Dream Dessert and Final Thoughts

I'm on tour. I'm on tour until August. And there are still tickets available at Jamesacaster.com. I'm looking at you. Glasgow, Belfast. Oh, there was somewhere else. Please go on the website and buy chickens, please, JamesAgasper.com! Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Peeling the tab of conversation off the toblone of friendship and really trying hard to break off a chunk of humor. It's the type of our own podcast, James. I'm just thinking about Tobra, I'm so tired. That is it, Gamble. My name is James A Cast so together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite in a guest to asking their favourite ever star of Make's dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week our guest is Montaine. Montaine James is a musician of course. Fantastic musician, uh one of my faves. I discovered their music. part of my twenty sixteen project when I went absolutely nuts. Oh no way. Now we've interviewed everyone from Strictly we're going through everyone you discovered in twenty sixteen. Yes, and it's gonna be a long road my friend. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. And every one of their albums I'd say has got better and better bearing in mind Started well. I loved the debut album. Yeah. Each album I've loved more and more, love the direction that their music has gone in, and I absolutely love their new album, It's Hard to Be a Fish. I listened to it on the way over. I loved it as well. It's fantastic. Very excited to talk to Jess. Yes. Montane Montaigne actual. Name. Yes. Uh about about the album. And also I don't know what kind of food they like, even though we've worked together. We've made food we've made food together. No. No. We've made music together. Yeah. But that's not food. Food of life. Food of love. Is it the fit of love? If music be the food of love, play on, James. One of us went to Durham, the other of us. Uh doesn't know the difference between love and life. She didn't know. Did you not? Oh that's school. That's basic Shakespeare. Oh that that's that's right. That's nursery level Shakespeare. Yeah, it's nursery level Shakespeare. That was on our blocks at nursery. On our letter block. We spelt it out. In C when you get told it when you get a job. Yeah. When you eventually like leave school to graduate. They tell you your first bit of Shakespeare. I go, Okay. Yeah. Music is a food of love play on. Yeah. Well there you go. And if food Is the music of love? Make me dinner. That's a new tagline for the podcast, but you you got you gotta put that out there so the world can hear it. 'Cause that's a good tagline. Tell you what. Now and again I really tick on myself. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well when we're trying to come up with uh there's a there's a secret ingredient in this podcast, by the way, where if the if the guest says it, then we kick him out. And we're trying to come up with what uh the Monta what Montaine's one could be. And Ed was like, It's Montagne. Uh is it is it like uh a mountain in some languages? No. And and uh but it was like on Montagno is like in French is like, Oh we could pick a Tobloboon if it's that and then we decided against it. And then immediately it starts talking and it's put at the tab of the Toblown. It was in the queue. Gotta get it out there. Uh but the secret greeting is not too green is Fish. Cause the album's got the word fish in it. It's there. It's on a plate. Although I don't know Jess's eating habits. I think just doesn't eat meat, but I'm not sure. Okay. So they might be a vegan, so then we there might be no way we can get them out. There might be this might be, yeah, just like pointless. Yes. We might as well have just said a chair. No. But To be fair, it depends what the chair is. Not a leather chair, Yeah. So if there are any vegans in who have just a napkin in their collar and about eat a leather chair. Yeah. You want me to Google what's in that. You might want to have a look, you fucking idiot. Yeah. Montain is touring Australia in August for the 10th anniversary of their glorious heights album 2016. For dates and tickets, go to montantmusic.com.au This is the off menu menu of Montaine Welcome Montaine to the Dream Restaurant. Ah, thank you for having me. Welcome, Montagne, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting to give us some time. Well. Uh thank yeah, thank you. Those are getting louder. Yeah, well it has to get louder. Because if people have listened to the podcast before They're gonna expect them to fight I've got to surprise them. Yeah. So you've got to go up in volume every time. Did you feel surprised, Jess? I I was surprised. I was scared. Yeah. Yeah. That's how we like our guests right at the beginning. Yeah. To be very on edge. It's a horror film. Yeah. And I love feeling this way. I've got to say. Feels good. Australians do very good horror films at the minute. Everyone's scared. I can't really report on any of them because I don't watch horror films but um I do hear that they're quite good. This new one everyone's saying it's so scary. Which are Together or the other one? Uh the um Bring Her Back. Bring her back. Yeah, yeah. It's the Philippu twins. Yeah, that's right. Who um I've heard interviewed and seem like really lovely, just sort of puppy dog energy uh Australian boys. They seem cool. And then they make most horrible films I've ever seen in my life. It's like that sometimes, isn't it? Sometimes people with the greatest levity produce the darkest things. It's like uh Hayomiyazaki is like the most depressed man, but he makes these beautiful Jibli films, you know? Yeah. Maybe that's why 'cause uh Ed makes very happy comedy. Yeah. Makes everyone feel good, but he's a dark side. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And J Junji Ito, are you aware of Junji Ito's work? Yeah. Really happy man loves his cats and then writes absolutely horrific horror manga. Crazy. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Why is it that Australian films. So there's it it's either Very funny. character led comedy or horrible depressing like gritty dramas where everyone gets hurt and it's just like so dark. And everyone's in the bush and it's all that's a good question. I think I don't know, we're a pretty isolated country, right? Like I feel like there's there's a lot there's a lot of isolated sort of desert Parts of the land, right? Like we only populate the Perth. Namely Perth Only really pro populate the coastline and then when you get a bit more inland, it gets very sparse, gets very small populations. I feel like that's good fodder for that sort of like kinda situation. Like the roads at night pretty scary out back that way because it's not very bright, like not a lot of lights and stuff. So it's a lot of It's rich, this is rich, fertile soil, literally and figuratively, for that kind of fiction, I think. Yeah. What's that? Was it Wolf Creek? Yeah. Again, not one I've seen, but yeah, that's not seen it. That's one of that's one of those. Yeah. Just horrible country. Yeah, yeah. Disgusting. It's terrible. Scary country. Yeah, yeah. Scary to live there as well. Yeah. We also with our guests we like to immediately say that their uh their home is horrible and scary. Do that with everyone. It never makes the edit. Let's see if this does. Yeah. And I and the minute you're on tour in the UK, how are you finding that? You can say anything you like at this point. Yeah, you go for it. Australia. Yeah. No, it's been good. Um I've enjoyed it. All it is good. They're side for live music, which is like something that Australia's struggling with a little bit at the moment. So it's nice to come to a place where people are like, they're buying tickets and they're loving it. Um relax the Australian audience is thinking about Or the horror type. All the Wolf Creek type stuff, yeah. There's some backwards man from the bush is gonna come in with a a big axe. Exactly. Um no none of that. It's always great, like come into a place that just like it looks totally different. I mean no actually not totally different. It's interesting because like obviously the British colonize Australia. So we got some architectural similar similarities and stuff. Thank you. I appreciate it. Um I don't I don't know. I've been here before. So some of it feels more novel and some less. I went to Bristol yesterday and I really liked Bristol. Bristol's good did also find out that that was like the hub of slavery. And so there's there is, you know. Swins and roundabouts. Yeah, yeah, no, no, exactly. I went to I went to the M uh shed yesterday, which is like the Bristol Museum kind of thing. It's all about Bristol. And and they have they have the statue like lying on its side with the graffiti on it. glass case and to tell you all about it. I was like I was cheering. I was like this is great. Trying to push that in the in the river again. Yeah, exactly. Rolling it again down the hill. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, this is probably quite controversial for me to say, but I'm not afraid. I'm sure there's some Colston heads out there who are like, I love the guys who are um There was at the time. It was crazy. Oh yeah. They drink actually no one said I don't think anyone dared say at the time that they loved him. But they try to make the arguments about well Yeah. It's history. Yeah, exactly. And what are we doing? And it's like well when we put There's the same bit of history, but the good guys will make a statue of their Yeah. And then they had no answer for that. They were like, Don't push him in the drink. Yeah. Stop pushing him in the drink. Yeah. No one used the phrase the drink around that time. No, no, it's just saying that it got pushed in the drink. Yeah Well that's good that like I didn't know that they had it in the glass case. Yeah it's funny. Can you remember any of the graffiti? No, I was just red. It was just like I think maybe I don't I don't know if there was a placard saying what the the red symbolized. I feel like maybe just like blood or just like I don't like this guy's face, so I'm gonna cover it with red. Well that's the idea. paint they could find on the day. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, you could be yeah. Yeah. Rushing down to the drink perhaps some graffiti on the way. No, it was generally a very good uh exhibit. Well, not just exhibit, it was like a it was a whole it was a whole thing. There was lots of information there. I'm I'm gonna go to that. I've got to go and see Stu Goldsmith. Yep. And get all the gossip about Edinburgh from him. And then I'm gonna go and see the Edinburgh gossip. I have a lot of friends who went to Edinburgh and I can't wait to go back to Australia and get the gossip from them. Who are your friends who are in to Edinburgh? And what gossip do you think they're gonna have? Uh I have a friend named Robin Reynolds who's really Amazing new stand up. Um she's like a Brit, but she's based in Melbourne in Australia and I made friends with I just moved to Melbourne. Oh great city, loving it, and she's great. Um Uh, do you know Zach Zucker? Yes. Yeah, I mean he d I don't live near him, but he's a friend and I should probably pr probe him. So Zach Zucker and Robin Reynolds so far. Yeah. Okay. Um very excited about the fact they both have illustrative names. Oh, that's so true. Yeah. I don't even think it's brain works. It's funny. He can't wait. Louis we can rustle up with otherwise. You try and rustle up some and James will definitely make up some. Just drink drink for everything. So excited. Yeah. Those are my friends. I got two friends. Yeah. Two friends is good. That's all you need. I got two friends. Yeah. Yeah. Did you drink. Oh, did you drink. Yeah, cool. Not myself. Oh, okay. Myself. You can be friends with yourself. Yeah. James Cunt. Famous. Friends. Not my cup of tea. No, okay. He'd never write any shows if he was friends with himself. Oh, so true. Yeah. Yeah. Instead, I'm a materialist firm. I hate this guy. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes it's me that I'm talking about. Sometimes it's Benito. Yeah. I make out like it's me, but it's really something Benito's done. Yeah. Tell us about your album. My album. That's called It's Hard to Be a Fish. Yeah. Why is it perfect? 'Cause we've been talking about the drink. Oh yeah. Yeah. And then we're talking about another thing that's. And now we're gonna talk about the fish, which is in the water. Yeah. And before we even start recording, we're talking about my octopus teacher. We're talking about the Bristol Aquarium. Bristol Aquarium. I love I love all things marine. Yeah. Yeah. No, I uh the reason why it's called It's Hard to Be Fish, many reasons, but partly 'cause when I started making the album, I lived by the sea, in Coji in Australia. And my partner at the time was like a full ocean swimmer. Did like the 2K's out into the ocean and like would also go soccer stuff a lot. So that was very much part of like My world at the time of making or starting to make the album. And was like truly trying to tap into that when I was producing it as well with the sound and stuff with just like lots of ocean and water samples and seagull samples and stuff like that. And then and then broke up with that person and moved out and my whole life changed completely and then I had this like reckoning with like I guess my family life. I don't talk to my parents anymore. Um, love them. Bless them. It's it's very complex. Uh-huh. Uh, and I do not wish any ill upon my parents whatsoever. I I love them, but they just I can't have a relationship with them anymore. And the album is kind of about that. Is about how just like my feelings swelling around that the grief of sort of having to like Uh disconnecting yourself from your parents while you're st like they're still alive. Um the sort of like resentment as well, which I like I have to acknowledge, like there's a lot of anger there, a lot of resentment, but then also sort of the feeling of I guess relief as well. Uh I guess after the fact there's a lot of analogies in there about like being on a shipwreck and then floating in the ocean deciding where you're gonna go next. Like are you gonna swim back to that person or are you gonna like Find some new island and see what happens even though it's unknown and scary. So that's sort of It's all it's all trying to incorporate this notion of like Fish, ocean, ships, like drifting in and out, the oscillation of things, um and and I guess like family life and just encompassing all these like experiences of my life. Yeah. How you you can start to like I think we get this with shows and stuff as well, with comedy shows, where you start to do it about one thing. Mm. And then it becomes about something else, but the initial thing still kind of bleeds into it, still still c carries on. Yeah. Even though they're not necessarily connected. It's about to say that that's never happened to him. I have no subtext. Something happens in my life and I directly talk about that thing and then it's the end of the show. Yeah. Yeah. But then the next routine is a different thing. Yeah, exactly. And then it's the next thing that happened. Yeah, yeah. Chronologic Chronologically, Jess. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not fucking around by going back in time, right? No, like memories you just leave them behind. No place no place in your life. If Ed was doing it. your album it would be a very stark. Talking about being next to the sea and Yeah. Swimming out in the sea. Yeah. And then it would be I'm not talking to my parents anymore. And then it would be I saw a fish and I thought it's hard to be a fish. Yeah. So Yeah, that's the thing. But they wouldn't get connected. Yeah, see. Well, yeah, the extra layer for me with that is like um part of the way I started conceiving of like my relationship with my mom initially. This is me when I'm like at my most like petum, like I'm a victim is like she's a cat and I'm a fish and I'm getting hunted, man. I'm getting hunted. But then like when I started to think about it some more, I was like, no, we're like all fish, man. Yeah. We're like all being hunted by someone or something. We've all got our own thing. We have to remember that. And we have to try and You know. be a bit more compassionate towards each other. And I'm yeah, again, try to be that w with my mom on the album. Try not to be just like, You're a bitch You know, like try not also to be like, No, you're a human being. A lot of stuff has happened. And you're and you're a fish. And I'm a fish. Yeah, exactly. You know, like Yeah. And also like as a metaphor for queerness, like I am queer. I'm nonbinary and I'm bisexual as well. And like fish is a term that is like it's like slang that gets used among trans people sometimes as well. And Uh, I just thought it was like a I I I liked it as an idea, like uh as a representation for Quitus as well, because there's also a lot of like Interesting stuff happening in the ocean, like seahorses. Yeah. The males get pregnant. That's cool. I like that. You know, I think the ocean there's a lot of Um, things in there that uh reveal to us that the world is not very clear cut, right? Like these ideas of like gender and biology and stuff. are not just like Male and female and the genitals happen this way and the mind happens this way. It's like There's a lot of different stuff that happens down there. And also within human beings, but I think human beings find it harder to accept a difference among themselves sometimes, you know what I mean? Yeah. So I thought, you know, the fish metaphor and analogy. Yeah. Let's get into your dream menu. We'll start with still a sparkling water. I was talking to my partner about this, I was like In the dream restaurant. Can it be both like high end and lowbrow, you know? Like what kind of experience am I going for? And I think I'm gonna go for both. And in this, but on this course it's it's highbrow, so it's just gonna be sparkling. So you see the sparking as the fine. I think so. It's like when you go to like a fine dining restaurant, like I mean they offer you both, but you go for spark. You gotta go for spark. You go you gotta do it, I think. Yeah. Even if you don't like it. I think it's that's just You gotta get the full experience. Yeah. Oh, even that's immediately you're like on the train to like Hi for Luton. on the train to high flute. If you're paying it. If you're paying that much money You're getting the sparkling water. And I don't know this something I don't know about these restaurants is like how do they source the sparkling? Are they doing it themselves? Are they getting just like a San Pellegrino? Are they like what is what is it? I don't know, but I have to assume that it's like the good stuff. Whatever the good the be it's like the best carbonated water, you know? 'Cause they're not bringing out San Pellegrino at that place a bot they're bringing out a plain bottle. A marked bottle. Unmarked bottle. Yeah. That is sparkling. Yeah. And I've never actually thought about that. No. Of like where's that? what have you decanted into there. Yeah. Or have you made it yourself. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But usually those places they'll describe every course in detail. You'd think more they were pouring the water, they'd be like, And we made this ourselves. Well, maybe that's the thing, it's like maybe the lack of mention means it's actually Yeah. Would that disappoint you if you sort of the door to the kitchen swung open, you thought it was like the cheapest sparkling water available? It wouldn't. Yeah. Yeah. I'd feel like annoyed at myself as well that I'd been convinced by the surroundings that everything was fancy. Yeah. Did it was uh Ages ago, but Penin Teller did. So Benito w Benito will know about this. Yeah. Call called bullshit. Remember Benito? Called Bullshit. Okay. Uh the one episode they opened up a fake restaurant that was like fancy fine dining restaurant, but in the kitchen they were just e making everything with like cheese whiz and cheap things from the supermarket. going out explaining to the customers how fancy it was and how they might and the customers were oh yes this is incredible. And then obviously filming with secret cameras are being like, these people are more And I think about that a lot when I'm in those whenever I've gone to a fancy restaurant. And I mean it's and they've explained how great it is to me. Oh this might I might be on Penentella's bullshit. And I've got to not have recommissioned Penentela's. They might have recommissioned Penentella's bullshit and said only if you make it episode for episode the same as the as the first time you made bullshit. And I'm here eating cheese with on a Ritz cracker. Your ego is wild sometimes. Huh? But you're just out in public going, They might be filming it. Truman show, man. Yeah. Truman show and bullshit. I think I might be on both at the same time. Yeah. Like this is like I'm on the Truman show. They're doing. Yeah. Yeah. Like they've done yeah, they've done a hidden. Yeah, good well, 'cause it's supposed to be like a sort of squeaky clean nineteen fifties style America really, isn't it? It's like the idyllic American dream. So how many channels do you have to do? So it's probably not many channels. Yeah. Yeah. How much extra TV were they making for this one man? If maybe he hadn't got out. Maybe they would have done a Truman show within the Truman show. Yeah. So he was like watching someone else have the Truman show done to them. Jesus Christ. That's crazy. That's a good sequel. It might have been a good way to convince him that he wasn't in the Truman Show. What about a Truman Show sequel? It's kinda like like Squid Game. Have you guys seen Squid Game? Yes. Yeah. He goes back. Yeah. Squid Game. What if the sequence showing try and bring it up? But he made another Truman show. He was the director. He did the Truman show. But then when he's the director up in the moon, he finds they're making a Truman show of him. Yeah. You're gonna have to delete this benefit. Yeah, but they're gonna try and get this from us, yeah. Oh my gosh. They're gonna try and get this from us, Hollywood. Good. I mean he would at least be even if they weren't making a treatment show of him, surely he's always gonna be paranoid. Yeah So surely when he escapes the treatment show is it it's a happy end in that film. But surely the rest of his life he's like How do I know this is what, you don't see it as a happy ending? No, I find it really depressing. He's just like looking at the door. You're like, What's his life gonna be like now? Yeah. Yeah, well I I guess I didn't think of it that's he does he get like a pension for the rest of his life or something? Like some sort of compensate like does he is he put up for the rest of his life? Surely, 'cause he doesn't have a real job. I mean he's writing. I guess qualifications. He's writing a book though, isn't he? Yeah, oh yeah, no totally. That book is he's an influencer now. Yeah. You're right. He's just doing the talk shows for the rest of his life, the circuit. Yeah, yeah. But he he'd always be thinking, I'm still in it. He'd always he'd he'd hate it. He'd be thinking, How do I know this is real life? Yeah, exactly He could read Dumb and Dummer. What? Because he looks exactly like that guy. He comes out and sees Dumba Dubba and goes. Lloyd Christmas. Yeah, yeah. We by color. Yeah. Schmucking. The mass the mass. But what if he was a bad actor? Yeah. Do people say smoking in Australia? Um I don't know, I've probably heard it once or twice. But it's not common. Yeah. Poplums on bread! Pops on bread, Martine. Poplums on bread. What do you say? Pops or bread. Yeah. I was doing I was doing my homework with my partner. I was following all the simple. We were saying like this is not a question you would ask in Australia 'cause it's just to be fair. Only on the podcast. Oh, only in the podcast. Oh, I see. I thought maybe because Indian food is quite common here. Yeah. It was that was a good like a British thing. Yeah, definitely like popoms are very popular here, but you wouldn't ever ask the question popadoms for bread. Yeah. Uh for me bread. For me, bread I eat puppetams very rarely. I like 'em when I have 'em, but like when I go to India I don't get them every time. Mm-hmm. Um is it's a sometimes thing for me. And but bread is as a vegan especially, an all the time thing. Oh yeah. W what sort of bread are you what sort of bread are you eating all the time and then what's your dream bread for the dream restaurant? Um Sort of burn I'm eating all the time is a sourdough. Australia's got we've got access to quite good just like supermarket sourdough. Yeah. A brand called Sonoma. I don't know if you've heard about this, but it's like quiet. good stuff. It's not like the best at the supermarket, but it's amazing when you get at like the market or something. It's really good. But anyway, I'll get that a bunch. Cause I do a lot of like Heavy toasts. You know, like quite liquid heavy toast and then you pop it on and like just the simple white bread's not gonna carry all that. Talk me through the concept of a heavy toast. So like uh liquid heavy toast. Liquid liquid liquid heavy toast. Liquid heavy toast. Never call an album that. Disgusting. Hey, you can call an album anything, and I stand by that. You can come up with an analogy for Liquid Heavy Toast, I reckon. Yeah. So the more we say it, the more I would buy an album called Liquid Heavy Toast. make a lot of like the bean type Plop onto toast. So like uh you know, like kind of a baked beans kind of situation, but there'll be cherry tomatoes in there, maybe some kale, and then on top will be like some pickled red onions and like a lot of herbs and like some lemon juice, salt, pepper, chili flakes. And maybe like some avocado or hummus or garlic sauce or something on the toast. Sounds good. All of that on the toast is very heavy. Yeah, it's a very heavy toast. Yeah, yeah. I don't put I don't put it on the side, I put it on the toast and then you just go Just try to fit all in. And this is a a thick slice of toast. Well, relative you can 'cause I'm slicing it myself at home. Like it's got the loaf. So some sometimes it's thin ish. But so you can never get it that thin. You know? Sure. Have you ever tried like really thin slice? Well you also it has hole like holes in it as well, right? So it's if you get a holy bit and then you try to cut it thin. No, exactly. Yeah. Some well. Was it last week? Went to a restaurant. And their bread was that crossed. Pollinated. sourdough and a croissant. So it was like the outside was crispy like sour, but the inside was this like So it wasn't any holes, but it was like Very fluffy and stuff on the inside. And that was good. That's got pretty addicted to that. Sho shout out where that was? Yeah, I can't remember what it was called. It was in Valencia. Uh oh in Spain. Shout out. To all my Spanish friends. Yeah. Huge huge herbs to Spain. Yeah. Yeah. But uh but he's just trying to Google it now and see where Yeah. I could have um just looked at my phone and been like, Oh, it was cool this because it'd be in my calendar. Yeah. 'Cause we was uh about I've left it in the other room. So I'm trying to do that more now. Yeah. But then you realise There's never any time in your life you don't need your phone. And I should have I should I'm just gonna have to surrender myself to it forever. Just accept that I'm addicted to it. And that be that. Sucks. I hate it. You know, if Ben can figure it out, we'll be quite impressed with him. I think the name Ricardo was in there somewhere. Ricardo. Oh well I'm I'm guessing. You sure that wasn't the name of the waiter? Could have been the waiter. I've got on with the waiter quite a lot. Barvocado. Could've been. I do think they should list the waiters' names on the websites of restaurants with a little picture like it of cast for a play. Yeah. That would be good. And you think? Well, this is true. Carlos not gonna be here today. Fuck's sake, the reason we came. Yeah. Do you have a favorite white you've ever had? Anyone sticks in the head? I had a pretty good one last night. I went to just like a ramen place in Bristol and the guy was he was really friendly. It's just really nice, a lot of energy. And good service, you know, one of us uh went to the bathroom right at the beginning and he sort of came up and he was like, Does anyone have allergies? And we were like, Oh we don't, but we don't know if the other guy is and he's like I'll ask when he comes back. And then he came back and he asked and he remembered and he and did his due diligence. Yeah. I was like, that's good waiting. That's good weight staffing. Did to the bathroom followed it. Anyone have any allergies in you? Yeah. You in the cubicle, your friends say, no, you're well enough. Smells like you got allergies, buddy. If you don't mind me saying. My wife is allergic to pineapple. Oh yeah. So whenever we go to a restaurant and they say, Uh does anyone have any allergies? She always says I'm allergic to pineapple And I'd say every other time the way she'd be like, Okay Well, that'll