Small business shout outs

This episode is brought to you by EasyJet Holidays. If you're thinking about your next family holiday, you'll love this. You can get up to 400 pounds off package holidays and up to 200 pounds off city breaks with Easy Jet Holidays Big Orange Sale. Kids go free on millions of their package holidays and there are thousands of hand picked four and five star hotels to choose from across more than a hundred destinations. And as if that couldn't get better, you can book for travel up to October twenty twenty seven. Search Easy Jet Holidays. Holidays at all protected. T's and Cs apply. This episode is brought to you by Hubspot. You know that moment when your kid casually drops in that they've got a massive project due tomorrow? No warning, no contact Zero context, leaving you to fill in the gaps. But with HubSpot, your AI has the context on every customer, so you don't have to guess , you know. Plus, agents help keep your businesses moving automatically, freeing you for more pressing jobs, like a last-minute dash to the craft supplies. Learn more at hubspot.com. This episode is brought to you by Walt Disney World Res ort in Florida. Now, if you're looking for the ultimate family holiday, I've got just the thing for you. And by you, Rob, I mean you. Yeah. Rob, because you love Disney. Big Disney World Florida guy. Lou is obsessed with it. And it is a really fun place to go, and I love it. And Lou loves me more with me there. So give me the things that you love most about it. Okay, obviously you've got the stuff you see on the adverts with the magic, little kids seeing these characters that have been on tele and film. Come to life. Exactly. You've got an amazing ride, the weather's great. But for me, the thing I like most is sometimes with my kids, I feel like I'm watching them on their own holiday. If we just go for a normal beach holiday, they're in the pool with their mates, they're in the sea, me and Lou are just laying down resting or reading or whatever, but it feels like we're having two separate holidays. Whereas at Disney in Florida, I do feel like we're all on holidays, like a group of four mates, as well as being mum and dad and kids, all experienced stuff. So like we come off the round, like, oh my god, that would you like about that? And we we're all chatting and connecting as a family. So that's that's what I like about it most. Another thing, which people don't realise, it is humongous. Four parks, two water parks? It's massive. There's loads of there's Animal Kingdom. Then there's Star Wars Galaxy Edge. There's so much going on. In two weeks you can't really do it all. Then he's got the Magic Kingdom and then the Fireworks Show. And you're just like How is all this one place? Epcot, walk around. Oh, do you want to go in Japan? Yeah, I don't mind if I do. Should I go to Mexico? Yeah, I will. How far is it? Two minute walk. Dare I say it right? There's something for everyone. Do you know what you need to do? What? Start planning your Disney dream holiday today. Where would I go? Get yourself on DisneyWorld.co.uk. Terms and conditions apply, attractions are subject to availability and change. For more information, visit disneyworld.co.uk. This episode is brought to you by Pizza Express. Now serving up After School Club, a selection of Pizza Express favourites for just five pounds each, available three till five Monday to Friday. It's a tasty way to reclaim those family moments. There's kind on the wallet too. Ah, Rob, also you get the after school meltdowns, don't you They're hungry, they're tired, they're one wants to sit in the front, one wants to choose the music. Or oh you've brought the wrong snack, or you get home and they want to watch different things on TV. Josh, when the kids come out of school and like they just throw their bags at you, say I'm hungry, arguing with each other about who sits where in the car. It's oh my god, couldn't agree more, Rob. And do you know what? When you find yourself in that situation , in my experience, there's no 330 meltdown that can't be calmed with a five-pound serving of doughs. For more info about what's included and how to redeem, visit PetraExpress.com. Terms apply. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with Caleb. Say Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. And say Josh Whiticum. Josh Whiticomb. Say hi. Hi . How old are you? How old are you? No? Oh, it's classic. I'm seventeen. Okay, thank you. Caleb. Now Josh, it's our own fault. We put the shout out. We thought I'll be fun to get older children. I didn't remember this. So I said to Michael just now Yeah Why the fuck are all these people teenagers these days? And apparently we put a shout out for it. Which is quite good fun, but actually now it's happening. It's just blokes going Rob Booker. Yeah. Josh Woodcombe and they sound older than me. Yeah. So that's Caleb. What's Caleb up to? Hi, you sexy relatable humans. This is my seventeen-year-old Caleb saying your names. As a quest on the episode of Hal Crottenden, don't remember it. Loved him and could relate to his story. I remember the Hal Crotenden episode, I just don't remember the request. I love Hal Crottenden. Yeah. I loved him. Could relate to his story of being a single parent and bringing up older kids. He was brilliant, guys. And he's a brilliant stand-up, so go and see. I'll definitely go and see how.. Yeah I'm a single mother of five children. Fucking ages between twenty-three and thirteen. Love listening to your podcast. Thank you for the laughs. Anna from Harrigo. Oh well, well done, Anna, because five . Lou and Rose are currently single mums . It's just sort of crept up on me this not seeing my children. No. And I don't like it. Oh, it's all. Nearly there. Anyway, all will be explained in the wash. Caleb. Lou wanted to call our child Caleb if we had a boy. The things I think with Caleb are it's an American name, right? Presumably. The guy from the Kings of Leon. That's my main reference with Caleb. So that seventeen year old would probably be about exactly right. That was the Kings of Leon that was. Yeah, they've kind of disappeared off a hill, haven't they? I love Kings of Leon. What's happened to them? No idea. They're amazing. No, but I like the name Caleb, but I didn't suggested it, but I like it now. I think my tastes have changed. