on my stuff and they love their wives and are attracted to their wives and are not stepping out of the marriage. They know their wives are seeing this. Yes. That was really something I wanted to focus in on. There are probably three to five guys in my life. I don't know, maybe only two that have the purest of intentions , and they know I'm not going to read it weir d. Like there's a few things. I'll just use Bobby and Rob again because they'll flame emoji us all day. Like they know we don't think anything of it. They know their wives or partners will see it and they know our partners or past partners. Like I'm thinking of this one guy who used to really be in your DMs a lot and he was married and we knew his wife too, but it was a little flirty for private DMs and I' think he just liked you. I think he wanted to be your friend , but I would not want it from my husband. Also the volume of messages was a lot. Like it wasn't like he saw something that was so specific to him and he was like, that's my favorite XYZ. I know that chef at that restaurant like it was but even then it was a lot. What are we doing here? You were single, you know, like what? And I'm not really friends with his wife. So like we asked our audience, we'll get in this later, but like we asked our audience, you know, where's your hard line? And a couple women I saw said, If I know her, then it's fine. If I'm friends with her, then like Rob's wife, Bobby's ex wife, we're friends with them. So these are not girls that can't just like text me and be like, what's up? And it's so much about personality and you know it when you see it, you know when the intention is shady . Like Bob and Robbie, Bob and Robbie it's so hard. I don't know . Bob and Bob, both Bobs, both Roberts are like that in real life . They'll tell you in front of their partners, you look hot, like Shashon doesn't do that. Sh a canq flame em oji exactly two people . It's you and it's Gina who was married to his best guy friend and who really was the one who helped set us up. And that's it. And they are like family. You be one of them? I'm making a face 'cause he doesn't he doesn't do it. If he wanted to, like, I really think he wants to hype you always He really thinks of you as a sister. It's non threatening, but if I just saw he was out here on a bunch of other people, I'd be like, what are we doing here? Although it's like, it's embarrassing. That's the thing. Like it's not just embarrassing for me. Like you men should be embarrassed. What are you literally doing? It's so it is so embarrassing. I want to read this one line that this one girl wrote. She said commenting all this stuff is not disrespectful, it's just loser shit and I don't fuck losers. I love that. It's just losery that you're like what are you doing? Right. Like, let's just take Chachon, for example a, Shanghi emojis, hard emojis, I don't like it. Flame emojis are fine. He flamogies your picture. Everyone sees it. They know what's up. They know that's like your brother, you know, like, but Shashon Flame emojis is a bunch of other people. They're like, that's Ashley's husband. And it's fucking we ird. You know what I mean? Yeah . And he knows that . And he just think again, and there are these lists of special cases and when it's outside of that, it's it's sus. And it's probably embarrassing to your partner. And I thought about this every single time my ex was being shady. And I don't know if he cheated on me. He probably did, but I don't know. But we were off and on all the time and there was a lot of gray area where we were on a break, this and that. In the whole two years we were off and on, I never hooked up with anybody else, but I know that he did and it's whatever. But every time he did something, I found it and I was right. Even the girl he dated after me, I'd clocked her months prior . I found every single girl. And by the way, when we were going through our two toxic years, you could see people's likes on Instagram, which was a crazy time. So there was that, but like I would notice a new girl in his likes or comments and I'd go to her . I was right every single time . Like this is so real . Like guys when they're commenting they're like not on famous people , non famous people . They're like buzz buzz, here I am. I might be single one day. Yep. Why else are you doing it? That is the only reason you're doing it. You just need validation. And listen, I understand that like people need validation and there's tons of relationships that people go home and feel like their partner does not see them, and does not sleep with them, it doesn't compliment them, it isn't appreciative of them. And I'm not talking about those people. And you should go to therapy or breakup if that's the case. But like, I don't know, I think it's just putting a band likey over a bullole if youet' hre going to to try get this external validation. And then what, by the way, then you just drag up a conversation with somebody and then what are we doing? Part of it's just like, here I am, just in case. And we have a friend who she is since broken up with her boyfriend and she noticed this at the very beginning and I didn't really know that. She kind of told me later in the relationship of some of the reasons she didn't trust him because she was trying to reflect on why she didn't trust him. And she was like, I noticed this very early on. And we always say, I think this is actually a Rob Bolin quote, but the problem at the beginning is the problem at