be all right. We don't have pineapple. She's like, Yeah, but I don't know you don't have pineapple. If I don't say it, then it's gonna it's gonna come up. The pineapple comes out. They're like, Well why didn't you say? Well because most of the time people roll their eyes and say stupid. Exactly. People go like Spongebob. That's it. SpongeBob's not allergic to pineapple. Absolute idiot. If if he's allergic to pineable spells. Yeah, especially under the sea. Could have avoided it. Do you want your uh liquid heavy toast like as your bread course? Do you want course it to be with all the stuff you'd usually put on it. Um well again at like a if it was a fine dining place, I would just want the really good Faccio with the salt the sea salt and the oil and the Maybe the balsamic vinegar. I think that's the best. I think that's the best part of the five days. Is the fresh Warm made bread. Like that's really good. Yeah. Well yeah, we'll absolutely hook you up with that. But I'm a bit sad to see the liquid heavy toast go. I do. Well I can have that. I'll have that at home, you know. I mean, yeah, I guess for the dream restaurant menu that's it's sad. It is sad. But um we'll always remember it in our hearts. You know, at home. Maybe never guest will pick it. We've had guests. things that they've heard other guests say. That they've not had before. Oh, interesting. So maybe there'll be a guest in the future who will listen to this. That might happen. It's out there in the world now. Yeah, yeah. Your dream starter, your menu proper. No, I love vegetables. I really love vegetables. Like a really well done vegetable is like the best thing ever, I think. So I think for me my like Stata And again, this is like kind of A lot of a lot of my menu is in the fine dining sort of realm, it seems. But leak like a really nice leak a really nice fennel and a really nice celeriac just like a f a Threefa? Of those. Yeah. Like just done really well. with like a little sauce and a jus. I reckon Fennel, I've had um How do they do it? Like a roasted fennel, that's good. And then the celeriac, sometimes they do celeriac like it's a kebab kind of thing. Have you ever seen that? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And a lot of puree's as well. Yeah, that's puree to fuck. Yeah. That poor guy. The celeriac must be like fucking hell. How do we get here? Yeah. I'm going. Again. Yeah. Yeah, every night. Uh that that is to me lovely. You've got the kebab version. Yeah. Just really freshly done nice vegetables with the jus. Yeah. The leaks, I never know with leeks really. Just like whatever's the tastiest and the most lemony. I like it when a leak is lemony. Okay. How do you feel about it being charred to fuck? Oh yeah. A leek charred very well. I like that. I a leak that. I leak that. I like that. Oh. Didn't even be designed. I like it a lot. There he is again. That's a treatment. No, Truman, listen, we said you've got to say I like it a lot. I leak it a lot. I leak it a lot. You're fine, true. You're so bad at this. Worth that, clever. You look exactly like him, but this is not you can't keep us saying I'll leak it a lot. These are three things that I think we haven't had shouted out on the podcast very often. No, true. Shoot out. People generally I find myself often the odd one out in any situation where we're talking about eating. 'Cause not many people love vegetables. Uh-huh. It's not a comment. It's not coming. I really like I love I love them. Yeah. And I love them more than like when I have a vegan burger, for example, I always want there to be like more lettuce on it. I have a thing do you know do you guys know Subway takes? Yeah, Subway takes so much. I have Oh, fucking hell. You have no idea how you just tapped into something that is currently my entire world. All I'm doing is watching Subway takes the time is so funny. Have you seen Nish's impression of the Subway takes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nish has put some I think Nish has put on shades of tend to be Subway takes. It's a bit like him, but it's funny. Yeah, that's all you have to do. So your subway take is My subway take would be I think That all burgers everyone I've said this to disagree with me. All burgers who come. With a pile of shredded lettuce on the side. Just like extra lettuce. So that When you're eating a burger, if you want to top up, you can. And also 'cause often the burger will like leak some sauce on the plate. You can just like mop it up with the lettuce and you can just have a nice. One hundred percent lettuce agree. Yeah. That's what somebody takes to say to you. think this is a good idea, partly f for people like me who Uh Really into lettuce. I love lettuce. I think it's really good. Yeah, not plain is fine, but with a sauce it's just the best. Uh-huh. I think. Like lettuce on a taco and you get all the sauce and oh it's the best. Yeah, I always want more lettuce on a burger than there ever is. And then I feel like I don't know what the r like the rate of going through lettuces at restaurants, but because it is just like a I don't know, I feel like you can get a lot of it out of a single head of lettuce, right? So you're shredding it thin as well. Precisely. Surely they have so much left over and that does not stay fresh for like you know, more than twelve, twenty four hours or whatever, surely. Like I I can't imagine a a good restaurant is using the same lettuce as yesterday's lettuce. You know, so you gotta get rid of the letters. So like why not, instead of wasting it, just put a little extra out of the little plate for everyone, you know? Yeah. Oh I I think most restaurants may as well shred that letter straight in the bin. It's No one's getting it. No one they're using it as a garnish or something. But they're doing so much chopping it up. Yeah. When I worked in little you know Just pubs in the kitchen. I was chopping lettuce most of the day. And then I would just watch it ten minutes later, come back through the door, be put in the bin before it goes in the pot, but the plate goes in the pot while she's like, What is the point of my job? Like so Definitely I think If you are a fan of lettuce. Yeah. You should be able to say at the start of the meal, just so you know. I love lettuce so much that I would request that instead of scraping the maybe that's the modification, maybe that's my take. You should it should be socially acceptable and free to ask for extra lettuce. Yeah. the beginning of the Well for your dream meal for every course we can happily bring you an extra bowl of lettuce. Because we've got lights back here. I'm excited. How do you feel about a grilled lettuce? Have you had that before? Grilled baby gem lettuce. Um oh you know what? I think I've I think I've had that. I think it was okay. Yeah. But does that ruin something about the lettuce for you? Do you like the fresh sort of thing? No, I like it. I like it all. I like it done all all the way. Nice. Yeah, except for soggy. Soggy's gross. Soggy's nasty. What about with a burger when the bun is lettuce? When they do that. Oh no, I think that's stupid. No, you have to have bre you gotta have the bun. Oh, okay. I'm a bun guy as well. Yeah, okay. It's there's gotta be bun too. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think. I every time I see that on a menu, I'm like I know this is for someone who's got some sort of dietary thing, but it is not for me. It's not for me. I thought it's gonna be circus straight. No, no, no. No, just in in the berg is fine. Or on the side. Fair enough. Yeah. You fucked up, man. You don't even know me. Dream man goes. Um I struggle with this and I actually don't know if I can like pick the definitive one. Like I That's really hard for me, I think. Cause it just it really just does depend on the day, right? Like for me. But I've what I've gone with is something I make at home quite a lot, actually, which I think is just the most delicious thing. And I love having it. And my partner as well, who isn't vegan. but we'll eat just eats vegan with me at home. It's like his favorite thing. And he loves it. And it's the lentil bol and eggs. Just It's really good. There's this one recipe that I found on Pinterest that like He put like a cup of red wine, maybe two cups of red wine in there. Uh uh just like really nice, um Uh is it is it brown lentils? I actually can't even remember if it's just like your brown or if it's your red. I don't think it's red. It's almost certainly brown lentils. Um I don't know. It's just really tasty. It's like really rich. It makes up I think it's honestly better than like a regular like beef bolognese or mince bolognese or whatever. I think it it's less like you can eat a lot of it and you don't feel Gross in your in your tummy. Yeah. Which is really nice. But I can yeah, I can eat so much of it. It's so delicious and it's so cheap. Just make it at home. It's it just it can't just be Brown lentils and red wine. There's that there's other stuff in there. There's onion. There's no actually is there even onion? I think there's onion. I think there's onion garlic. There's gotta be tomato. Uh yeah, it's uh dust tomatoes or crushed tomatoes or whatever it is. And uh you know, you put like whatever you want, parsley on there or basil or whatever you want. Spaghetti. Spaghetti. Yeah. Or you can do uh uh fettuccini as well if you want. No one's gonna stop you. No, no one's gonna stop you. Although I always uh I rarely cook with fettuccine because I find it always sticks together and I don't know what the solve for that is. There's probably a solve. There's probably someone on YouTube who's like, here's how to do your fettuccine with that. A lot of people say olive oil in the water. Oh interest. About