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was too worried about him getting beaten up because of the school I went to. Yeah, what would you have called him? I liked Edward for a boy, Eddie. Eddie. Yeah, Eddie Hearn. Eddie Beckett. Eddie Beckett. That's what I wanted for a boy, Edward, Edward Beckett. Well, there we go. Bit of Ted. Teddy. I think if you had two boys, Teddy and Caleb's quite a good name. I like quite a name. Billy, William, Billy Beckett. It's a bit with buttons, isn't it? Billy Beckett's a bit 1920s footballer, isn't it? And Billy Beckett's coming down the wing and he crosses it and they score. Wonderful crossover from Billy Beckett. Yep. Why did everyone sound like that? Like well, you can only have like weird posh voices on broadcasting. Yeah, and was it the sound quality as well? Made them a bit higher. I don't know. It it felt like they were always fast, didn't it? When I was on Radio Two, I'd still get abuse for my accent from a some callers because it's a little bit more old school traditional. Oh, or Radio Two's old school traditional. Radio '2s audience can be a little bit more any BBC audience, especially radio and Radio 4's even more um Well my word. My Radio 4 career was very brief. I think I've been on Radio 4. Let me find out if I've been on I think I Oh I did just a Minute. That's good though, just a minute, isn't it? Yeah. And I like that one. I see clips come up on my Instagram of that one Jack D does. And that's funny. Yes, what's that called? Give us a clue? Give us a clue. That's funny. Yeah, that's funny, isn't it? But really, every time I hear comedy on radio four where it's a bit of stand-up and then there's a very polite audience, I'd say my balls disap pear inside my body. What on radio? The sound of stand-up comedy on radio four. Well, I can't do the sick radio four sitcoms where it's like Oh yeah. Quiet everyone, nanas on the phone. And they go, do , do, hi Nana. And then you hear, hello, love . Did you know where the cat is? Quiet, everyone. Nanny can't find the cat. Oh, God, yeah. She got in the uncle. She's lost her pussy again. Not now, Graham. She go, well, that's not bad, that pussy stuff. But they wouldn't do that six day. No, that'll be a bit much. So really for me, Radio four, obviously, I'd bite your hand off to do desert island discs, but beyond that, I like the shipping forecast. That calms me. Yeah, no, it's um sometimes I'll listen to that if I'm in a hotel room on my own. I prefer the panel shows on radio for or the actual stand-up shows as opposed to the sitcoms. I'm just like, it's too much. Because you're just penned in with only being able to do jokes that you can't see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my face does a lot of the legwork. And your legs do a lot of the facework, don't they? Absolutely. I'm all over the place. Yeah. Should we do this correspondence, Shosh? Yeah, sorry. I don't know why we discussed Radio Four. You could more than happy to discuss Radio Four or any other comments you've got. Um I watched Jay McDonald in Nashville the other day on Channel Five. Okay. In a hotel room on your own? No, with Lou. 'Cause Lou's going to Nashville, so we went, let's watch that. Is Lou recording a country album. Yeah, that's she's she's gone off writing books now and she's uh performing a country album. No, Jane McDonald basically doesn't really like anywhere unless she's sat down in the sun having a cup of tea and eating cake. Right, okay, yeah, yeah. She went into this barbecue restaurant, she tried the barbecue feud. She obviously didn't eat any of it, just sort of pushing it round a plate. And then she sort of wears a cowboy hat and goes and sings in a bar at the end. It's a mat it's her show. Have you ever seen her show? It's mensel. I've never seen Jay McDonald's show. It's so engrossing. It's w watching someone visit somewhere but not wanting to do any of it. Well, when you've got a lot of time in hotels, Rob, you find yourself watching linear television. Yeah. And it's such a weird experience. 'Cause you're suddenly going, Well, I would never have watched this Michael Portillo's great Japanese railway journeys. But here I am. I'm I'm in, I I wanna see that. Yeah. It's we're just gonna do a train documentary, aren't we? Oh no, I don't think so. You know, me and you, and then me moaning a bit, but you absolutely loving it because you're a train. I went on a bullet train in China. Oh yeah. Six hours going 350 kilometres an hour. Went through Wuhan. Did you? Went through Wuhan. Thank God you're going 350 miles an hour. And that is the pitch. Sign it up now. Let's go and do it. Me and you. Right. Give us some correspondeni. Here we go. We've not done correspondence for ages. This one says relationshi p role playing. Okay. Okay. Did we ask couples to tell their stories of actually doing role play? Because I think we said we find it too awkward. I think we did. Hi, Rob, Josh, and Michael. Please keep me anonymous. I bet that's yeah. We'll d we'll take that as red. Yeah. Is that part of the roleplay? You d we don't who you are? Um OG listener, first time writing in. Just listen to the Valentine's episodes where you wanted some funny roleplay stories. This one is mine. My husband and I wanted to spice things up. Oh no. So we brought a role-play sex game where we rolled the dice for a suggestion. Oh no. I mean, I get that in sex positions because the dice is the pervert. Not the person. But I think the moment you're rolling the dice , you know, I'm no expert. Uh but isn't it about it's about flow state, Rob, isn't it? Intimacy being in the moment. It's about being lost in the moment. In the heat of passion. The connection of two soulmates. Yeah. It's not about going, okay, I've