the end. And it's so true sometimes. It's almost always true. And so early on, she noticed he was following a lot of like hot models, bikini girls, a lot of who he knew. A lot that he knew that he actually knew not just like foddy, like spank bank material and really engaging and then he cleaned up his following a little bit, but he was still engaging with some. And one of the girls she caught him texting with and there was a betrayal involved. And it's just like she had clocked that before . You do know it. Like us women, we know it. You know it. And it's like so interesting because before she caught him, maybe like three weeks prior, she was saying to me like I went through his following again. He's just following all of these bikini models still. He refollowed a bunch of them and she was like, I'm really uncomfortable about it. It's a real blind spot for me sometimes because I was like, I don't want to invalidate you, but like, he's never really given you reason to not trust him. And right. You don't really, you've never caught him lying or he's never said he was going to be somewhere and you're somewhere else . He's got his location. And she was like, I just can't shake this feeling. And on top of that, he doesn't post me . And like, that's the smoking gun. Like it's just, I keep thinking about this being like a whole e cosystem of a relationship. It's like that wouldn't be that big of a deal if his Instagram was also flooded with your photos. And yes, anybody can cheat on you and also post a million photos of you. But it just it was a couple things that added up that it was just like, okay, well he doesn't express to other people that he's in a serious relationship. It's not clear. You're so right, it's everything that really is the full picture. It's not always just one thing. Yeah, I mean, you can call cheating whatever you want. Like I think that you're allowed to have standards and boundaries. I don't think we all have to just be like the cool girl that's just like trying to be like I can't police an adult all the time. Like you're allowed to have standards and your standard can be like I don,'t like that you're engaging with all these people. Like this person we're talking about, he was liking and commenting on all these girls' photos too. And like, it's just too close for comfort. And you're allowed to say like, that's not fine for me. And you're DMing back and forth with these girls and now it's moved to text messages and maybe it's not on its head cheating. You didn't penetrate this person, but it is not behavior that is becoming of somebody that I want to be with. Yeah, I'm curious what you think about this. I've heard so many friends say, like, I don't want to come as insecure and controlling . And I have to like say back to them like what you're asking is not insecure and controlling. These are like normal boundaries to have with somebody. And I think a lot of women get caught up in this like, I don't want him to throw that back on me. I'm controlling him . Yeah, I mean, the guys that are in my life that I think are great partners , including my own , but family, friends just know better, unfortunately. Like I'm not saying this is always a like red flag breakup with him, but I do think about Rob and I think about when he started dating his now wife , maybe even partners before that . He cleaned up as follows because he doesn't want to be scrolling in someone's ass . You know, like he was like, I followed some of these models and assentities when I was single and I don't anymore. You know, like I think about that the guys we know would be the same way. Like they have a respect for their partners and there is a line. There is too much to start dating someone and be like, you have to never engage with a woman again. I mean, you can think whatever you want, have whatever boundaries you want , but there is, is this person untrustrorthy has? And g heiven you reason doubt him? Or are you really deeply insecure and you're acting out of previous trauma and you're projecting and you can't handle him engaging with anyone even if they,'re as friends. And that might be something you have to reflect on yourself and work through yourself because your partner should be able to have female friends, interact with them on Instagram, like their stuff, hype them up, all the things. But like an avalanche of like bikini models I'm just like there is an alternative to you following these people which is to just watch porn or look them up. Like I've just I've never dealt with it. I've never had to ask somebody to do that. But like if I had to, I would just be like, why won't you? Yeah. What's the big deal? Unfollow them. Yeah, and I remember with my ex like going through his followers one time and I just felt kind of sick . Like I was like, why this is just a lot of ass for what ? And again , following is different than engaging. Like I think there's some guys out there that maybe they just want to look at stuff like that sometimes and they've never once engaged . And I wanted to ask you about girls doing this . I don't think we have, I mean, other than Bradley Thor, but it's like again, this goes back to the crush episode. We did recently. And not always, but most of the time women do this kind of stuff, have these little crushes, my fire emoji , somebody on Instagram and it is like really actually harmless . And I was thinking that women's behavior is mostly harmless, usually. Yeah . Men, they can't be trusted. Yeah, I can