to say I bet Ed knows the salt. Olive I thought everyone knew olive oil in the water. No, no, everyone knows. Ed do you think that everyone knows your little life hacks but they don't? You got you got a It feels like a nineties thing, olive oil in the water. It's a nineties mum thing, olive oil and all of us are watching friends. Yeah. No, my mum was cooking pasta. Yeah, but it's gonna be a Someone screaming at you as soon as as soon as you were born. Yeah. My mom played that on a tape recorder like while I was in the womb, just so I know. Yeah. Make sure it was internalized from from the get go. Obviously not good enough 'cause I didn't remember. Yeah. Yeah, that's a shame. But it's but in the water and then throw it against the wall to see if it's Would you do that? No, I don't no, she wouldn't do that. I would do that because I think I read about that and I just wanted to throw stuff at the wall. Yeah. You're throwing it like against just a normal wall or like uh on the safety. A wipe clean Yeah. Not a whole but sorry, don't a whole portion. Oh just Do you know what we're aware we're aware of taking one strand and throwing at the wall and if it sticks it's cooked. No, I'm not aware. Are you not aware of that? No That's a the nineties thing, sorry. Um You're not you're not throwing you're not throwing the whole portion of spaghetti against the wall and then and then scraping it back into the wheel. I was scared, honestly. I'm already I've started the podcast scared and continuing to be scared. Yeah, yeah. And you thought it was the scary one. No, you take one strap and throw it against the wall. I mean I don't do it anymore. It was fun when it was a kid. Yeah, right. On the ceiling to leave it there. Yeah. Yeah, for a laugh. Crazy kid. Yeah. Yeah. Oh cheeky. Yeah. Yeah. No, just wait for it to Peel itself off to it. throughout the day. Hope it drops on my mum's head. Corner giggling. favourite things is um just Ed as a little kid hanging out with his mum. I find very funny. Yeah. I can't really uh like describe why. But uh every time it's Ed hanging up with his mum. And just the idea of him waiting for the feta chini to drop in his mum's head at some point is just funny. Yeah. I like that that's that's your relationship with your mother. Oh yeah. Yeah I put etching powder in my mom's backpower. Got it free with a B, no? I was gonna say, it's so dead as the bed is he's gotta be involved somehow. Yeah. I think she went out and there was a babysitter and I put uh itching powder in the bed and then the next morning my mum was like, I could barely sleep last night, I was so itchy. I was like, Yeah Itching powder will do that much. She was not happy. Oh yeah, she did not think it was a laugh. Oh my goodness I don't wanna like, you know, be one of those people but you you wouldn't get away with that now. You couldn't give away your itching powder in the bean. Surely What do you mean? Itching powder's been cancelled. Surely k Surely. Surely comics aren't allowed to like just give away stuff that like a bag of itching powder to kids now that they can use on people. Did you get your bag from a comic? Yeah. From the bit from the beano, from the front of the bean. The beano is like a um like a kid's comic that's been around for like decades. And all of these sort of legendary No, so the the Beano's the name of the publication and then there's like Dennis the Menace. Oh, you're saying comics like Okay. So not a comedian. Because a comedian stand up comedian. This is really weird actually. When I when I was a common itching powder. When I was a c this kid, this this guy came around and he was like, I'm a comic called Be No. Have some itching powder, stick it in your mum's bed. Thank you, Beto. Any other kids live round here? I've got more itching powder than I know what to do with. Dennis the menace is like the main character. I see. It's like a kid. Yeah, no, I'm not going to be never really specifying his age. That's the bean. Okay. But that's what Dennis the Menez looks like in in England. So he's from Sabino. In other countries. Dennis the menace is like a blond little kid. But like Yeah. Black spiky hair and a stripey red and black jumper. And a dog called Nasha. And knobbly knees and a dog called Nasha. Guess guess he's guess he's been in the beano more recently. The bean is still going. Yeah. Guess he's been guess he guess he's been in it. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. As little characters? Yeah, just in the sort of foreground of the first panel of a Mini the Minx cartoon, we're in a we're we're in a restaurant. Oh that's awesome. It's been given a cheese board and I'm angry about it. Yeah. Yeah. Very very happy. Exciting. So fettu fettuccini or spaghetti with your lentil bolognaise. Yeah. How are we feeling about vegan cheese, vegan parmesans? There's some there's actually some good ones nowadays. They're hard to like find. You can't really get them at a supermarket, but there's ones that are like um Oh the same as the sort of like shaved palm, isn't it? You can't get the shaved stuff, which that's the nice stuff. But like stuff that's just like a kind of graded one. pretty good job of that nowadays. So would you add that to your Yeah I would I would I would add that. Yeah, definitely. And for your dream meal, do you want to make it? This is made by you. But someone has to use this recipe. Who would you like? Anyone in the world can make it. Bean? My partner. But he has to get better at cooking. Oh yeah. Well this is the dream restaurant. This is the thing, is that my dream is that my partner cooks for me more. Yeah. No, it's not it's not probably a problem. If I say he can cook he cooks. Yeah. But like he's not good he's not. When he when we were not together and he was l living alone, he would just like he would just do packet soup or noodles or whatever. He does not cook. Even himself. Yeah. He's not one of those people. He doesn't enjoy it, doesn't look forward to it. So I I do most of the cooking. Yeah, I do enjoy it. Sometimes I'm like And we should order takeaway. We actually we order a lot of takeaway. What what was your go to takeaway? Uh it plays in Melbourne? pretty fresh to Melbourne, so it's like I'm we're still developing the But um if I lived Closer to it. I would probably order from um I don't know, like Veggie Bar a bit more. It's like this place in Fitzroy in Melbourne that's like uh vegan vegetarian, mostly vegan. They have just like a range of different stuff. Like they've got a burrito and they've got pizzas and they got like some Asian dishes, like a Pad Thai or like uh They just do a range, but it's all vegan. It's pretty good. As big portions. Nice. Yeah. It's been so long since I've been to Melbourne. But when I was there, really the the main option for vegans that everyone was talking about was Lord of the Fries, and that was it. Yeah, right. It's not as big anymore. No, but like That name grosses me out though. Lord of the Fries. Crazy. Crazy thing to name yourself after. To Pan Flies. Yes, anyway. Children who who kill each other. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I mean that book is like that's just like Light reading in Australia. Yeah. That's right. That's right. That's a common thing. That's our everyday life. That's every school excuse. Good on them. Good on the kids. No, it wasn't, but like Good on those kids well down killing each other on the island. Good on ya. We've been testing a lot of Australian accents on the tour bus 'cause we've got we've got some Scots who got uh a couple of Icelandic fellows got uh range. I'm the only Australian and the they're really bad. Yeah. I think the only person who's good at it is this is one Scott. And occasionally he'll say something like Oh it's quite good, but not four sentences. Just one word. They they're really struggling. Yeah, I'm funny, I like it. Everyone thinks they can do a good Australian until you speak to an Australian to their face. Yeah. then you like oh it's just not no it's uh it's I think it's quite hard actually. I think it's just very it's not it's not very intuitive. You know? I almost felt like a m uh the like a classic Californian accent. It's like I think it's quite easy because well Maybe I'll do it be fucking shit. But like but 'cause you just like you like Roll roll your R roll your R's like you you just like stay in this kind of like rounded place and stuff and like it doesn't like Yeah. But But 'cause Australia it's like Trying to Any word that like is hard to say. Like I guess it's just anything that's like ah, like hard. Or like although Brit you guys have ha the ah a little bit. Oh you're a? That was my Australian. Oh that was your Australian Yeah. Yeah, so uh sort of. Sort of. Maybe. Yeah. You can you can be honest with that that that was offensive. It wasn't good. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. You're doing side dish. Yeah, side dish is hard. Uh I think 'Cause I think it would just be like more vegetables, really. Yeah. It would just be like I recently had um there's a place in Melbourne called Smith and Daughters, which is amazing. I've got the cookbook actually. It's really good cookbook. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of surprises, I'm not surprised by him. All these episodes in. Well therefore. Yeah. And he just he's got the cookbook. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. Well they're they're like Serio business. Like the vegan food they do, it is like kind of fine diningy. They also have a deli that's like just sandwiches. All v again, all vegans. So delicious. So good. But they have this like fine diningy restaurant. Um, and I recently went there and had this black roasted carrots, like blackened carrots thing. Just had the most delicious sauce on it. I wish I could remember what any of the other ingredients were on it. I think maybe hazelnuts might have been in the mix or something like that. Fuck it tasted so good. Like I couldn't believe it. And I was so upset I had to share them with the other two people at the table. I was like, I'm gonna eat. all this. I think that guy uh uh I think you should leave and he's like I'm gonna eat the whole thing uh that I wanted to be that guy nobody houses his bird exactly so you're gonna go you're gonna kill the president Yeah. I was gonna watch that. I almost turned into that. Yeah. In in that moment. I was like these carrots are so delicious. Yeah, yeah. Precisely. Yeah. But no, I thought I'd be si I'll be civil. I'll be civil. I don't wanna alienate these people that I've been releasing my album with. Sure. I don't know if they know me that well. They know me. More though. You know, that is so true. I really could have and I didn't, and I don't know why. That's the move to be like more carrots. This is classic head gamble life hack 'cause definitely ordering more. Yes. Because so few people would do that. But in the early days, I think Did not like it. If it had to share. Mm. Yeah. And the thing was basically like something. Yeah, yeah. But now it's just like disorders more. But you do that as well. I see that as an A caster move. Oh, interesting. To be like, we should get more of this, or for the table. For the table. That's really nice. I yeah, I've this is never occurred to me. I don't know why. I'm like, that happened. It's done now. Forever. Never go back, always forward like a fish. Exactly. Well no, I think the other consideration for me is actually c I have quite a tiny stomach, it's the other thing. Right. It's like I really have to meet out my I have to pick and choose how much of any given thing I'm gonna have because I'm like, Well the next course is coming and I don't know how big that's gonna be and like if I like that, I'm gonna you know that's that that is the thing that I juggle sometimes. But I do think like vegetables very They don't take up much space. So I definitely could order more of the carrots. Yeah. Most of them oh right. There's some vegetables gonna be A marrow, for example. Marrow. That's gonna take up a lot of a whole marrow. Yeah, if you eat a marrow. Yeah, right. I don't know if we get those in Australia. You have a marrow. It feels very British though, the marrow. Yes. What is there another word for it? Look it up, Benito. There you go. That's a marrow w we're showing you right now. For the listener, Bonito is showing Jess a picture of a marrow. We don't get this. We just get the like zucchini. We just get the zucchini. Yeah. They're like more it says there that um the zucchini slash the coujette is like a immature version. Yeah of the Marrow. So immature. Yeah. Put itching powder in his mum's bed. Yes. Now I'm a marrow, of course, I would never do that. You're doing that quite frequently. Yeah. I've just got Marrows in my head 'cause uh uh my partner and I stayed in a hotel and we uh there's only one channel on the T V We basically we booked in a and nice hotel we're looking forward to and we got there and the receptionist said, Welcome to the hotel. It's flooded. And we're like, okay. They went, but we couldn't get hold of you. Um so uh we just book you into another hotel down the street. Oh, oh, okay. And they went, It's um just fair warning, it's not like this hotel. Okay Went down the street. Yeah, this isn't very nice. Um We're looking forward to that nice hotel. This isn't a nice one. I guess there's gonna be a few emails after this to try to sort out. Did they give you your money back? Yeah, yeah, there's all this. Hey, well when you get here we'll let you know that like you have options. Wow. Yeah. It was like ten in the evening when we got there. And they were like, We we couldn't yeah contact you. And I we were thinking, Well sure. We when we booked this. Sure. You could have, but whatever. Go to this other place. Fucking dump. And then uh send us up to our room. T V's got one channel. Never seen that before. Like everything else just was coming up. Was this in Valencia, by the way? No, this is in Glasgow. On the way to somewhere else. Yeah, good. We had one night there on the we were going to the Isle of Mull, which is a little island off of Scotland. Yeah. So we had to break up the trip. Got a glass guy. Go to this other place. Go to the one channel. It's Dave. Which uh you won't know Dave. It's called you and Dave now, which is but like basically repeats of stuff. Mainly that you're in. Yeah. So we turned it turned it on. Me and Ed actually. Turned it on. It's a mook the week compilation from years ago, from like like twenty fourteen, twenty fifteen. So like ten years ago. Yeah. So turn it on in it's a compilation as well. So it's like loads of different of all the us and our friends when we were just starting to be on TV. So it's shit. Absolutely. I would have liked it. Shit. We're so unfny and our hair looks nuts. That was the main thing I took from it. I was like, Whoa. Yeah. We were we or will did not know what to do with our hair. Yeah, no at that time. You don't you don't when you're I mean how how old how old are you? Forty. Yeah. I mean when you're in that age like you don't you don't. My hair's the same as it was then. No it's not. Is it? Go and watch it at Oh we think it's the fade, the proper fade, in it. Yeah, but also it's just like it's like It's like an AI version of us now. Yeah. 'Cause it's like someone's putting and so the AI can't quite do our hair right. So it's like that kind of Ed's hair, but not really. It's not right. Yeah. It doesn't work. Yeah. So it's really weird watching it and seeing all of our hair. Apart from Hugh, who looks the same as the old man who's on it. But like But yeah, I turned it on and it was us and there's a picture of the week they always do. It's really weird having explained Mops a week to someone who's not seen it. It's a really weird show actually. And they go, It's a picture from the news this week and what's happening in this picture? And they put it up and it was Jeremy Corbyn, who at the time was leader of the opposition to the Labour Party. And he's hold holding a massive marrow. And that was the picture we had to be funny about. So I've got marrows in my head now. And that's why I brought up a marrow. That's a long way of saying. Yes. That's why I said marrow earlier. The marrow feels like a very British vegetable because I imagine they have like marrow growing competitions in small villages and stuff at village fate. Yeah. Which old lady can grow the biggest marrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of that. It's a w it's a wonderful country. Yeah, but very. I'm getting that sense. But these carrots sound nicer. Yeah. Yeah, they were pretty they were pretty fucking good, honestly. Yeah, well, this is what yeah. Oh my God, yes. Black carrot, herb yogurt, Aleppo Pine nut butter, not Hazelnuts. Crispy shot. I think that was that was it. It was right. That's delicious. A vegan yogurt. A vegan pine nut butter? Oh, it was wonderful. Yeah. That sounds great. I've got to get back into that cookbook. Yeah. Much if they're in there. The very new menu. But there'll probably be something else to do with carrots. Yeah, there might be a carrot in there. Yeah. For the carrots at the wall see if they stick. Yeah. Now we come to the moment I've been most excited about. Dream drink. Dare to drink. Dare to drink. Shout out Did you drink if you're drink. My uh my dream drink's like pretty um Basic, I think. It's just a bloody Mary. I love bloody Mary. I love tomato. Honestly, like close second tomato juice. Yeah. I love tomato anything. I think a bloody Mary and this lentil bolognaise. Yeah. I hope you're tucking a napkin in. Yeah. Oh yeah. And don't wear white. Oh yeah. No. You're not like one of those statues that got pushed in the drink. You'd be happy to be pushed in the drink, quite frankly. Yeah. Have a bloody wash. No, exactly. No, I yeah, honestly countless times I've gotten some of that little bolognese on the couch. The couch is just it's not in a good way. And it's not in a good way because I do get the stain remover out. Now put it on. And I don't we got a new couch 'cause it's like a sofa bed couch so we can have people stay on it. And for some reason this couch, like you put the stain remover on and then the stain remover patch leaves a A mark. Yeah, yeah. Like it gets out the shit that it was meant to get out, but then like the wet mark is there still. That's the trade off. But the thought it lets people know that it looks clean, but that was a stain. It's fucked up. Guess what it is. Guess what you're sleeping. Yeah. Yeah, literally. I saw a tweet the other day that's really stuck in my head. Not I mean, I'm not on Twitter anymore, but just people post things on Instagram. Screenshots. Yeah. And it was it seemed to have done really well. It got like thousands of retweets. It was a uh very old headshot of Tom Hardy. when he was really young and someone had said, Uh I bet I bet when he was a kid he went crazy on that spaghetti. And someone went, What do you mean? He went, he just looks like a messy spaghetti kid. If you look at the picture, it really does look like 'cause he's so clean and clean cut and wearing a white T shirt. It really looks like he's a massive spaghetti kid. Yeah, so it's really in my head and I don't know why. Yeah. Bloody Mary is an excellent. Spicy? You have any spicy? I do. I love spice and it kills me every time. So funny. Like it's like I ate a lot of Barn Me as well. Honestly Barn Me close second on as well on the