rolled the dice, you're now a Parisian waiter Pardon that's French that's not Spanish anyway we bought a role play sex game where we rolled the dice for the suggestion it said my husband had to pretend to be a shoe shop owner and I was buying shoes. No, come on. No, count me out. Well no no it's how does that even let's do it now. Okay . Who do you want to be the husband or wife? I'll be the I'll be buying some shoes. You're buying some shoes. Oh hello madam, how how can I help you today? I want to buy some shoes. Oh, what kind of shoes are you after? Leather. Leather? Yeah, most of the shoes are. Keep talking. You s you said it like that was sexy. Oh yeah, le orat her. Okay . And what what's it for? Is it work? Is it night out or a date? Well, would you like to go back out on the stockrum so I can show you what we've got? Yeah. Let's see what they did. He said, as he bent down to put the shoe on for size, we both ended up in a fit of laughter. Um which understandable. I stood up and caught the hill in the handle of the bottom drawer and went flying and smacked my head onto the wall and knocked myself unconscious. Oh my fucking God. And ended up with a trip to A E. Oh my God. It was a very awkward convoy hospital and safe to say You didn't. Just say you tricked the fucking nutcase. They don't need to know that. Or just roll the dots and get hospital and then he could just do the uh patching up. Don't have to leave the air. Um it was very awkward convert hospital. Safe so ck to safety vanilla sex from now on. Thanks for keeping us off and everything. I think role plays mental. Yeah. I just can't understand . Also, I don't feel like a shoe shop is too is that far from vanilla sex. Well, we still need stories from people that do it and explain how they do it and how it works and why they like it. What their favourite scen ario is. Yeah, and give us a blow by blow account. No. No, not the sex bit, but like the lead up to the 'cause I imagine once you start having sex are you still going like, oh hurry up 'cause I've got to get back up to the shop. Yeah, I suppose. I don't know. Does it stop once you start having sex? Maybe just feel if there's enough room at the end, that kind of stuff in the tree. Yeah. Have you got your toe in there? Yeah. Oh God . Have you got a half size? I've got wide feet. Right, what we got we've got some playground shaggers, but should we save should we save some of them? Let's give you one playground shagger and then uh wet your appetite and you can send some more in. To wet your whistle. It's been a very blue star, hasn't it? Yeah, it has, hasn't it? Do you want a long one or a short one? Oh. I'll be back in the shoe shop. I thought of a really funny um sitcom idea where Oh picture to radio four. Well it's an alternative reality where I get divorced from Lou and she takes all my money, right? And what's alternative about it ? And I have to work like double , so I end up going on celebs go dating and doing the voiceover of my own dates. Oh, that's nice, yeah. I thought it was funny stuff. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. I have a workplace shagger story. I've contemplated sharing for a while, so here it goes. When I finished uni, I got my first proper job at a very well known high street recruitment agency. Right, okay. I was twenty two, keen professional, and wildly unprepared for the level of office drama I was about to witness. I quickly became friends with a girl in my team. Let's call her Kelly. Mid-20s, gorgeous, hilarious. Lived with her long-term boyfriend and treated life like it was one long party. Yeah. After a few months, she casually tells me she's developed a bit of a crush on our director. Our happily married director, let's call him Dan . Naturally, instead of this being a passing thought like it would be for any normal person, they started an affair. Oh Cali. And because I was her desk buddy, I got every single update whether I wanted it or not. Oh no. As I was adjusting to the fact my workplace was basically a low budget soap opera, she announced she's now flirting with a guy from the other office. Let's call him Matt. Within weeks she's seen him too. So to recap, Kelly had a full time job, a living boyfriend, a married director on the side, and now a bonus boyfriend from another branch. Oh my god. Honestly, I was exhausted just hearing about her schedule. The real trouble started when director Dan began falling hopelessly in love with her. Watching a senior suited And uh mortgage paying adult moop around. How old Kelly? Do we know? Yeah, she's mid-twenties. He's this guy or girl's only twenty-two. Fair play. She's having fun. First job. So it was very weird watching a senior suited mortgage plan adult mump around like a year nine with a first crush. It was tragic. Oh no. It's very astute for a twenty-two-year-old to be fair. Then came the rainy morning that changed everything. I parked miles away to avoid paying for the city centre car park, walked twenty minutes in the rain and arrived looking like I'd swum to work. And there was Kelly, dry, glowing, breezing in from the management car park. Oh, because that the management get their own space. Because Dan had let her park there. Oh, Dan. That was it. My villain origin story. I marched into his office, soaked, freezing and powered entirely by injustice and told him, Look, your love life is none of my business. But the parking privileges are in the heat of my soggy rage, I also casually dropped that Kelly was seeing Matt from the other office. Oh yes please. Yes, please. Dan looked like I just unplugged him. That's a great turn of phrase. Dan looked like I just unplugged him. And then came the part I'd forgotten he didn't know. Matt wasn't just some random colleague. Oh god. Matt was his brother. What? His close brother. I watched this man's entire emotional system shut down like a Windows ninety five computer. Grey writer. Who the freak is writer? This writer is incredible. Unbelievable. Anonymous. Might be writing for King Charles that we