be trusted. And I think so many guys are hot, but I don't necessarily need to follow them. Also a lot of the guys I think are hot, if they're of the moment, they're on Chicks in the Office or Bustle or Elite Daily, and so I'm liking all that all day. But I thought about this and this is the loophole . So you know, like one of my hall passes is John Fabreau from Pots of America. That surprises you guys as much as it surprises me. People love that. I see comments about it. So I can like his stuff all day. Same with Ch anc. Ch anc loves Kaitlin Collins. So if we are we literally share a mitochondria. Sean wants to flame emoji everything Kaitlyn Collins posted on like Yaz King, gas are up. Like journalists and activists are the loophole . Kaitlyn Collins, we could go to dinner they're like right now. I'm sure she's telling the podcast. You booked the guests. Are we booking or not? Are you afraid to keep her around a shock? No, he doesn't get to meet her. We'll book her in New York. I would love to book her. Well, John Washington happens live all the time. I love Caitlin Collins. She's the Cana Anchor. Collins. And so if I saw truly, if I saw him heart eyes every post of hers, I'd be like, yep that's it. We cosign it. Yeah, 'cause I just love Kalein Collins But it does this behavior does remind me of the crush episode we did a few weeks ago that you guys loved and the episode was so huge. And when you get into a relationship, same with flirting with friends, like your behavior just has to change. That's just like that's the trade off. Like one of my best guy friends got into a relationship, unfortunately, it's so annoying. And he used to comment on everything about how hot I looked and that stopped when he got a girlfriend. And I hate that and that's annoying to me but I get it. Right . I was just gonna say like though, like I want to like everything I see of Belmont Camelli. Like just everything shirtless, everything he's doing. He's dancing. He was that Kid Leroy video. Like actually I'm so glad you brought this up because listen, you guys this will be two weeks ago at this point, but I have been wanting to ask him so mad I didn't drink a snack this week if it turned you on if you got the ick. Okay, so again, this was weeks ago at this point. We're recording in advance. Belmont Camelli was in this big crowd dancing with Kid LaRoy , it was one hundred percent hot to me. A hundred percent zero percent ic. No, like he has swagger, it wasn't cringe or ick, he was having a good time. He's so sexy. How do you get the ick from that? Okay, if you watch like two seconds prior, he like he's trying to put his cell phone away in one of his car we've got . We've all tried to put our cell phone on our car bust out. Did this dance can bust out? And like watching him trying to get the phone in the pocket so that he could then dance like that was a little ick but I'm it is a little ick but I was so horny watching it. I mean he's when he okay the dance move yesterday when he lifts his shirt up I was like we've gone a little far but no I,'m so hor ny watching it. I don't care . He does have swag , does have enough moves to pull off what he was doing and he's doing it confidently. Yes. That's the thing. When you feel someone is not owning it, that's the ick. And I didn't get that from him at all. So yeah, like I was liking stuff. But if he posted on his private account and it was him with his shirt off and stuff . I don't know. I wouldn't be flame emojing it. I don't know. I don't but also like if I did, it would be so harmless and it would be of my character . I think that's the kind of thing that your husband would see and laugh at a hundred percent like that. Yeah. That's the other thing . It's like if your partner saw this, what would they think about it? And he is a famous celebrity now. Like again, like some random person, like, why are you doing this? You're laying the groundwork and we see you. Yeah, we see you. We see your intentions. Okay, well, should we just talk about our main partners and then get into our polls? Yes. If you guys are like, I want to take a trip, but I feel really overwhelmed, kind of like organizing my finances and knowing what you can afford, rock of money is the best tool that you guys can get for yourselves. So Rocka Money is a personal finance app. It's going to help you manage your subscriptions, track your bills, everything that you're spending all in one place. I love the interface. Super easy to use. 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And this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp . So BetterHelp is going to help you thrive, not just survive the summer. I mean, I think this summer can be hard for people. I think that there's a lot of FOMO going on of people like taking vacations and like what people have to do with their free time and spend their money on. And I also think it can be a hard time like maybe if you really want kids and you see other people playing with their kids and go to summer camp and all that. So therapy can really help you just unpack these feelings and understand them better and learn good coping mechanisms and setting boundaries . And like maybe there's something as simple as like, you know, it's hard for me knowing that all these people are taking all these trips, I have so much fun. Maybe it's just muting a bunch of accounts and things like that. But you can go to therapy can help. BetterHelp has over thirty thousand therapists. It is the world's