dream menu. eat a lot of it. I get chili every single time 'cause I just don't think it's the same without the chili. But every single time I'm like snot down here, tears, like everything. And my partner's like, Why do you do it to yourself? I'm like, I have to It's a high. Completely a light. It is. When you have it without it is like It's important. Yeah. It's like what what's the point? Yeah. What's the point? You do need that. Yeah. And especially like Especially if they don't put enough vegetables in. You gotta have enough cucumber, enough herbs, enough of the what is it? Is it diecon? The pickled dicon or something? They put that in the carrot. Love all that stuff. That to me is the best part of the Barn Meat is the the vegetables. Yeah. And then like you obviously you need Well, honestly, I've had a lot of sal salad Barn Me's and they're good on their own. I think. Even without a protein. I'm happy with that. But um plenty of chili. Yeah, you've gotta have chili. Yeah. Yeah. And where's the best place you've had a bloody Mary? On one on one tour that I went on, a particularly long tour. It was part of it to just keep it interesting was can we find the best bloody Mary? Yeah. And where to get it, which is eventually in a hotel in Birmingham that I've forgotten the name of, so that was a waste of time. But like uh it was it was really nice. But like where we found the best one and Is the criteria for you of a good bloody Mary. I actually did have a really good one recently, but I also can't remember where it was. Oh man. I think for me, yeah, a lot of tomato ju like heavy on the tomato juice. I think 'cause vegan ones are different as well. It's like you don't have it's like worships sauce or something. Like I don't know what they put in instead. Generally. I'm not sure. I think maybe they just skip that and then put maybe like some olive brine and some other stuff in it and stuff like that. You don't go heavy on the accoutrement? I like a celery. I like a big stick of celery. People fuck around with bloody marriage too much though. Yeah, I think sometimes they do. I think 'cause it's already so so powerfully flavored. That's why I like the celery, 'cause it's nice clean cleanser type thing. It works. It's a classic. It works. Exactly. But anything else like a little people put bacon in it. Bacon. Yeah. But I mean this this obviously doesn't cross your path anyway, 'cause you're vegan, but people put bacon in it. Little burgers. Have you seen that before? This is just becoming a meals. Just have a pasta. Just have like a spicy brownie pasta. Yeah. It's like it's like the savoury version of Freak Shakespeare. Yeah, of course. What's that? They do like milkshake, but then they'll put like whole cakes on the top and like brownies and shit and they'll put so much sauce, but on the outside of the glass so you can't even pick it up. It's just a mainly just a gimmicky thing. It's just an Instagram. It's an Instagram thing. Although as soon as you said about putting pasta in the bloody Mary on the I'd love that. So that is a good idea. The burger and stuff sounds disgusting. But if someone was like, Do you want a full load of pasta in this, I'd be like, This is like cut pasta, isn't it? Like you could just do that at any time. Yeah. You could just put pasta in a glass and just have a sauce in there and that's what that is. But that would be fun. It would be fun. Spaghetti in the bottom of a bloody Mary and then you suck it up with one of those boba straws. Oh my God, I would choke instantly. Like fishing it out. So be crazy. We arrive at your dream dessert. Yeah. Uh in your dream much of a Do you have much of a sweet tooth? I have a pretty sweet tooth, but like I I can't hoof it like I used to. Like when I was in my twenties, I love I would I would eat so many sweets. Like I loved it. And now I don't know, the older I get, the less I can have like three bites of a thing. I'm like Like I I enjoyed that and that's enough, you know? And anymore I start to feel sick nowadays. But There have been some things I've eaten where I'm like I could The whole thing. And one of those was again Smith and Daughters tiramisu that they did, vegan tiramisu. That was the most one of the most delicious things I've ever eaten in my whole life. It was so Was it very creamy? Did they get a really like thick cream on it? Yeah. Yeah. And they actually do this, like you can just buy it from the fridge and you take it home. And I did that as well. And it was as good from the fridge. It's crazy to me what you can do with vegan food. Yeah. It's cr it's especially in the area of like desserts and and sort of impressions of dairy. Yeah. It is incredible. It's not it was very not available even probably like five years ago. Like It's crazy. Yeah. I feel very glad. Especially I do like The thing I I really like covet when I like walk but past a bakery. like a lot of the very nice like tarts and uh just like the very fine looking, well made ones that look quite tough to make and like you don't get a lot of that with it. And when you do it's like I don't know. just like so studgy and like shit. You know, I hate I hate it and like but I feel like Inching towards. possibly where could have something like that again. Like a little dome, a little chocolate dome with a little crust on the bottom. Oh yeah. That would be a mo like a moose sort of cake, yeah. That would be nice. Yeah, I watch Beck Off a lot, like Australian and my friend Do you know Tom Walker? Yes. Yeah, he's hosting Beck Off now. So funny. Is he? Yeah. In Australia. Yeah, do you not know that? It's really Well how's that work? But the listener, Tom Walker is uh alternative comedy clown. Yeah, yeah. He's a real freak. Crazy guy. Yeah, I've seen him Make himself vomit on stage before by shoving his hand so far down his throat that that it just happened. And so that's his typical shtick. Yeah. And then he's hosting Bacoff with Rachel Co. Do you know Natalie Tran? Yeah. Yeah, community channel. Do you have a heard of YouTube like community channels? No, I've not. Yeah, she they're co hosting. It's really fun. Yeah, they've dr they've dressed in real preppy. He's got like these nice cardigans on. It's insane. It's very, because Noel Fielding is on our bake off. Which is basically the same situation. Yes, I guess so actually. Yeah. When you say that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I once w well went to Sydney and um When Tom Walker, Sam Campbell and Aaron Chen were. hanging out constantly. Like you'd see the three of them. They were never separate. Yeah. It was always the three of them. And now they live in three different countries, I believe. Yeah. But it was all three of them. It's a difficult conversation to penetrate as well. Hey guys, how's it going? Okay. We're not normal. Bye. Yeah, yeah. All three. Wacky guys. Yeah. Subcap 'cause I was oh no, I was there for a couple of weeks. I'd I just haven't got Said to me um You like music, right? And I was like, Yeah. He went, Can you make me a mixed C D? Before before you go home? I was like, um I don't think I have the I mean I could make you a playlist and you can figure out how to get onto a CD. Does it need to be a C D Sam? Yeah it does. Did it. Thank you. A few years later, sends me a video of him, Aaron, and Tom laying on the floor listening to the CD in full. And every now and again, I would say something like, Sam, does James like music? And he'd go, Yeah. And then they'd all come on listening to it really earnestly. It was nice, but it's weird. Yeah. Yeah. So You were saying before you Yeah, you said Watch a lot of bake off. Oh yeah. I watch a lot of bake off and I'm always like, God, I wish I could eat that. Like always. I'm just like, fuck, it looks really good. They do vegan week now and again, don't they? And they did on the Australian one have a vegan maker. They were quite good. I'm I don't I don't beck at all. Like I'm Never Touch it. I've I don't know. I've baked cookies a couple of times and every time I'm like, God, this is a lot of effort, isn't it? And it's also very messy. Yeah. It's like cleaning afterwards and the And there's people who can do it and you just buy the one thing from them. Yeah. Bakers. Yeah. Yeah. No, literally. Yeah. Yeah. And how are you meant to resist eat in the mixture? Yeah. If you're made for it. Exactly. Especially for chuck chip cookie dough. No way. all of that's making that on its way onto the tray. And also I'm pretty sure it tastes even better. It's just raw. Definitely. Yeah. It definitely does, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like Yeah. Th that is honestly, well yeah, Tirumisu I like it a lot when I have a really good one, but choke chip cookies are like that was the thing that when I went vegan was like. Because like I would do when I was like I went vegan when I was like eighteen. And when I was like sixteen. I would when I went to the movies, I'd go to Kmart, which is do you guys have Kmart? Yeah, I know. We're aware we're aware of Kmart. Yeah, but it's not it's you know, much bigger thing in Australia, but we went to Kmart and you can get man gets his trousers from. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ironically said, in that's exactly how Reinman would bring it up as well. I guess it's not the blessed so it's not. But you could at the time get like a box of chalk chip cookies, really good ones. I think the brand was called like decadent or something like that. For five dollars. Big box. I just take that into the cinema and just house the whole thing. Just eat the whole thing. Best. Yeah. Definitely couldn't eat like 24 cookies in one sitting anymore. But Oh I don't know. It's easier to send them on there. Maybe. How was that? Easy in the cinema. Yeah, 'cause it's dark. Yeah, yeah. Get it down, it's like it's not you doing it. No. Yeah. Yeah. It's not you doing it. Yeah, exactly. I'm in the film. I'm taking these cookies and I'm posting them into this w hole. Yeah, yeah. Not connected to me in any way. It's in the dark. Yeah, yeah. That was good. Yeah. Yeah. Then the lights come up. Then that then is bad. Yeah, then you look at the kids. That was me all along. Yeah. My favourite part of the Drake and Kendrick beef. Were you following that? A little A little, not closely, but I was hearing I was there was hearsay. It was brilliant. Yeah. Sometimes they let themselves down. But uh it w it was it might be brilliant. the best thing about what Kendrick was doing was bringing up stories and not a lot of people knew about about Drake. And the best one was that Once when Drake was in the cinema, uh, in the dark, uh, a member of T. I's crew. was in there and pissed on his leg. Drag didn't do anything about it. And uh He just put that in a song that he just got his leg pissed on in a in the cinema. Just like J in the film. Whoa. A guy just went over to her and peed on his leg. It's the thing when it's in the cinema though, this is my point, it doesn't feel like you're you're completely you're dissociated from your own being. Yeah. 'Cause you're in the film. So takes a bit on my leg. I wouldn't notice. You're not dealing with that until the lights. Yeah, you don't have a body as far as you can see. Uh which one of you did it this time? T.I. TI, I'm looking at you and your crew. There's a piss on my leg again. All the way down. I know it was one of you. TI and your crew. Why do I keep coming to the same screening? Cookies are so decadent. They were and they were. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's if anyone ever gotten a beef with you, they could say that. So you used to go to the cinema and eat a whole thing of decadent cookies. Yeah. And really like shame you publicly about it. Yeah. No, I don't it. I'd be like, and I'd do it again. If I could. Who would you like to get in a beef with? In a beef with? And that's a vegan. I know that's yeah difficult. In a tofu with. I once someone that made that joke at me. They were like, Oh no, it was my tour manager at the time. He was like Oh, it's not me great. Great. I was like, ah that's uh like to get in a beef with. Many things to consider. You've got to write songs about them. You've got to have enough stuff on them, enough dirt that you can write decent tracks. Where you can bury them. Yeah. And it's gonna be someone also that like um can't uh like I could I would say like Elon Musk, but then also I feel like he could actually change my life for the worst. If I did pick Pick pick on him, you know what I mean? Like You almost want someone who you'd be friendly with afterwards, after the beef's done. Yeah, yeah, no, exactly. And then you can sort of raise each other's profiles by being in the can't be someone too Yeah, it's um I know like uh Like a feist. Oh perfect. Yeah. Like feist. If only just 'cause I want her to acknowledge me and recognize me and know who I am and uh be friends afterwards. Funny if the beef turned into that your songs were just really about how you want to be. Yeah, that's a funny beef. Yeah. It's a funny beef to be like You suck. Hello, I'm here. Surefire way to get someone's attention is to start a beef with them and see what happens. So maybe Maybe they won't mind too much that you We're bragging on them and then they become friends. Maybe that was what Kendrick was doing. Afterwards contacted him. So are we friends now? You fucking You could be a pedophile. You couldn't kidding me? I can't be your friend after that. But it was like a beef thing. I was wanting you to notice me. Well mission accomplice, I'm not. I noticed you. My whole life is in fucking tatters now. I just said you were short in a couple. the wraps. You come back at me with that. My legs are covered in piss. The cinema now? That first story didn't even happen. Uh me J maybe you're back to you now. See how you feel about it? You would like sparkling water. You would like for cacha with olive oil and balsamic and sea salt. Started. Lakes fennel. Slayer. With a zoo. All cooked perfectly. Yeah. Main course. Lentil bolognets cooked by your partner. Side dish. But he can co he can cook it well. He can in this scenario. Not in real life. Yeah. Not in real life. Maybe one day. Yeah, maybe one day. I'll get him there. Blackened Camets from Smith and Daughters as your side. Drink bloody Mary. And does uh Tumor so also from Smith and Dawes. They've been vo very well out this podcast. That does sound good. How do you feel hearing it back? I feel good. I like all those foods very much. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I picked them. I also think it builds nicely as a menu, 'cause you're saying you have a a small stomach. can't manage that much food. I think you've got such a nice light starter. Yeah. Then a more a heavier pasta dish. Yeah. And then it's the big sort of rich blowout at the end of the serum as though it's just like 'cause yeah, I am I am a person who's like, there's always room for disappear. Like even if I am really full, I'm like no I can Force it. Oh well. And so yeah, like the bolognese will be a bit heavy, but like I will eat the turma soon. Sounds so good. Well, I love that. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's been fun. Any other business? Business. Uh-huh. I'm on tour. And then um God, what else have I got going on? Oh yeah, I got my album. My album's out. You can go listen to it. I'm an independent artist, so I'm relying on like Band Camp and Patreon and stuff now. Like, you know, you can stream the songs, but what does that do? No one makes any money from streaming. Absolutely no money. No, zero money. I don't think I've ever made Any money from stream like in the well, I've left my label now, so I've not made any money from my time with my label despite having Really big sucks. Wow. Yeah, it's crazy. Anyway. Um That's my stuff and then I know Twitch stream. Play video games once a week on Twitch. Yeah. That's fun. What's your favorite game to play on the Twitch stream? Uh well honestly I uh usually I like do music production. Like I make songs on on Twitch live. Yeah, it's fun. But like I'll change up. games 'cause I don't it's hard to like just stay on one game on Twitch 'cause like I love playing games. And if I'm like starting a game that's quite long, I'm like, Well I don't wanna just b play it when I'm logged on to Twitch, you know, like I won't play it all the time. So I'll never do anything that's like crazy or anything. Uh yeah, I don't know. Just like I did it with Charlie for a bit in lockdown. Charlie did the Twitch streaming and we played uh we played Hitman on on the stream. Cool. I was really bad at it. So that was what it became about. Yeah. Running around fucking up fucking up the hit. Yeah. I don't know. That would be fun for you when I've seen Ed not be good at stuff. It doesn't take it gracefully. I don't like it, Trey. Not sure that would be a fun twitch straight. It's not a nice feeling for me when I'm not. Yeah, gotcha. Yeah, yeah. But luckily, I'm brilliant at podcasts, and what an episode this has been. Oh, yeah. Thank you very much, Jess. Oh, I find sure. Thank you. Thank you so much to Jess AKA Montain for coming on the show, James. A lovely menu. Yes. Um nice to get some shout outs for especially those vegetables in the starter that we don't often get shouted out on. Well, I I didn't bring it up at the time 'cause it didn't feel right. One of the vegetables, James, was fennel. Yep. You fucking hate Fennel. I do. And any other guest had said that, you would have gone mental about Fennel being on there, but you respect Jess's music s too much. And I left it. James tries to play it really cool when musicians come in. Yeah too. Yeah. Do they they got I think I'm cool, man. I had nothing to add to the conversation outside before the podcast. Yeah. They were talking about beats and stuff. Well, we were talking about beats. Beat True Benito. What we're talking about. He heard beats. Yeah. Beetry's by Drake. Might as well be speaking to Dwight Shruit over here. Not talking about beets, mate. Bonito is our Dwight Shroop. He's very much uh Dwight Troop, but instead of like talking about martial arts, you're talking about roller coasters. Roll coasters into all of the dialogue about beetroops. Instead of talking about beet farm and he's talking about magicians. Yeah. just realise that's why we take a photo after the episode. 'Cause it's like a roller coaster. That's why he likes it. We should put our arms in the air. Put your arms in the air, he keeps saying. Please put your arms in the air. The guest swords aren't doing that. Who's this guy? Um Montaig did not pick the secret ingredient, which was fish, which obviously wasn't gonna happen because very early on we learned that they were vegan and vegan. So they're vegan. Why was that gonna happen? Yeah. Um but you know it's good to We we've got a lot of secret ingredients over the years. Uh we'll have to choose loads more. It's good to just be out of Use fish. Yeah. 'Cause like the broad ones would be good to start using them. They're dangerous and uh Chuck a musician out because I want to be cool around them. Yes. Talk about beats. And talk about beats. And then they won't let me do that if I've just kicked them out of the restaurant. Thank you very much to Montain for coming on the pod. Go and have a listen to It's Hard to Be a Fish. Yeah. And don't forget Montaine is touring Australia in August for the tenth anniversary of their Glorious Heights album for twenty sixteen.