spoke about before. This is excellent. Please don't be anonymous. Oh, you need to you do you should be writing. The next day he told me he didn't believe me, which honestly raised questions about how he'd become a director in the first place . One of the great writers. This is one of the great writers. Oh, this is this is one of the best emails we've ever had. Yeah. Oh. And I said fine, don't believe me. But if she turns up with that Rihanna C D Matt bought her last week, don't say I didn't warn you. Oh my word. Now this ages it perfectly as well. Imagine buying someone a C D. I fancy his a C D. Oh lovely stuff. Um the writer of this email would discard that as a cheap pun because they're better than us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The following morning, Dan dragged me aside, pale as a ghost, and said he'd been out with Kelly the night before and she drove them in her car where she played the Rihanna CD on repeat under my umbrella and all that jazz. He then proceeded to have a full existential crisis in the tiny office next to the toilet. Oh my God. And that, gents, is how I learned that recruitment agencies don't just hire staff, they actually cast reality T V shows. Matt a fan of the show and both of you say sexy and relatable, anonymous if you will. Thank you guys. What a story. Any more workplace or playground shaggers, please send them in. Yeah, it's just awful the things people do to themselves. How do people get themselves in this position? Because it makes who's d Dan was it? Dan's the director, starts shagging Kelly from the office, she starts shagging the bloke from the other branch. Difficult to say what the situation is with M att because he's quite a ghost in the story. Kelly, there's a lot going on there as she's got a living boyfriend, she's shagging two blokes. She's obviously got some issues. Yeah. Because she's got absolutely no loyalty, she doesn't trust, and hence she can't be trusted. She's I'd say something's happened in her upbringing that means that she's she's unable to maintain proper relationships. No, it's chaotic and she's basically fucking things up before other people fuck 'em up for her, so she's got a bit of control. She lives the thrill. Um and she wants more and more. Can I say something? If I was twenty three, I'd love Kelly. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was working in an office, that's my kind of woman, Kelly. Where did you meet Lou? When I was b about twenty three. In an office. Yeah, but just you know. Um Lou wasn't Kelly. Lose a keeper. Lose a good egg. And Dan, I'm gonna say Dan is trapped in a loveless marriage. Yeah, he's trapped in a loveless marriage, and for the first time he feels a sense of feeling wanted and sexy and needed , and he can't believe it's happening, and he's chasing those feelings into an area that is a huge mistake. You're so grown up, Josh. And I thank Phoebe Roller Bridge for the email because she's What a Rudder . Why go small when you can go grand? Meet the new Vauxhall Grandland Griffin. Striking alloys, sleek black roof, heated front se ats, and 10-inch touchscreen. Everything you need for life on the move. Grand on style, grand on tech, grand on value. And during the Vauxhall sales event, get a grand off the new Grand and Griffin. Or any other new Vauxhall on top of all other offers. Search Vauxhall Car offers. Offer to private individuals. £1,000 including VAT saving on new car orders between 15th to 31st of May must be registered by 30th of June 2026. 18 plus Easy Supply . Boomer parenting? I'm reading 'em you don't mind me reading 'em out, do you? I'm enjoying them. No, I'm enjoying 'em. I I like listening. Hallo. Sometime in the early seventies my uncle decided to buy a dinghy on a random impulse. Okay, yeah . He drove me, my brother, and our two cousins aged between four and ten to a nearby lake. Yep. Put us in the boat, pushed us off into the water. We did manage to row some way across the lake before the inevitable happened and we Oh my word. So was it did he put him out on his own or was he in it? He must have been in the boat with him. Yeah. Not wanting wet children on the leather seats of his BMW, he and my dad decided we should travel home in the boat to tied the top of the car. That is mental. That's not true. That car, that is like Mr. Bean. That's insane. Also, that's the point of lever. It's wipe clean, it's fine. Yeah, yeah, of course. They thought this would be okay as we had strict instructions to hang on to the ropes attached to the boat to the car. I suppose you're in a boat, it's no different. I can still see my mum and aunt's faces as we pulled up to the house. That is incredible. Donna, aged six hundred and seventy-eight months. Now bear in mind, Donna's about fifty-five, so this is a long time ago. Seventies, this is, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think if it's local roads between a lake and like a house in the countryside where it's like a five minute drive, the dad's probably thought this will be a bit of a laugh. We'll go slow round the lanes and it's a bit of fun. That is the only way you can't be on like an A road. No, they're not not going down the M4, surely. Well, 'cause sometimes where our house is, we're set back a little bit from the main road. You see a boat go past with someone in it. We know you have to go down it's not our drive, but you have to go down like an unmade road to get to where our house is. But the bin men and women don't come down our little road because it's too small. So you have to take them up to the main road they can get down because it's narrow lanes. Yeah. It's like a 10-second walk. But then what sometimes I do is I put all the cardboard on the roof of my car Yeah of course and just drive it down and push it off. Yeah yeah that's a bit of fun. That's a car that's cardboard. You don't then sit your daughters on the cardboard. No , they're not in the cardboard. But I am thinking maybe I should because the seventies sound like they were more fun. Well, also we all got