largest online therapy platform. They've served over six million people globally. They have quality therapists that work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U. S. and they have a therapist match commitment. So they'll do all the initial matching for you and if you're not satisfied with your therapist, they will switch you to a different therapist at any time and help you with more tailored recommendations to what you'd like. You don't have to say yes to everything this summer, find support and therapy. Sign up at get ten percent off at better . com slash ge. That's better help dot com slash ge. Okay, so we surveyed you guys , about twenty thousand people responded. Our surveys are real data. People should pass for them. twenty thousand of you guys. I mean, this is better than anyone else could do. Kinney Institute. Try not come at us . Okay. Google me bitch . Raina song. What is it from? It's a kid. Just some kid. We said it the other day. When did we say that? I think it was Wastasi . Four Christmases . Oh my god, that never would have occurred to me. One of the, one of his nephews? Yeah. Yeah. It's one of Vince F'ans nephewss. That' crazy . Yes. Okay, so we asked you guys a series of questions. We're just going to go through your answers. We kicked it off with your stance on this statement. Men in committed relationships don't need Instagram outside of work . ten percent said agree. It's a dating app. And ninety percent disagreed. What do you think about that? I think it's a hobbyist app. I mean, there's how many men are on there for sports, cars , travel, food. Like most of my guy friends, that's what they're following looks like. Comedy . But people don't like to say it. Yeah, so I agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's I mean, yes, a lot of people are on there to fuck. Sure. But like , I don't know, most people are also on there to follow their favorite sports teams and comedians and us and like sports about it all. A lot of sports and like food. Like how else does one find food? Exactly. How are they gonna take you on dates? Especially in LA if they're not following Canber, hundred percent . Okay . So that was just like a fun. We knew you guys would probably say that. Again, it's an extreme take, but it's fun to break down. Should guys who follow models, hot influencers, et cetera cle,an up their following when they enter a serious relationship . And fifty five percent said yes , and forty five percent said no, I don't care. So more than half are like, yeah, you should clean up. And it depends on how egregious it is, I guess. There's like this one guy that I dated and like I looked at his following and it's like all bikini models and it seems I'm just like this beneath you and weird. Like, do you need to follow all these people? Right. And if we were in a relationship, yeah, I'd ask for this to stop. It's embarrassing to me that my friends go to your follower list and see this. And see that because when you just glance at someone's follower list, you know it's so much ass, it's so much ass and tidies. It's embarrassing to me. I mean, I don't want my friends to see that on your It's not even so much about me as much. Right. It's embarrassing to me. Right. Okay. It's following bikini models while in a relationship disrespectful. twenty eight percent said yes, always . Seven percent said no, falling like away and the majority sixty five percent, following is fine, engaging isn't. That's probably where I am where I fight. Because we also wanna support these women, you know, only if bottles are people too. Yeah, I mean we want these women to get their bags , maybe not from our men. Yeah, not from our husbands, not from our men, but you know, we just we don't want to take away from them. Also, I mean , within reason, it's fine if you follow like a few of these people , you can't be engaging with them. Stop it. If your partner asked you to unfollow certain accounts, would you twenty five percent said yes, five percent said no. Fairly hard line there. And the majority seventy percent said depends on the request. Yeah, I mean, I'm a woman. It's also different. Again, I just I'm trustworthy. There is nobody. What would Shangha ask me to unfollow? I think it would be people that you've slept with and dated like for that's what in that direction from men to women, like I feel like they'd asked you to unfollow an ex , which I guess I wouldn't mind. I mean, I want it depends on the request for me. Like I follow pretty much everybody that I've ever dated or slept with. And a lot of them are muted, but I don't need to X them out of my life completely. Yeah . But I think it's a reasonable request, I guess if somebody was like, this bothers me so much. This like a specific X, I don't think I need them in your orbit. But I guess I would just need to unpack like why? Because you know I could just look them up if I felt like it I mean follow guys I've dated or slept with just because I didn't need to unfollow them. Like whatever we had I,'m thinking of a few in particular. One I actually dated and one that we knew each other before, slept together once and stayed friends after. I follow them. I like their stuff. I don't really engage or comment. We're not ever in the DM's . They like my marriage stuff, like they like wedding posts. Like it's so harmless. I don't know if Chris knows who these people are or does he care? But I do follow people that I have a history with. And to me, I was never