through it and it was fine. W well we didn't, we weren't alive. No, but our our genetics got through it. Yeah. Mentally though, I've really noticed, I'd a female Uber driver the other day. Did you have a problem with that? Absolutely not. No, not at all. I'm always very aware as well that I try and make sure that I'm very, very friendly and normal. Because it is you're in a vulnerable situation should being in a car with a man if as a woman. Yeah. And the same on a walk actually. If I'm on like a walk in the countryside and there's a woman or late at night and there's a woman, I want to sort of go like, hey I'm okay. Yeah. I'm no threat. I'm a good guy. But it I I never know how to say that. Yeah, exactly. So I would love to know from the female listeners, if I get in the car and you're a female driver or if you're on a countryside walk and we're all alone or it's late at night. What would be helpful to show that we're good eggs and you're not in danger? Do you know what I mean? Don't say gobble gobble. Me, I can't I can't say gobble gobble at people. You can't. Well, I'm just beh ate night. Gobble gobble. Gobble, gobble. Or get in a car, g,ob gbleobble . Um so that'd be good to know. Let us know what we should do. Yeah. No, but I was in the car and she pulled over to let a guy through and certain I hate old men, I've decided. Yeah. They're always looking for a fucking Barney. It was about four men that was in their 60s were like she'd got over well fight, just huffing and puffing, and you could tell like the energy was woman driver. Where were they? Sorry? At a country lane, but she'd pulled over and the guy had loads of room. But he wanted her to reverse back and get into a space, but she'd come over with plenty of space. He was so angry in a cut like angry people in cars. Angry people in cars, it's the ultimate example of this isn't about the car, what's wrong in your life? Yes . It reminds me of when you was at the park and that bloke had a go at you on the equipment. What did you say to him? What's this really about? Yeah, when he says, You're doing this, you're doing that on the bars and you went, What's this really about ? Oh god. Right. Do you want another boomer parent? Yeah, go on. Weird local town traditions. Panicking in paradise. Well, let's have all three of those. Okay. Weird local traditions. Hello, sexy Michael, and the other two. Longtime listener, despite having no kids, recently you guys spoke about tar barrels in Devon. Correct. When I grew up in this is where they carry tar on their back and set fire to it and stuff. Ottery St. Well I grew up in Hallerton in Leicestershire and we have a weird one too. Every Easter Monday the entire village would gather along with everyone from the neighbouring village, Medbourne, in the street outside the church, at which point the local vicar would throw hair pie , as in the big rabbit. Oh right, sorry. Hair pie over everyone, and we would march up to a field and begin the bottle kicking. What? Where the two villagers would compete in three rounds of basically rugby with seven thousand people. Yes, I've seen photos of this. The tril ine two miles apart, and instead of a ball, we have a beer keg. And no one 's ever scored. Is this the same as that thing with the ball, you know, in that village where you just see them all fighting? Yeah, maybe that's the one I've seen actually. I've seen something like this. I've never heard of this one. I think the one with the ball's, the one I've seen. Yeah, they all like get in end up like shop doors crushed. And the only rule is no weapons. Fuck off. Fucking hell. Pussy. I should turn up with nunchucks. The only rule is no weapons and nothing stops the scrum. Every year it ploughs through fences, hedges and knock down trees and even barbed wire. It gets very messy and it's always full of injuries. The record stands eleven ambulances and two air ambulances and a five hour. Why would you bother doing that? All paid for by the village through don ations. And the winning team gets to drink the beer from the keg. Mental tradition, but the locals love it. Keep sexy and relatable check. That's it. I just think that's giving people outside of London a bad name. That kind of stuff. You doing you're not doing yourself any favours. Do you know what I mean? Not helping our rep. And people go, you can't go to London, it's dangerous. I love it. I know London's a bit lively, right? But people go, you can't even wear your Rolex in London. How many people have got a Rolex in the grand scheme of things that's gonna be a problem for? Do you know what I mean? Here you go. Oh my god, it looks absolute a mess. Oh, it's a tiny little beer cake. No, it looks a really good. It's a tiny little beer cake. It looks awful. Oh god, it looks awful. I'd hate that. They're all old geezers as well, like there's a geezer like drowning in a c little river. Oh man, it looks awful. I fucking hate rugby. Right, Josh. Yeah. I've got a thing on helium balloons. You know you said your helium balloons think come. Yeah, well we've got them, they're still downstairs in a box because we already bought some others. Oh well, it's still inflated. Well we've just got a box that we haven't opened because we already had helium balloons. So you've just got helium balloons in a box? They arrived Weeks ago, this was? Weeks ago. But they're just in the conservatory. In a box. In a box. Well, we've got this email in about helium balloons. On a recent episode, Josh was discussing how his helium balloons hadn't arrived on time. Rob suggested they don't stay inflated for long. I beg to differ. Oh yeah. When I was twenty years old, I was in a hospital with bacterial meningitis. Oh dear. And my dad bought me a helium balloon from the shop downstairs as a joke. It was Ernie from Sesame Street. That balloon is still fully inflated. Oh wow. And living in the spare room of my parents' house. Amazing. I am now fifty-three years of age. Wow. Fair play. That's incredible. Loving the podcast. Ian, that is amazing. It's got I'll send you the picture of it. Which is the helium balloon that's inflated. It looks great, Nick, though, for 33 years old. That's good. Has anyone had a longer helium balloon? Rewriting . You can't, that's ment al. There you go. Send it on the group. Um right, what else do you want? Do you want anything different? We've got panic in panicking in Paradise? Yeah. Oh yeah, it's in good nick, isn't it? Yeah. You don't seem excited about pan panic icking in paradise, Josh. No, let's do it. It's in front of a Ruth Rendell book, as if to date it. Um, okay, cool. Good morning, Rob, Josh, and Michael. Been listening to your pod a while and absolutely love it. Your recent section about panic in paradise really resonated with me. This was when I went away to the Maldives for my birthday and kept on crying. Yeah. Because I was overwhelmed. I'm a single parent to a beautiful ten-year-old boy called Zach, and in the summer of last year took him to Florida, which I had spent two years saving for. I was very proud of myself of being able to take him and felt empowered. Brilliant, well done. Good on you. Day one, when we landed, we obviously had to go straight to Walmart to buy some supplies. The concierge of the hotel told me it wasn't that safe using Uber as Uber drivers aren't regulated. So that got into my head being there solo of my son. So suddenly I felt a bit vulnerable. That's strange. I've always had good experiences with Uber drivers in in in Florida. There is a company called Mears Taxis you can use though. However, I decided to be brave and did a drill of my son about getting into and out of the car at the same time rather than one at a time and proceeded to Walmart. The Uber ride was fine, though the driver was talking about how his baby mama didn't let him have contact with his child and the maintenance he had to pay regardless, which let me s left me slightly nervous, but the real panic in powerhouse came post Walmart shop when I realised I had no way of booking an Uber back to the hotel as I had no phone outside the Disney Wi-Fi bubble and alone in the car park when it was getting dark with my son. Eventually I went inside to the Starbucks and used their Wi Fi to book one, only to then come back to the car park, which was huge to wait for the ride. We calmly and politely asked the Walmart car park in attendant where the Ubers pick up from, and he shouted that Ubers were not associated with Walmart and couldn't help us. You're running into a right pair of wankers here. I then started to panic and that made my son cry as he picked up on it. Oh my god. Obviously as, a parent, that is the one thing you do not want to do, especially not on day one of your dream holiday, you've spent two years paying for Jesus Christ. A British family stopped and helped us, and we got our Uber back to the hotel, but the experience really ruined the start of our holiday and then made me really guarded for the rest of it. Oh, Lucy! I'm so sorry. Oh, it's odd in it. He put so much into a holiday. It's too much pressure on holidays, isn't there, really, in a weird way? There's too much like kids talk so much about when we're going to Greece and then we're gonna have gone to Greece. Do you know what I mean? And then you've got to make sure that you're there full of beans, loving it and it is and also going anywhere news, always a bit of a lottery and stuff like that. Totally. What I would recommend is when you go to abroad, you can get e sim s now. Um and I use a thing called Holofly and you can basically pay like 20 quid and it'll give you a month or a two weeks of data. Yeah. That you can just use and you just go in your settings and say use this e-sim and it like that way you've got the same data that you'd have in the UK , but you can have it for two weeks out there. So whenever you're not by Wi-Fi, you you've got that. But um oh, I'm sorry, Lucy. I hope you had a good time for the rest of it though. Inspired by Jet Engine silences . The Dyson Hushjet Purifier powerfully purifies the entire room quietly, capturing pollen, allergens and pet danda , removing odors and harmful gases such as NO2 day and night . Hoshjet , powerful compact purification, that's great This episode is brought to you by Spec Savers. Now Rob, one of the amazing things about having kids is getting to enjoy how they see the world, isn't it? Oh yeah. It's this strange world they live in Rob where everything's kind of infinite, anything can exist, but also is tiny in that the people they know are the only people they know. And do you know what they love? A muddy puddle. Oh they love a muddy puddle. As an adult, you're like interested. No, dirty shoes, but like they put on let's put wellies on and get dirty and then just have a sha It's fun getting dirty and jumping in mud. I know, there's so many things they like doing. Do you know what? If someone said to me, Do you want to roll down that grassy hill, I'd think no. No. But they love it. They absolutely love it, Rob. Thing is though, Rob, around one in five children have undiagnosed sight conditions. No, no. And that can get in the way of seeing all that wonder. One in five, really. Genuinely, one in five, Rob.in Being able to see clearly is key to their development, helping them explore the world around them and connect with others. Got ya. So if catching those issues early can make a huge difference, it's good news that Spec Savers experts can help. Exactly, Rob. They've pulled out the stops to make children's eye tests as enjoyable and kid friendly as possible. Plus, you can stay with your child the whole time for peace of mind. Make their first appointment a good experience. Book your child an NHS funded eye test at specsavers.co. uk Weird Town Traditions or another boomer? What do you fancy, Jos? Or customer service revenge. Yes, please, yes. Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. While I was at uni, I worked at a busy Manchester City Centre hotel in two thousand six. Oh, I'd like to know what that was. That would be peak Wayne Rooney going out drinking era, wouldn't of course. He's your mate, you watch the football with him. Did you chat much? A bit, chat about Argyle. Oh god, yeah, that didn't work out well for him though, did it? No, but he was quite the last thing you want is to sit next to an Argyle fan. There's only about eighteen of you in the country. Now he's managed to spend an afternoon with one. He was very impressed by our away support. Was he? Okay . Um most guests were lovely, but every shift we'd get the rowdy rude obnoxious very drunk ones, football fans, stags and hen parties, the overly important business people. You get the picture. I'll admit I took great, very quiet pleasure in assigning the absolute worst rooms available to the rudest guests. Was this my fucking room in the basement? The one right next to the lift and corridor door . The one perfectly level with the bright street lampposts outside. Right. Right. That's a great one because they won't automatically think that's a shit room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or that room, the one with the history where guests have passed away. Oh my god. Has Lloyd Griffith told you about this before? No. When he went checked into a hotel in Sheffield and it was a bit weird when he went in and he went, This don't feel right. Oh my god. But lightning doesn't strike twice. And when they inevitably rang down to complain, I'm so sorry we,'re fully booked tonight and there are no other rooms available. Oh, this moral of the story: kindness is free and you don't always hold the power. Customer's not always right. The customer isn't always right. I'd say though, like they've got to be very rude to warrant that . I hope you're not giving that out willy nilly. No. Are you reflecting on your little horrible windowless room you had the other day? Well no, because I went up and I politely said could I move rooms and they moved me. So obviously You're a great guy and it was an unfortunate mistake. Great guy, yeah, and it was an unfortunate mistake. Um other parents are wankers? Yeah, I agree. Hi gang, long time listener but first time emailer. I already do think I have the worst example of parents boasting about their kids. It makes my skin crawl. Growing up, there was a family where the mother was insufferable, boasted about her kids. For your Irish listeners, she was a DOS D-O-S-E. Don't know what that is. Shall we Google it? Yeah, have a little look. A dos . She's right, Dos. Dos in Irish slang generally refers to an extremely annoying, irritating, and unpleasant person or situation. It's a strong term of criticism, often do describing someone who is a pain in the back side. Do you reckon it's dose as in like a dose of venom? Well it may be, it might be, yeah. Anyway, all of her children had to and did become doctors. Blimey. shouldn't be doing that to your kids, making them do something that they don't want to. Has anyone seen succession? Anyway. She had one kid, however, who wasn't as academic as the others, and she never really spoke much about him. Aww. Fucking hell Of our Lord Jesus Christ is good enough for my John. Oh my word. Fucking weirdo. What a weird woman. But then did John become a doctor? I don't know. Parents that live their lives through their kids. Oh, it's awful. And their kids' professions. It blows my fucking mind. And I think they think they're being selfless by focusing on them, but all they're doing is trying to prove they're great because their loins have created something that's impressive. Yeah. It's horrendous . It's all it's not even impressive. No. Because what I mean is like no thing is should be more impressive than another. It's not like you you haven't won because you are this profession. I sometimes well hear people talk about their kid and go, oh my god, they're doing this, and it's totally out of all I can't believe they're doing that. And they say it to me. And do you ever get that where like I'm listening going, I disagree with everything you're saying. I think you're in the wrong here. But I can't be bothered to bring it up or get involved because it's not my place. That I found difficult. Yeah. Yeah. And then I start feeling sorry for the kid. Oh God. Yeah. Um thanks for the last and for spreading the word about idiot tax and putting your phone number in your kids' shoes in case they lose you. Both of which are important safeguards in our house. There you go. That's good. That's good. Lovely stuff. Right, Josh. I've got uh another weird local town tradition. Let's do this. Yeah. Hi, Robin Josh. Your story about the sheep joining the school bus. What the fuck? When did we say that? When have we ever discussed that? I can't believe I don't know when that what had is I just don't remember anything I've ever done on this show. Show or yet on anything else, and I just don't remember it. I was saying the other day to Rom when we was in China doing kung fu, I said to him, I think you out of anyone in the world has done more things in general. Because when you look at Minor Romish's series of what we've done, he's also done like three or four of his own other ones travelling around the places he's been and things he's done. It's mental. Yeah. And he keeps doing them. It's up Forrest Gump. Do you know what I mean? And then I did this, then I did Kung Fu, then I did ballet, then I met Usain Baal, then I did the book . Anyway, Michael, do you remember the school bus sheet? You will have 'cause he edited it. So he is it twice. Uh it was someone who went to school somewhere near where Josh grew up and the journey to and from school was so far and so rural that the driver used to stop and pick up stray sheep from the road and then drop them off at the farmer on the school run. No memory of that. Sheep story. We used to share a school drop off with another boy from a school, and living deep in the countryside in Lancashire, we were used to running across all sorts of animals on the way in. We were often delayed by cows going in for milking or striking One morning we were stopped in our tracks by a huge dead