gonna unfollow them because why would I? That looks like I'm bothered by them. Yeah. So if Xong was like, Hey, can you unfollow Jason? I'd be like, why though? But again, you guys have like the ecosystem of trust where I totally feel like he would never ask you that. You would never have to do something like that. Like there's no reason for him to feel like there's a problem that you're following an ex if you send text messages. Right. And like if those guys , the two I'm thinking of in particular like were my DM's or they were doing too much, I'd be like, you gotta stop. I'm disrespected on behalf of my husband too. What are we do?? What do you think What do you think you're doing here? There is no chance for you anymore if that's what you're after. So yeah, I guess it depends on the request. I'd really need to understand like why you really need me to unfollow this person. Right? Are you embarrassed that the world sees me following this person? Yeah, I'm embarrassed I love them too . Okay, and lastly, where do you draw the line with your partner and someone on social media who's again not a close friend or family? Following ten percent is the line for ten percent people, liking , that's twenty three percent is the line, commenting thirty three percent, and DMing is thirty five percent. So let me find out you DMed one of these people. Okay, but hear me out. What about you kind of swipe up with a reaction and then you're in the DMs ? Like I bet that's what a lot of guys do that are without DMs. No, I think in the DMs means like you have sent a message. I know that, but I'm saying this is their gateway. Like they just swiped up with a hard eye and now the DM's are unlocked . You know what I'm saying? I can lock them other ways. And I don't like it. I'm just saying that could be a shady way. We're like, I just reacted. What? But it's like she could so easily DM me back now. It's the line of communication has been open. Even liking, I'm just like, sometimes I'll be like, scrolling random shit and I'll see like one of my friends' partners liked it and I'm like, for what? Like your stuff? No, I mean, I see that they like other stuff and I'm like, what why are you liking this? Yeah, and again, it's just like some of it's the volume. It's you go to some girls page and you're a man has liked everything she's posted . It's weird. And even worse, he hasn't liked everything you've ever posted. No. It feels intentional. You better be hyping me every second of every day. And then that creates a different environment for me. Right. Okay, so then we asked you guys , do you have any hard and fast rules when it comes to this? And I loved the responses that we got for this. It was so vast. Like we could not get to the bottom of the slide. Like people really had a lot of feelings, and it really oscillated from like, I don't care to like everything's a hard line. The overwhelming theme was don't embarrass me. That I mean over and over and over again. Do not embarrass me with how you act. You have a you can have a long leash to do whatever you want. Don't embarrass me. Like if you're a dude, talk directly to a dude. You're a dude, you have a long term girlfriend . She's scrolling and she sees you flame emoji and all these girls, bikini picks, whatever, not famous celebrities, not Nicole Kidman , you know, not Giselle accessible or accessible people of a certain level . You think she's gonna like it? You know the answer . You know the answer. And if you don't, you're not a worthy partner or you just don't care or you just crazy. Exactly, exactly. Adult gaslight, you're in a gaslight and like, what are you? You're so jealous, you're so insecure, break up with that man. And then a lot, which came up if we were dating, you'd be posting me and actively engaging with me. And then that'll just change the way that I feel about you. Like a lot of people just feel like if you're liking stuff, it makes it look like you're open to engaging with that person. Think too. What are you, what message are you trying to send? Also, do you want me doing this? Don't do stuff you don't want me doing. Again, like Rayna said, which just re toiterate, let's say again following bikini models is not disrespectful, it's just loser shit, non fuck losers. Just harness that energy, ladies. You can look, follow, you cannot touch, which is light, comment DM. I like that. I do If friends my saw this, would they want me to be with you? I mean, like, I just see Shishanks just like liking and commenting on every stuff and I'm like, that's so cute. Look how creepy is. If you know the person, it's fine and interact, you know, who cares? If you don't know them, why are you engaging? Other than to start engaging with him? Right. No selfies, what does that mean? You can't like a selfie, you can't post, you can't post one. I shouldn't be posting one. Men that post selfies , there's exceptions to every rule, but there's very few exceptions to that rule. Well, men take on though. Shirong takes selfies all the time, like to show me his outfits. Not to post on Instagram stories. He's like, I was just feeling he's never done it, you guys. There's not like based on who he is, that would make me laugh. If Shawn posted a selfie , okay, here's what a band should never do. A selfie that's like front facing like this way. I'm saying you're selfie of their like drip maybe, but like they took like I take one like on my like nice nature walk. That's so embarrassing. Yeah like a duck face Martha Stewart selfie thirst trap no. I love this one. No rules. He deleted everything except Facebook Marketplace. I love a quiet man. And then my husband just deleted his Instagram and our relationship instantly got better . And my ex boyfriend followed every slut on Instagram, didn't bother. He's too ugly. Current BF, no Instagram, better life . So there seems to be a correlation. No porn accounts. Okay , I think I say this on the show a lot you're allowed to draw whatever boundary you want. Your partner doesn't have to accept that. But like this environment that you're in where you're going back and forth and you're like, I don't like this and then you're being gaslit. It's like you have to come to some type of agreement or you can't be with that person because it's ridiculous to act like social media doesn't matter. We're so far past that . And this is when you can check yourself with your friends . So find your most secure friends, maybe your older friends, maybe friends that are kind of like us and ask them if you're being ridiculous because sometimes you don't know. And especially if you are in a relationship that has some toxicity or already has some gaslighting and this person has made you jealous and insecure or that's not the case, but again, you have that previous trauma and you feel a little warped and you feel like you can't necessarily trust your gut and you don't know what's normal. Ask someone that you really look up to and respect that maybe isn't in a secure relationship or they don't have to be they can be single but just be like , am I being crazy? Is this normal to want this? Is this out of pocket? Can I ask this of him? Like, you don't have to be on this journey yourself in terms of determining if this is a boundary that is socially acceptable, like Grana said, you could have whatever boundary you want, but I think this is always worth checking with your friends. I'm laughing because our friend checked with me and I told her she was overreacting and look what happened Oh my god , but I do just I really liked him and he hadn't done anything that was like that crazy but she was right and I also like you have to remember your friends know their partners better than you do. So I mean I just,, I'm also not gonna invalidate my friends. If you feel like something's going on, then I believe you that you think that something probably is going on. When she told me this, I had to be like that sucks. And I gave her the example of Rob , who I'm like most trustworthy guy husband we know and used to follow a lot of these types of accounts and has since dialed back and it was when he was younger and stuff like that. But I also had the experience with my ex that he was he was shady. And so it's just like I really validated her and it was like a who's to say type situation because there are two types of guys all kinds of types of guys. That only lasted like two more weeks. So I was wrong. If you have to have rules for your man on social media, he does not respect you. I mean, that again, a little bit of extreme statement, but that's what I was saying earlier. Like the guys that really respect you know how to act. Yeah, I haven't had to have conversations like this with people that in my in my gut I trusted. The people I've had the most serious long term relationships with are people whose phones I would never have thought to look at. I wouldn't have looked at their social media. But I have been the girl that is hacking into your social media, reading everything, crying, accusing of stuff, and every time I was right with those people. And I know the other ones didn't cheat on me. I mean, I guess there's a possibility, but like they didn't seem like those kind of people . And I never did it. And I can be two people in different relationships. A hundred percent. Well, let's go through some of these emails that really caught our eye again you, guys thank always for sharing . These are vastly different topics. I'm excited to get into them both. Can I tell you something funny about our emails that just always makes me feel laugh? No one doesn't matter what we ask you guys for. Every single email starts with I love you guys and you changed my life. Like you guys could not be more wonderful. Like, you're writing emails about ridiculous shit and sometimes stuff that happened twenty years ago and every email starts with I love you both so much, you changed my life. You guys are so funny. The sendoffs are always funny. Somebody just wrote thankfully I moved back to Boston and shout out to Sparkle Eyes. Like you guys are just so funny. I just love your emails. They're so special. I know. I really do love you guys. It'd be funny to start an email. Like you guys are okay, but anyway, I really want to send this in. It's not it's just never like listen up bitches. It's like you change every single thing I thought about my life and what I wanted in my boundaries and I left a terrible relationship and I married an amazing man and I'm like, oh my god Oh makes me so emotional. Okay , so this one she says back when my boyfriend and I first started dating, he got mad at me for posting a bikini photo to the Gram. Not a thirst trap by any means. We were on a hike coming back from the water and I was still just in a bikini because I hate that she's even having this. I know. And I was still just in my bikini because I was wet and I didn't want to put clothes on cool nature photo. I had to remove it. Otherwise I'd send girls send it to us. Don't