deer who had been hit. I'll pop back and get that later, said the boy's mum. After dropping us at school, she cheerfully did. And then at pickup, she sent me home with venison steak for my parents to put in the freezer. Yeah, that's weird. That's weird. That's roadkill. Butchering roadkill during the school day to give on the pickup. The turner. I mean, you can't get fresher meat than that. Exactly. Yeah. To be fair. I mean, that is what a wild thing to do. Fair play, I suppose. It's dead. Um, love you long time. Since 2020. Waste not one Since twenty twenty and Daisy Mae Cooper's iconic flag poo story. Miranda, mum to a two and a half year old Griff. Griff . Great name. Okay, time for a special part of the show called What Happens On Tour, brought to you by Monzo. We've spent many years as comedians, Rob. We have been on tour or going to and from gigs with many comedians, including each other. Yes. That includes sharing cars, sharing hotels, sharing dressing rooms, sharing the bills in restaurants, getting on with people and learning how to split your life. And petrol costs. Petrol costs. Fuel cost was a big one. Of course. Now, how did you find it? I found working out how much everyone owed for petrol very stressful. Yeah. I was overly polite and would always come out shortchang Yeah, and I'd get very frustrated with people that swerved it. I'm not gonna name names. No. And I still think of him and go, You tight, tight. And if you saw him today you'd still ask for that ten pounds. It weren't even my ten pounds, it was someone else's ten pounds. Yeah. Do you know originally I did a lot of tour support, I did Stephen Murch, I did Alan Carr, and they paid for everything because you're the support. And now I try and do the same because you're doing you're paying it. Yeah, you've got to pay their dinner and You can't be on tour with someone and then you go for a curry after and then they go, We're splitting this fifty fifty with a some more. No, exactly. Exactly. Have you ever done that? No, I haven't, no. And I wouldn't do that. Do you know I once went for a curry with an act after a gig and um he fell asleep. During the food? During the food. Sometimes in these situations Rob, you just want to be able to say, just mon zo me. Yes. Oh, just monzo me. Because with the Monzo app, Rob, you can split, share, divide, settle, you can do all of those things, even with people that don't have the Monzo app. Yeah, I know, and if it's just one thing, like dinner, you can split it and you know who's paid what. But if you're on the road for longer, you can have an ongoing total. Exactly, Rob. The same with like a group holiday. If you're going to have another couple. Yeah. You know, it doesn't be like, I'll get this one, you get that one, just do it, monzo me, sort it all out in the app and then everyone knows what they've paid and you're not having a row at the end going, Oh that we we pay for the drinks that night and they didn't for drink they didn't. You can split the cost easily or edit the amount and it sorts all the payments and reminders automatically, right? And after a long day on the road, you don't have to start doing maths and calculations. Exactly. Leave it to the Monzo app. Tell you what I can't help with, right? What? People falling asleep in a curry. No app can help with that. Monzo, download your new favourite bank. To apply for a Monzo current account you must be 16 plus UK residents he's and sees apply . Right. Small business shout out. Yeah. Jimmy, to go first. I've got one. Yeah. Hello. I was listening to Josh on Rummish's podcast recently where he mentioned taking up photography again as he now lives in Exeter. I thought it'd be a good opportunity to convince him to check out Photo Club Devon. That seems like a great idea, but I'm gonna say the thing I like about photography is being on my own. Okay. It's a group of Devon based photographers that like other people with people maybe like other people. Yeah, well this isn't for you then. This is for these nice sociable people. This is a good thing, yeah. Yeah, if you're normal. There's regular meetups to go on photo walks or just chat about photography. We just had our first photography in print in the pub, which you would hate because you're sober now and you hate humans. Yeah. But other people might like this. Where we printed out some of our favourite images we had taken and shared them around to discuss them to encourage people to print their work while in a relaxed and fun environment, James. That's good. I do think more photography should be printed rather than just looked at on phones. Check it out on Instagram at PhotoClub Devon. Also, shameless plug for my own photography. My Instagram is James.crunch, C-R-A-N-C-H. Have a great day, James Crunch. And I think that sounds like a lovely thing to do. That is a good thing. That is. Have a little soda water or lime, print out your photos of whatever you take pictures of. Hi, Rob Josh, and team. I was hoping you'd be able to give my wife's business Colourful Horizons a shout-out. My wife is an art teacher, talking about, in secondary education for many years, but finally took the leap and started her own artworkshop business in Plymouth. Yes, fellow Trago Mills fans here, Josh. She provides art workshops for adults, children and businesses ranging from corporate events, home educator family workshops to after school art clubs and children's par ties. Children can also gain the arts award qualification through courses she provides. Please check out our website at colourfulhorizons.co.uk or find her on Facebook and Instagram. She puts her heart and soul into bringing art to everyone and makes it super approachable. Stay sexy and relatable, Chris. Lovely. There we go. Nice South England shout outs there. Double Devon that. Double denim. Right. Josh, don't work too hard, mate. I'll see you soon. I'll see you tomorrow. Love ya, but oh fucking yeah, in person. We're doing four . We'll work quite hard tomorrow and then ease off Friday. Yeah. For Aberdeen. Bye.