think I have it anymore. It was four years ago. Oh my god, it was a whole fight. Meanwhile, not even a full day later, I'm scrolling and see a few posts from mutual friends that are bikini photos summer and he has liked every single one. I brought it up to him saying that I don't think it's fair that he's liking these bikini photos but telling me I can't post one. His reason was that since we were together, I shouldn't show my body to others like that. I mean, I don't want to read anymore. Like this is some weird like Christian conservatism bullshit. This is the most toxic masculinity like, my woman won't be on the internet, get out of here. I said, That's fine, but then I don't think you should be able to like other girls bikini pics, especially after ignoring my post rather than gassing me up in the comments. That's crazy. He didn't even like her. No, it's crazy. And she's not like thirst trapping on like a rooftop at a pool. She's like, I'm on a hike. Also, I'll do whatever I want with my body, but this is the least sexualized it could be. A hike? Yeah. Celebrities would be different, but these are girls that we both know. It's embarrassing how my boyfriend likes all these bikini photos. Yeah. Yeah, ignore mine completely. Yeah. What are your thoughts on this? This is four years ago, early in our relationship. However, wait, is she still with him? Oh my god. This is her Um , I just assumed this was her ex , we got to talk Could I go too hard? No, we can't email him but there's another one I didn't put in here and she was like, So thirteen years ago with my now husband, it's like, what? And it's like she's still married. I'm like, Oh no . Okay, well, you know what? I was authentic to me . And I keep all this . I was authentic . Okay, what are what are your thoughts on this? This was for your thoughts that you were authentic to him. However, I know he would still not like me posting a photo of my bikini without him in it. He's a bit on the insecure side. Dad cheated on his mom. I've tried to get him into therapy. Okay , so it sounds like things maybe have gotten a little bit better and what happened, I'm not walking back what I said. What happened years ago could have come from from a different place . If he's still pulling this shit, this isn't just him not winning her post the bikini pick. This is him liking the other stuff. It's the combination of the two things. Like we said it paints the full picture. You're not liking her I was mad that you did this. Like it's so it's just it's controlling in a way that's unf air. It clearly comes from a different place . Like I understand there's always like our friend that this happened to that we keep referencing, she said to me like I understand his need for attention and I understand how he grew up and his insecurities. I understand his need for outside validation. And I was like, that doesn't mean it has to be your problem. Yeah, you can work through these with people and have empathy for what they've gone through, but it shouldn't end up like affecting you so deeply. Yeah , I mean, listen, if everything is else is great in this relationship and you don't really feel like he's controlling in other ways, like what you've described to us is there's red flags all over it. But if things have improved over four years, like people can change. I believe that. So again, this isn't me walking back my original authentic thoughts, but we don't know everything else in the ins and outs in the relationship, but you can show your body on social media. Like for whatever reason you want, I mean, if you're in a relationship, I really don't think you should post something that feels really like a thirst trap. But if you're really just like, I work hard in my body and I want to show it off, like Shashank would not like me full buttole h on the ground. So it is, there's different vibes. Like I feel like I'm envisioning this hiking bikini photo and it's not the same as me like at the beach taking a selfie to like get my abs and my tits and I'm like you need like the sweaty skin like there's different vibes . Okay, well, you know, you'll do what you're gonna do, girl . Usually we don't get these emails when you guys are still together . So this really thank you for sharing, of course, and we just hope he's like changed. I mean, it's like we saw a real redemption of Zack on Mormon Wide. I was literally thinking of Zack, of course. If anybody's listening to this and didn't think of Zack. Yeah, I mean, and again, this is a reality show. It's been edited. And well, that was a real villain art because he was so young, also he was raised in the Mormon Church. He was like twenty three on the first season of that show. And I think he just got exposed to better ideas. Yeah. The thing I don't like the most about this is that he was liking other people's stuff. Yeah . 'Cause like I can understand of him if there's somebody with this cheating trauma with his parents and if there is some sort of conservative upbringing, you see your partner in a bikini and you're like, that's a sin or some shit, but he's liking other ones. That gives like , I'm allowed to do that's giving like manosphere a hundred percent one way monogamy type stuff. I'm allowed to do this, but you can't. Yes. Okay, do you need to read the next one or do you want to go for it? No, I don't like to read . This one's a little different I' tmone wr soiting because I've become consider ned about the public social media activity of my married brother. Over a period of time, I noticed he has been leaving comments on Instagram photos of women, the only fans looking kind that go beyond casual compliments, rather than simply liking posts or leaving fire hard em ojis he has publicly written statements such as calling someone the most beautiful girl in the world and claiming that he has sent her a gift. Seeing these comments surprise me because they appear to be openly flirtatious and are visible to anyone who views the post. My concern is not based on a single isolated interaction but on the nature of the comments themselves and the potential implication for his marriage and personal well being. I know my brother tends to avoid conversations about stressful or emotionally difficult topics, so I've been hesitant to raise the issue directly at the same time I worry, that this kind of public behavior could have unintended consequences, whether in his relationship or if he's interacting with accounts that are not genuine. I brought this to the attention of my sister in law , but she seems to be on the side of boys will be boys, and it's his money so we can decide how he spend s it. Should I be concerned if she's not? Okay I didn't I glanced at it and thought I had my take, but I didn't know she'd already talked to his wife. I want to talk to the wife. I'm surprised I've never heard a woman be like , It's his money, let him send gifts to these women if he would like to. I mean , if that's your brother's relationship and the wife's fine with it, then that is none of your business. You're totally in your right to be like, this is embarrassing our family . Yeah . I see this and it's embarrassing and it's gross. Also, I'm curious how she's finding these comments . Like, how is she finding it's not the days of old where you could see this stuff in a feed, which still, I can't stress enough, was so insane those days. That was crazy. Like twenty fifteen. I'm curious how she's finding this out, but like, yes, okay, if the wife did not know about it, I think you're totally within your right to say your brother. And it should be pretty easy. Like, hey man, I noticed this and it's fucking weird. And it's better that I say this to you than your wife. Again, it's one of those things if you never know what's going on in someone's marriage, but I know what's going on in my brother's marriage. I know that they're in a monogamous relationship. I can't even picture this scenario. But if I saw it happening, I would assume something was going on with them and maybe like parenthood had gotten to them and I would be like, Matt, what's going on here? Is this like some outlet and you need validation? Like, you can talk to me. I'm your sister, I love you . I wouldn't want to see this as your wife. Is Steph aware of this? Has she seen this? Is this an agreement you guys have going on? Because if not, this is coming off as disrespectful. Like I would absolutely confront him in a kind way , but like I don't really see the point if the wife knows but it sounds like maybe she can't stand up to him. I don't know what they got going on. It's still like none of your business. I talk to the wife and that's it. She's like, it's his money and he'll spend it on only fans models if he wants to. . Well, yeah, 'cause I glanced at this email and then you said like that's none of my business. I was like, that's absolutely my business. I'm going to say to my brother, but now I see that like it's interesting she went to the sister in law. It's just your standards for your own relationship are not other people's standards for their relationship and you can't force them on other people. And like, I would like to. I would like to say to women like have, standard,s for how you're treated, you know, but not everybody does. I think that like we've seen everybody on the cast of summer house screaming Amanda Buta have standards for ten years. She's not gonna , she's not going to. I mean, it's also this is a little bit of a difference between friends and family. Like in my family, you can say this shit. My brother , my brother can he can talk out of turn to me. He can say some shit to me that I would say that's none of your business and he still would say it. Like there was a fight we had years ago where I was gonna do something and he really came at me and he was right , but I didn't want to hear it in the moment. And he really was like, please don't do this thing I was thinking of doing. And I got so mad at him. It was such a fight and, my mom had to get involved. And like he was right because he was like, I think you're about to make a mistake. And so close siblings, close family members, I think you're allowed to be like, I'm seeing this thing and I got to say something. We're family. It is better you than somebody else. Yeah, their partner. Right. We solved it. You're welcome. Okay guys, well again, last full episode in the LA Venice Studio. Thanks for being along on the ride. Girls gotat E. com, girls Got ptyodcast Instagram and TikTok. I am Ashes on Instagram and TikTok, follow along our trip this week, follow along with Reina Rena. Greenberg at Instagram, Raina Greenberg. com for her tour tickets for the fall. It's coming up . And subscribe on YouTube , watch on Spotify full video or YouTube , and will not see you Thursday. Look at me. We are taking off and the sixth for the fourth of July holid ay. So we will see you guys on my birthday july ninth for a snack next week. Have a great week and weekend guys. Bye